I hadn't seen such a Patriot since 73'
I'm thinking his name was #### Nixon
And if a thief is what you desire to be
I guess you should be a big one.

And Boris and Natasha were filming the game
But swore it didn’t affect the outcome
While Mangini’s in the papers naming the names
And hoping you forget he was once one.

I hadn’t seen such a scandal since 1919
I remember the name was Joe Jackson
And even though your record is relatively clean
You will still have to pay a small ransom

And Vick is in Atlanta packing cigarettes
For new friends of prison acquaintance
And Barry Bonds lives without regrets
After years of chemical maintenance.

I haven’t seen such Kraft since 94’
The name then was Tanya Harding
But if you think losing is really a bore
Cheating is something worth trying.

And Rocky’s on the sidelines with a mini cam
He says now don't be so su####ious
Phony moral rectitude is part of the plan
And the Super Bowl feasts are delicious.

I haven’t seen such a player since Broadway Joe
And to think he didn’t know what was coming
And Brady’s in the pocket and out on the town
With a baby and model named Bundchen

So watch Bill pull a rabbit right out of his hat
And smile as they’re taking his draft choice
Cause he still has Frisco’s and it is a fact
That of the two that’s the good one.

I haven’t seen such money since Al Capone
Was knocking off all his rivals
And in the NFL cheating is a skill you hone
It’s really just simple survival

And the Moose and the Squirrel and Roger Goodale
Are riding off into the sunset
Cause next to the real scandals this one is pale
And the worst are the ones that will come yet.