Perusing the news on the NFL coaching firings (which felt a bit like a coaching obituary) gave me flashbacks to the climatic scene in “The Godfather” where Michael Corleone decides to handle his business and liquidate the competition.

Oh come on, dig if you will the picture... of Paul Tagliabue and the owners of the Texans, Vikings, Rams, Chiefs, Raiders, etc at a christening ceremony while Tice, Capers, Sherman, et al get whacked.

“Al Davis, do you renounce Satan?”

(Tice gets Donald Trump-ed on a cruise boat, Super Bowl tickets falling from his hand…)

(Mike Sherman on a rubbing table, redeeming a spa coupon from his friend Brett Favre – BLAM! In the eye!)

“I do.”

(Norv Turner gets it between some revolving doors, while Al Davis smiles grimly from across the street)

(Jim Haslett is ambushed in San Antonio, wandering lost as he forgot for the 923^rd time that he wasn’t in 'Nawlins anymore.)

(Dom Capers gets it while getting a parking ticket from a uniformed cop who looks a lot like Charlie Casserly…)

The only thing missing from this sequence is much-beloved (heh heh heh) Brian Billick as the treacherous Carlo Rizzi. Imagine…

Ozzie Newsome and Steve Biscotti strolls into Billick’s office, while Billick is frantically dialing on the phone, getting "Your number has been disconnected or is no longer in service" when calling Norv Turner

Ozzie: ”Brian, you still have Santino, uh I mean Kyle Boller to answer for…”

BB: (pale, sweating, whispering) “Noooo…I’m Brian Billick…”

Ozzie: You think you could fool a real football mind with that farce from Cal? Come on now…

BB: “I swear to you Ozzie, I thought he’d be the next Randall Cunningham…”

Ozzie: “Please Brian. Don’t tell me you’re innocent. It just insults my intelligence, and makes me very angry. I played with Bernie Kosar, remember?” Now tell me the truth, who pushed you to take Boller? Was it Barzini?

BB: Huh?

Biscotti: Who was it? Modell or Fassell?

Billick: Actually sir, you OK'ed it.

Ozzie: Don’t remind me. That will be fixed…now, get out of my sight…”

Billick rushes gratefully into the car.

Lurking in the back of the Ravens-purple Escalade…Rick Neuheisel.

Just then, Rick gets text messaged from Ozzie. “Nevermind. He’s gets another year. Why I have no idea.”

Rick: "Are you sure this is the guy anyway?"

Ozzie: Why do you ask?

Rick: He looks like our Brian, but I dunno... he looks weird... sort of ...humble...

Ozzie: "It's a start..."

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OK, that was fun. But that is the thing about mass layoffs in any line of work, and I've been through a couple; You knew it would happen. It still doesn’t prepare you for the impact.

Monday, five coaches were fired, and #### Vermeil retired. Today, Norv Turner went down in flames. The bloodletting hasn’t ended either, as #### Jauron is an interim coach facing the likely axe.

Fact is, the NFL usually tends to be the most brutal of meritocracies. Turner couldn’t develop a consistent offense with Randy Moss, Lamont Jordan, and Jerry Porter.

See ya.

Jim Haslett might have gotten the rawest deal of all, given Hurricane Katrina, a wacky owner and the non-support of the NFL. However, the (S)aints have been chronic underachievers for the past few years.

Bye Jim.

Given four years to run the show in Houston, Dom Capers couldn’t keep David Carr from looking like a Crip crashing a Bloods picnic.

In the immortal words of the late commedian Robin Harris, “gotta go gotta go”!

For all of the offensive brilliance of Mike Martz, he constantly forgot that Steven Jackson and future Hall Of Famer Marshall Faulk were allowed to run the ball on consecutive plays - and we won’t even get into the political drama. The Rams may want to hire #### Cheney or Karl Rove for the front office if it gets any worse.

Mike Sherman had the backing of Brett Favre, but I’m not sure that is an endorsement you want. I mean, Brett led the NFL in interceptions, and is good for at least three really silly throws in a game. Clearly new leadership is needed on the frozen tundra.

Now we move to the next phase. The wooing and hiring.

Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.

...at least that's what I think the 1972 Dolphins are saying. As everyone knows by now, members of the that team that went 17-0 crack open a case of The Good Stuff whenever the last undefeated team goes down. 

That champange is starting to turn. In fact, I wonder what size Depends does Larry Csonka take?

Here's one for you dear reader: Suppose the Colts beat the Chargers next week to get to 14-0. If they lose before the regular season is out, will the Colts be recognized as 'equals' to the 1972 squad? I know the Dolphins won't want to acknowlege them until they go 16-0 (and if they lose in the playoffs, Lord help them), but what about YOU?

The Colts have to beat San Diego and Seattle in the next three weeks to run the table. Given how much tougher their schedule 

On a related subject, if Tony Dungy's crew can go 16-0, he gets Coach Of The Year. End of story.

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One day, Jerome Bettis will retire. And a smart GM will sign him to a 2 month contract for December and January only. He'll rumble in the snow, rack up 3-4 100 yard games, hurt some linebackers, get some playoff money, then go home. You figure Bettis could play until he's 40 or so.

Is just me, or is Mike Tice starting to look like the next Wayne Fontes? You know, high expectations, get to the brink of firing, then his team saves him with a late rush.

Oh, and don't tell me the Vikings are better off without Randy Moss. Unless he funded The Love Boat a couple of months ago, the Vikings are proof that chemistry is about winning more than the reverse. Hard not to notice that both Troy Williamson and Napolean Harris were inactive. These were the guys that Randy Moss was traded for.

I won't bet against the Pats playing the Colts again in the AFC Title game. I'd like to see some fresh blood at the top, but I'm not stupid.

Kyle Orton. Next!

The Seahawks are interesting. You have to make them the "cream" of the NFC, although I think it's more a case of the rest of the conference being sediment. However, Shawn Alexander is a absolute hammer (sign him NOW), Matt Hasselback does more than "manage the game" (footballspeak for "Don't screw it up!"), and the wideouts are getting healthy. The defense does what they need to do to win, and judging by the Monday Night beatdown they applied to the Eagles (man, I could have used those defensive points this week!), perhaps they are Good Enough. Not a great defense, but good enough to win some playoff games.

Which brings us to the Xmas eve showdown with the Colts. If Seattle has clinched homefield, they have no reason to pull out the stops in what normally could have been a benchmark game. The Colts will be under pressure to sit starters rather than go all out to protect their 16-0 mark. A game that has "Game Of The Year" stamped on it, could be a non-event.