QB-Tony Romo-broken pinky finger on throwing hand. Could return in as soon as four weeks, but will be unable to drink tea at formal events until at least cotillion season. Replacement will be Brad Johnson, formerly Joe Kapp's backup with the Vikings. In a related note, Geritol stock up three eights at closing.
P-Mat McBriar-fractured bone on punting foot. Could miss rest of the season, depending on how Cowboys manage to fill roster, and whether he finds and physically harms Tony Curtis. Curtis is the Cowboy blocker who didn't.
TE-Tony Curtis-in hiding at undisclosed location.
CB-Adam "Pacman" Jones-suspended indefinitely. Why? Because Roger Goodale just doesn't like him.
RB-Felix Jones-Two weeks out with a hamstring injury. Cowboy officials claim to be unaware of expiration of six game, 30 carry warranty.
LB-Anthony Spencer-Hamstring. Has been working out on stationary bicycle. No date set for his return, but he should be ready for Cowboys 2009 Tour de France team.
CB-Terrence Newman-Out four to six weeks after surgery for a sports hernia. But don't worry, the Cowboys still have... Oh, sorry, never mind.
S-Roy Williams-The good news: he will be back in the next two weeks. The bad news? You guessed it.
G-Kyle Kosier-Should return soon after a foot injury heals. Fortunately the injury will not impair his ability to turn and shout "look out", a key part of the Cowboy line's game plan against Arizona.
S-Keith Davis-Busted thumb. No word whether he will miss any time. After the game he was seen limping. Unclear how this relates to thumb injury. Possibly desparate cry for attention.
T-Flozell Adams-Shoulder. Lost feeling in his arm for a time and his shoulder was heavily wrapped. Ability to yell "look out" not impaired, so should play next week.
C-Andre Gurode-ankle. Played every snap after reporting ankle injury previous week. Failing to live up to his injury potential.
S-Pat Watkins-neck. Team says his lack of contact over the past two weeks means he should be ready for the Cardinals. Implication unclear.
WR-Sam Hurd-ankle. Out for season after reinjuring ankle. Cowboys trade 1st, 3rd, and 6th round picks to Detroit for Roy Williams and encourage WR Isiah Stanback to not purchase home in Dallas. Move should not impact offense, but does fufill Jerry Jones dream to acquire every player named Roy Williams in NFL.
Other injuries, not yet reported by the team.
Owner-Jerry Jones-Bitten by land shark which knocked on door of Jones' office with candy gram.
Squeeze-Jessica Simpson. Listed as probable for next week's game. Has not adjusted to Brad Johnson, calling him Mr. Johnson and occasionally "dad". Publicists are evaluating Romo's injury, the length of time out of the news, to determine if Simpson-Romo relationship remains viable.
Coach-Wade Phillips. Sleep disorder. Appeared to briefly wake up during loss to Arizona.
Not two fourth round draft picks. According to ESPN that's the Titan's asking price. Dallas wants Jones, but only at the cost of one fifth round draft choice. Neither offer is going to get accepted.
So, will the poster child for Commissioner Goodale's tough love policy wear the star?
Count on it. The Jones deal is almost at the intersection of need and deed. The Cowboys want Jones and the Titans want him gone.
What's the problem?
The Titans are evaluting offers for Jones based on his talent, and the Cowboys based on his reputation. Jones also has a sneaking su####ion he's the one bidder on a horse that has to be sold.
He's probably right.
If you assume the commissioner is going to reinstate Jones at some point, and from a legal standpoint he doesn't have much choice, PacMan will be playing at a high level for somebody. But for how long? Tennessee wouldn't be offering Jones up if they thought he could stay out of trouble. Their underlying assumption is he will play, but not for long.
You can make a good case for that based on Jones' rap sheet. This has been the first year in memory he hasn't stayed in trouble off the field. And you suspect the only reason is because he wants to get back on the field.
And then?
The Cowboys have the right idea. Jones for a fifth rounder is an investment you can write off if it goes bad. The upside is you acquire a potential all-pro talent at a position of need (cornerback), improve your return game, and free up Dallas' two first round picks to spend on the offensive side of the ball. Three first round picks conjured up out of two.
If Dallas goes much higher for Jones you quickly get to the point of diminishing returns. Certainly a three is out of the question, a four right on the fence. Two fours out of the question. But a four and six? Probably.
Then comes the harder question. Is Jones worth it at any cost?
You can evaluate film, but you can't evaluate the heart and mind as easily. Look at all the arrests, all the bad choices, all the rumors. Imagine you're sitting across from the table with Jones and you've got his off field record, page after page of it. And he says, "It's all true, but I've changed."
Do you believe him? And if you do, why?
Adam "PacMan" Jones isn't all bad. He's been involved in charities, even before his problems started. He can be personable, and is saying all the right things. But is it real? And is he willing to step away from bad associations and habits?
I don't know, but the Titans think they do. And they have had a front row view.
Forget the idea of Jones as a distraction. Professional athletes don't
judge newspaper clippings, they judge effort. If PacMan doesn't
produce, if he doesn't make the commitment his teammates expect, Dallas
will cut their losses. If Jones stay in Dallas becomes a sideshow it will be one that closes quickly.
Then there is the old family values question. How can America's team bring in PacMan Jones? The truth is there isn't a team in the NFL that doesn't have players with problems, most of them the public knows nothing about. And you if think you're corrupting the youth of America by letting Jones play for Dallas, you haven't been paying attention to popular culture for the last decade or so.
Bottom line? If you're the Cowboys and the Titans call, answer it.
Everybody asks that of their friends and most people have a ready answer. The Patriots have alot of newly minted fans (the same sort of people who suddenly discovered they were Duke fans when Coach K came to town). Giants fans have been there all along, but mostly quiet since Bill Parcells left town.
The rest of us?
Cowboys fans (and I've been one for years) have been too busy trying to find enough tabasco sauce to cover the taste of crow to worry about picking a Super Bowl favorite. There doesn't seem to be the kind of bad feeling against the Giants we reserve for the Redskins and Eagles. As for the Patriots, I doubt most of us felt a rivalry with the Belicheckians since nobody in the league is really in New England's league.
Do you have to pull for a team to enjoy watching the game?
A resounding yes. We all say we like football, but without a team to pull for the air goes out of the balloon. The game goes from grand passion to lab experiment. If you're like me you always find a team to pull for, even if it's Detroit versus Arizona. If we're going to throw away three perfectly good hours of our lives, it needs to be for an event we are emotionally invested in.
New England or New York? Do I have to choose?
Which coach do I like better? Mussolini or Stalin, I mean Coughlin or Belichick? That is a true draw. One is an arrogant so and so, the other just down right mean. Call it even.
Quarterback. This should be easy. Eli Manning, all-American boy versus Tom Brady, the guy we all hated in high school for dating all the girls who were out of our league. But Manning had to go and grow that junior league porn star mustache. What is he hiding? I look at Eli Manning's future and see poor Payton giving him a priceless pep talk in a Mexican jail. A draw.
The Randy Moss factor. This tips in favor of the team that doesn't have Randy Moss on their roster. I'm sure it's been said before, but why don't the Giants just issue a sideline pass to the woman who has the restraining order against him and have her stand in the end zone? Of course, all that would do is ensure that Welker gets four TD catches. Edge-Giants.
Brandon Jacobs. I am so sick of seeing him throwing footballs in the end zone after he scores. What I want to see is the Patriots stop Jacobs at the one and throw him head first into the Giants logo on the end zone wall. Advantage New England.
Jeff Feagles. When he was young and Ben Franklin was shagging punts for him after school, Feagles never thought he'd be in the Super Bowl. Most likely he didn't think he'd live to be 250 years old and play every year since the inception of the NFL. OK, I may have one or two of the details wrong, but Feagles is old. Really, really old. I can relate to that. Score one for the Giants.
Cheating. The Patriots are the KGB of football, and Belichick their Vladimir Putin. Look at the Patriots roster. People keep disappearing. People who crossed Belichick. I have to admire and respect that. Seriously, I have to admire and respect that. Now maybe that van with Massachusetts plates that's been parked across the street the last three days will go away. Points go to the Patriots.
Helmets. The New York Giants logo is old school but very cool. The Patriots logo looks like the emblem of some sort of cult. (Ever wonder why Belichick wears that hood)? Advantage NYG.
Cities. They filmed parts of "Sex and the City" in New York. Tom Brady is doing the sequel in Boston. Score-Patriots.
Perfection. The Dolphins are the only team to run the table in the NFL. Undefeated and Super Bowl champions. And they did it with Earl Morral, whose crew cut was way cooler than the Tom Brady sheep dog look. If the Pats lose, the Dolphins win. Put a check by the Giants.
Heart Warming Human Interest Story. Rodney Harrison of the Patriots, who overcame a four game suspension for using performance enhancing drugs to make it to the big game. Think of it as a pharmacological version of "Rudy". Edge-New England.
Let's tally this up. Four for the Giants, four for New England, two draws. Right back where we started from.
You'll have to trust me on this. It was the greatest blog entry in the history of bloggery. What Brittany Spears is to bad parenting, this blog would have been to sports writing.
And now it's gone.
An account of the Cowboys Giants game that made Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" read like an excerpt from "Clifford the Big Red Dog". Vanished. Consumed by cruel fate and technical difficulties on the FOX Sports website.
It wasn't just that the greatest masterpiece since Da Vinci was laying around wondering what to do with that empty space in the basilica was gone. It was the callous, even flip way they broke it to me when I clicked on "post to blog".
"Whoops. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please check back."
OK, who says "Whoops"? We don't say whoops in blogging. We might say "bleep" or "blankety blank." Or "worthless no good blanker". But not "whoops". There's no whoops in blogging.
FOX. Put the helmet back on and get in the game. There are people working here. Crafting out little slices of life that future generations will gaze at in awe and wonderment (as in "aw bleep, I wonder why did anyone put that blankety blank on the web.") Call Terry Bradshaw in on overtime if you have to. Tell Howie Long you'll explain to him later how they make the robot dance. There are bigger things at stake.
The glitch must be stopped. The gremlins must not triumph.
It's bad enough that my entry vanished. What if it had been Lisa from USC? No Straight Talk From the Left Coast? I shudder to think of it. What if it had been Half Baked? (Well, it was sort of half baked). Or Carolyn T? What if this had been a blog essay of pictures of Brazilian supermodels? What if you had somehow managed to take out the entire Gerbil Sports Network?
Good grief, what if the FOX Funhouse had crashed?
Meanwhile, I leave you with this. My blog entry tonight would have made you laugh, would have made you cry, become a part of you. Reviewers would have written, "If you read only one blog entry this year, let it be this one." There was a description of Owens catching that 50 yard touchdown that people would be talking about for generations.
Now they'll never know.
Excuse me while I wipe away the tears, push "post to blog", and hope in the name of all that is bloggy that this uploads.
So NBC "went green" during the Cowboys and Eagles game. I feel cooler already. Then again, who doesn't compared to Bob Costas and Keith Olbermann in a candle lit TV studio. I tuned in the middle and thought it was "The Batchelor" gone horribly wrong, with Olbermann torn between giving the rose and his undying love to either Costas or his own ego.
Let me see if I've got this straight. Twenty-two million people basking in the warm glow of their electricity sucking televisions, creating a carbon footprint the size of Olbermann's self regard, watch two guys sitting in a darkened TV studio and suddenly rise up from their recliners and dash out to join the Green Party.
Somebody run me down with a Prius.
Let's look at this logically. The most environmentally sensitive thing the dynamic duo could have done was encourage viewers to turn off their TV's. But that might have upset NBC, which is owned by General Electric.
GE wants to get the message out it cares about the environment. That's at least partly because it's corporate strategy is to hit about $20 billion in revenues by 2010 in products specifically geared toward addressing environmental concerns. One way to do that is to heighten public perception of an environmental crisis, push for governmental regulation requiring abatements, then sell the goods and services business will need to meet their new found obligations.
This is not to say there are not legitimate environmental concerns. It's just that you might want to keep your hand on your wallet when you're getting news about a disease from the company that wants to sell you the cure. NBC is making Costas and Olbermann highly paid shills in front of a corporate medicine show tent.
Which brings me to this. The reason I watch sports is so I don't have to think about political issues. You can believe there is no more political or ideologically charged issue than the environment. Leftists want to shut down industry because they hate the idea that someone is making money off capitalism. Meanwhile the right rides around in SUV's that look like armored personnel carriers with "Nuke the Whales" bumper stickers.
I majored in economics and political science in college, and used to enjoy discussing the news of the day. But over the last few years I came to the conclusion everybody I talked to about politics was a raving fanatic. Except for me. And I wasn't too sure about me.
So I retreated to a simpler world where you judged a man not by the content of his character but the three digits of his batting average. A world where the only chad that was hanging was Pennington, and the value of bonds was set by how many home runs Barry hit. Economics is whatever ARod will make, social justice is Michael Vick in a Virginia jail cell, and green is the color of the monster in left field at Fenway.
To Bob and Keith I say this. How rude of you to barge into my happy neighborhood with your candles and your CFL light bulbs. Sunday night we invited you into our homes for a football game, not a lecture in group think.
I'll read the news about the environment, I'll decide what I do and don't believe, and I'll do what I think is appropriate to be a good steward of the environment.
Meanwhile, turn on the lights and get back to work.
6-1 doesn't explain it. Are the Cowboys a Super Bowl caliber team? The best of a weak NFC? A trick of the light?
Don't ask me. I've watched all but one game and I'm still not sure.
Start with Romo. Most people do. Guts, mobility, and a strong arm. Romo has them. And he easily could have five more interceptions already. Sometimes he floats the ball, and recently he's dropped down enough to get a good number of tips. Good enough to be the second best quarterback this season, but good enough to take those risks and still run the boards in the playoffs? I just don't know.
The tools are there for Romo to work with. Jason Witten, Terrell Owens, Patrick Crayton, Marion Barber, Julius Jones. But the Patriots took Witten out of the game and ground the offense to a halt. New coordinator Jason Garrett sometimes voluntarily shuts down Dallas' running game, despite having an offensive line any NFL back would be glad to run behind. Can Dallas keep scoring thirty points a game the second time through the NFC East?
If teams learn to take Witten out of the mix, will T.O. keep his head and body together and take advantage of better matchups? If Glenn doesn't come back will Dallas develop an alternate deep threat? Then again, it may not matter. Dallas has adjusted to anything thrown at them defensively, even by New England.
Two areas you don't have to question are the offensive line and special teams. This is the best Dallas line since the Super Bowl days and may even get better as they work together longer. Nick Folk is the kicker Dallas thought it paid for last year in Mike Vanderjagt. A rookie with the nerves of a veteran. And Mat McBriar is the best NFL punter since Ray Guy.
All these questions pale next to the ones of the defensive side of the ball.
The 3-4. Or, should I say the 3-4? Coming into the season we were told it was a different 3-4 than Bill Parcells ran. Wade Phillips' version was supposed to disrupt instead of contain. Meet the new scheme, same as the old scheme. Two sacks a game and Tom Brady looking as pressured as a father playing catch with his son in the back yard.
Against the run, this is a defensive line which will play well against weak lines and backfields and much less so against strong ones. It is not a sure fire run stop defense, and is one injury away from very shaky ground. Tank Johnson won't change that.
What was that about Roy Williams being "set free" under the new scheme. Free to cheat towards the run, free to go after the quarterback, free to justify a $25 million contract extension. Who is that guy trailing behind those receivers on deep touchdown passes? Who is that arm tackler? This one the jury should not be out on. Roy "Ordinary" Williams is just another safety. At best.
Then again, this is the defense that got its back up and saved the day in Buffalo. That shut down the Bears and Rams, and held the Vikings in check today. Maybe this is a defense better than the sum of it's parts, one that will get better as Greg Ellis gets stronger, Terence Newman literally more sure footed, and Anthony Henry healthy. The best may be yet to come.
Still, you wonder. This is a defense that occasionally can't get off the field. There were times today when the Vikings ran at will for large chunks of yardage, even though they had no passing game to set up the run.
Where does that leave the Cowboys? A little ahead of the Giants. Maybe behind Washington if the Redskins develop anything resembling an offense. And miles ahead of the rest of the NFC.
Brave predictions? There is too much talent not to win the conference. Too much to lose in the first round? But after that, what?
As of October 21, this is not a Super Bowl team. Not yet. But it could be. We'll know in four weeks. After the bye week, Dallas has Philadelphia, Washington, and New York. How the Cowboys play the Redskins and Giants will answer most questions.
Maybe the biggest question of all is this. How much is heart worth? This Cowboy team has more of it than the corporate Patriots and the unsteady Giants, more than any Dallas team in years. If heart counts throw all the questions out the window. If it doesn't, this is a team a year away from challenging New England.
I know, wronger isn't a word. But there is wrong and then there is, well, wronger. And my blog on the Patriots and Cowboys was wronger than most.
Let's look at that blog again on replay...
"New England will probably go up top early and often against the
inconsistent Dallas secondary. The vaunted Wade Phillips 3-4 hasn't
generated a consistent pass rush all year and they won't start Sunday."
OK, that part wasn't far off. Dallas got just three sacks, and Brady probably feels more pressure in his personal life than he did against Dallas.
"..he (Brady) will have time to put up 250
yards, at least two touchdowns, and no more than one interception. And
the golden QB will go deep more often than you'd expect, mainly because
for some odd reason (over rated receivers?) the Patriots aren't that
good on third down."
No, and no. 250 yards? More like some number roughly equal to the distance the team charter will fly tonight going back to Boston. Not that good on 3rd down? What was I thinking. The Patriots were 10-15 on 3rd down conversions. The story of the game was this. The Cowboy defense couldn't get the New England offense off the field."
"(Dallas will throw) Thirty-six passes minimum, as many as fifty if they trail early.
Wrong again. Dallas only got 29 passes, because (all together now), Dallas could not get New England's offense off the field.
"If the Cowboys get seventy-five yards running that could be enough to win...One reason it could be a low total is that Julius Jones is not effective running anything other than a delay.
Dallas got 98 yards, and Jones looked good getting 51. The problem is Dallas only got 14 runs, playing behind most of the game.
"Who is the key player in the game? The papers say the quarterbacks.
Some say Terrell Owens and Randy Moss. I say Mat McBriar, the Cowboy
punter. He is the best in the league since Ray Guy and gives Dallas a
field position edge which will force New England to gain more yards and
use more time to score. Count the yards behind where each drive starts.
The team that loses the field position battle (likely New England) will
lose."
Right on the field position part, wrong on McBriar. He averaged 54 yards a punt, but Dallas never did pin New England deep. The few occasions they did, New England calmly marched down field. Oh yeah, the key player? Wes Welker, the third receiver for New England who kept drives alive repeatedly in the first half.
"..two interceptions for Romo and three touchdown passes."
Just two touchdowns and one late interception after the game was over. I was correct in saying that Romo would not be bothered by the distraction of his dad's health issues or the interceptions he threw against Buffalo. Romo looked relatively calm and collected, except on the first three drives which all ended on three and out. On those he looked, like the rest of the offense, indecisve.
"If the game turns into "Running Backs Gone Wild" you can put out the fire and call in the dogs. Dallas will be toast."
I guess there is more than one way to make toast. Did Dallas contain the Patriots running game, or did New England just lose interest because the pass was so effective?
"Odds are the first team to land a hard blow, whether it's a turnover or a sustained drive, will win."
Not so much a hard blow, but a repeated series of hammer hits. The first three Dallas possessions (all three and out) put New England in the position of dictating the action the rest of the afternoon.
"Tony Romo seems blissfully ignorant of conventional wisdom and the game
is being played in Dallas. Let's give this one to Dallas, 30-28."
Hand me some Texas Pete. This crow is awfully dry.
I used to think sports journalists knew something. They sounded like they did. Very confident lot. Use words like establish. "Well, Mike, the Patriots will establish the running game early and try and neutralize the Cowboy pass rush. If Dallas doesn't put some pressure on Tom Brady it could be a long afternoon for Dallas."
What are they saying? And is it anything someone with an intuitive grasp of the obvious didn't already know? Safe talk nobody will remember after the game.
When was the last time you heard an announcer say, "New England will probably go up top early and often against the inconsistent Dallas secondary. The vaunted Wade Phillips 3-4 hasn't generated a consistent pass rush all year and they won't start Sunday." You won't, but it's true.
The Cowboy defense has just 12 sacks in five games, and Brady has only been sacked three times. Do the math. Unless Dallas goes blitz happy (a risky proposition against the Patriots) he will have time to put up 250 yards, at least two touchdowns, and no more than one interception. And the golden QB will go deep more often than you'd expect, mainly because for some odd reason (over rated receivers?) the Patriots aren't that good on third down.
There may be some talk about Dallas needing to keep the New England offense off the field. That would be nice, but if you're looking for the Cowboys to do it by running 50% of the time it's not going to happen. Thirty-six passes minimum, as many as fifty if they trail early.
The pattern all season has been for Dallas is to pass first, then run. If the Cowboys get seventy-five yards running that could be enough to win. So could fifty. But if it ends up being 35 yards (and it might), that's another story. One reason it could be a low total is that Julius Jones is not effective running anything other than a delay. (Not that the announcers will say that).
The Patriots are an organization headed by a coach with questionable ethics. Dallas is a team living large off an inspired quarterback who can sustain drives by moving in the pocket. They have no effective backup. Will the Patriot front seven try to injure Romo? Only if the game ends up being played on a day of the week ending in "y". Nobody will say that on the air, even if a Patriot lineman runs onto the field with with a tire iron in one hand and kneecaps Romo.
Who is the key player in the game? The papers say the quarterbacks. Some say Terrell Owens and Randy Moss. I say Mat McBriar, the Cowboy punter. He is the best in the league since Ray Guy and gives Dallas a field position edge which will force New England to gain more yards and use more time to score. Count the yards behind where each drive starts. The team that loses the field position battle (likely New England) will lose.
You are going to hear about Romo's interceptions against Buffalo, and about his dad's prostate surgery. Neither are going to have anything to do with the outcome. Consider this. They have a name for NFL quarterbacks who haven't figured out how to focus on the game they are in. It's road kill. Once the game starts quarterbacks are who they are, for better and worse. That means two interceptions for Romo and three touchdown passes.
New England has a good running game. Morris and Maroney both average nearly five yards a carry. That, and not Brady, represents the nightmare scenario for Dallas. If the game turns into "Running Backs Gone Wild" you can put out the fire and call in the dogs. Dallas will be toast.
All that said, games like this are heavy weight matches. They start slow (the coaches hope) as the teams seek an advantage. Odds are the first team to land a hard blow, whether it's a turnover or a sustained drive, will win.
Common sense tells you New England wins this one 28-23. But Tony Romo seems blissfully ignorant of conventional wisdom and the game is being played in Dallas. Let's give this one to Dallas, 30-28.
(Interview with Grizz Lee Bear, spokesman for Bear Rights Council)
So, you've demanded the Chicago Bears drop the nickname Bears. Does the name represent a demeaning stereotype to you? An exaggerated potential for violence, the whole mauling thing?
No, quite the opposite. We are violent,and we do maul the Elmer Fudds of the world. I hope I don't put too fine a point on it, but we are the baddest dudes in the woods. The same can't be said of the "so-called" Chicago Bears.
Then it isn't the name itself, just the team using it?
Look, when #### Butkus wore the bear on his helmet you never heard a word from us. ####, he was like family. Raw meat wouldn't sit untouched in his cage, if you know what I'm saying. But today's team? I mean, for crying out loud, the coach is named "Lovie". Who is the offensive coordinator, Thurston Howell the Third?
And this is causing the bear community embarrasment?
The stuff I've taken off the Lions and Bengals this week at work. You wouldn't believe it. My kids have been taking shots at school all week from the Panthers. Little Christine, she got head butted by a Ram. Stuff that never used to happen. Some Dolphin, a dolphin, giggles in that little high pitched squeel at my youngest boy on the playground. He comes home, won't talk to his mother, crawls straight up into a hollow tree stump and says he isn't coming out until football season is over. It just breaks your heart. Breaks your heart.
Do you blame Rex Grossman?
Rex Grossman is no bear. Look, (choking up). Can we shut that off just a minute. (Deep breath). Look, when they brought down my dad, he, he had taken out two hunters. It took six shots from a high powered rifle. I, I'm sorry, this is really hard. And they tracked him fifteen miles back up a draw before they finished him off. That was a bear. Grossman, some Cowboy runs by and tags his shoulder and he's on the ground curled up in the fetal position. If that had been my old man you'd be finding little pieces of boots and spurs in trees for days afterward. And you want to call Rex Grossman a bear? I take exception to that, I really do.
His form did appear to be off last night.
Look, you ever see a bear knock a fish out of the water. It's a thing a beauty. Lock onto your primary, shift your weight smoothly during the transition, and follow through. I'm watching the game and I nearly jumped out of the den when I see Grossman's passes. I honestly thought it was a wounded duck. 'Here comes supper'. Then I see Henry running into the end zone. Disgusting, just disgusting.
More like Yogi the Bear?
Don't get me started on that. I grew up hearing all the pic-a-nic basket jokes. Where's Boo-Boo? I'll show you Boo-Boo pal, got your Boo-Boo right here. Knock your scrawny carcass all the way back to Jellystone Park. Just when we put that behind us, just when we think we're finally going to get some respect, here come 'Da Bears'.
Do you really expect the Bears to change their name?
Do we do it in the woods? Of course, I expect that. There's plenty of names for a team like that. The Chicago Gerbils. The Chicago Possum. The Chicago Squirrels. How about the Moose? The friggin, "wait until I strike a majestic pose for the camera, moose." See how they like being represented by Bernard Berrian. See how they feel waking up on Monday morning with the entire forest laughing.
Any last comments?
I believe in this country. I believe in the right to keep and arm bears. All we're asking for here is a little dignity, a little respect. You know, there's bears in New England. Alot more bears in Massachusetts than Patriots. We can live with the New England Bears. Just give us a team worthy of the name. Is that too much to ask?
New Orleans Saints Reggie Bush: "Yeah, yeah, tell coach I'll be right there." (on cell) "Man, why can't we park the Hummer in front of the Subway in the ad? It's called cross promotion. You guys are supposed to be pros. Focus, man, focus."
Tampa Bay Bucaneers Coach Jon Gruden: "Boys, it's like I've always said, chicks dig a man with a visor."
New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick: "You've got to hold it steady or the image will blur."
New England Patriots Cheerleader (beginning to cry): "But I have to shake them, they're pom poms."
Seattle QB Matt Hasselbeck: "Come on guys, yeah we're down 10. To ARIZONA. Just don't turn over the ball and we'll be fine."
Dallas WR Terrell Owens "Just get me the ball. I've got this bit where I wind a handle on a camera in the end zone. It's going to be great."
Dallas QB Tony Romo: "But won't they call a penalty on that?"
Dallas WR Terrell Owens "You're not listening. I'm in the end zone. I'm cranking a camera. What is it you don't understand. Three years watching and holding that clip board and you still don't know what this game is about, do you?"
Giants Coach Tom Coughlin: "Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them. Barber laughed
at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with,
with geometric logic, that, that a duplicate key to the locker room icebox
did exist."
Atlanta Falcons QB Joey Harrington: "Oh yeah, well maybe you should have thought about that before your pal ended up headed for prison. And just for the record, I get timed with a stop watch like everyone else. I have never, never been timed with a sun dial."
Indianapolis QB Payton Manning: "Marvin, does it ever seem to you that the sun is shining on us and the crowds aren't even there. And it's so quiet that all you hear is the wind moving over the laces of the football as it perfectly spirals into your hands. It's like it's all in slow motion and no matter what they do you just look over at Coach Dungy and have this feeling of contentment like nothing bad is ever going to happen."
New York Giants QB Eli Manning: "And I kept telling him, I don't even eat strawberries. And he's got this glazed look in his eyes. Then he leaves and I finally get to sleep and have this dream where Brett Favre is pointing at me and laughing. And my dad is telling Favre that he has a son who plays QB named Payton. But he doesn't mention me. What do you think that means?"
Oakland Coach Monte Kiffin: "It's just lightining. There is not a thing to worry about. Now everybody hit the field. (team files out) JaMarcus. Over here. Look, you'd better stay in here until after the game."
Steelers RB Willie Parker: "So I tell him. Look, I'll be running for 120 yards a game in the pros long after they've forgotten the name John Bunting."
Bengals Coach Marvin Lewis: "Now let's get out there and play some defense."
One of our great national pastimes is second guessing quarterbacks. Good isn't good enough, and there is no approved learning curve. Which is why we spent the off season wondering if Tony Romo was for real and debating what sort of leader Eli Manning is.
Let's start with Manning. With no apologies to Tiki Barber (note-Tabasco Sauce is good for masking the taste of shoe leather) there should be no question after last night's 45-35 shootout loss to Dallas as to the content of Manning's on field character.
The bottom line-4 touchdowns, 1 interception, 312 yards on 28 of 41.
Time and again Manning rallied the Giants against a defense which knew he had to pass. With running back Brandon Jacobs on the sidelines, Manning burned the name of Plexico Burress into the memory of the Dallas secondary with strike after strike. If Sam Hurd hadn't turned a routine play into a 51 yard touchdown he might have brought the Giants back.
Against a Wade Phillips defense which was supposed to strike fear in NFC East hearts Manning looked as calm as a man reading the paper waiting for a bus to show up. No happy feet in the pocket, no locking in on a single receiver, no forced throws. Even granting that the Cowboy defense didn't show up it was impressive.
Romo came into the game with questions as to whether he was the All-Pro from early last season, or the quarterback who consistently misfired down the stretch.
4 touchdowns, 1 interception, 345 yards on 15 of 24.
More importantly, if you discard the last clock killing drive, Romo lead Dallas to points on the board in seven of the ten times Dallas took the field, including six touchdowns. To Cowboy fans with memories of the Drew Bledsoe era, Romo's performance was a veritable feast.
Is Romo too small or too uncontrolled to lead an NFL offense? He didn't look to have any problem seeing the passing lanes last night. There was one interception, but you can mark that down to going to the well once too often over the middle after hitting Jason Witten repeatedly there. And on two occasions, one a touchdown run, he held the ball in situations where he might have thrown it a year ago.
What will be the reaction of doubters of Romo and Manning to last night's game?
There was no defense. There was no tackling. Let's see how they do against the Redskins defense.
Valid points. The Giants and Cowboys defenses seldom got pressure on the passer. The secondaries played the game of fox and hound all night, scurrying off to catch receivers who always seemed a step faster.
But these were NFL defenses, not the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Touchdowns are touchdowns, and if they hadn't converted scoring opportunities we would be writing blogs this morning about how the two young quarterbacks were over rated. The nature of the game.
Manning ended the night with a bruised shoulder after Cowboy rookie Anthony Spencer grabbed his jersey on an attempted sack. He should be OK and spare Giant fans any more appearances by Jared Lorenzen. And Season 4 should be a positive one for Manning.
As for Romo, the great expectations game is played with intensity in Dallas. What will linger with Cowboy fans is the offensive explosion and not the possibly season ending injury to nose tackle Jason Ferguson, the continued foot woes of Terence Newman, or the lack of a pass rush. If the Cowboy defense doesn't come together, more performances like last night's won't be just desirable but a necessity.
For this one day, however, none of it matters. Tony Romo and Eli Manning are now proven NFL starting quarterbacks and certified gun slingers.
Eighty-one years the University of Illinois used Chief Illiniwek as a mascot. Not because there are alot of Native Americans at the school, but because years ago a band director thought it would ####e up halftime at football games Now the NCAA says the chief is demeaning to Native Americans and must go. The university has finally agreed and tomorrow night will be Illinois' last dance with Illiniwek.
No word on a replacement mascot, but I've got high hopes for some sort of Caucasian symbol. Perhaps a white guy doing the "lonely man" dance practiced by the non-native peoples during the great Disco Era. This was the height of the Caucasian's migration through the nightclubs of Chicago. "Get Down Tonight" could be the new Illini fight song, and "Dances with Self" the new mascot. It may be difficult to find a suit of the traditional polyester blend, but at least they could dig up some gold chains and a white jacket.
The usual suspects are all present and accounted for. The political correctness police are out in force. These are mainly white kids who feel really bad about who they are, and will verbally denounce the sins of their parents as long as they can drunkenly stagger to the microphone to assert their moral superiority. The NCAA, a clarion voice for ethics (and forcing 18 year olds to delay signing pro contracts), has been heard from. The descendants of the Illiniwek have spoken up clearly and said a)it was an honor to be represented and b)"of course we are offended, they ran us out of Illinois".
It seems complex on the surface. Some schools keep symbols because the tribe they have gloamed onto doesn't mind, others have dropped mascots and changed names. Alumni seem almost unnaturally attached to the nicknames, as if a part of their past will die with them. Conservative commentators, as is their wont, rail against political correctness.
There is a simple answer to the problem. Common courtesy. Treat people the way you would want to be treated, and avoid giving deliberate offense to anyone if at all possible. For those wanting to hang onto traditions, this is an oldie but a goody. It defines a gentleman or woman and treats each person as an equal worthy of respect.
If you look at Native American mascots and imagine them as representative of any other race or culture it's hard to not to find them silly at best, or offensive at worst. Maybe not all tribes are opposed to them. But if there is a chance young native Americans will grow up burdened in any way by these images isn't it simply the right thing to do to let them go?
The NCAA probably is more interested in PR than people, but so what? If they have accidentally stumbled across good taste and want to impose it on unwilling athletic departments, so much the better. But common sense requires that the ban on stereotypical names and mascots extend even to schools that have somehow acquired the blessing of an individual tribe. So long Seminoles.
Not discussed in all this is pro sports. The question of the "Redskins" is the 900 pound #### in the room nobody wants to discuss. But it is infinitely more offensive than any nickname used by any college team and should have been dropped years ago. If you aren't convinced, try this simple test. Construct a sentence using Redskins outside of the context of football that doesn't sound degrading. It can't be done.
The silence on the Redskins name is baffling, especially since the team represents the District of Columbia, a diverse city awash with civil rights lawyers. The problem is many of them can be found on Sunday wearing Redskins logo merchandise and singing "Hail to the Redskins" out at FedEx Field.
Our record in dealing with Native Americans is, at best, abysmal. Getting rid of these mascots isn't going to make life better for them, but as a sign of respect it's not a bad start.
OK, you've just inherited all the money you could spend in a lifetime. You could do something worthwhile with it. Cure a disease, build a school in some remote corner of the world, buy the Snicker's Company and fire the guy who approved that ad. You won't do that, though. You're a sports fan. You'll buy your favorite team.
My question to you-What team do you buy and what are the changes you'll make? I'll go first.
I'd buy the Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones' stuff is in boxes on the curb. A better man would have let him pack. I'm not that man. I haven't forgotten how he dealt with Tom Landry. Consider it a just recompence
Let's settle the coaching issue up front. Norv Turner is the odds on pick, but he's lost everywhere he's coached. Turner is a great coordinator. The Cowboys need a coach. I'm not sold on what's out there. Dan Reeves has won the Super Bowl. He'll do just fine until we figure out whether Jason Garrett or Ron Rivera (who we're hiring away to run the defense) is the coach of the future.
The 3-4 is history. I'm tired of hearing about linebackers who rush like defensive ends and 310 pound nose tackles who eat up space. Those are just ways of saying they can't play their position full-time. DeMarcus Ware is now a defensive end whose job is to do the best Charles Haley imitation he possibly can. Charles Ferguson can take his sackless self somewhere 3-4 is spoken.
Roy Williams is a safety who can hit and play the run like a linebacker. Sorry, I want a safety who can play pass defense like a safety. Hope someone else buys the hype and the contract. I'll settle for a #2 and #4 this year, and a #3 next season. We'll pick up an acceptable safety as a free agent at about half the cost or less, and spend the season not watching highlight film of Williams trying to run down his mistakes.
Terrell Owens? We'll keep him and build the passing game around him. As Marx said, "From each according to his abilities..." And just to make sure that doesn't go to his head, we'll make whatever deal is necessary to draft Calvin Johnson of Georgia Tech as his heir apparent. If things work out, we've got an aerial circus like nobody has seen in years. If not, we wave (and waive) goodbye to Owens and take the cap hit.
For better or worse, and we'll cross our fingers and hope for better, Tony Romo is the quarterback. He's not tall enough, not fast enough, and not controlled enough yet. But he has something not every quarterback is blessed with and that is optimism and the respect of his team. That will do, but a veteran backup won't hurt.
Mat McBriar gets a new deal. Most owners wouldn't worry about locking up their punter to a long-term deal. McBriar is now ordinary punter. He's a field position difference maker, one of a half dozen or so to come along since Ray Guy retired.
Wait! Almost forgot. Parcells comes back as a consultant. The guy didn't win it all, but he knows football players about like he knows the horses. We'll find a GM, but not from my family. My family drives GM's, they aren't GMs. Oh yeah, the cheerleaders. They stay, their coach (who would scare Stalin) goes, and I'll resist my Baptist instincts to fully clothe them.
(Interviewer) Coach, tough way to finish the season.
(Parcells) "Let me just say I'm proud of how our guys hung in there and put us in a position to win at the end. That's really all you can ask of a team. (barely audible) Please, somebody get me away from these sel####estructing losers and that pasty faced weasel of an owner."
(Interviewer) I'm sorry coach, but we couldn't hear that last part.
(Parcells) "Proud, just very proud of this team. Tom Coughlin can't get the job done."
(Interviewer) Coughlin?
(Parcells) "No, I don't have a cough, but thanks for asking. If the Giants management team is listening my number is 555-1212.
(Interviewer) About the situation with T.O...
(Parcells) That's something you guys in the press use to sell papers. There isn't any situation with Owens that we can't handle. Just find me a sawed off shotgun, some fishing tackle, a large box, and a boat captain who forgets where he's been. We're just fine.
(Interviewer) Again, I apologize, but I didn't catch all that.
(Parcells) (Looking away) "Then you've got something in common with Terrell." (Turns back around) No, no that's it. (mouthing words toward camera) "I bleed Giant blue and I work cheap."
(Interviewer) Tony Romo. Obviously not a finished product yet. Is he the QB who can take Dallas back to the Super Bowl?
(Parcells, muttering under his breath) "I don't know does he have a bus driver's license?
(Interviewer) I'm sorry, you said something about a bus?
(Parcells) "You know, find a driver for the bus, the old bus driver analogy. A quarterback is to an offense as a bus driver is to (coughing and covering mouth) mindless reporter is to brain surgeon."
(Interviewer) Brain surgeon?
(Parcells) "Sturgeon, you know a sturgeon is a fish and the Dolphins are a team in our league. How about that Nick Sabin. Kids say the darndest things. (yawning) I can be bought...cheap...call my agent."
(Interviewer) Before we go, and I hate to ask this question, but "the drop".
(Parcells) "No, that's OK. The ball bounces funny sometimes. Sometimes you get it down and sometimes you start thinking about Carrie Underwood in a mini-skirt and destroy the season that would have cemented the greatest coach in the history of the NFL his rightful place ahead of Lombardi, Landry, Noll, Shula, and those other bums. just get a little distracted.
(Interviewer) Are you feeling OK?
(Parcells, unhooking mike and walking off camera and putting on Giants cap and jacket with "I love NY" button on lapel.) "Much better now, much, much better.
Nothing cures a football hangover like a little rest and the Detroit Lions. At least that is what the 9-6 Dallas Cowboys, who suddenly find themselves in 2nd place in the NFC East, have to hope. It's been a long three weeks in Big D. First, ex-Cowboy assistant Sean Payton exposed flaws in the Dallas defense in a 42-17 rout. Then the Falcons torched Bill Parcel's defense before Dallas rallied to a 38-28 win. The coup de grace was administered on Christmas Day 23-7 by an Eagle team that had heard the Dallas hype and was not at all impressed. So, what gives?
Greg Ellis was the anchor for what is now a drifting defense. Ellis made a surprising, but successful, transition from defensive end to outside linebacker this season. Since he went down with an Achillies tendon injury in the Arizona game, Dallas hasn't had much of a pass rush and has shown alot less heart. Disappointing first round pick Bobby Carpenter hasn't made much a mark as Ellis' replacement.
Dallas is still a very young team in spots. Key mistakes by rookie fullback Oliver Hoyte and 2nd year linebacker Kevin Burnett resulted in momentum killing plays by the Eagles. The defense has the talent to be very good, but potential can't stop a good offense. Two long Eagle drives starting deep in their own territory with numerous third down conversions along the way showed how inexperienced Dallas is, especially in the front seven.
Terrell Owens. New week, different circus. This week Owens spent the day before the game playing cards and dominoes with old Eagles teammates. Jerry Jones can put whatever smiley face he wants next to this week's episode of 'As Terrell Turns" but it can't cover up the fact Owens is a suddenly old 33 and no longer opens up opportunities by forcing other teams to adjust game plans to stop him. Chemistry is an over rated theme, but it is real and Owens doesn't add value with his attitude. Even if nobody else is affected by Owens, it's hard to make the arguement that he's mentally ready to play football on Sundays.
There is no safety for Dallas in the secondary. Darren Woodson retired two seasons ago, but hasn't been replaced. Roy Williams usually turns up in highlight film running behind whatever receiver is having their career best game this week. At some point you have to ask what a bunch of press clippings and a rep for hard hitting mean. Yes, Williams hits like a linebacker. But he often looks like one in deep coverage.
Romo is? Romo has a head and heart for football and is one of the bright spots on this year's team. But what will he be in the playoffs? The Cowboys opponents likely took note of the Eagles success in pressuring Romo. How well he adapts will be a key factor in how far Dallas goes in January.
The Cowboys runs well, but hasn't established the run. Julius Jones can make alot of yards off delays, but he can't make consistently make 4 yards on 1st down. Marion Barber is effective in short yardage situations, but can he function as a featured back? At some point Dallas needs to find out, because Jones isn't getting the job done in most situations.
Parcells and his staff are getting out coached. Sean Payton of the Saints knows the Cowboys from his years as an assistant. But the Cowboys knew how familiar Payton was with their offense and defense and weren't able to adjust. And you have to wonder whether defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer has ever fully adjusted to the 3-4. More importantly, is the 3-4 the right defense for a team that can't generate a pass rush?
Dallas could still get it together. In a weak NFC you can see the Cowboys going to the Super Bowl or watching it on TV at home. Losing the division, and home field in the first round, is a blow. Dallas has players (Romo, Owens, Jones, Williams) with the potential to step up or blow up. Maybe expectations have been too great all along. As December turns to January this looks like a team a year away from contending for Super Bowl rings.
