People don't chant "You S__k!" while you work. (Unless you're a manager and then only after you leave the room).
Kobe Bryant doesn't think he's too good to work with you and ask your boss to find better people for him to work with.
You don't come to work in the morning in Miami and find out you have to report to a new job in Toronto tonight.
They don't ask you to keep working with a concussion.
Nothing that happens in the last five seconds of your work day has any bearing on your continued employment.
Nobody stops you on your way into or leaving from work to ask for an autograph (excluding process servers).
You've never been asked to stick a needle into another employee's lower extremities in order to enhance their work place efficiency. Reebok will not sue you if you forget and wear Nikes to work.
You can date a fellow employee.
You do not have to shower with your coworkers.
There is no job description requiring you to bend over and let another employee put his hands between your legs while randomly screaming numbers until he calls out the right one.
If a coworker is attacked by someone from another company with a large stick and beaten repeatedly, you can go back inside and call 9-1-1 as opposed to participating in the mayhem.
If you do well at your job nobody throws a small, hard spheroid at your head at speeds approaching ninety-five miles an hour.
Your day doesn't start with forty people in your office placing their hands together in a circle, making animal noises, and shouting "teamwork" (OK, maybe at Martha Stewart Living, but that's the exception).
After you screw up really bad at work, Bonnie Bernstein doesn't approach you on your way into the bosses office to ask what went wrong out there.
You don't have to listen to Phil Jackson's zen schtick.
Jim Rome doesn't laugh at your misfortune, pause for what seems like an hour, then repeat the same inane remark. Then start over for another fifteen minutes.
Nobody blogs about the quality of your work.
You're overpaid and nobody knows it.
If you go to Vegas, throw money at strippers and cause a riot, it's just an interesting story when you get back and not a reason to give you a year's unpaid leave.
The federal government is probably not investigating you.
You don't complete key job tasks while the rest of the office sits together watching you, yelling encouragement, and spitting on the floor.
When things aren't going well at work you can't see someone getting ready to come in and replace you. If your staff does a good job they don't sneak up behind you with a twenty gallon container of Gatorade and ice and dump it on you.
Nothing you do at work is strenuous enough to require you to use oxygen. People aren't constantly comparing your work to your brother's.
If you have a groin injury it will not be announced in a press release.
True enough duds and this is your usual good work mixed within the humor.
I must say however, when I worked for the newspaper back in the late 80's or whatever, they made all the managers carry beepers in case of impending strike and while in Europe I had to call in every day to see if the strike started and would have to fly immediately home. Right. Like that was going to happen. LOL "YOU SUCK" was a commonly heard phrase back then. They said 44 department head and above managers would have to throw some routes if the "dm's" in circulation took their independent contractors out with them in the strike. (eyeroll) They paired us up me with the classified advertising mgr. double route, start at 3:30 a.m. 145 papers, finish 8:30, 55 complaints. LOL. Like I was coming back for that.
All the things you mention, LOLOLOL, were routinely said that year in the paper world. Every insult, every "injury possible" managers suffered, doctor wrote excuses for things like malaria, scabies, rabies, cobra bites. they finally realized they should settle with the union since their manager's would not be able to save the day. Kinda reminded me of what it must be like playing for the Knicks today. Without the pay of course.
Last edited by OutridersandOutlaws on December 26th at 7:32 PM.
Outriders-Sounds like quite an adventure. A fractured workplace is a very bad thing to run up against. I've been fortunate not to run into that, but I have seen indifference on a monumental scale during my career. That can be just as bad.
They get paid ridiculous amounts of money to play a game for a living. Some of the fans, and media clowns like Rome, really need to get some perspective.
I got carpel tunnel syndrome from sitting at my computer so much. Company put me on the disabled list for 60 days. Company went south after that, they really missed me.
I used to work at a place that was simular to that kind of enviroment. I would be driving down the road people would yell at me or flip me off, tell me I sucked all the time. Far as the autograph goes I signed plenty of them they were called tickets speeding, over weight, log book not right,few to many others to mention. I got paid a whole lot less than clemens and I'll never see the Hall of Fame maybe shame but no fame. These guys are just getting their come uping their past due.
One quick addition: Nobody throws batteris and coins at you as you're standing around trying to do your job. Although my wife has been tempted to throw a few things at me on my days off....
Once again a scribbled gem from the dudski- I also don't have to deal with a greedy agent who has been instrumental in increasing my net-worth.Or the aggravation of getting my meals comped at nice restaurants.I don't have to see people wearing a jersey with my name on it, or put up with a buddy who always has to be me when playing mt Playstation.
Dudksi
I see there that you haven't alluded to the fact that there's nothing wrong in fraternizing in the work place between work colleagues ?
I was beginning to wonder as one of my managers was caught in the process of nailin' one of the female secretaries. It may well have something to do with her getting her Christmas bonus early at the time. But then again I could well be wrong.
now you have to do a blog on the pros of it. you know, i can afford the lawyers the next time im caught with my 9 at the airport, you know, the good parts, like if i can fenagle a ten year deal i dont have to worry about my performance ever again, you know, the good stuff
FIRST, why is this on a NHL section, salaries don't compare what baseball or basketball players make. Dubski, you got to be kidding me. They get paid millions of dollars guaranteed. So either you suck and get benched or you just play the game with nothing special, YOU ARE STILL GETTING PAID, and don't have to worry about losing your job or having to support your family in the future. The real hardship is being to the NHL and then you can relax.
Dudski: Great stuff, as usual. My pain threshold for listening to Jim Rome is about 15 minutes, which is too bad because he does some great interviews at times.
