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Apparently Pujols’s trainer is a bud of HGH sales mogul Jason Grimsley. Sound familiar? Now who’s wonderintg why Pujols was so vocally supporting Bonds in the media a few weeks ago? Not I, I know they probably have played poker together using amphetamines as chips. (“Okay Barry, the red ones are 5 the greenies 25.”)

So when all this #### is about to break, Pujols is “injured” chasing after a pop foul—not sliding for the ball, just on the way there. Convenient that it was a foul ball, so a fake injury wouldn’t cost the team runs or be counted as an error. Anyway, then Albert “strains his oblique,” whatever that is, and declares that he needs to go on the DL for a long time. Other medical sources say this is a 15-30 day thing, and not long term. Nothing shows up on the MRI. All anybody can say is that it’s a shame Pujols won’t break the home run record and get baseball out from under the steroid cloud. Turns out it wouldn’t have anyway.

Everybody who has eyes has been narrowing them at Pujols after the Bonds scandals. In the words of Roxette, “he’s got the look.” Now his trainer is doing drug deals with the guy who described the “Leaded” and “Unleaded” coffee pots in MLB clubhouses? (Leaded pots contained amphetamines and other stimulants.) Doesn’t look too good for Albert or baseball.

So did Pujols fake an injury so he could get away (to rehab maybe) and clean the drugs out of his system? Or did Bud say “get out of town for a while, Al” while they let a skinnier Soriano take over the home run lead? Meanwhile this stuff could shake out with lesser known players and teams grabbing the limelight and lessening the eventual impact of the broadening new drug scandal.

I for one think it’s a bit convenient for a supposedly 26-year old player who had never been on the DL to pull up lame under these circumstances with an unverifiable injury. But then again, maybe I’ve had too much “Unleaded” this morning.

The John Thompson Show 3-7p on Sportstalk 980 in DC is perhaps the greatest sports talk radio show of all time. That’s not saying much of course, considering the sorry state of the medium. Know-nothings like Jim Rome dominate the airwaves by shouting “Rack Him!” incessantly.

Nonetheless, JT 2’s show is unbelievable not only for Thompson’s cantankerous old-guy attitude, but because he has all the connections to get all the good guests. Instead of John Clayton, et al calling in (the old analyst interviewing another analyst routine) real players and other figures that are legitimately connected with the world of sports are interviewed.

The other day NBA Commisioner David Stern was on. He had a lot he could gloat about, but Stern was fairly low-key as always. The dress code has transformed from controversial deprival of freedom to non-stop pre-game fashion show. Even Rip Hamilton who normally resembles a Tupperware Darth Vader looks sharp in an expensive suit. It turned out to be a brilliant move for King Midas.

So what’s next for the great tinkerer? Stern hinted at something that might be coming down the pike, something I’d applaud: stopping the players from ####ing about foul calls all the time.  The Commissioner admitted that there were missed calls, but thinks that the constant whining is unattractive to the game and I agree. Kids emulate players like LeBron. LeBron complains after every single call that goes against him. You think this isn’t going to have an effect? Do you want your kids’ role model to be a cry-baby?

Superman never complained, even when Lex Luthor hit him with the Kryptonite. John Wayne never appeared in a movie called “The PMS Cowboy.” And even the legitimate sports Superheroes didn’t #### and whine even when they had much better reasons than perpetual complaint machine TO.

Lou Gehrig didn’t get up to the microphone in his last appearance at Yankee Stadium and say, “It’s not fair! Why can’t somebody else die instead? I’m Lou Gehrig!” Jackie Robinson endured endless racist words and death threats. Mario Lemieux has been battling a crippling illness and doesn’t moan about it on or off the ice.

So can David Stern shut these spoiled brats up before every picture of an NBA game looks like a birthday party at Jeepers? I hope so, because when you’re on TV, the World is watching. And I don’t want the world to think we’re a bunch of babies.

The Colorado Rockies, as it turns out, are jumping on the “Christian” bandwagon. In a USA today article yesterday, team officials describe "prayer services" many times a week for players and execs. Rockies CEO Charlie Monfort strongly suggests that "Christians" have better character than non-"Christians" and that God is helping the Rockies on the scoreboard as a result:

I don't want to offend anyone, but I think character-wise we're stronger than anyone in baseball. Christians, and what they've endured, are some of the strongest people in baseball. I believe God sends signs, and we're seeing those.

Monfort may have not checked the standings however, seeing that the Rockies are only 1 game over .500. The question they Monfort should ask himself is, "What god are the Cardinals praying to, and do we have to offer Todd Helton as a human sacrifice?" Also, what exactly have Christians endured lately, especially in the United States? That whole Romans/Lions thing was 1800 years ago.

The other puzzling thing is this concept of "Christians." What type of Christians is he talking about? I have a feeling it's not Greek Orthodox or Coptic Christians. Catholics? No chance, those booze-hounds serve wine in Church. Whenever I've spoken to an Evangelical about this issue they make it very clear that Catholics are not considered Christians in their eyes, which is strange seeing that they had a big part in this Christianity thing at one point.

No, we're talking about the Fundamentalist/Born Again/Evangelical style of Christianity that is usually led by one loosely qualified individual who may or may not work out of a crystal cathedral. One thing is for sure, though: he thinks you're going straight to Hell.

However, sometimes these "prayer groups" are led by no one in particular. This leads to the kind of bizzaro metaphor that Monfort also uses in the article:

We had to go to hell and back to know where the Holy Grail is. We went through a tough time and took a lot of arrows.

This sounds like a sequel to the Da Vinci code in the making. So what does the Rockies Christian-friendly policy mean for the players? It means they fake it or they're (mercifully) elsewhere. Mark Sweeney (sounds like one of those non-Christian Catholics to me) formerly of the Rockies, now with San Francisco was less than impressed with the Rockies new pray-to-win policy:

Look, I pray every day; I have faith. It's always been part of my life. But I don't want something forced on me. Do they really have to check to see whether I have a Playboy in my locker?

Jerry Reinsdorf, the Jewish owner of the World Champion Chicago White Sox also expressed doubts that the Christian=Character strategy is sound baseball policy:

I do believe character is very important. But only to a point. Does this mean ... Babe Ruth could never have played there?

Babe Ruth, as you probably know, was a beer swilling, volume-sex Catholic.

In an era of turning back the clock on rights and privileges due to religious zealotry, this kind of workplace religious pressure should be anything but applauded. Also the notion that Evangelical Christians are somehow of higher moral character than those practicing other religions can be easily refuted. Our President, also a "Christian", has killed, tortured and imprisoned thousands, not to mention ignoring the cries of his own countrymen hit by Katrina. I think God might prefer sex and beer.

ESPN:

Suckfest NBA studio show. Stephen A. Smith is the black Jim Rome. Scottie Pippen is drier than Libya. Who can remember who else is on that show. They spend a lot of time laughing at themselves. I think they're laughing because they're drawing a paycheck for sucking so much. Oh, and Tim Legler needs to die...slowly and painfully. That guy's IQ has got to be in the 40-50 range. This is all too bad because Bill Walton is one of the most interesting sports personalities going. Too bad he's on the wrong network.

PS: Chris Mortensen and Witchy-Faced John Clayton? Makes you wish the NFL would never return.

TNT: Charles Barkley is a god.

OLN:

 The sports talk morons who say that OLN is bad for hockey need to be flogged mercilessly. I passed by OLN last night (which is on every basic cable system in DC and Maryland FYI) and it had this really funny, interesting show called "The Tournament." It's a mockumentary about a hockey-crazed small town preparing for a youth hockey playoff.

Then, they ran a documentary on Rocket Richard. It was pretty cool, you don't get any hockey on ESPN Classic.

Which is precisely the point. Hockey and OLN were a match made in heaven. OLN is looking to grow it's image by paying big dollars for hockey. Hockey needs exposure badly. Because OLN is banking on Hockey they're promoting the game 24/7 not only with an ad bombardment but with good hockey related programming. This is the best thing that could happen for both the league and the network; and it's going to build year after year.

Molly O'Neill:

Where to begin with this atrocity of a woman. I was listening to the Diane Rehm show on NPR; you know the one, where the host sounds like she's sitting on a busted dryer. That's tolerable though. The bad part is she usually devotes at least an hour to an author nobody's ever heard of who can't pat themselves on the back hard enough.

Yesterday it was Paul O'Neill's lucky-#### sister who somehow feels her success as an author has nothing to do with the fact that her bro is one of the most beloved Yankees in history. She had written a few cookbooks while working as a food writer for the increasingly fictional New York Times. Now she's penned Mostly True, which is according to Ms. O'Neill a blend of truth and mythology about the O'Neill family. Barf.

Then she goes on to say how much her mother must envy Miss Molly because she didn't have the fabulous success that the author had. Of course, Paul was not her brother. It seems like every woman on Diane Rehm pulls this move of "My mother envies me so much." It's pretty sick.

El Crab

Bloggers,

Congratulations to those selected as NGS 2 finalists. I want to give a special shout-out to MooreSports, Mr. NFL, rivjo and ShooterB. They were writing great stuff a long time before the contest was announced and I know that they'll do well. Others in the contest I don't know as well (and I'm not going to comb through every blog) but I'm sure they're good writers and deserving. 

It's a beautiful 65 degree day here in DC, I think I'll pull myself away from my keyboard and enjoy it. Although when it hits 95 (as it will soon), I'm sure I'll be back to enjoy myself here in the blogosphere. Cheers!