NFL coaching legends Jimmy Johnson, John Madden, Bill Cowher, and Dennis Green described how they would game plan for the New England Patriots in a USA Today article. (Alright, Green isn't a legend, but then again the other three wouldn't be either if they had coached the Vikings and Cardinals).
From all that coaching genius we got the following. Blitz. Then blitz. Then blitz some more. Run so Brady can't get on the field. Make big plays on special teams.
Piffle.
I don't know what piffle is, but it sounds clever when the roaming travel gnome in the commercials says it. And it's always a good rule to pattern your public statements after inanimate objects of lawn art whenever possible.
Let me just say this about that. I know how to defeat the New England Patriots and it involves none of the coaches suggestions.
Start with Tom Brady. The way to stop Brady is to lure him off the field with a lingerie model. If that doesn't work try an actress. And if that doesn't work, a process server with a paternity suit will do.
Bill Belichick. Basically the same strategy as with Brady. Just adjust by telling Belichick that the husband of a lingerie model, actress, or general contractor is looking for him.
Randy Moss. Steal his helmet. Put an Oakland Raiders helmet in his locker. Suddenly he won't be quite so dangerous. Suddenly he will look very stoppable. Passes will slip through his hands, routes won't be a sharp, a step will be lost. Sampson had his hair, Moss has the Patriots helmet.
Inform the player's families their sons have become part of dangerous cult. Stage an intervention to get Rodney Harrison out of this bizarre group. Look at this logo:
If this is a Patriot, then Paul Revere was on LSD. Obviously dark forces are at work here. The single star, the weird hair style, the pointy chin. At best, it's an artist rendition of the guy who didn't get the gig playing bass for Kiss.
Use technology (the Navy's Sea Sparrow Missle) to offset the Patriots advantages:
No, we're not going to shoot down Wes Welker. (The early tests failed when, like the Dallas secondary, we were unable to acquire the target in time to get a hit). Instead, we will employ the Sea Sparrow from a cruiser in Boston Harbor against:
The spy satellite the Patriots switched to when the NFL stopped them from using sideline cameras to steal other team's signals.
We will also go after the Patriots ultimate weapon, replacing these zebras:
With these zebras:
Just remember. History is full of supposedly unstoppable forces that were taken down. Stalin, ####, The Backstreet Boys, and someday maybe even Dr. Phil. It can be done.
How to beat em:
1) Jeff Gillooley with a metal bar
2) Pay Bridget to give Tom hell, taking his mind off the game.
3) Someone heist the Coach B Hoodie. I think it's magic or something.
1) douse Belichick's gray hoodie with Puerto Rican pepper spray. it's supposed to be very effective
2) always have the Pats use brand new and slick footballs while the Steelers get to use the worn-down ones that have better grip.
3) send a bunch of exotic dancers to each Patriot's players residence the night before the game. I forgot which athlete used to do that to the opposition, but it's supposed to do a pretty good job at tiring out the guys.
if you can't do those things, then the Steelers should just accept that they are going to leave Gillette Stadium with a big L.
Dudski you are twisted. I really like that.
I have started to worry about my Pats. I truly wish the unbeaten thing was NOT part of their season. But, remember how they have traditionally reacted to a loss. They will go on a butt kicking spree (including Cowboys) if the steelers win tomorrow. Losing tomorrow would be the the WORST possible thing for the rest of their opponents.
Jon464-I think Taylor wore out a few guys on the field as well. I think you'd have to pencil him in as one of the LB on the all-time team. Playing for a coach who knew what to do with his talents (Parcells) didn't hurt.
Play physical..Smash them in the mouth...The problem is, you need the defensive players to do it....If you miss with a jam at the line, Moss is gone for 70 yards....And I do believe the Pats can be run against effectively......And for Gods sake, stop commiting the stupid penalties in crunch time......
There are ways to beat the Patriots. I just question the weapons on other teams. Do other teams have enough weapons to beat New England in a 60-minute game? Are they deep enough? And do they have the heart to beat them?
Indy is the only team that can do it - if they were healthy. Pittsburgh is too incosistent for us to have any confidence in their ability to pull off the upset.
But they did snap the 21-game winning streak New England had a few years ago.
The answer isn't any X's and O's. It's don't shoot your self in the foot with penalies, and don't make any stupid turnovers.
Had Dallas, Philadelphia, and Baltimore all done this, NE would have 3 loses right now and there would be no talk of undefeated and NE being the greatest of all time.
Any team in the NFL can beat NE. Just play well and don't make mistakes, even the Jets or the Dolphins can beat NE, if they do this.
Lets do like Bama does on recruitment weekends...hire hookers and throw a party on Saturday night.
Anywhere outside of the state of North Carolina**, this is a harmless prank and will just distract and tire the Pats out before the game.
Being a Cowboy fan, it seems like sacreledge to be pulling for the Steelers. So go...Pi - ahem, clears throat - Go Pit... - I just can't say it. Lose Patriots! There - that felt better.
**Disclaimer: In the state of North Carolina this can cause you to be arrested, arraigned, maligned, falsely accused, prosecuted or even disbarred. The writer of this comment accepts no responsibility whatsoever for the consequences of pulling this stunt there.**
http://community.foxsports.com/blog s/dashman68
Last edited by dashman68 on December 8th at 10:53 AM.
It won't take but a few good shots from a Ray Lewis, Brian Dawkins, Brian Urlacher, Shaun Meriiman, Ed Reed or Roy Williams to turn him into just another pocket quarterback.
The sex before a game or physical activity thing is a myth. I just saw the Sports Science TV show where they tested that theory with a pro boxer. They performed various strength, agility, and quickness tests beforehand, then they set him up in a hotel room with his wife, then 4 hours afterwards they retested and found that most of physical sets actually improved, and he always believed that sex before a fight actually helped him.
I KNOW YOU WILL THINK I'M CRAZY BUT THE TEAM THAT CAN BEAT THEM IS DA MINNESOTA VIKINGS ... YES I'M BLEEDIN' PURPLE AGAIN ...BUT THET CAN RUN THE BALL AND STOP THE RUN BETTER THAN ANY TEAM IN FOOTBALL.. THEY PROBABLY WONT GET A CHANCE BUT IF A TEAM CAN KEEP BRADY OFF THE FIELD THEY HAVE A CHANCE... LOOK TO THE EAGLES AND IF THE RAVENS HAD NOT HAD SO MANY OUT OF CONTROL THUGS AND THAT STUPID TIME -OUT THEY WIN ....YOU BEAT THEM WITH CHESTER TAYLOR AND AD ... LOOK TO WESTBROOK'S AND MCGAHEE'S GREAT EFFORTS ...
Tim Tebow is so good that the NCAA should pass a bylaw requiring the names on the backs of all the 84 other Florida Gators to read “NOT TEBOW.” This way, no one will turn on their TV sets, see a blue Florida Gator jersey under a pile and cry uncontrollably until they realize that the Florida Gator in question is not #15 Tim Tebow but #85 Greg Taussig. And do not make the assumption that you can tell Tim Tebow apart from other Florida Gators because of his skin color. Tim Tebow transcends race. He is not black or white or Hispanic. He is simply Tim Tebow. And he is that good.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Last edited by brianblack on December 8th at 12:11 PM.
Dudski, I thought this might involve guns and knives...
I guess we're forced to hear brian's continuing rant about Tebow until after tonight when he adds the Heisman to his trophy case and Chase Daniels walks away wondering whether he should opt out of his senior year, cause he won't win it next year either...
The Eagles and Ravens had the chance they just didn't deliver the final blow. The key is to pressure Brady, don't allow the big play, score touchdowns, don't settle for field goals, and don't turnover the ball. The Patriots aren't invincible. It's just a matter of somebody finally kicking them when they are down instead of allowing them to get back up.
I cant stand Dr.Phil. Every time I hear his pathetic "I'm right about everything" voice, it just makes me cringe. Someone needs to go on that show as a hoax and just rip him a new one (not literally, because seeing Dr.Phil in any form of intercourse would be much worse then anything he ever has to say). Please, Someone, Slap Dr.Phil.
tigervidmar "DA MINNESOTA VIKINGS ... YES I'M BLEEDIN' PURPLE AGAIN ...BUT THET CAN RUN THE BALL AND STOP THE RUN BETTER THAN ANY TEAM IN FOOTBALL.."
Another stupid viQueen fan thinking his team is all that because they won a couple games. The viQueens can stop the run but they sure as hell can't stop the pass. And if the viQueens fall behind by a lot, rushing the ball will just eat up time and they can't pass.
Smitty-I put the chance of someone stopping New England at about 25%. I figure there is a 50-50 chance either the Steelers or Giants get them. In a strange season I think it's just possible the Giants stop them on the last game of the season.
bmBak-That is a disturbing image if ever there was one. I think guys like Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or most of the daytime crowd get alot of mileage out of telling people the most obvious answer to any question and then pretending it's insightful. Problem is, everybody knows the right answers but the definition of dysfunction is to know and still not act on them.
The Tebow comments are interesting. I think the key is that he's running an offense teams don't see much of and haven't adjusted to. Basically, it's the old wing formation and you pick up a blocker by keeping the ball in the hands of the quarterback. Must be a way, but nobody seems to have found it yet.
finally someone who believes me on tebow... i mentioned those same exact people... ray lewis, dawkins and reed will turn him into mashed potatoes... if only the sec didnt have such #### defenses maybe then tebow would have a challenge scoring
First of all: "Dudski" - Quit posting - or try ritalin - you're unable to combine your thoughts....
How to beat the Patriots? Simple: Corner blitz 3/4th's of all plays. Safety blitz 2/3rd's of all 'other' plays. Then zone blitz 43% of the time Belichick scowls. Then all-out blitz 8 to 9 men 59% of the remaining time. If the math doesn't work break the computer. If that doesn't work BLITZ ELEVEN MEN. Blitz the ice cream vendor. Hope someone eventually nails him. Mascots can cause damage.... When that doesn't work run multiple pass patterns with your tight-end or someone else freakin' huge (or whoever's on the best 'clear') towards Brady on the sidelines. Pray he's signing autographs and not paying attention. Hope your hear a loud 'pop'. Then pray (again) the backup QB/s miss the game, get arrested, or contract a bizzare variation of the Hong Kong/Norwegian/Outer Mongolian/Dark Side Of The Moon 'flu'....
PS- The loud 'pop' play, previously worked for the Steelers (with Kimo) against Carson Palmer & the Bengals in the playoffs...
Last edited by NFLBUDDAH on December 8th at 10:47 PM.
The way to beat the Patriots is simple, hit Brady hard and often, Brady has shown he is not the same QB once he gets a smudge on his uniform. The Patriots have no running game; so if Brady gets rattled Patriots have problems. Stop getting stupid penatlties. I like the Paternity suit being served to Brady too. Last thing the Steelers need to do is run the ball down the Patriots throats and run the No Huddle offense once you get Seau and Brushi on the field; they are both in their mid 30's and undersized, the Steelers should be able to tire them out badly before rolling over them with this tactic if they do it consistently. The Patriots sub LB's more than any team in the league for a reason.
Last edited by steelers4ever@ on December 8th at 10:29 PM.
It amazes me that so many people have to 'hate' a team because they're good instead of enjoying watching a good team play well, plan well, and play like winners (vs. whiners)....to beat the Pats? play better than they do!
the only blue print to beat the pats,Say your sorry for calling them cheats, tell them they can film what ever from where ever they want, tell them there the greatest team ever, just give them the lombardi trophey, and call it a season, and just start over next year!
This whole article & most of the comments are tongue in cheek. This is intentional, since humor is the intended objective. The reason is the question is funny. You can't beat the patriots! Oh sure, they may lose a game or two here & there & even be denied winning the Superbowl in any given year, but the facts are clear. You CAN'T beat the Patriots with any regularity because they are superior to every other pro football team in nearly every way. No single club even comes close to the overall blend of offense, defense, special teams & superior coaching that the Patriots bring to the mix. Three rings already & undoubtedly several more to go, speaks volumes.
I know how to make the Patriots lose. Have The Carolina Panthers trade them David Carr and some of Carrs ####ness will rub off on Brady. After that, Brady will like getting hit by big linemen and linebackers and the Patriots will lose every game.
I was originally going to write a comment about how the media perpetuates the 'spygate' theme that most non Pats fans carry as their calling card on these blogs. Then I noticed that it was a fan who wrote this. But all in all, good blog, very funny. Good luck to all teams today. Go Pats, play hard!
