We never had this problem with Wilt and Jerry West. We also never had freestyle rap. Don't know what they would have done in 75', but I imagine it would have gone like this: SHAQ "Theme From Shaq"
Who's the big man rhymin' quick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
SHAQ!
Ya damn right!
Who is the man who would get a ring
For his brother Kobe?
SHAQ!
Can you dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's Celtics all about?
SHAQ!
Right On!
They say this cat Shaq is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Shaq.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
He's a complicated man Who Kobe ratted out to his woman
GOT THE SHAFT!
Got more rings than the scoring machine... Got more rings than the scoring machine... Shaq! Shaq!
Four...
KOBE AND THE PIPS "Midnight Train to Phoenix"
Kobe, proved too much for the man So he left the wife he'd come to know He said he's goin' back to find what's left of his game The game he left behind oh so long ago
He's leavin' on that midnight train to Phoenix Said he's goin' back to find a seat for his behind I won't be with him on that midnight train to Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world and live without him in mine
He kept dreamin' that without me he'd be a star But he sure found out the hard way that dreams don't always come true So he's pawned all his hopes and he even sold his thirty-two nicknames Buyin' a playoff ticket back is the only way he'll have a finals view
Said he's leavin' on that midnight train to Phoneix Said he's goin' back to find some words that rhyme with behind I'm won't be with him on that midnight train to Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world and live without him in mine
Oh he's leavin' on the midnight train to Phoenix Said he's goin' try to find a way to score from the line Next year he'll watch me, from a recliner somewhere in Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world than live with him in mine
Get off the boards, get off the boards, get off the boards On the midnight train to Phoenix He got to go He got to go He got to go
Who'd a thunk it. Orlando gets three on the road and moves to 5-1. Rashard Lewis scored 20 or more each game, Dwight Howard has turned into a scorer, and Hedo Turkoglu has been solid. And the best team in Florida now is...the Orlando Magic.
The Heat are cold (0-5) and the Wizards are casting spells on nobody. Dwayne Wade is about ready to come back to Miami and not a moment too soon. Stat line of the week-Shaq gets 3, count em' 3, rebounds against Francisco Elson of the Spurs. The Wizards lost to the Nuggets and Nets, proving they will only have trouble with two types of teams this year. The ones that run and the ones that don't.
Celtics are 4-0, rest of league is green with envy. Two straight 20+ victories at home. Even slowed down the Nuggets, holding them under 100 points. What's next? The Bruins in the Stanley Cup?
Just when you think it's all figured out. The Bulls beat the Pistons on national TV. The shame is that Rasheed Wallace got 36 and few people noticed. It looks like Wallace finally understands how good he can be and wants to be that good. As for the Bulls, they STILL need Kobe. Pull the trigger, do the deal, flip the switch. Just do it.
Texas 14, the rest of the league 3. Rockets, Spurs, Mavericks all with just one loss each. The tell on the Rockets-you don't go into the 4th quarter (against Dallas) down 2 and lose by 9. Then again, Yao Ming may be the world's tallest magician. Against the Spurs, he made Duncan (14 points) disappear. The Mavs got past the ghost of playoffs past against Golden State, and the Spurs won the games they should.
Utah leads their division. Who cares? Let's talk about the Nuggets three game losing streak. People wondered how Iverson and Anthony would coexist. They're both fine. They get 25 shots a game and the rest of the team gets to watch.
What kind of world are we living in? The Clippers are 4-1. Of course, the bubble had to burst and it did against Detroit in a big way 103-79. The Pistons kicked the Clips hard in the first half and held Chris Kaman (who leads the league in rebounding) off the boards.
The Lakers have won 3 of 4. Kobe Bryant has elevated to another level, which is good. He still wants out, which is bad. So, is he playing to get out? If he doesn't get out does this level of play go away? I'm thinking the Lakers keep Bryant because the average price of a ticket to see them is $89. You don't get away with charging that without a marquee attraction.
Finally, LeBron James. Tonight a star. Tomorrow an average looking player. The next day a mega star. After that a very good player. 82 games and you get 20 for each of the 4 LeBron James'. The encouraging thing is he has gotten to the line 10 or more times in 3 of 6 games. Then again, he also has games where the floor swallows him up. LeBron is LeBron, but he's not Kobe. Not yet.
Jerry Buss now says he would listen to offers for Kobe Bryant. Who does, doesn't, or does want to be traded. I forget.
The question isn't whether the Lakers should trade Bryant, just why it has taken so long to figure it out. The marriage with Shaq never worked out, but the divorce has been worse.
As in many divorces, the aging parents suffer along with their children. That would be 62 year old Phil Jackson, who has openly talked about retiring after this season. His health is not great, and there is always a question with Jackson as to whether he can continue to put his head and heart on the same basketball page.
With Jackson on a short term path, and Bryant frustrated at the team's lack of progress, the first question to be answered is what the point is to one last season of Bryant and Jackson in LA? The only change in last year's team is the addition of Derek Fisher, which is not enough to provoke even a yawn around the rest of the league.
Andrew Bynum could become Shaq-LIte and odds still are the Lakers will be (at best) a first round playoff casualty. Kwame Brown is a perennial disappointment, Lamar Odom is a quality player who is a weak second scoring option, and Luke Walton is Luke Walton. Add Kobe to the mix and you win enough games to miss out on a high draft pick, but don't win enough to move to the next level.
So why not roll the dice? Why not send Kobe AND Jackson somewhere they can reinvent themselves and shake off the malaise of Los Angeles? That somewhere is New York, a stage big enough to challenge the duo to recapture their past glories.
Jackson won a ring (in 1973) with the Knicks as a player. His is a big enough personality to not only survive, but thrive, in New York. A chance to bring the Knicks back might just inspire Jackson to make one last great coaching stand.
Bryant is an awe inspiring talent, but one who often seems a footnote in LA, dwarfed by the entertainers who dominate the town. In New York he would not generate the love and respect given to Derek Jeter, but he would be the biggest sports talent in town (and yes, I count ARod in the equation).
Bryant and Jackson would give the Knicks what they sorely lack, focus and direction. There would be no question who the team's focal point would be on the court, and no doubt about it's leader on the sidelines. Isiah Thomas is too damaged by his off court issues to lead the team, and would benefit from a quiet move back to the front office followed by a contract settlement and graceful exit in a year.
What's in it for the Lakers? An end to the "will he, want he" speculation about Bryant and a chance to start the rebuilding process without the pressure of great expectations coupled with minimal talent. Better to have a rebuilding year that brings a high draft pick than more pointless mediocrity.
The deal? How about Eddie Curry and Jamal Crawford for Bryant, with some other combination of players to even up cap considerations. The Lakers might even have to take Stephon Marbury for a season, but there is a price to pay for anything worthwhile.
The obstacles to such a deal are many. The salary cap has made mega deals very difficult to execute. Jackson may finally have had enough of the game he so thoroughly mastered.
Worse still, under James Dolan's leadership the Knicks are financially successful whether they win or not. His tolerance for the Madison Square Garden corporation's decent into a pro sports version of "Animal House" raises questions as to whether winning is even on ownership's agenda.
Like most ideas you read on the internet, this one will not come to pass. More is the pity, since none of the options actually being considered to move Bryant (to Phoenix or Dallas) are any more likely. So the 07-08 season will see the NBA's best scorer stuck in Hollywood, one of it's greatest coaching legends spinning his wheels, and the Knicks in free fall.
The marriage between the Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant will not end in divorce, according to sports talk radio and various on-line experts. Bryant is a piece of art that no buyer can afford, they say, because of his salary and league rules that mandate roughly equal salary value in two team trades.
To which I say, "shoot". That's what we say here in the South as a substitute for another more descriptive exclamation. "Shoot", say I, "send that old boy down here. We'll take right good care of him." In Charlotte or Atlanta.
The two or three experts who think Bryant will leave LA have him headed for Chicago, New York, or Philadelphia. The problem is the Bulls have alot of young talent and not enough high priced contracts to match up in a two team trade. New York? There are legitimate questions as to whether the Knicks are still in the NBA. Some say they are basketball team, others a reality TV show gone horribly wrong. The 76ers? That's like trading with Fred Sanford. Not much down at the junk yard, unless you believe Andre Iguodala will make LA fans forget Kobe. (Which is about as likely as Laker owner Jerry Buss swearing off younger women.)
No, the answer lies South. And North.
Here's the deal. Both Atlanta and Charlotte have good young talent. The Minneapolis Timberwolves have Kevin Garnett and a confused look on their faces. The Lakers have Kobe and need a replacement star. That would be Garnett, who goes to LA for Bryant, who goes to Atlanta or Charlotte for a combination of young players and/or a draft pick, which are sent to Minnesota. As an added bonus, there are all kinds of exceptions to the equal salary rule when multiple teams are involved in a trade.
Charlotte makes sense for two reasons. Attendance and Michael Jordan. The Bobcats have failed to capture the imagination of old Hornets fans, despite a new owner in Robert Johnson of BET and a new arena downtown. If you want people to come to the circus, you'd better bring an elephant. Kobe is the biggest elephant in NBA captivity.
The brightest star in the West coming to play for Jordan is intriguing. There is probably no other person in the sports world with a better understanding of what it takes to build a team around a singular talent like Bryant than Michael Jordan. Bryant gives Jordan the chance to win, not years from now, but from Day One.
Bryant is quoted as wanting to go to a contender. But who is to say the Bobcats won't be, especially if they can obtain Kobe for some combination of their first round pick, last year's top pick Adam Morrison, and one other young player (perhaps Sean May)? Emeka Okafor would also give Bryant the low post scoring partner he has lacked since Shaq took up residence on the Gold Coast.
If not Charlotte, why not Atlanta? Some people in the NBA believe that since Sherman burned Atlanta things have only gotten progressively worse. But Atlanta has alot going for it, especially the fact that it literally is the capital city of the New South. It's no LA or New York in terms of media attention, but that cuts in two directions. Under a less intense media gaze, and far removed from the recriminations over Shaq's departure, Bryant can have something he often lacked in Los Angeles. Adulation.
Bryant would be the face of the Hawks and, Michael Vick and Chipper Jones aside, probably the biggest sports celebrity in the South. A trade to Atlanta would be a fresh start, albeit one with risks. The Hawks have proven to be almost uniquely inept when it comes to building a playoff contender.
To position Bryant in a situation similar to that of LeBron James, Atlanta would have to build any deal with LA or Minnesota around the #3 pick in the draft plus a couple of young players. That pick will likely turn into China's Yi Jianlian (still a 7'0" question mark), Ohio State's Mike Conley, or Florida's Al Horford.
A deal for Bryant would likely also cost Atlanta Marvin Williams or Josh Smith, two very talented young players. Whatever is lost, though, would be more than made up for in fan interest and credibility. Both are sorely lacking in ATL.
There are still alot of questions. Would LA be any better off with Garnett and perhaps a draft pick or prospect than with Bryant? Would Bryant accept a trade outside of his current list of chosen teams? Does Charlotte have the finances to bring home the player the Hornets traded to LA on draft day in 1986?
At the end of the day it's about the hard choices Jerry Buss and Kobe Bryant must be willing to make. A trade gets a fresh deck of cards for Phil Jackson and the Lakers. For Bryant, a trip to a young talented Eastern team puts him in a conference where a star player and even a little bit of support gets you to the NBA finals.
Saying that he isn't saying he is demanding it, and isn't saying he isn't demanding it, and possibly has been misquoted on what he didn't say but possibly meant, Kobe Bryant today demanded that the entire Los Angeles Lakers team be traded to the Eastern Conference.
"It's like this. You know how you look under your bed every now and then to see who's there? Well, maybe you don't, but I do. Anyway, you find these dust bunnies. They didn't bother you in the first place, and they don't bother you much when you find them, and you don't feel better or worse when they're gone. That's the Milwaukee Bucks. They're the dust bunnies of the Eastern Conference. Nobody will miss them when we swap conferences."
Bryant, who also demanded that General Manager Mitch Kupchak exchange jobs with Norm Smithers-manager of a Taco Bell Bryant frequents in Los Angeles, seemed unconcerned by the fact that the Lakers would be the only Eastern Conference team bordering the Pacific Ocean.
"Man, we're the Lakers. The Lakers. You see any lakes around here? People talk about things not making sense. Does it make sense that the greatest player in the league is sitting at home while some 23 year old Kobe wannabe is getting to the finals making layoffs out of a half court offense against a bunch of tired old men. LeBron James is in the finals, every camera in the world is turned on him, and I'm making phone calls to see if I can get the lower left box on Hollywood Squares. Don't talk to me about what makes sense."
Bryant says the Eastern Conference idea came to him after looking at the rest of the Lakers roster and realizing it would probably beat the Cavs roster without James. "Now, I don't want to be traded for LeBron James straight up because, man it's Cleveland. But still if Larry Hughes, Ilgauskus, and that Sideshow Bob guy from "The Simpsons" is enough of a supporting cast to win the East, then that's where I want to be. Taking the whole team with me is the only way I can see for us to improve by 10 wins next year without spending any money."
"We were run out of the first round by the Phoenix Suns", Bryant continued. "Those guys were so fast up and down the court they were burning out sneakers during the game. In the East guys play their whole careers with the same pair of shoes. Shaq and Pat Riley told me you don't even have to show up for the whole season. Just get your forty games in and get ready for the playoffs."
League insiders believe a move to the Eastern Conference could prolong Bryant's career. "You get to a certain age and you want to get together with your friends, stand around awhile, get a little light excercise. Maybe go down to Miami for a few days for some sun. There's two ways to do that. You can retire and go play shuffleboard, or get into the NBA Eastern Conference."
Bryant realizes the Lakers will have to adapt. "It's confusing at first. Everyone plays without a center. You get to 70 points out West and it's late in the third quarter. In the East you get to 70 and the coach is drawing up the last shot. We'll just have to adapt."
An immediate improvement in the Lakers defensive reputation is anticipated. "Truthfully, most of us can't guard my dad (whose been out of the league 20 years) but in the East everyone shoots 38% and talks about tough-D. I'm looking forward to that.", said Bryant.
Still no word from NBA Commissioner David Stern as to whether the trade will be approved. The league is reportedly embarrassed that the Bucks agreed to the move in exchange for a third round draft pick and the deal may have to be reworked. Also, some teams believe the Bucks agreed to the move as a ploy to get the number one draft pick next season. Competition for losses in the Eastern Conference is much stronger than out West.
Will the Lakers change conferences? The odds seem so remote that mathematically it is virtually an impossibility. Then again, a league that can arrange for the Trail Blazers and Sonics to get the first two draft picks can make just about anything happen. Stay tuned.
Some things bother me, some things don't. Jeniffer Anniston's innermost feelings about Brad Pitt, whether Hilary is going to run, what book Oprah wants us to read. All things I can let slide by. On the other hand, the names of NFL teams bother me a great deal.
First off, I suspect that Payton Manning's mobility as a quarterback is limited by wearing a Colts uniform. You know he's seen the films of Unitas. I'm starting to see the early signs of that wobbly drop back thing going on already. I'd wager that somewhere in his locker is even a pair of black high top shoes. His inner Michael Vick is being supressed by that darned uniform.
The Colts should be in Baltimore. But wait, you say, what about the Ravens? Well, quote the raven, "nevermore". Edgar Allen Poe died after being found unconcious on a wooden plank outside a bar on Lombard Street in Baltimore. So, you name a football team after his writings? That would be like walling up Art Modell inside a wine cellar in honor of "The Cask of Amontillado".
Some Browns fans might like to see Modell bricked in. But this raises another question. Why in the name of Leroy Kelly aren't the Ravens the Baltimore Browns? The Baltimore Orioles were once the St. Louis Browns, so maybe the rule is that any team Baltimore steals must be called Browns and that name must be left in the original city. Thankfully, there are no New Orleans Browns in the NBA or they would be headed for the Chesapeake Bay faster than you can say Ray Naggin.
Then we have the strange case of the Rams. The Rams came to St. Louis to replace the Cardinals who left for Arizona, birds being migratory by nature. They kept the Rams name because presumably St. Louis is even now plagued by roaming herds of big horn sheep. Or perhaps they were just small sheep who once had lockers besides Mark McGwire and mysteriously bulked up.
There is no team in Los Angeles for reasons I'm not entirely clear about. Perhaps the NFL can't figure out what to call a team there since the Rams name has left town. I would like to suggest that an expansion franchise be called the Oilers, since someone forgot to pack that name when the team left to go to Tennessee and became the Titans. Why they are called Titans is a mystery, considering that Titan is only the 15th largest moon of Saturn. Maybe they didn't want to risk the possibility of the inevitable jokes that would have come with the name Tennessee Uranus.
Maybe LA should have a football franchise called the Lakers, the Los Angeles football Lakers, like the New York football Giants, who no longer have to be called the football Giants because the baseball Giants are now in San Francisco. Besides, the basketball Lakers shouldn't mind since the lakes referred to in their name are in Minnesota. Take notes, there will be a quiz.
For extra credit, please suggest new names for the Baltimore Ravens, Indianapolis Colts, Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Rams, and Paris Hilton.
