Yesterday, in my post, I mentioned Brett Favre and the mess that is the Green Bay Packers. In the humor post before that, I ridiculed both sides. Let's look back at what I said yesterday:
Brett Favre is finally back. Do you feel sorry for the networks (ESPN, NFL Network)? I mean, they do have 55 of 60 minutes to fill! But hopefully, this Favre-a-Mania will (finally end).
Well, as many of you can tell, the networks were granted a reprieve; Favre and the Pack are once again at odds. The lies and annoyance made me think about other possible lies in the world of sports. With that in mind, I decided to rip off another late night host (the My List feature of my blog was from Letterman) and do the Truth in Advertising that Leno does... but as related to sports. For those who are confused, I'll state a sports item, and then will state what it really would mean if there was actual truth in the advertising. You'll see once I get started.
Here's the first item:
What it says = What it should say
NFL (National Football League) = TBFADEDL (The Brett Favre All Day Every Day League)
Brett Favre = Michael Jordan (he of many retirements and unretirements)
Green Bay Packers = The Power of Moldy Cheese
Aaron Rodgers = Steve Young (not in as good as Young, but how he'll never be accepted like Young wasn't by SF fans who loved Montana)
And let's not limit it to the Favre fiasco. There's plenty to choose from:
Manny Ramirez = Jim Rome's boyfriend
Tony Kornhesier = The guy who rarely works, even on MNF.
Charles Barkley = Jose Canseco's next opponent (in case you're confused, Barkley is taking up boxing to get in shape).
John Madden = Most distraught announcer in the world
The cover of the new Madden 09 game = A little too late, and a collector's item (the last time you'll see Favre in green unless it's the Jets).
NBA = League that hopes Spurs dissolve.
The Olympics = Something that's not interesting
Beijing = L.A, only with more polluted air
Prince Fielder and Manny Parra = Best buddies (not)
And now, to finish, some hometown truths:
Tigers & Kyle Farnsworth = The only people who thought Farnsworth for Pudge Rodriguez was a great deal.
Pistons = a broken record (they're still the same; brace for a decline)
Red Wings = Best team in Detroit
Lions = Buccaneers... if this was 2003 (I mean, how many did they sign in the offseason, seven?)
Matt Millen = Man with a smoking gun on William Clay Ford
Lions success in my lifetime = No chance in hell
Well, now I've vented. If you've got any prose, just leave it in the comments. Until next time, may the Favre situation get resolved so we can get to real sports.
It's been a little over a week since I last wrote a post, which is a long time for me to not vent about sports topics. But I was feeling burn out coming on, so I decided to take a break. Now, I'm energized again, and ready to go. So, I'm set to do another post of just random thoughts about the world of sports. But before I do that, let me address the picture that is now on my profile.
Admittedly, I've rangled with the idea of a picture for awhile. Simply having the Fox logo (no offense, guys) left me feeling empty. But, as you can see, photos really don't capture me very good. Look at it! Either I inherited Tracy McGrady's eyes, or I had too many at the bar! Nonetheless, I figured that I could rid the empty feeling if I put a photo up there, and voila! As for the profile info, it has been stubborn to change, even though I have tried at least 10 times to change it. Hopefully, I can get it changed by tomorrow at the lastest. It basically just an altered form of the statement that's up there right now, and it should also have a counter (if the damn thing will load!). So stay tuned!
Now then, let's get to sports:
Brett Favre is finally back. Does anybody feel sorry for the networks (ESPN, NFL Network)? I mean, they do have to fill 55 of 60 minutes now! But hopefully, this Favre-a-Mania will tone down now that he has been reinstated.
Michelle Wie once again failed to make the cut. Somewhere, her parents and 'managers' are crying... all the way to the bank!
This one is homerish, but have you noticed the Tigers have really stunk since trading Ivan Rodriguez? And the bullpen hasn't improved; it may have actually gotten worse. I thought Farnsworth was the savior? (I turn around and laugh)
Watched Jim Rome today. His obsession with Manny Ramirez borders on John Madden's obsession with Favre! Think Jim and Manny will have more fun now that he's a Dodger?
NBA TV showed a classic game today; Spurs/Nets game 6 of the 2003 Finals. Because if anything is classic in the NBA, it's slow, half-court, low-scoring basketball.
Steve Smith punched a teammate and broke his nose. Bad stuff... for one of my fantasy teams on another site, which has Smith. Oh well, at least I have Randy Moss to fall back on.
The Lions' preseason kicks off against the Giants on Thursday. I'll be at Ford Field and will regularly report when the games mean something. Which means maybe once or twice this year.
Liked Nique's tribute to Tophatal yesterday. I really like reading her stuff, and hopefully, someday, I'll get a tribute lol! (Nique, I'm not kissing behinds).
Seriously, do I look drunk in that photo? That happens every time I take a picture! But I'm not going to complain.
Well, there are my rants for today. Now that I've shaken off the rust, I'll have a better piece to write the next time I write! Until then, live by the mantra "looks can be deceiving"! Take care everybody!
Throughout July, I have done a series of lists in the NBA posts where I select an all-time team for each NBA franchise. I did this not just because I wanted to do something different, but because very little of significance has happened in sports. Recently, the only story I have heard about has been the Brett Favre soap opera. Everyone from "experts" to the guy down the street has had an opinion. So, I tried to avoid the cesspool.
But, after enduring so much BS about Favre and his "will he, won't he" things, I decided to write something about Brett, and at the same time, start a semi-regular segment on my blog. As very few of you knew, I wrote a post for the since-forgotten Humor Contest where I created the BoreStars of Tim Duncan, Roger Federer and David Beckham. Well, they're back! And the following is a parody of Favre and the Packers. Enjoy!
The BoreStars: Episode 2: Green with Envy
Flashback scene (cue voiceover guy): When we last left our BoreStars, they had just defeated the evil robot David Stern by aiming for his core. Today, they face a fiendish two-headed monster. And, an annoying new wannabe BoreStar.
Title Music (cue Voiceover guy) BOREEEEESTARSSSSS! BORESTARS!
(montage of Beckham scoring) Beck’s is hot; no, his wife is. But he scores more than you know! BOREEEEEEESTARSSSSSS!
(montage of Federer winning at Wimbledon): Federer weaves! Viewers leave! BOREEEESTARSSSSS!
(montage of Duncan’s bankshot): Duncan wins! The NBA cringes! BOREEEEESTARSSSS!
BoreStars! We put the “bore” into immeasurable boredom!
Scene one: The BoreStars are at their secret crime-fighting lair (where nobody can find them; the Memphis Grizzlies arena!) when David Beckham returns from Tom Cruise’s house to join fellow BoreStars Tim Duncan and Roger Federer.
Beckham: I’m back everybody. I promise, I’m mellower than before. How’s everybody?
Duncan: I’m O.K. That Donaghy thing has me wondering about Joe Crawford, but I’m cool otherwise.
Federer: I’m just miserable. Nadal beats my #### on clay, then he beats my #### again at my house at Wimbledon! What’s next, Nadal beats me to become a BoreStar?!?!
Duncan: Uh, Roger, don’t worry. Nadal isn’t that boring.
Beckham: Oh well. I’m feeling better. What’s on the agenda?
(Just then, the BoreStars get a message from a holographic Michael Jordan, who, after the last episode, unretired again to become the Stars’ leader.)
Jordan: I have a new assignment, BoreStars.
Duncan: What is it? Finding out why LeBron is considered a great player?
Jordan: No. I need you to go to Green Bay and find out why Packers fans have come up missing recently. Use whatever methods you need to find this out.
Beckham: It’s too cold in Green Bay! My scoring will be way down!
Duncan & Federer: Shut up, David! It’s almost August!
Jordan: Anyhow, you three had better get on your way.
Scene two: The Stars begin to pack to travel to Green Bay. Just as they leave, Brett Favre walks up to them.
Favre: Hi, BoreStars! Where are you going?
Duncan: To your old stomping grounds. What do you want, Brett. We already have to deal with Michael everyday!
Beckham: Hey, thanks for talking to me at the ESPYs. I know you had a lot of John Madden’s drool on you, but it was cool.
Favre: I’m fine, David. Tim, I was thinking about joining you as a BoreStar.
Duncan: You must be joking! You’re not retired yet, and you’re not boring, just annoying. Why would you want to become one of us?
Favre: It’s simple. I’d rather play for a winning team than the Jets or Buccaneers, if you know what I mean. And the Packers can’t keep me off this team!
Federer: Brett, you might want to retire on top of your game. Look at me; I didn’t quit when I was 24, and now I’m an old geezer in my sport. That damn Nadal!
Duncan: Anyhow, Brett, if you so desperately want to join, then you can. Get packed for Green Bay (pun intended).
Favre: Awesome! Let’s go!
Scene three: The BoreStars arrive in Green Bay. The foursome begins to investigate when, all of a sudden, they’re reduced to three.
Favre: I’m sorry, guys. I’m retiring today!
Duncan: Wtf! Why are you quitting?
Favre: I don’t feel wanted here.
Federer: See, I told you to quit early. Just like the Seattle Mariners.
Beckham: This stinks. Kwame Brown had more commitment than you have! Are you sure you want to retire?
Favre: Yes. It’s time. I’m almost positive, I think. I’m 99.9% sure today. But tomorrow could be different…
Duncan: Stop with the babble! Get the hell outta here!
(Favre leaves and calls the Vikings on his cell for comfort. The BoreStars resume their investigation.)
Scene four: The Stars’ search for the missing fans leads them to Lambeau Field. There, they are greeted by Packers’ GM Ted Thompson and QB Aaron Rodgers.
Duncan: Hey, Ted. Nice to see you. You know, after dealing with Brett, I can see why you want to dump him like my team was dumped by the Lakers.
Thompson: Yes. Aaron’s our guy, and Mike McCarthy and I are very happy (checks his phone for Bart Starr’s number).
Rodgers: I so glad to finally get my chance. And I’ll show them all that I can be as good as Favre (looks behind him to make sure Favre wasn’t behind him).
Federer: Despite the fact you haven’t played much beyond that Dallas game last year? I mean, come on, the Cowboys took you lightly, Rob Johnson.
Rodgers: My name is Aaron Rodgers. What are you saying? That I can’t cut the mustard?
Beckham: Hell yeah! My underwear has spent more time in title games than you, Aaron!
Rodgers: Oh really, Becks? When you were a great ‘footballer’, I was in high school! And look at you other guys. Tim, I’ve seen more excitement at a Tiger Woods-less golf tournament than at your games, and Federer, well, I don’t even know who you are.
Federer: Why I ought to…
Duncan: No, Roger! We’ll just look for clues elsewhere. Thanks, guys!
(Thompson and Rodgers leave. The Stars head to the Lambeau practice field.)
Scene five: The Stars reach the practice field. There, they once again run into Favre.
Favre: Guys, I’m ready to come back.
Duncan: Really, Brett? Well, we have moved on from you.
Favre: You’re telling me that I’m not welcome here.
Beckham: You’re about as welcome here as Stephen A. Smith is welcome at a library!
Federer: Or Charles Barkley is at a casino with a spending limit!
Duncan: Or me and my team are by the NBA at the Finals!
Favre: What happened? I thought we were cool.
Duncan: We need commitment, not waffling. Why do you think my team traded Luis Scola to Houston; we felt we didn’t need a distraction.
Beckham: Yeah, just ask my L.A. teammates.
Federer: Or Rafael Nadal.
Duncan: Anyhow, just stay home Brett.
(Favre leaves on his John Deere. The Stars scour the practice field, and there they find out why the fans have disappeared.)
Scene six: The Stars find out that Thompson and Rodgers had been behind the disappearance of the Packers’ fans! They had kidnapped them in hopes of brainwashing them against Favre. The Stars confront the duo.
Duncan: Alright, Ted and Aaron! Where are the Packers fans? Not even your team CEO can let you escape this!
Thompson: Well, aren’t we demanding. Those fans aren’t ready to be Packers fans, and before you get them, watch this.
(Thompson presses a button, and two fortress-like structures appear. Thompson and Rodgers jump into the machines)
Rodgers: This is incredible! We should crush these BoreStars!
Thompson: Yeah. Let’s get them!
(The BoreStars fire at the machines with all they’ve got, but with the Packer organization loaded with deflector shields, they can’t penetrate the hull. When all hope is lost, Brett Favre appears on the practice field).
Duncan: Now is not the time for another retirement, Brett!
Beckham: Yeah, can’t you stop playing, like they should for soccer games?!?
Favre: If anybody knows these guys’ weaknesses, it’s me!
(Favre attacks Rodgers’ joints, knowing that Rodgers is brittle. He takes out his leg, and Rodgers limps to the sidelines. Then, Favre grabs Thompson’s machine, and he screams something Thompson hoped to avoid)
(This causes Thompson’s machine to explode. Thompson ejects from the machine in time, and he flees, while Rodgers injures his shoulder and hip crawling to escape)
Favre: See, Timmy? I am the king of Green Bay!
Scene seven: The Packers fans are released from their imprisonment. The Stars and Favre talk about their experience.
Favre: That was the most excitement I’ve had since John Madden invited me to his hotel room two years ago! He just sat there and said “Brett Favre” 1500 times!
Duncan: Wow! I had a similar experience with Skip Bayless!
Beckham: And me with Victoria!
Duncan & Federer: Shut up, David!
Favre: Well, thanks for cheering me up and getting even with Ted and Aaron. It sure was worth it!
Federer: Yeah, I guess it was. (hopes next time’s episode involves Rafael Nadal)
Favre: I’m going back home to Kiln. Maybe, someday, I can join you guys again.
Duncan: You’re more welcome here than Chris Berman, that’s for sure!
Beckham: Take care, Brett!
Favre: Goodbye, BoreStars!
(Favre leaves. The Stars gather together.)
All three BoreStars: BOREEEEEEESTARSSSSSSSSS!
(Screen fades to black)
Voiceover: Tune in next time for another exciting episode of BoreStars!
(Brett Favre bursts through black screen)
Favre: Can I still file my BoreStars reinstatement papers?
As you can see, I skewered both the Packers and Favre. Brett has become the most annoying player in the NFL (even exceeding Chad Johnson!) because he can't decide whether to play or not. At the same time, the Packers have been iron fisted and just as annoying in their support of Rodgers. And, as a result, they plague the sports news channels.
In summation, Brett should have decided to come back earlier (or not retired), and the Packers shouldn't be so excited about Rodgers; I mentioned Rob Johnson in my piece, and it's eerily similar to Rodgers; one good game got Johnson millions he didn't earn. If the Pack noticed, the Bills bought the goods, and crumbled with him. But most of all, I just want this "stuff" off my TV screen! Give me legit sports news, not constant babble!
What do you think? Should Favre dominate the headlines? Or do you want actual sports highlights with no gossip? Let me know. Until then, may Brett Favre just go away.
Yeah, I borrowed that line from Family Guy, but doesn't it seem like there's alot of BS floating around in sports? Things that just drive you insane when you see/hear them? Well, this list profiles ten such things. Ten things that make me sick when they make their presence known. Without delay, here's the BS:
10. NFL Draft-a-Palooza: I realize the NFL Draft is this weekend, but devoting two full hours to predraft coverage (ESPN) or practically the entire day (NFL Network) is overkill. We've been told so much about all the top guys, we practically are members of each one's family! I can't wait for the draft to be over so the coverage can end (and criticism of the Lions' pick can begin!).
9. The long TV timeouts in virtually every sport: It wouldn't be so bad if there was a little variety, but the same stuff (Viagra/Cialis/Levitra; Budweiser/Coors/(fill in the blank beer)/ car/truck ads) for what seems like an eternity make me change the channel, then I miss the key play when I flip back! Give me one commercial, then take us back to the frickin game, already!!!
8. All Night Poker (Saturday) on ESPN Classic: Saturday is one of the few days I have to relax on, and this is the best that Classic can offer? What's so classic about hearing an overcaffinated announcer scream "IT'S THE THREE OF CLUBS!!!!!!!"? That 'stuff' is not classic. Wait, I'm sorry. It is a classic. A classic waste of everyone's time.
7. Speaking for which, another Classic shot; Bowling and Pool aren't classic either: This selection of programming is a major reason Classic is no longer one of my favorite channels. Bowling can't (and shouldn't) have classic mentioned anywhere near it (unless followed by "Sure as hell isn't"!). And pool isn't classic either (sorry Black Widow fans, it just isn't). Hell, ESPN should create a new network: ESPN Parlor Games! Put all that 'stuff' on that channel!
6. Discounting the Spurs: Admittedly, I don't want to see the Spurs make the Finals (neither does David Stern). But if they do make it, give them their due. And look out, NBA fans; if they finish the job against Phoenix, they could have an easier road to the Finals than the Lakers. So enough with the anit-Spurs mindset (unless they lose. Then you can go full steam ahead).
5. Commentators saying "This team will win because they are so physical, tough, and can run the ball" or something to that effect: I call this the "Sean Salisbury Edict": Salisbury says this phrase often when he does NFL analysis on ESPN. Look, I know that those traits win games, but does it need to be repeated every time someone wins? Be original, or just lie if you must: "They won because they passed a lot!". Please consider this, Salisbury.
4. Seeing every golf tourney on TV: Who cares if the Sony Verizon Heritage Classic Skins and Masters Tournament is on? I don't. Show only the majors like the Masters and U.S. Open, and maybe the Ryder Cup, and leave the rest on the Golf Channel (exile). Don't preempt good shows for that 'stuff'.
3. The Chad Johnson controversy: Did anybody see the SportsCenter Special yesterday? They talked about Ocho Cinco almost ad nauseum! I'm tired of both Johnson's posturing (he created this problem himself, and now can't win) and the Bengals' posturing (they fostered the environment to create the problem). Either trade him, or shut the hell up!
2. Soccer on TV. Period: I love this one; today, ESPN2 showed a 'Champions League' soccer match. After it ended in a scoreless tie, the commentators said "Manchester got what it wanted to get". Let me get this straight; you now go into matches hoping for a 0-0 tie!?! What kind of lame BS are these guys flinging! No wonder soccer is just ahead of lawn darts on the American sports landscape. Herman Edwards couldn't coach in that league, because they don't play to win the game! What a load of BLEEP!
1. Arlen Specter's crusade against SpyGate: Specter's attempt to look into the Spygate matter is a bigger waste of time than Joey ever was! What does the senator expect to accomplish by investigating? It sound so homerish when you see he's only invetingating Super Bowl 39 (when the Patriots beat his homestate Eagles). What, the Rams and Panthers don't deserve 'justice' here? This is a blantent case of oppotunism, and will only benefit himself (and anyone else who hangs onto his coattails). And would Matt Walsh even be mentioned in the sports news if it wasn't for Specter. It's time for Spygate to go away. The Pats lost the Super Bowl recently. Let it go, Arlen!
Any sports stories/issues annoy you to the point of insanity? Have a beef with any issues I raised? Let me know! Gotta go; Specter's going to investigate whether Jim Plunkett cheated in Super Bowl 15!
After yesterday's venom over my Sonics column (and before I start, I'm sorry about getting the stadium capacities wrong. I didn't have the stats with me at the time), let's focus on something of a lifetime achievement award. For those who are idiots! The list today ranks the top ten franchises who, through sheer bad luck, or sheer imcompetence, have made their teams the joke of their respective leagues. Here's how it goes:
10. San Francisco 49ers: This once-proud team has fallen on lean years in part because they no longer have an unlimited budget. The feudal atmosphere between coach Mike Nolan and QB Alex Smith (Nolan hasn't even assured Smith of the starting job) adds to the uncertainty.
9. Miami Heat: I would have picked on Clay Bennett some more, but I want to cool the venom off a bit. The Heat, in any case, have plummetted since winning the 2006 NBA title. Pat Riley's will-he/won't-he soap opera wore out long ago (he currently deciding his future), and his bad moves (adding Ricky Davis, anyone) have poured gas onto the fire.
8. Memphis Grizzlies: The Grizzlies have had more valleys than peaks, beginning in Vancouver and (with a brief reprieve) continuing in Memphis. Maybe you can call it "The curse of Big Country". After all, any team that thinks Bryant Reeves was a top ten pick deserves what they get!
7. Kansas City Royals: Look beyond the good start, and realize that the last time Kansas City made the playoffs (I think 1989) George Brett was their top hitter, and Bret Saberhagen was their ace. Granted, with such a limited budget, they can't afford to compete regularly, but you'd think at least once they would have dumblucked their way into the playoffs by now.
6. Minnesota Timberwolves: Do you realize Kevin McHale has made the Celtics legit again? How? By giving away KG (although Al Jefferson has emerged)! McHale has been the GM there since 1995, and has two playoff series wins to his name (both in 2004). Until the T-Wolves wise up, they may be haunted by the Garnett trade for years to come.
5. Tampa Bay Rays: How many years have we heard that the Rays are going to emerge as a good team when their young talent comes together? It seems like that's been the case for years now. You need to know a major reason they rarely win? Because money is practically all they care about! Look at the major reason Evan Longoria wasn't on the roster at the start; because if he had been, he would become a FA in 2013 (by waiting, the Rays put that off by another year). You act cheap, you get cheap results.
4. Oakland Raiders: "Commitment to excellence". That is the Raiders' mantra. Unfortunately, they haven't had much excellence since losing the Super Bowl to Tampa five years ago. Al Davis' moves get more questionable every year (look at how he's overpaying for every FA they've signed this year), and his desire to fire Lane Kiffin is puzzling. And if he makes good on his promise (threat) to live until the Raiders win two more Super Bowls (!?!), it could be a long time yet before it's better.
3. Los Angeles Clippers: A rose is a rose is a rose. Or in this case, Clippers are Clippers are Clippers. This team wrote the book on losing (Five winning seasons I believe, two playoff series wins). They're the only team in NBA history to play since 1970, and have fewer than 10 years above .500!. One major reason: Donald Sterling, who is the anti-Steinbrenner; he refuses to meddle with his team to make it better (only to make it worse). Just quote Ron Harper (I have frequently); he said playing for them was like being in prison!
1A. New York Knicks: I'm sorry, there has to be 1 and 1A here, because the Knicks are comically inept. The Isiah Thomas error, er, era ended (we believe) almost as it began; with a loss, making them 23-59 (tied for worst 82 game record ever). Donnie Walsh needs to fire Isiah and start anew. Buy out as many contracts and trades what you can't buyout now, and begin the painful process of reconstruction.
1. Detroit Lions: What do all these teams (for the most part) have in common? Ownership has let the city down. And no one does it better than William Clay Ford. He sticks by Matt Milen even though evidence has shown he isn't an effective GM/Pres. Looking at the records tells you all you need to know (2-14, 3-13, 5-11, 6-10, 4-12 I believe, 2-14 and 7-9). I've said it before, and I'll say it again: what does it take to be fired from the Lions? A sex harassment suit!?
There the list. Any teams I should have mentioned? Think another team should have been higher? Let me know (I have a feeling Arizona Cardinals people will respond). Ola!
Before I start, I'd like to thank all of those who sent their well-wishes to my grandmother in my last post. She is doing well, and I thank you for your support. Yesterday, I observed the NFL's rules changes they accepted at their annual owner's meeting, which included the elimination of the force-out rule and the 5-yard facemask (I agree with both) and the limits of hair over the name on the jersey (the Troy Polamanu rule, and it's stupid). In light of that, I made a list of rules changes I'd like to see in other sports. This is a little different from my other lists, in that I'm not ranking them, but listing them according to sport. Here are my modest proposals, ranging from the serious to the silly:
NFL
Chris Henry gets 'Pac-Man' ed: As most of you are aware, Henry got arrested and charged with assault (among other things) on a teenager. The Bengals finally wised up and cut him loose (lest they have another weirdo to go with Ocho Cinco), and the NFL should (and likely will) give him at least a one-year, if not lifetime, ban. Henry simply will not make the right decisions, and playing pro sports is not mandatory, it's earned. He hasn't earned the right to play.
Re-seed in the Wild Card round: This issue will not be voted on until the next meeting, but it makes sense. Why should the Giants last year, at 10-6, go on the road to face the 9-7 Buccaneers? They do it for every other round; do it for the Wild Card, as well.
Dan Synder should be forced to keep his head coach for at least 5 years: Since he bought the Skins in 1999, he has had Norv Turner, Terry Robiskie, Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Spurrier, Joe Gibbs and now Jim Zorn. Only Gibbs lasted more than two full seasons. This rule would make watching the Skins more interesting; can you imagine how Snyder would react when he can't fire a coach?
NBA
No time-outs after calling a time-out: This goes for college basketball, as well. There's not much that's more annoying than, after watching a Viagra commercial during a time-out, coming back, then seeing another TO called, then sitting through a truck commercial. To eliminate that, you'd call a technical foul on the team who calls the TO, then after granting it, the ball goes back to the team that would have inbounded. The game would go much faster with this rule.
If a player doesn't make a legitimate effort to score a field goal when fouled, he gets only one free throw: This is one I've been harping on for two years; players like Manu Ginobili and Chauncey Billups going for fouls, just flinging it in the air, and shooting FTs because they shoot them well. Unless it's a flagrent foul, they shouldn't be rewarded for bending the rules. Give them 1 FT, and force them (mainly Billups, who seems to prefer FTs) to score FGs.
If a player, after shooting, lands on another player's foot (because said defender stepped right under him) and gets injured, defender gets one-game suspension: How often have you seen a player get a sprained ankle, and the reporter says "Look at how it happened; he landed on the defender's foot"? These people shouldn't move directly under someone after they shoot; they're asking for an injury. Suspend them, and maybe then they'll back off after the shot is away.
Oklahoma City gets... absolutely no team!: The way that NBA commissioner David Stern and Sonics 'owner' Clay Bennett have handled this situation is disgraceful. There's no way Oklahoma City should get rewarded for the collusion efforts of Stern and Bennett. Force Bennett to sell to another group of owners, and if O.K. City wants a team, earn it!
NHL
Contract four teams: It may sound like a bad business deal, but the NHL wasn't (and isn't) equipped to handle 30 teams. Reduce it to 26 (meaning four per conference) and you'd eliminate some dead weight that wasn't necessary anyway. The teams? Perhaps Columbus (never really competitive) and Phoenix (too hot for hockey) in the West and Atlanta (see Phoenix) and Florida out East.
MLB
Give the National League a DH rule, or eliminate it in the American League: Enough of this bull about "The leagues need something to be seperate" or something to that effect. There's a reason the AL has dominated the NL; it has way more offense! Most pitchers aren't good hitters, anyway. So give the NL a DH. More hitters could get a job if they did so (I know Barry Bonds must be thrilled by that prospect), and the games between the leagues would be much more competitve.
Intentional walks get you two bases, not one: It sounds silly, but the consequences would be much more intriguing; if a runner was on second with none out, it would be second and third with no outs. And that would make pitchers and managers think twice about those walks!
NASCAR
On random laps, put oil slicks on the turns!: This one is just because I want some laughs, but would you imagine how much more exciting it would be to see the drivers angle to avoid these hazards? It would certainly make the TV product worth watching!
Boxing
Give each weight class one championship belt: One of the major reasons boxing has struggled somewhat is that there are too many 'champions' in each division (at least three!). Remember back when Ali was in his prime? There was just one heavyweight title. If you unify the belts and have one undisputed champ per division, maybe the fans would recognize more of the champs.
Put it on regular TV more often: The fact that most boxing is on PPV makes it hard to know who the best fighters are. Give it a home on ESPN or some network that gives it a regular slot, and people can be exposed to it and maybe like it.
Olympics
If the site has air quality issues, it cannot host the Olympics: Hard to do, but if some of the top athletes are skipping the Olympics (like they are in Beijing), why not? Have a standby site ready in case the primary one isn't. Gives the host city more incentive to actually be ready to host.
Golf
Show us only the rounds by players who matter: I don't care if Tom Thanax hits a bogey! Show me Tiger and Phil! Only those players who people know a lot about, or those at the top of the leaderboard, should be shown.
Speaking of Tiger, give him a +2 score at the start of each major: Just so the field can think they actually have a shot to beat him.
Tennis
For Roger Federer, give him a one set deficit to overcome: See the Tiger rule.
College Football
Eliminate the BCS: You know why; it doesn't produce a legit champ. Get a playoff in order. I'm sure the know-it-alls at the NCAA offices can figure out how to make it where we have a legit champ and they keep the millions they so think they deserve.
Soccer
For five minutes per period, the teams must pull their goalies: The offenses are so abysmal, this would probably be the only thing that could increase offense. Just have your defenders try to stop them.
No more overrun (or whatever it's called) time: This one just just plain stupid, folks. Think about it; they agree to play more (even though it doesn't count in game time) and goals scored are counted as legal goals! That's absurd! Get rid of it!!!
No penalty kicks to decide a championship: Would you decide the Super Bowl on a field goal kickoff? Or the World Series on a home run derby? Hell no! So why should soccer have a title decided on penalty kicks? Play OT, you BLEEP!
All Sports
Mandatory limit on tenure for coaches/executives who consistently fail: Call it the Millen-Thomas-Baylor rule. If you consistently fail (say, 5-7 years with losing records), you must be fired. Force these lasy owners like James Dolan, William Clay Ford, and Donald Sterling to actually care about the fans than about money/their friendship with these guys.
Let's not limit it to sports. Let's do networks.
ESPN
Mute Stepehn A. Smith and Skip Bayless (you can insert your most annoying, as well): They'd be just as effective without sound as they are with!
Allow Smith and Bill Walton to battle in a steel cage on NBA FastBreak: After it ends, at least one will have been knocked out!
CBS
Give Jim Nantz and Billy Packer a third commentator for color: Packer is as exciting as watching a car rust, and he was more effective when NBC had Al McGuire as a third wheel to balance him. So find someone to do that at CBS, as well.
NBC
Force John Madden to actually make a valid point: I don't want to hear, after a hit for example, "That was a big hit."! Give me analysis! That's what you're paid to do, isn't it?
Fox
We don't need the graphics to be kept on the screen the entire game!: Remember during the playoffs, they kept the graphics up telling us that Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were the commentators? As if we didn't know that! Remove them!
There's the list. Have any rules changes you'd like to see, no matter how trivial? Send them here. Until next time, may your party not have Chris Henry!
Today, I was reading a blog where the debate raged about whether Donnie Walsh would take over the Knicks at the end of the season. If this is true, then it will mark the end of Isiah Thomas' days as the head of the Knicks. With that in mind, let's look at him and nine other former superstar athletes who found out just how difficult it was to run a team, either as a coach, GM or both. here's the list:
10. Wilt Chamberlain: Confused? Well, here's the story; Chamberlain, having just retired from the Lakers, was named player-coach for the San Diego Conquistadors of the ABA. The Lakers blocked him from playing, so he coached one year (30-54) before deciding to stay away from coaching. It was a mere publicity stunt, and was thankfully forgotten.
9. George Mikan: The NBA's greatest player of it's early years wasn't as successful after retiring in 1956. He coached the team for 39 games in 1957-58, losing 30 of them, as the Lakers suffered their worst season in their history (even by today's standards). He later was named commissioner of the ABA in 1967, but didn't last (although he is credited for inventing the red, white and blue ball).
8. Bill Russell: Russell, like Chamberlain, couldn't win effectively without playing himself. He had that ability when coaching Boston from 1966-69, winning two titles, but his stint in Seattle (162-166 in four seasons) and Sacramento (17-41 before resigning) say he just couldn't tolerate players not playing as if their lives depended on it. On the plus side, at least he wasn't commentating during those years!
7. Ted Williams: For years before and after his retirement, Williams insisted he didn't want to manage. But manage he did in the late 60s and early 70s for the Washington Senators/Texas Rangers. At first, it was good, as he led the Senators to a winning record his first year. But things eroded quickly as Williams got into disputes with players (most notably Denny McClain) and got the ax the year after the Senators became the Rangers.
6. Wayne Gretzky: Even hockey gets into the act. This was akin to the Chamberlain move; Gretzky moved from the owner's box to the bench to drum up interest in the NHL after the strike. So far, his tenure in Phoenix has produced no playoff berths, and the most noteworthy thing to occur in town was the Rick Tocchet gambling scandal. So little for the Great One.
5. Larry Bird: As coach of the Indiana Pacers from 1997-2000, Bird was highly successful (made conference finals all three years and NBA Finals in 2000), but in fairness, Richard Harter and Rick Carlisle coached those teams. Since joining the front office in 2003, the team has steadily slipped into oblivion. His trades (Artest for Peja, the Harrington and Jackson trade) have not worked, and the talk is that Bird my leave. Home, (not so) sweet home, huh, Larry?
4. Michael Jordan: Jordan may have been the NBA's greatest player in many eyes, but as the leader of the Wizards and now the Bobcats, he leaves much to be desired. The defining move of his executive career was drafting Kwame Brown in 2001, perhaps the biggest mistake of the decade. And his comeback from 2002-04 tarnished his playing legacy. He seems to be making similar mistakes in Charlotte (the Richardson trade hasn't worked out; neither has hiring Sam Vincent as coach).
3. Elgin Baylor: The godfather of ineffective GMs, Baylor has hung on to his Clippers post because Donald Sterling has no care about whether his team is competitve. Baylor has been on the job for more than two decades, and has two winning seasons in that time. On just about any other team, he would be long gone by now. To say it best, just ask Ron Harper, who compared playing for the Clippers to being incarcerated!
2. Isiah Thomas: Thomas has been a disaster in New York, and being in the big city has just magnified how bad things are. He has given numerous players such hefty contracts, the Knicks never have room under the cap to pursue better players, and his feud with Stephon Marbury has been absolutely comical. If Walsh does take over, he'll have a lot of work to do (and will likely have to can Thomas as coach to start cleaning up). And yet, there is one person whose worse than Zeke...
1. Matt Millen: Millen is the posterchild for any team looking at ex-jocks on Tv and thinking about hiring them to run the team. In short, don't believe the packaging! Millen has the worst record of any executive in the NFL over his tenure, and the Lions, who had a winning record before he arrived, have been no better than 7-9 over his tenure. His draft picks (Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, and now Kevin Jones) have tanked, his free agents have stank, and fans have been on the verge of mutiny in recent years. Millen may not have techincally been a star athlete, but his name must be included on any list of former players who haven't been good GMs/coaches.
There the list. Are there any ex-jocks I didn't mention? Or disagree with the picks? Let me know.
It's the topic that on many NFL fans lips: Brett Favre finally retires after 17 mostly brilliant seasons, 3 MVPs and a Super Bowl win after the 1996 season. Personally, I think many Lions fans will be thrilled at this development; at least now that Favre's gone, we can proudly say "Aaron Rodgers beat us!". Favre has earned the right to retire now, don't get me wrong, but I can't really believe it was because he was mentally tired. Unless, of course, he was mentally tired of Green Bay not going after Randy Moss, because if Moss had been signed, I guarantee you Favre would play this year! Bottom line on Favre; great career, but lousy way to end it.
Now that Favre's gone, the debate inevitably turns to "where does he rank in the pantheon of all-time greats?". Here's my list of the greatest QBs of all time. The critera: good stats either as a passer, as a winner, or both. Without futher ado, here goes:
10. Dan Marino: Marino hits this lonely spot because, for all his stats, he was never able to win a title. Granted, that was more because Don Shula, who won Super Bowls with a great running game, never gave Marino a great runner, the same for Jimmy Johnson. But Marino got in his own way by not deferring money to help sign a great runner. Still, his passing stats (second to Favre) get him here.
9. Peyton Manning: Like Marino, Manning has the stats, and unlike Marino, he has a title, but it seems like more should have been accomplished with Manning. It seems more often than not, Peyton's losing a game he should win (take the Chargers game last playoff). If he continues to climb the stats ladder and wins another title or two, then he'll move up.
8. Troy Aikman: Aikman was hard to rank: he did guide the Cowboys to three titles, but wasn't the bellcow for those championship clubs; Emmitt Smith was. But consider the Boys if they had kept Steve Walsh instead of Aikman back in 1990. Would they have won those titles? Probably not. So Aikman belongs here.
7. Terry Bradshaw: Bradshaw is the anti-Marino: his stats aren't that great (he has more INTs than TDs), but he won four SBs. Bradshaw's role in the Steelers dynasty of the 70s is debatable; he was secondary in the first two wins primarily, and had big games and was MVP of the last two. It's hard to overlook the four titles, but I can't justify Bradshaw any higher than this because of the talent behind him.
6. Bart Starr: Before Favre, Starr was the QB everyone thought about when talking about the Packers. It's easy to forget since it's been more than 40 years since Starr's prime and he had a forgettable stint as Packers coach in the 70s and early 80s, but Starr made the Packers of the 60s go with his leadership. If not for Starr, the Packers wouldn't have won five NFL titles and the first two SBs (he was MVP in both, joining Bradshaw as the only two consecutive MVP winners).
5. Tom Brady: With Favre gone, Brady is now the best active QB in the NFL. Brady came in as a sixth round draft pick (he couldn't beat Drew Henson for the job at Michigan!) and, after taking over in 2001, has led the Pats to three titles and four SBs overall (I know people will remind of that in the comments). Considering how hard that has become today, I have to rank him higher than Bradshaw, Starr or Aikman.
4. Brett Favre: Favre is hard to rank as well; he looks closer to Manning than Brady in that he has the stats (too many to mention) but has only one ring. He also has the record for most INTs, which can be directly attributed to his gunslinger mentality. But there's more good than bad, and I know at least John Madden will be thrilled (by the way, do you think Madden depressed right now?).
3. John Unitas: The QB who set the standard of excellence for generations to come, Unitas was unique for his era; he was a dominant passer who set countless records when he retired in 1973. His record for consecutive games with a TD (about 47 or so games) still stands, and he helped the NFL become a national powerhouse with his play in the 1958 title game. Overall, he won four NFL titles and a SB.
2. John Elway: Elway's this high because, unlike the other QBs, he did more with less talent around him. Consider that he didn't have a true championship contender until the last three years of his career, and he still is second in career wins as a starting QB, that says something. Elway carried those Broncos of the 80s to three SBs, before his two dramatic wins at the end of his career, with him winning MVP honors in the second one.
1. Joe Montana: No other NFL QB defines 'winner' when it counts than Montana. Don't get me wrong; he was good in the regular season (even winning MVP once), but it was in the playoffs where Montana shines: in the four SB that the Niners won with Montana, he never threw an INT, en route to being the only player to win three Super Bowl MVPs. If there was one game I need to win late, Montana would be the guy I want.
Honorable Mentions:
Otto Graham: Yes, he went to the title game in all ten years of his career, but of the six he won, only three were NFL titles, so that deflates his argument.
Roger Staubach: Staubach is a tough one, but he wasn't always dominant in the playoffs; even when he won MVP of SB VI, his stats were pedestrian at best (he won it mainly because Duane Thomas, who should have won, was so surly, they didn't want to cause a scene).
Sammy Baugh: Didn't win often enough.
Steve Young: Didn't win enough when it counted.
There's the list. Are the rankings correct? If not, drop me a comment. Until next time, I hope Aaron Rodgers is ready.
Normally, I don't do two posts, but this story was so ridiculous, it has to be heard and seen to be believed. According to sources, there's talk of having Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield fight for the third time sometime this year. After the roars of laughter stop, the question becomes "How sad is the current state of boxing"? The answer, especially if Tyson-Holyfield 3 happens, is "It's on the brink of death".
Boxing has long been seen as a dying sport, with MMA and even wresling passing it in terms of pay-per-view buys and ratings. The main reason, besides a lack of decent fighters (mainly in the heavyweight division), is the way the sport is run. Promoters like Don King have treated it so callously, that nobody really believes that it's results are legit. But the glaring lack of star power has never been more evident than in the recent PPV title fight; to sum things up, the Russian beat the Russian by dancing around most of the match. Who wants to see that?
Now the 'geniuses' who run the ship want Tyson-Holyfield 3. How the heck are you going to promote that one? Here's some marketing slogans: "See if Iron Mike can 'finish the job' on Evander's other ear" or "Buy this PPV before both guys join AARP"! One more: "The Battle Between the Biter and the Can't-Retire-er"! And yet, the mere mention of such a disaster seems intriguing. So, I say, let's ####e it up a little!
If you're going to sell us this garbage, let's have fun! Put these guys into a steel cage! Let them do whatever they want to each other! If Mike's hungry, let him eat on Evander's new hamburger grill, then use it to smash his head in. Just let it go. I guarantee you, if Tyson and Holyfield were in a cage, it would probably eclipse all PPV buys rates in history!
Seriously, though, what sane minded person would buy this? Holyfield killed him twice before, and Mike hasn't won a fight in what seems like an eternity. The only attraction would be to see if either guy gets severly hurt. And where's the fun in that? Boxing isn't attractive because there are no stars, in part because it's almost exclusively on PPV. In it's heyday, it was on regular TV. Often on ABC's Wide World of Sports, you'd see Howard Cosell wax poetic about boxing. Muhammed Ali was a frequent guest, and it helped he had name-brand competition to fight. I found it interesting when Mike Golic, by far not a boxing expert, said he'd rather watch MMA because "boxing (has) a couple of boring fights before the main event" but MMA was exciting from bell-to-bell. It's definately telling.
So, if boxing wants to continue down the path to irrelevance it's been traveling down, book Tyson-Holyfield 3. If it wants to find a niche in the sports landscape, get rid of these crooked promoters, find a TV home (like MMA has with Spike TV), and learn to promote the future, rather than hope the past can save you again. Gotta go; Mike's getting hungry again!
For those of you who don't know, I am a Lions season ticket holder, a distinction that might be akin to allowing myself to be tortured and mocked. To be frank, I can't be described as a diehard Lions fan; I'm not above saying that the team has (mostly) stunk for many decades. That said, I enjoyed going to the games last year. The passion exerted by the 'long suffering' fans was incredible, and the 5-3 home record was good. What this post will concern is the recent renewal form I got in the mail and the delusional rhetoric therein.
Someone could probably write a good book about the Matt Millen error and title it "Field of Screams" or "(Lack of) Glory". It's well documented that Millen has made a litany of errors in his EIGHT YEARS as Lions president. But when I got my form on Wednesday, I read everything, including a letter from coach Rod Marinelli. Marinelli said "There's a perception regarding our football team and there is a reality regarding our football team. I firmly believe the positive reality is that we are much closer to the playoffs than some would suggest". Let's discuss that statement.
In fairness to Marinelli, who can't honestly say "Our team stinks, and there's no way we're going to compete", there are major holes that won't be easily fixed over the offseason. Starting on defense (his specialty) the D=line needs a pass rusher. DTs Cory Redding and Shaun "Big Baby" Rogers (the subject of trade rumors) do a decent job stopping the run, but where's the rush from outside? They won't be able to get a top rusher in the draft, and there aren't many premier rushers in free agency, so that will still be a problem. The secondary has been weak for years, and who will they give up should they pursue an Asante Samuel (forget about it!) or DeAngelo Hall (ditto)? The D will still take its lumps regardless of the positive vibe.
What makes me laugh the most, though, is when you read futher down, Marinelli says "I believe the changes we have made in our coaching staff will positively compliment our talent" and with some FA upgrades will have the team "in position to compete for a playoff berth in 2008". The coaching change in question was the dismissal of Mike Martz as offensive coordinator and replacing him with the O-line coach I believe. Martz and Marinelli were like oil and vinegar; they just couldn't mix. Marinelli holds Martz accountable for the struggles of the O last year. Baloney! Many football fans know that games are decided in the trenches,and the O-line was worse than the D-line! Jon Kitna was filleted regularly, and it's a miracle he lasted the season. The running game never got going, and I observed that FA T.J. Duckket ran better at times than Kevin Jones! What would you do if you ran the O; run it a lot, or pass? The Lions have invested little on the line through the draft, and the FAs they brought in (Damien Woody, anybody?) haven't done well, and that's why the offense struggled.
When you combine the thoughts of the coach with the words of Millen, who in a local radio interview, while stating he'd probably fire himself if he were a fan (Really?!), blamed the Lions' failures on everything from bad luck to simply not knowing why they usually lose, as a fan, you can only wonder if these two guys can ever get this team back to at least the good old 1990s, when fans were disgusted at playoff failure. Today, that would be very welcomed around here! So, I guess you are wonder "After saying that, are you renewing your tickets?". I hope to do so, simply because misery loves company. And being amongst thousands of unhappy fans makes me feel much better than being angry by myself.
What do you think? Do the Lions have a point that they are closer to a playoff push than the media gives them credit for? Or is it more smoke up the middle? You decide!
