Is the real reason the Cowboys signed Tank Johnson that they are hoping he invites Terrell Owens over to his house and introduces him to his family pets?
If sports writers proclaim soccer to be on the edge of a breakthrough once every six years, and locusts return and destroy vegatation every seventeen years, how long will it be until Roger Clemens retires?
What is that spinning sound coming from Knute Rockne's grave?
If Florida doesn't win the national title this year will it be because they couldn't program their Tebow?
If you could clearly see the sun shining, your watch said it was 10:00 a.m., and Bill Belichick said it was day time, would you still seek additional verification from an independant source?
Does anyone who is not a football player major in sociology at USC?
Is there still a football team at Duke?
And we cared about David Beckham because a)his wife reminded us of a stick figure we drew as a child, b)we fantasized about having an affair with a nanny and he's actually done it, or c)all the other kids were doing it?
How do we honor Jackie Robinson by not letting anyone wear his number?
Has anyone attempted the Heimlich maneouver on the Mets?
Does anyone realize that Yankee Stadium is going to be demolished in less than two years?
Does anyone care?
Why did the NBA bring back Joey Crawford as a ref after he challenged Tim Duncan to a fight?
Won't it be too cold to play baseball long before the World Series starts?
If Notre Dame misled QB Demetrius Jones about his chances to play this year and he voluntarily left the team, how does the school still get to have a say as to whether he can be on scholarship somewhere else this year?
And how can the A.D. say Jones can only go to a school that isn't on Notre Dame's schedules for the rest of his career?
Is there a better looking setting for a college stadium than at Cal?
Is there a cooler number than the #88 Dale Jr. will drive next year?
During those promo shots of Keith Olbermann is he in some sort of physical discomfort?
Next to O.J. Simpson, isn't Pete Rose looking pretty good just about now?
I was wrrrrr....wrrrrron.....WRONG! Inaccurate, misinformed, off base, off track, off my rocker. In short, I was one of the innocent victims who fell beneath the wheels of the USC bandwagon.
First there was my outstanding piece on why USC and not Michigan deserved a shot at Ohio State. Then there was my prediction of a two touchdown victory by USC over UCLA. I feel wronger than a White House strategist. And I don't even have the satisfaction of firing Rumsfeld.
How did USC lose to UCLA? Probably by doing exactly what I did. Looking ahead to the big game against Ohio State and not focusing on the task at hand, namely beating the Bruins.
It is probably alot of fun to be part of the UCLAN clan tonight. Not only do you beat your arch rival, but you also wipe out their chance at a national title. The road to #1 went through Pasedena and someone pulled up the bridge before USC got to the river. Now it's just alot of smoke, wreckage, and recrimination. Alas and alack, whatever that means.
So now Michigan-Ohio State, the rematch? I sure hope not, but I fear the worst. As wrong as I was about USC, I don't think I'm wrong about Michigan and Ohio State. Michigan gave Ohio State a good game in the regular season, but I can't imagine them even staying that close in a rematch.
Well, that's enough for me tonight. Time to find the Texas Pete hot sauce. Enough Texas Pete and you can #### just about anything. Even the crow that UCLA served those of us who thought USC would go all the way.
You can always get tickets to any sporting event. The question is how much you are willing to pay for them. For example, this week in college football:
Michigan at Ohio State StubHub (the best of the ticket exchange services) can put you right at midfield. Go ahead, take a friend. Seats in section 20A (closer to the 40 on the Michigan side) can be had for only $1829 a ticket.
At the "Whatever" Bowl, Michigan State travels to Beaver Stadium Saturday to play Penn State. $143 for a 35 yard line seat, but we can get you upper level corner for $40. (Must bring own oxygen supply and hiking gear).
Talk about success going to your heads, there is only 1 ticket listed for the Wake Forest home game against the Virginia Tech Hokies. Two reasons. First, the butlers of the Wake Forest grads don't do Stub Hub. Second, the Virginia Tech fans buy up every available ticket months in advance to their road games. It is hard to find a more loyal bunch of fans than the folks from Blacksburg. Image a cross between the people who follow the Grateful Dead and those who subscribe to "Better Silos and Tractors Monthly". I once saw two of them, thoroughly drunk, spray painting their shoes orange on a sidewalk. The only problem was they kept missing their shoes and spray painting the streets of Chapel Hill orange.
Carolina is playing their big rival NC State at Kenan Stadium in Chapel Hill Saturday. The best price is $184. They would pay you more, but that's the best they can do.
The USC-Notre Dame game is a week from Saturday. Stub Hub has tickets. One fan is willing to give up his seats deep in the corner of the visitors end zone for just $3,000. I have a hard time believing he'll get anywhere close to that, with better deals on the USC side near the 40. The really fun thing about these sites is the range of prices customers set for the same section. For example, section 24 (out near the 20 yard line) might cost you $200 from one seller while another wants $2000. (Safety tip-If you do get cheap seats, don't discuss the price with the person sitting next to you. It might put them in a profoundly bad mood).
I was surprised to see that Army-Navy is still such a draw. Standing room seats start around $90. People with actual seats are asking $400 and up. If you do go, be sure to be courteous to your neighbors. The guy shouting "Down in front!" from behind you may have the resources to track your vehicle from the parking lot with a drone and then blow up your Volvo on I-95 with a strike from Hellfire missles. Just saying.
As little as $200 will get you a seat for next week's Rutgers at West Virginia game. Be aware, though, that this event is strictly BYOJ (bring your own jug).
Consider your options carefully. We know your entertainment dollar can only stretch so far. After all there are those tickets to see Streisand in Vegas. $8236 puts you and a friend right on the floor of the MGM Grand Garden Arena, so close you'll be able to hear Babs hiss when a Republican enters the room. Life is full of choices.
Boise State running back Ian Johnson is in the hospital with a collapsed lung after Broncos 23-20 win over San Jose State. The story I read about Johnson said "he (Johnson) did not speak to reporters after the game." Yep, a collapsed lung will do that to you. I can hear the reporters now. "Ian, how serious is your injury?" Johnson-prolonged, wheezing sound. Reporters-"Just one follow up to that Ian...."
The headlines said "Bears Handle Giants In The Rain". Being handled by Bears in the rain can't be considered a good thing. It's also interesting that all the experts who were saying a week ago the Bears had not played anyone yet and weren't for real are writing stories today headlined, "Road to NFC title runs through Chicago." I stand by my belief, however wrong headed, that when the going gets tough the Bears will get gone. (The ones in Chicago).
Will Jaret Wright be able to stand the media glare now that he has gone from the Yankees to the Orioles? I understand Anna Benson (wife of ex-Met, now Oriole Kris Benson) is going through severe media withdrawl and the "Lutherville Weekly Shopper" is no longer returning her calls requesting they interview her.
Tomorrow is a big day in baseball, as the winning bid on Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matzusaki is announced. Legal scholars have said that under the doctrine of "original intent" the 13th amendment does not apply, as Congress at the time of passage did not extend emancipation to Japanese baseball players.
Police evidence in the case of Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers is that he returned to his car during a fight, got a handgun, and returned to fire five shots before being struck by a car. He was on probation for his part in the "Malice at the Palace" melee last season in Detroit. According to his lawyer, "He is doing great. He's a great guy who loves
Indiana, loves the team, loves playing for the people of Indiana." A better question might be whether the attorney has told Jackson his home address.
In hockey news, I read where the Avs are dealing Parros and the Flyers are acquiring Fedoruk. Back home they caught a guy dealing Parros one time. I think he's still locked up down in Raleigh. As for acquiring Fedoruk, that hasn't caught on here yet, but with so many Yankees moving in these days I suppose it's just a matter of time.
Speaking of people desparate for a good time, The Columbus BlueJackets (I have no idea why they are called that) announced that 14,078 people attended their game against the Chicago Blackhawks. How starved for fun do you have to be to want to attend a Chicago-Columbus game? The game ended 1-0 when a player (not a dog) named Lasse scored the winning goal. "It was a great pass from Smoke," Lasse (the hockey player) said. "Marty just got out of
the way and the goalie didn't see anything."
I see where Kelly and Pampeling have won the Merrill #### shootout in a playoff. Now, if they had won a playoff in a shootout, that would be news (or a night out in the NBA).
And finally, my favorite quote of the day, from Kansas State football coach Rob Prince. "We were coaching our brains out there at the end."
Went to see Navy play Duke yesterday. A Navy fan, I knew I would be in good company, as I have never been to a Duke football game where the fans on the visiting side weren't louder (and often more numerous) than those on the home side. Curious thing that. How could there be so many Duke basketball fans and so few Duke football fans?
Great football weather, which is something we football fans say. Clear, sunny, and cool. Of course there is also the great footbal weather which is overcast, gray, and frigid. I think the only thing we don't call great football weather is electrical storms, but those are as rare in November as a Duke win, which as of now there are none. Which is not to say Duke has a bad team. They nearly upset Alabama, and staged a furious rally against Miami. I approached this game with great trepidation.
Walking up to the game I bought a $10 ticket for $10, just to avoid standing in line to buy one. $10 gets you a general admission seat at Duke, which with the number of empty seats at Wallace Wade Stadium means you sit anywhere you want, up to and including the fifty yard line. Nobody checks, nobody cares, which about describes the atmosphere around the Duke football program. College teams always have an advertising slogan. This year I think Duke's was "At least we don't play lacrosse."
Wallace Wade is a beautiful old stadium surrounded by trees and the campus itself. It once, back during World War II, saw the Rose Bowl. In October it saw the Rolling Stones. Both seemed unimaginable at the time. After the National Anthem there was a flyover by two F-18 Hornets from Oceana NAS. The Navy jets went over low and exceptionally fast. At halftime the pilots and weapons officers (who had landed in Raleigh and drove back over) were recognized to warm applause from the crowd.
Duke struck first after a long pass on which the Navy defender just fell over his own feet. The extra point was wide. 6-0. Navy drove right back to go ahead, then fielded a short punt and soon punched it in again. Within a minute of the second quarter starting it was 21-6, then it got much worse.
Navy (6-3) runs an option offense and is among the nation's leaders in running yardage. Saturday they racked up 435 yards on the ground, lead by their second string quarterback
Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada, with 119 yards. The first string quarterback was injured against Rutgers and is out for the season. The defense is good, by Navy standards, but the players are all human sized because of Naval Academy height and weight restrictions.
Navy had an uncharacteristic number of penalties and lost three fumbles. Coming off the losses to Rutgers and Notre Dame, the team hadn't practiced hard this week and it showed. The flip side is they had more energy than against the Fighting Irish, so Coach Paul Johnson obviously made the right call in giving them a break. I can imagine they will pay for it this week in practice, however.
A few other notes. I can't recall going to a game where one team never punted. Navy didn't. There was also an incident where a Duke player kicked the Navy quarterback while he was down. The player was ejected, and more interestingly, won't be on the 6 o'clock news or in ESPN replays. It was handled quickly and firmly and the refs kept the game under control.
Navy had 29 first downs, which is good news and bad news for a Navy fan. The bad news aspect is that the Navy pep band plays "Anchors Aweigh" each time there is a first down or score. I'll be hearing that in my sleep for a week. When it was over it was 38-13 Navy and you could do a quick head count of the Duke fans still on their side of the field. I didn't, but it was likely about 200.
When it was over, it was over. I left having enjoyed the game and hoping Duke's football team can get straightened out. 0 and 9 has an ugly ring to it and they deserve better. As for Navy, the win locked down a berth in the Meinicke Car Care Bowl in Charlotte. I plan on being there, and hope the outcome is similar to the Duke game. It's only Navy, and it's only a game, but it's not a bad game at that.
