Quote of the Week: At dinner Sunday night, I mentioned that final episode of "The Sopranos" killed the Spurs and Cavs last week in the TV ratings "war".

A dinner companion said, "They needed to kill SOMETHING!"

All Hail The King.

Not you LeBron.

I'm talking the San Antonio Spurs... The Spurs have moved into dynasty status with their sweep of the Cavs.

But I am SO not feeling the capital "D" dynasty.

Why? Shouldn't a dynasty team go at least back-to-back once? 

Don't blame them for being "boring" - that's a function of horrible Finals matchups as anything else. The 99 Knicks? Strike year. Ewing was hurt (which might have helped the Knicks that year), and the Knicks were outgunned. The '03 Nets? Offensively challenged, and I'll be nice and leave it there. The '05 Pistons were the most worthy competitor, but played as bland a band of basketball as the Spurs.

And you can read this entry to see what I thought of the Cavs, a team that made the '03 Nets look like the second coming of the Showtime Lakers.

It is not the Spurs fault that their stiffest competiton came within their conference, and they took care of business when they could. They have been the most consistent team of the decade, a tribute to their front office, coaching, and players. But their "dominance" hasn't been the type that inspires awe. The Lakers' pulled off a Thee-peat on Duncan's watch, as Kriegle misses that point.

Great organization.

Not a great dynasty.

But I'll be damned if I bet against them right now.

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Bud Selig just doesn't get it.

As any happily married couple will tell you, it never hurts to same "I'm sorry".

"We should have apologized back then and made sure we had a rule in place and gone forward ... Steroids and all that was a part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to avoid. Nobody wanted to talk about it." -Jason Giambi

Speaking truth to power can get you in trouble. Speaking truth to no one in particular can get you suspended in MLB. Jason nailed it, and his reward?

Speak to George Mitchell - or get suspended.

If I was Jason, I'd tell Bud to stick it. The man shows a conscience, and THIS is what he gets? Barry Bonds looks smarter every day.

...and no one heard that sucker crash on Tony Parker's head, who could say it made a sound?

OK, Eva Longoria would.

(And that's the last time I'm bringing her fine behind  - or face - up in this conversation.)

The only drama left in this finals is whether LeBron finds his inner Kobe and goes 1 on 5 against the Spurs. The only way Cleveland can win even one game is if LBJ goes for at least 40. Forget this "Make your teammates better" ####.

Who is it easier to make better anyhow: Manu Ginobilli or Drew Gooden?

The Cavs scored 33 and 35 points in the first half of the first two games. I'm willing to bet a Happy Meal that the Browns - yes, the Browns with Brady Quinn - will score 30 points in a half this year.

The real remaining pressure is on David Stern. This has not been a good year for the comish, who could not have mishandled the New Ball Fiasco any worse than Phil Leotardo handled his meeting with Tony Soprano.

(And there is your obligatory Sopranos mention.)

Back to The David: The NBF was bad - the NBA playoffs were worse:

• First, a 67-win Dallas Mavs team folded like wet origami to the one team that matched up with them (and don't kid yourselves - the Spurs had few answers for Dallas - Coach Pop should do the class thing and send fruit baskets and mixtapes to Oakland in gratitude).
• Second, a Robert Horry cheapshot handed the Spurs the NBA crown, then David Stern's performance on live radio showed him to be arrogant and oblivious - at best  - to fan concerns. To top it off, he now alleges no owner wants to change the rule.(Show of hands, who REALLY believes that? Where is Mark Cuban when you need him?)
• Third, because of the above, we got a painfully boring Spurs-Jazz conference final.
• Fourth, the NBA Draft lotto totally bombed, as the three worst teams in the league were locked out of the three top picks. With the two best college players in long time going to the Pacific Northwest, the Eastern Conference pretty much ensured themselves a few more years of June beatdowns.
• Fifth - For the fourth time this decade, the Finals isn't an anti-climax - it is freakin' irrelevant. 2001-03, the Lakers and Spurs dispatched the Nets and Sixers, surprising absolutely no one. At least the Sixers had AI's Game 1 to hang their hats on. 2004 featured a Pistons upset, but not a watchable series, and the following year was even more boring. Now in '07, the common perception is that NBA champ was decided in the conference semifinals. And they are right.

Let's face it, the NBA Finals isn't the Super Bowl. As Tim Keown points out, it isn't even the BCS Championship game, and you know you're in trouble when the BCS gives the world a better product.

What are you to do Mr. Stern?

For starters, here are a few ideas:

• Re-weigh the lottery so that the worst team has at least a 40% chance instead of 25%. Make sure that the worst team can finish no worst than 3rd in the lottery. If a Portland gets lucky - fine. But we shouldn't have THREE Portland's getting over on the system.
• Forget this re-seeding the playoffs that always comes up, that just kills the whole concept of having a conference. I'd go one further:

Move San Antonio to the Eastern Conference. Or Dallas perhaps? Swap the Bucks and Hornets for good measure. Look, if the Baltimore Colts could spend 20 years in the NFL Western Division, and the Atlanta Falcons could spend 30 years in the NFC West, why not put a Texas team back in the Eastern Conference? Think the Rockets or Mavs wouldn't be a huge threat in the East?

• Mr. Stern, the next time you hear someone call you the "Greatest Comissioner In Sports", RUN LIKE HELL. Far away. I can make a case that you've read too many of your press clippings, because...
• ...it's about the game sir. Once you get past the bling, the slick marketing, it always comes back to the game. You waited too long to get rid of all of the excessive physicality. Too many 86-77 games killed your committed fan base. But the game is cleaner now. Now widen the court and lengthen it. Go from 94x50 to 100x55. Half-court sets in the NBA remind me of pickup games at the Y, when we play 5 on 5 half court. Crowded.
• Take some of those games back from ABC. Last year, some of the best and/or most exciting basketball (Cavs-Wizards and Suns-Clips come to mind) was never watched because it was on cable. And it was on LATE. Same with these Finals. You don't need a MJ or Bird to sell the Finals. But you do need to sell the league. And you can't do it all on cable. What's next - Pay Per View?
• When you do get some of those games on free TV, give them to Fox or NBC if ABC won't promote them properly. And when you do, make sure you get Kenny Smith, Sir Charles and Ernie Johnson to provide analysis. They are the most fun since Cosell and Meredith had their A-game. They are an asset to the league.
• Get rid of the best of 7 first rounds. Go back to best of 5, and end the silly layoffs. You're doing it for ratings, and the ratings suck anyway because the games have no interest. And it would be nice to see the season end before the fourth of July. Besides, a shorter season means more time to rest for the players. That means they'll be healthier for the following season.

Time to do the counter-inutitive. Like, right now.

Good luck Mr. Stern. Try to stay awake.

People, I am trying. Really trying hard.

But I’m sorry, the Cleveland Cavailers will not win this series. Cleveland taking this series to six games will be an upset. LeBron stands a better chance of eloping with Eva Longoria. Paris Hilton has a better shot starring in "Penitentiary 3". 

Yes, I said this even before that hideous Game 1 performance “won” by the Spurs 89-71.

There is this part of my brain that wants to make it so. And almost every time I went with that atrophied slice of my head, I lost. Badly.

I could give you a deep analysis, such as that famed stat geek John Hollinger, but I have a peeve about belaboring the obvious. Sometimes, Occam’s (Ultra Close) Razor is better than any stat. For those of you that missed “Contact”, Occam’s Razor goes like this:

When in doubt, pick the better team.

Fact: Cleveland isn’t that good, and the NBA Finals never cut severely flawed teams a break. 

Fact: The best team almost always wins. You’d have to go back to 1975 when the Warriors led by Rick Barry swept the heavily favored Washington Bullets with Wes Unseld and Elvin Hayes. And I can make a case that the Warriors were seriously underrated (their roster included Keith (Jamal) Wilkes, Phil Smith, All-Defensive center Clifford Ray (think Ben Wallace with better hair) and Gus Williams), not to mention a weird format that year with a 1-1-1-1 format instead of 2-2-1-1-1 working against the Bullets.

What about 2004 you say? Lakers-Pistons? The Lakers may have had more pure talent, but Karl Malone was hurt, and the atmosphere with Shaq and Kobe had reached toxic levels. And the Pistons proved to be a far better team than we knew. Throw an asterisk on that baby.

Every other time, the clearly superior team won, and usually easily.

Fact: In the history of the NBA Finals, the seven game playoff series goes to the better team - barring major injury or internal strife. Every damn time. 

You can claim all you want that LeBron James makes his teammates better than Kobe as the misguided Mark Kriegal did. The truth is, the biggest difference between the two is that LBJ and his teammates play in the pathetic Eastern Conference. Yeah, LeBron loves his teammates. As any single person past 25 will tell you, love ain’t enough. In the Western Conference, the Cavs win 45 games - maybe.

Yes, Cleveland plays solid defense. Teams that can’t score had better. If Charlie Rosen even deigns to read this, he’ll hate this, but it has to be said: Some teams try to outscore their opponents to offset any defensive shortcomings, and some teams grind it out because they can’t score. Guess which box the Cavs go in?

The Onion probably came closer than anyone else to judging the level of the Spurs comp. Let’s see:

Eric Snow – Can’t score 20 in an empty gym. He’s a nice defender – he’d better be. He can’t shoot.

Larry Hughes – A creative scorer when healthy. Note, I didn’t say a good shooter. A scorer. Note, I said “when healthy”. He isn’t.

Damon Hughes – Looks better in a suit (assuming you are watching him with a welder’s mask on) than in an NBA uniform. Lord love him for cashing in on that one big season with Shaq.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas - The slowest big man to make an All-Star team since George Mikan. Nice shot, but did I mention that he is slow?

Drew Gooden – He’s big. He scores a bit. Sort of like a poor man’s Carlos Boozer. Ouch.

Daniel Gibson – I forgive the fact that he went to Texas, since he’s a Houston kid. Then again, he went to Jones High School  – I went to Yates. What a loser. Oh yeah, he’s got a streaky shot, and since Game 6, the bar has been raised. To about 6 inches. And he’s still small enough to walk under it without ducking.

Andy Varejao – He’s taken the flop to new heights – or is that depths? Nice energy guy. Translation: Annoying enough to be effective for short periods. Limited enough that he’s one of your seven best players, you aren’t winning many titles.

By the way, is it just me, or does Mike Brown looks a LOT like “Smart Brother” from the movie "Undercover Brother"? Or is he Al Roker’s taller, younger twin?

The Spurs are boring - and look even more unwatchable against a team like the Cavs. They whine far too much. They got a big assist from Golden State (being the worst possible matchup for Dallas), and from David Stu Jackson-Stern in the Phoenix series to get to the finals.

They also have Tim Duncan, one of the best 15 centers ever (he’s a power forward in name only), and please don’t waste my time telling me different). They have Tony Parker torching whomever the Cavs put in front of him. Parker has Eva Longoria. Spurs bring Manu “The Nose that Roared”, and Michael Finley.

 Better team? The Spurs.

Hotter team? The Spurs – who finished the regular season 37-7. Both of the Cavs wins came before that run. This series goes five games. My only consolation is David Stern squirming over the lowest TV ratings since the Magic Era began.

I guess I better keep trying...