Seeing as Thanksgiving, the day to stuff yourself full of turkey (or, as John Madden calls it, Thursday), is tomorrow, and I haven't done a list in some time, and I have some free time, and I just wrote the world's longest run-on sentence, let's go through a list of the ten things I'm most thankful for:

10. I'm thankful for the Detroit Pistons and specifically Joe Dumars: Yeah, I make fun of their coach, Michael Curry (just say it a few times and realize how ridiculous it sounds), and I question their heart, but at the same time, they usually win. Which is more than I can say about some other teams. Dumars is one of the best execs in the NBA for a reason; unlike fellow backcourt mate Isiah Thomas, Dumars didn't go willy nilly with cash to sign big-name, bad-teammate players (Starbury says it all); he traded Grant Hill at the peak of his value, and literally stole Ben Wallace for spare parts. The same for Rasheed in 2004. Dumars is a keeper, for sure.

9. I was thankful for Matt Millen: Without him, I wouldn't have had comedy material for nearly two years. Thanks, Matty! Maybe FOX will hire you back in the booth. Or not.

8. I'm thankful for Stephen A. Smith's mouth: (shifts to Smith mode) BECAUSE HE MAKES ME FEEL SMARTER! SLAVA MEDVEDENKO!

7. I'm thankful for half of Mike Illitch: As owner of the Red Wings, Illitch has built the ideal hockey franchise, and has taken a team from the depths of despair to four Stanley Cups during his tenure. Now, if only he could channel that for the Tigers...

6. I'm thankful for the Madden video games: Once you mute the commentary, the game itself is great. There's only one rule that I follow; never, under any circumstances, play as the Lions! Oh, I almost forgot; never play Franchise mode as Matt Millen (ZING! I knew I could find a Millen joke there!).

5. I'm thankful that I can mock other sportscasters: I've skewered Smith and Madden here, but I skewer other people too: Tony Kornhieser (little Madden), Skip Baseless, er, Bayless, Chris Berman, Kenny Mayne, etc. I'd go on, but (in Berman mode) I...DON'T...WANT...TO...GO...ALL...THE...WAY!!! The end.

4. I'm thankful I can mock sports channel lineups: The posterchild; ESPN Classic. Or, as it is now known, the 24-hour boxing, bowling, pool, poker and car auctions network! I'd rather watch when NBA TV or NFL Network shows a classic game; Classic should do what NFL Network does and show the game virtually unedited for time. That would be cool. But then again, how would some unknown fight from Showtime in 2006 get its due? Sike!

3. I'm thankful for being able to do this list: And I'm also grateful to anyone who reads it. Thanks to anybody who can tolerate this drivel and have fun doing it.

2. I'm thankful for the troops: I can have some bad days in my life, but I know that the troops overseas have it much rougher than I do. They have a truly hellacious job, and their courage and patriotism are unmatched. God bless all of them, and I earnestly hope you guys and gals come home real soon!

1. I'm thankful for my family and my health: As I said before, life can get rough. And though my dating life absolutely stinks, my immediate family is a huge comforting factor for me; my dad recently returned from upper Michigan, and it's fun to have him back (except when he sings). My aunt is only six years older than I am, so we relate very well and can confide any secrets we have to each other. And my grandmother, who recently turned 70, is the most caring individual I've ever seen; it's a shame they don't give medals for her kindness. And a special thanks to all the doctors who, in the past five years, took me from near death with pancreatitis to being almost normal (except for the bald patch on the back of my head, but that's a minor quibble); you guys are amazing!

Thanks again to everyone who reads this, and to everyone on the FOX blogs, have a safe and happy Thanksgivimg! Now, I must prepare for the Lions game I'm going to tomorrow; the key word for the game is "DUCK!"

Last night, NBA fans saw yet another showcase for the team that won last year's title and very likely will have another chance at the brass ring this year. The Boston Celtics handed the Detroit Pistons their lunch again last night, winning 98-80 in Beantown (after an 88-76 loss at the Palace), dropping them to 8-4 and to 6-4 since trading for Allen Iverson. Clearly, the Celtics are the better team, and the Pistons may be #2 in the East, but the gap is more significant than most would expect.

The Pistons don't have the ideal chemistry right now, and it showed last night, when the offense stagnated after a decent start. I said before that Iverson, as a traditionally isolation-based player, would be a fly in the ointment for the motion O the Pistons preferred, and it was yesterday. And his lack of D must be spreading; the C's shot 49% from the field, and had five guys in double figures (led by Rajon Rondo's 18). Getting back to the O issue; Iverson's assist-to-turnover ratio was 1:1 (four assists, four TOs), which would indicate sloppy play. And Richard Hamilton is clearly struggling (4-9 shooting, just 12 points), and I'll be very interested if/when he starts to sulk about his role with the team.

Let's face it; the East is Boston's to lose. Though they don't always resemble last year's team, as Charles Barkley said last night, the East has a lot of trash in it. No team in the conference can match Boston's Big Three, and no one can match their desire to win again. That said, I won't say that they should repeat; the West champion (likely the Lakers, but I digress) will give them fits, and the depth on this team isn't good, but the Celtics should still be playing in June.

As for the Pistons, they should also be playing in June. Yep, they should be playing golf! The Pistons will rank right up there with the 1977 Trail Blazers and the 1983 76ers, among others. Great for one glorious season, and then consistently good, but never as good as they were for one stretch where nothing could stop them from winning it all. One must wonder what could have been had they simply cared about winning when it counted. Now, I must observe the inevitable trainwreck that should happen when AI doesn't like his role, and he, Hamilton, and Michael Curry (I still can't call him "Pistons coach" without laughing) clash. That should be fun! Until next time, be thankful that they at least aren't the Lions!

By now, everybody who is an NBA fan or loves malcontents knows that Allen Iverson has become the newest Detroit Piston after being acquired from Denver for Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess essentially. Many NBA fans have opinions of it, and not many are flattering. Before I give you my opinion, here's a part of my last post (Random Sports Thoughts: Mostly NBA Edition) where I bemoaned the lack of change in Detroit:

"Speaking of my hometown team: Still no changes in Bridesmaid town. They won't need to worry about crying after the conference finals; they won't get there. I'm begging Rasheed Wallace to erupt, just so it can hasten his departure. Wait; he has! Dammit!"

Basically, I said that the Pistons would not return to the Eastern Finals, much less the NBA Finals, because the same team that failed in the last three Eastern Finals was back without a change except for new coach Michael Curry (hold your laughter). Now, a week later, they have made that major move. So, you say, have I changed my mind?

The answer is "No, I haven't". This team still won't get it done when it counts because:

1. Iverson is all about, well, Iverson: I usually couldn't care less about anything Skip Bayless says, but when he calls AI "Me, Myself and Iverson", it rings so true. Iverson has either been "The Man" or "The Man with Carmelo" since he started playing ball, and now he's gonna change with the Pistons? Curry doesn't have the track record Larry Brown had in Philly that at least made Iverson willing to listen slightly, and he won't change in Detroit. And for those who say "Joe Dumars will change him", stop it; Dumars doesn't coach, and Iverson won't change.

2. He'll stagnate the offense: The Pistons aren't exactly an offensive juggernaut, but they were good enough to win a lot of games because no one hogged the ball. And Iverson wants to shoot everytime he touches it. Can you say "disaster in the making"? Everybody, from Richard Hamilton to Rasheed to Prince and the rest will struggle to integrate AI into the flow, so expect at least early trouble.

3. Rodney Stuckey gets no break: I love it when I hear people say that Billups was dealt for Iverson to clear room for Stuckey. It's complete BS; Iverson will actually hold back Stuckey because he doesn't defer to anybody, whereas Billups did give Stuckey some slack. The only way that's true is if Iverson leaves after the season. Sorry, Rodney!

But, after all of that, I'll admit that this was a necessary evil. The Pistons had to shake this foundation and move on; the title team was almost 5 years in the past, and this unit had gone as far as they could possibly go. So, I applaud Dumars for making the move. Now, if only we let Rasheed's contract expire, and wait until 2010, we could make a push for LeBron James (sorry, Joker!). But the Pistons today are no better off than they were Sunday, and yet I'm glad they aren't, if only because it finally signals the end of the redundant losers (and the end of the overrated Billups; if the refs didn't give him a thousand foul shots, he'd barely be serviceble! But I digress). Thank goodness!

Here's another round of random thoughts about sports. More specificly, basketball thoughts as the NBA season finally starts tonight. Here are my thoughts, with some other issues sprinkled in:

The Lakers and Blazers meet in the TNT nightcap. Four words about the Blazers' chances: Keep Greg Oden healthy!

As for the Lakers, we'll see if the return of Andrew Bynum really is the missing link there. Number of games played before Lakers fans panic: two if they lose both, three if they don't.

The Celtics also tip off tonight against the LeBrons, er, the Cavs. Don't give me that Maurice Williams stuff; he isn't enough to get Cleveland over the figurative hump.

The Celts are my favorites in the East. Why? Five words: "new Pistons coach Michael Curry".

Speaking of my hometown team: Still no changes in Bridesmaid town. They won't need to worry about crying after the conference finals; they won't get there. I'm begging Rasheed Wallace to erupt, just so it can hasten his departure. Wait; he has! Dammit!

Let's go to baseball for a moment: The Phillies/Rays game won't end until Wednesday. If the Phillies had won that 'game' yesterday because of the weather, that would have been the most embarrassing thing to happen to MLB since, well, Jose Canseco.

Back to the NBA: Mike D'Antoni hates the Knicks' practice habits, and Eddy "Hefty" Curry is out of the rotation. D'Antoni has found out quickly what can happen without Steve Nash or any good athletes.

First coach to be fired/resign: Larry Brown, Bobcats. Why? He still has half the NBA to coach!

League MVP: Kobe. And to those who say LeBron: think CSAJTSHL. Translation: He Can't Shoot A Jumper To Save His Life! He's too incomplete to be an MVP.

And finally; Skip "Manu's Boyfriend" Bayless has jumped off the Spurs' bandwagon and jumped on the Hornets' one. Gambit, you'd better be careful; whatever Skip touches turns to ####, so I'm scared about the Hornets.

That's all I have today. I'm so gald that the NBA begins, so I don't have to talk about the Lions anymore! Take care!

There really hasn't been much going on in the world of sports that would inspire me to write a full post on them, so to shake off some rust, I'll just run off some questions that have eaten at my mind recently:

1. Can the Lions go 0-16!: The short answer is "yes". Their schedule (including home games with the Redskins, Titans, Bucs, Saints, Jaguars and Vikings that I, unfortunately, have tickets for) is brutal, and they have little left to play for; the coach is a goner, the GM is already gone, and many players may not be here in 2009. And I say "Please tank this year!", if only for a few laughs.

2. Was yesterday's Lakers/Bobcats preseason game really bad, or was it me?: Maybe it was good Kobe sat out with his knee injury; that game was disgusting to watch. Fortunately, it's only preseason, but I think that all sports leagues should reduce preseason games and rates charged, so that fans who normally can't afford it can go to a game.

3. Has anybody else gotten tired of the Cowboys-palooza?: First, it was perennial troublemaker TO. Then, it was perennial troublemaker Pacman. Then, it was the non-stop Tony Romo injury coverage. Then, it was the "should Wade go?" stuff. Now, it's Wade taking over as defensive playcaller. Enough, already!

4. Speaking of, what about Brady?: I heard so much about Brady's complications from his ACL surgery, that I think I could perform the surgery myself! Look, I know Brady has won three Super Bowl and dates a supermodel, but that doesn't mean I need to know every angle about his surgery. Enough!

5. Is Manny Ramirez worth $27.5 million?: No. Nobody really is. Only in baseball can we discuss this with a straight face, and Manny wants six years, which would make him 42 when the deal ends. Um, Manny, you better settle for three years max, because you won't be productive at 42.

6. Will I win in any of my fantasy basketball leagues?: Of course I will! If you go into a fantasy league thinking you'll fail, you'll, well, fail. Look out to all three leagues!

Well, that's it for the questions! Hopefully, I have some better material after I attend the Lions-Redskins bloodletting, er, game! Take care!

I'm here today to try and fill my fantasy basketball league on Yahoo. We currently stand at seven members, and I need three more to fill it up. So, here's the info (written correctly this time):

League Name: DDFBL

League ID#: 41368

Password: nbapistons

Let's fill this league up with basketball fanatics who are ready to roll without the TNT-esque drama! Take care!

You read that right: I have set up a fantasy basketball league on Yahoo.com, and I need six more people to sign up and fill the league before the draft later this month. So far, I have gambit, Ubershorty and Nique in the league, and I will warn you now that, while I expect some friendly trash-talk during the season, I don't want TNT-esque drama from the participants. So, if you don't intend to simply have some fun, don't apply. Now, here's the info needed to join:

League name: DDFBL

League ID: 41368

Password: nabpistons

Hope to see you there!

Here comes another batch of my musings from around the wide world of sports (thanks, ABC!). It's time for more Random Sports Thoughts!

The Cubs lost 10-3 yesterday night. That's sad. Now pass me some more billygoat-black cat-Bartman stew!

It's just too bad that the Cubs or Brewers aren't playing in Arizona. After all, they're used to big holes.

Speaking of the Brewers, C.C. Sabathia finally ran out of gas. Now the know-it-alls are complaning that he's not money in the playoffs. Funny; it never stopped A-Rod from buying seventeen countries.

The Rays won their first ever playoff game. Let that be a lesson to all pro teams; the Houstons Rockets-lose a lot-get high picks strategy does work!

I've got a fantasy basketball league on Yahoo.com. I need ten more owners, so if you're interested (about one person), the league name is DDFBL, the league ID is 41368, and the password is nbapistons (yeah, I know that will turn off some, but I'm from Detroit, so I couldn't realistically do nbalakers!).

How come the NHL season starts before the NBA season? Makes absolutely no sense to me.

Tommie Harris of the Bears was suspended for the game against the Lions for violating team rules. The Bears got sad for a second... then remembered they're playing the Lions, and laughed.

I'll be at Ford Field for that game Sunday (insert groans, laughter and dismay here).

Chad Ocho Cinco said he ought to start drinking and acting a fool, since the Bengals won that way. Funny; didn't he act up without enhancers?

Chad also said he'd kiss the Dallas Cowboys star after he scored a touchdown Sunday. Never mind he's only scored once this year, and Carson Palmer may not play. I'm glad Chad's here, so I can make fun of him and his sorry #### team!

Wait, I just heard a Cubs fan scream and curse. Heard it a lot from near my house last night; damn drunks!

New Pistons coach Michael Curry said he liked what he saw from his team at their first practice yesterday. Never mind how funny it sounds to say "Pistons coach Michael Curry"; he already sounds like Rod Marinelli! Next thing you know, he'll say after a loss "We just need to practice harder and play better"!

Phil Jackson shaved his 'stache, while Gregg Popovich returned from his Mormon pligrimage with a mountain-man look. I didn't know Ulysses S. Grant coached the Spurs, and Alex Trebek the Lakers!

Saw parts of Pete Maravich's 69-point game from 1977 against the Knicks on NBA TV. See; even in the past, the Knicks played no defense!

Sam Bowie, er, Greg Oden, tweaked his ankle and was held out of practice. At least Michael Jordan wasn't in this draft. (Sorry, Orman, if you're looking at this later!)

Finally, Cedric Benson signed with the Bengals recently. Perfect place for a player with legal troubles, isn't it, Chad?

That's it's for now. Take care, everyone!

Yesterday certainly showed that professional sports owners can be quirky people. For those who haven't paid attention to the bizzarro world of Oakland, Raiders owner/coach/GM/disaster-creator Al Davis canned coach Lane Kiffin in such a public display of acrimony that you half expected mafia hitmen to shoot Kiffin on the spot after Davis held a fiery news conference where he called Kiffin a "liar" and showed a four-page letter 'proving' that he warned Kiffin to stop the lies.

I don't know who is right here, but my opinion is that Davis, not Kiffin, is the biggest reason the Raiders stink. And after thinking about it for awhile last night, I decided to do a list of other owners who share Davis' (and Eric Bischoff's) belief that 'controversy creates cash'. Only, in this case, controversy creates... losing. Here are the top ten masters of that craft (and a return to a traditional "My List". Yay!):

10. Michael Heisley, Memphis Grizzlies: Not many people outside of Memphis know who Heisley is. But the Grizzlies have stunk for the last two years (44-120). The kicker? He felt that Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown was a good deal. Enough said.

9. Disney, Anaheim Ducks and ESPN: The company of Mickey Mouse is here for two reasons. First off, their ownership of the then-Mighty Ducks was spotty at best, and eveytime I thought about the team, I though Emilio Estevez was their coach! Is it a coincidence that the Ducks won the Stanley Cup after they sold the team? Then, of course, the way that ESPN has de-evolved in recent years since Disney assumed command needs no intro. If you hire Stephen A. Smith, you're not smart, period!

8. Wayne Huizenga, Dolphins and Marlins: Before you throw your Blockbuster rental at me, consider how haphazardly Huizenga ran two teams. The Dolphins have never made a Super Bowl since he became owner, and he treated the Marlins like a rental by destroying the team after their World Series win in 1997, simply so he could sell to the highest bidder. Simply put, I've seen used Kleenex treated better than those two teams have been under his watch.

7. Pittsburgh Pirates ownership: The reason I don't put the name of the current leader of the board of directors here (btw, his name is Bob Nutting) is because he's been on the job for only two years. The previous management was inept, to say the least. Hell, the last time the team made the playoffs, a pre-steroids Barry Bonds couldn't throw out Sid Bream and keep Atlanta out of the Series (that was 1992)! They haven't developed any cohesive strategy, and that's why their streak of losing seasons will be the longest in MLB history.

6. Al Davis, Raiders: The only reason Davis isn't higher is that, at one time, he was among the brightest minds in the NFL. Now, he's a dinosaur who still thinks that the old Raiders principals (throw it deep) work today. His handling of the Kiffin fiasco was a joke, and he hamstrings any potential coach by hiring the asistants! Even Jerry Jones isn't that meddling with the Cowboys! davis needs to step aside and enjoy retirement, for the sake of the Raiders going forward.

5. Bill Bidwell, Cardinals: The Cardinals are among the symbols for extended failure in the NFL; since Bill became the head of the team in the mid-60s, the team has moved out once, won only two division titles, and boast but one playoff win since their last title in 1947! Even the Lions have won titles during that span! Call it the curse of the Pottsville Maroons, if you will (btw, there's an excellent book on how that team was shafted out of the title); I call it bad ownership. Bid-fareWell, Billy!

4. Mike Brown, Bengals: Now we get to the heart of the inept; Brown, whose father Paul built the Browns into a power, then made Cincy a solid team, has been far less successful since taking over in 1991. The Bengals have just one winning season since then, and Brown has been his own worst enemy. The coaching hires (David Shula, anyone?) haven't been good, and the draft picks have been spotty at best (Ki-Jana Carter, Dan Wilkinson, etc.). Worse yet, the team has become an episode of Cops; there have been so many arrests in Cincy, I haven't even bothered to count. That's because the Bengals have the league's smallest scouting department, and boy does it shows the leaks! No oversight creates a mess, and Brown seems too cheap to correct it, so let the embarassment continue!

3. James Dolan, Knicks: Dolan is the head of the Cablevision group that owns the Knicks, and as the de-facto owner, the Knicks have been terrible. One hire says all you need to know about why he's here; Isiah Thomas. Worse still, he stuck by Thomas and allowed him to give out those ridiculous contratcs (Stephon "The Walking Advertsiment for Bad Deals" Marbury, Jerome James, etc.) that will continue to plague New York for at least the next three to five years. When you enable as much as Dolan has, you derserve to fail.

2. William Clay Ford, Lions: Speaking of enabling, Ford is the Dolan of the NFL; he too made a major mistake by hiring (and then sticking by until it was too late) Matt Millen. Since he became majority owner in 1964, the Lions boast just three division titles, one playoff win, and zero Super Bowl/NFL Championship appearences. In that same span, the Buccaneers, Seahawks, and Panthers have made the Super Bowl, and they weren't in the league in 1964! He's too nice and won't fire anybody until the uproar is too loud (Millen and Darryl Rogers stand out). To borrow and modify a catchphrase, think Ford last! Except...

1. Donald Sterling, Clippers: ... there is one man who is the cubic zirconia of the sports world. A man who, when faced with the chance of victory, instead prefers defeat. A man who has gleefully moved his team to become an afterthought to the Lakers in L.A. A man who has kept Elgin Baylor on for more than two decades! That's right; the Donald is #1! And Sterling figured out the dirty rule of sports long before the other nine did; he realized "Hey! I can put zero effort to build a winner, make the profits, and go home happy!". He actually is smarter than all of us, because he knows people will pay to see his product, no matter how few it actually is. And the results (one playoff series win; only two winning seasons since 1980-81) speak for themselves. Sterling is the standard by which all inept owners should be measured!

There's my top ten. Are there any owners you think that do a worse job than these guys have! There's probably at least one or two I may have missed! Let me know if I have made an error. Until next time, may Tom Cable (the new Raiders coach) rent rather than buy!

It's time once again to sort out some loose junk in my head. It's time for Random Sports Thoughts (otherwise known as "Stuff I write when a really good topic isn't available/is written ad nauseum")!

The most talked about item clearly is USC losing to Oregon State 27-21. On the positive side, at least ESPN won't devote segments of their show to a hypothetical USC/St. Louis Rams matchup, huh?

Btw, doesn't this game show why college football needs a playoff? And, in another irony, it will also show why CFB won't do it; they love negative press more than TO!

Monta Ellis admitted he crashed and burned on a Moped to cause his ankle injury. Why should we be surprised? His adviser was Kellen Winslow Jr.!

Stephon "The Walking Advertisment for Bad Deals" Marbury said he will not accept any buyout from the Knicks and that "they're gonna pay me my money". That should quash all those 'rumors' that he is a bad teammate.

The baseball races are really heating up. The battle between the White Sox and Twins for the Central, The NL wild card, the Tigers' quest for last place...

Dustin Perdroia for AL MVP? Sorry, Sox fans; the MVP of the American League should be... chosen from a hat if that's the case.

The Lions fired Matt Millen. I'd just like to repeat that because it sounds vaguely important. The Lions fired Matt Millen. It just SOUNDS good, doesn't it?

Now, if they could only dump Kitna and Marinelli, they'd be onto something.

Kevin Garnett is the face of NBA 2K9. As long as he doesn't scream in the game, we should be fine.

Hank Steinbrenner is crying about Joe Torre's Dodgers making the playoffs and his Yankees staying home. Maybe you should hire him. Oh wait...

Then again, poppa George hired (and fired) Billy Martin 76 times, so maybe, eh, no.

 Todd Jones will retire from the Tigers. Somewhere, I yawned.

Did you see Kimbo Slice interviewed on PTI yesterday? That had more BLEEP bombs than an Ozzy Osborne concert!

One more of these; the Chiefs are thinking about starting Damon Huard this week. In a related story, they've called Len Dawson and Steve DeBerg asking if they're available!

That's all the random junk for today! Hope you enjoy it! And I hope that the animosity hinted at earlier in the post dies down. Take care! (Damn; can't stop using exclamation marks!!!!)

With all the anger going around about the Josh Howard disrespecting the anthem fiasco, I decided to take a more light-hearted (but still scathing) approach to descirbing my feelings towards Howard's actions. With further ado, here come the BoreStars!

BoreStars Episode 3: A Real American

Flasback scene (cue voiceover guy): When we last left our BoreStars, they had just defeated the monsterous Ted Thompson and Aaron Rodgers with the help of Brett Favre. Now, in today's episode, Tim Duncan, Roger Federer and David Beckham race to stop a nefarious evil that threatens to destroy America!

Title Music (cue band): BOREEEEESTARSSSSS!

(montage of a rare Beckham score): Beckham scores more than you know! BORESTARS!

(montage of Federer winning the U.S. Open): Federer weaves; viewers leave! BORESTARS!

(montage of Duncan's bankshot): Duncan wins; the NBA cringes! BORESTARS!

BoreStars! We put the 'bore' into immeasurable boredom!

Scene one: The Stars are waiting for their next assignment at their lair, where no one notices them; the Memphis Grizzlies arena!

Duncan: I hope we can get another case in before the NBA season starts. I need to do what I've done for 10 years; be myself and make SA a contender.

Federer: Me, I'm glad I'm not active. Between losing to Nadal and people thinking I got the easy way out at the U.S. Open, I need a break.

(Beckham returns, looking obviously drunk)

Duncan: What the hell did you do last night?

Beckham: I clebrted yessterday. The Galxy scoreddddd more than too goals!

Duncan & Federer: Great! (laugh to themselves)

(Just after that, Michael Jordan appears to give them an assignment)

Jordan: BoreStars, I need you to go to Dallas and investigate reports of unrest against the country.

Duncan: Cool! Let's go!

Jordan: But, there's a catch; Brett Favre wants to join you!

Duncan & Federer: Damn!

Beckham: Honest, occifer, I isn't drunk!

Jordan: Just tolerate Brett. With Becks so drunk, you may need him!

Duncan: Alright, let's go.

(The Stars meet up with Favre at the plane, and go down to Dallas)

Scene two: The Stars arrive in Dallas. Just then, Favre starts to waffle.

Duncan: What the matter now, Brett!

Favre: I just get the creeps coming down here; not many fond memories here!

Federer: Well, let's just see what the fuss is about.

(Just then, Josh Howard appears)

Howard: What's up, BoreStars?

Beckham: I ain't upsy. I just be drunk!

Duncan: O.K., just ignore him. Josh, have you heard about the unrest in Dallas? It's worse than the screams in the NBA office when my Spurs reach the Finals!

Howard: I haven't heard anything. Anyhow, I gotta run to the football game!

(Howard leaves)

Beckham: He plays foosball?

Favre: He sounds like he knows more than he's letting on.

Duncan: I agree. What about you, Roger?

(Federer says nothing. He secretly wishes Nadal was behind things.)

Duncan: Let's go to American Airlines Center (sidenote: Since Miami and Dallas share the same sponser, correct me if I'm wrong).

(They depart)

Scene three: The Stars arrive at American Airlines Arena.

Beckham: Isn't this the bar I was at last night?

Duncan: No! Let's scope the place.

(As the Stars search the arena, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban arrives.)

Duncan: Hi, Cuban! Not incurring fines with Stern, are you?

Cuban: No, just trying to figure out how to be more wrong with my team. Maybe I can trade Dirk for Shaq, huh?

Federer: Enough of that. Have you heard about the unrest down here?

Cuban: I have, but I can't put my finger on where it came from.

Favre: Could it be one of your players? I should know better than anyone that players can make situations uncomfortable.

Cuban: Perhaps. I've heard Josh said something bad the other day.

Duncan: Really? That fact never came out from Josh, much like the league never wants to mention my team winning four titles.

(The Stars begin to suspect Howard. Soon, they realize the truth.)

Scene four: After some fact-checking, the Stars confirm the worst; Howard has denounced America and wants to smash everything it stands for! The Stars set out to confront Howard.

Beckham: Do we really need another drink?

Duncan: Becks, just lay low here.

(The Stars dump Beckham onto a soccer field because nobody watches soccer. Then, they confront Howard on the football field.)

Duncan: Alright, Josh; you're under arrest for the good of the country!

Howard: Oh yeah? #### the country and it's ####ty anthem! You won't stop me!

(Howard gets into his attack vehicle, and soon after knocks Federer aside because he can't focus. Duncan and Favre hold back Howard, but they realize they can't do it alone.)

Favre: I'm thinking about retiring again!

Duncan: You better not!

(Just then, an errant beam of light comes through, and strikes Howard's vehicle. It explodes, and Howard falls on his rear and is arrested by Duncan and Favre. The blast comes from Beckham, who doesn't know what happened.)

Duncan: Dave, you did it! You scored a big goal!

Beckham: I scored? Wow, that never happens!

(The Stars return to AAA.)

Scene five: The Stars are met by the Dallas media.

Duncan: Never fear, fair citizens. We stopped the menace that was Josh Howard. (People nod off during his speech).

Federer: Great! Now I can work on beating Nadal.

Favre: It's great getting in my first case! I won't retire until at least next episode!

Beckham (stares at Favre): Victoria!?

(Beckham starts to chase Favre. Duncan and Federer just stare into the sunset.)

Voiceover: Tune in next time for another exciting episode of BoreStars!

Beckham: You can't escpae forever, Victoria!

Favre: AHHHHH!

What Josh Howard did was wrong, and he thoroughly disrepected many soldiers dying in Iraq and around the world for his right to say moronic things. While little can be done to stop his career (since it's obvious that Howard would land elsewhere if Dallas cut him), he can't evade the bad press he'll get for the time to come. And that can be a fate worse than death for many athletes (right, Latrell Sprewell?).

Well, time is running short. Hope you enjoy it, and until next time, may Howard be cursed to a terrible fate; playing for Matt Millen!

Well, the sports week has certainly been interesting so far, and we've barely gotten started! But, as far as I'm concerned, none of the topics stood out enough to warrant a full post to it. So, here comes some more random thoughts!

Tom Brady's season is over. But then again, so is the Detroit Lions, so he's not alone.

Speaking of the Pats, Matt Cassel is now in the saddle. Maybe he can get some tips on replacing a preferred QB from Steve Young, not Brian Griese.

I'm going to the Losers, er, Lions game against the Packers this weekend. Estimated time before first boos rain on them; I'll say right before kickoff.

Man, there hasn't been a Kobe-bashing blog in what seems like an eternity. Where are the venom-spewers? (Nique, I don't support them; it's just livelier when they're here)

Charlie Weis is getting some heat by saying "To hell with Michigan". Why? Michigan will find a way to lose, anyhow (Yeah, Rich Rodriguez, you can use that on the board, too!).

Michelle Wie is going back to qualifying school. Or is it clown college? Any way you slice it, she's in trouble.

Lance Armstrong will come back for the 2009 Tour de Farce, er, France. Brett Favre suddenly has a new best buddy.

Not to go off topic, but regarding the MTV Music Awards thingy, I have one question; who the #### is Russell Brand?!?!

Back on topic; Tigers manager Jim Leyland blasted the bullpen in general (and Fernando Rodney in particular) for not pitching well. Thank you, Captain Obvious! When did you first notice? I said it before, and I'll say it again; send the entire pen to Europe to minimize the damage they do here.

ESPN decided to have Mike, Mike and Mike (Greenberg, Golic, and Ditka) at the mic for MNF. How much further can they scrape the barrel for bad gimmicks?

Has NBA TV shown any low-scoring, dull 'classic' games this week? I missed that thrilling 70-69 action!

Speaking of which, NBA TV is going to let voters decide what game will be aired on Tuesdays during the season. I'd say that the Lakers game will win whenever it's featured on Tuesday. Just once, I'd like to see fans pick a Thunder/Grizzlies showdown just for laughs. Make NBA TV work hard for its money!

ESPN Classic = The Worldwide Leader... in boring, non-classic boxing. Enough of this #### already!

And, to end on a sad note; I drove by the remains of the old Tiger Stadium recently. I'll never forgive Mike Illitch, Dennis Archer, and Kwame "Love Machine" Kilpatrick for letting such a great stadium crumble like they did. That's as political as I'll get on my blog.

O.K., let's bring the mood back up before I go. That's the post for today. Until next time, here's a word of advice; Prospectivwe mothers, don't let your babies grow up to be Stephen A. Smith! Take care!

It's the offseason in the NBA, and if ever the league had a real 'off'season, it's this year. There has been little movement during the summer, and the feel of many NBA stories (including some of my own) is not very positive. So, I've spent about a week thinking about certain things. And, after thinking about things, here comes the result. Here are some things about the NBA I would do if there was a perfect world for the association.

Beef #1: The recent trouble of rookies Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur

This has been the hot topic of the recent NBA posts. Let me be brief: Arthur and Chalmers made a mistake under the current laws of the land. It has nothing to do with race, upbringing, or anything but their personal judgment. As such, there's plenty to blame to go around. I realize that I came down hard on David Stern yesterday, but I believe that Stern must be consistent. As for the players union, yes, they should work with Stern to change the rules regarding this. But both sides must be proactive, not reactive

Solution: Institute madatory suspensions for any player caught using pot (I'd say a 1 game suspension to start is O.K., and then go from there). As for players like Josh Howard, do what the NFL does and just periodically test him to make sure he's straight.

Beef #2: The coverage on ESPN/ABC is, as Bill Walton says, "Horrrrrrrible".

This was supposed to be the topic of a different post about two weeks ago, but my computer troubles prevented it. Anyhow, to the point; many people (at least on other sites I frequent) don't like how ESPN/ABC handles the NBA package. Yet, despite this, they were renewed until 2016! In this instance, money triumphs over all, and that's sad to me. I actually enjoy the real classic games from the NBC and CBS eras because they handled the NBA better than ESPN/ABC.

Solution: The NBA does deals with the networks just like the NFL does. ESPN/ABC gets a "Game of the Week" every Sunday (starting in January); NBC and CBS get conference-exclusive games whenever they want to schedule them (like Fox does with the NFC and CBS does with the AFC). TNT can keep their schedule as is.

For those who say "How could the major networks work that package in?", I say this; NBC is 4th in the major network ratings! Wouldn't you rather see action than "Celebrity Circus"? I know CBS would be a little trickier, but their Saturday night lineup is thin. Can't they squeeze it in there? And wouldn't it be cool to get the old school NBA songs from each network than the generic #### on ESPN/ABC! Maybe you can even do "Retro Week" and bring back the voices from the past for one broadcast. Imagine the possibilities.

Beef #3: The lack of player movement

Other than the Ron Artest trade, there hasn't been much to talk about. That's why these blogs haven't been real active. Simply put enough, there has been little to talk about.

Solution: Get a couple of GMs drunk and convince them that last year's trade of Kwame Brown for Pau Gasol was a steal for Memphis, and get them on the phones, telling them "One of you must make a major deal!".

This will probably be the scariest part of the utopia for Mitch Kupchak, Danny Ainge, Pat Riley, Joe Dumars, etc. Need I say more about how the unpredictability would make the NBA more interesting?

Beef #4: Stephen A. Smith

Sorry, I just can't keep him out of a problem/solution blog.

Solution: Fire him.

No explanation necessary.

What would you do if there was an NBA utopia? I don't care how outlandish it may be; leave a suggestion if you want. In the mean time, I'm going to give Riles another drink.

(P.S. You may notice the song player I just added. Finally, technolgy worked for me! If you have any songs that I can search and add, suggest them! Hell, might as well fill it up!)

(P.P.S. Did I mention we should fire Stephen A. Smith?)

Today, I'll pick up where I left off yesterday and preview the Western Conference. Here are the picks:

Western Conference

1. Los Angeles Lakers: Until someone else unseats them, you have to go with the defending conference champs. Kobe will still be determined to win, and if Andrew Bynum is healthy and playing like he did last year, the Lakers could win between 56-62 games this year.
2. New Orleans Hornets: Chris Paul and Co. are another year older, and the addition of James Posey will work wonders with the D, not to mention his winning pedigree. Expect about 54-58 wins, and maybe more, as they pose the single biggest threat to the Lakers.
3. Houston Rockets: Ron Artest's mood will be the biggest key; my gut feeling is that he'll be a quiet guy and play like a man possessed. Yao should be healthy, and McGrady (and everyone else) will be more comfortable in Adelman's O. I think they can win up to 56 games. And they should end their 0-fer and win at least one playoff round.
4. Utah Jazz: The Jazz really needed to find someone who could take some scoring pressure off of Carlos Boozer, Deron Williams and Co., but they (like many other teams) didn't find anybody. So, the same things that stalled them against L.A. last year will still be prevelant. They should win about 52 games, but Portland could give them fits.
5. San Antonio Spurs: This team needed an injection of young blood... and all it did was resign Michael Finley. Then, Manu Ginobili reinjures his ankle and could be out early in the season. The Spurs' window could close shut this year unless Parker has a career year and Duncan plays more assertively. Expect a drop to about 48-50 wins.
6. Portland Trail Blazers: The team with the current longest postseason drought should end that this year. Greg Oden will debut, and while he won't be dominant, he should be a defensive force almost from the start. Plus, Brandon Roy and Co. can carry the O. I think they will flirt with the division for awhile before finishing with 47-49 wins.
7. Phoenix Suns: The spots after #6 are tricky, but Phoenix should have just enough to squeeze one more playoff berth out of this aging and thin cast. Shaquille O'Neal undoubtedly will get hurt, and the Suns will play great without him. Then he'll come back, and they will struggle. Expect about 44-46 wins at most.
8. Golden State Warriors: The Warriors win out here because, even with Monta Ellis out, Don Nelson can get the most out of this cast. The Warriors will still be high scoring, and with Baron Davis gone, they should be more harmonious. 43 wins should be enough for 8th this year.

The Best of the Worst:

9. Dallas Mavericks: Talk about fitting square pegs into round holes; Rick Carlisle's grind-it-out defensive oriented attacks are the antithesis of what Dallas is used to. While that could benefit Jason Kidd, it won't mesh with Dirk Nowitzki. Expect plenty of Mark Cuban fretting, and a slip out of the playoffs with about 42 wins.
10. Sacramento Kings: Reggie Theus did a decent job last year without much to work with, but now he won't have Ron Artest to lean on. Kevin Martin is a solid scorer, but he's not the guy your team can build around. If the Kings match their 2008 win total, that should suffice.
11. Los Angeles Clippers: Good news: Baron Davis give the Clips their best PG play in years (not counting the brief Sam Cassell run). Bad news: Elton Brand bolted shortly thereafter. This franchise always finds ways to turn gold into ####, and even with Davis, they won't be that much better. Expect about 35-37 wins and for Mike Dunleavy to be ousted after the season.
12. Denver Nuggets: Remember the 1990-91 Nuggets? That team led the NBA in scoring with about 118 PPG... and were still outscored by 12 per game! This Denver team is a clone of that one; Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson should light up the board, and unfortunately, so should the opposition. They will be lucky to win 32 games, and George Karl could be the first coach to quit/be fired this year.
13. Minnesota Timberwolves: Welcome to the NBA, Kevin Love! Now, try to get this team back to the playoffs for the first time since 2004. Although Love and Al Jefferson could remind GM Kevin McHale of himself and Robert Parish in the future, there's not much else around them. The Wolves should feel lucky to reach 27 wins this year.
14. Memphis Grizzlies: Speaking of rookies with bad teams; welcome, O.J. Mayo! Mayo does have potential, but it wouldn't surprise me if he dogs it when the Grizz start to lose regularly. Mayo will still get his stats, but there even less here than in Minnesota. The Grizzlies should win about 20-22 games, and Mark Iavaroni will be canned afterwards.
15. Oklahoma City 'Thunder': Assuming that this is indeed their name, the Thunder won't make much noise this year record wise. Although they should experience high turnout simply because of the novelty factor, other than Kevin Durant, what do they have to build on? Plus, they'll see what karma is like. The Thunder will finish with the NBA's worst record, and that should be no better than 13-17 wins max.

That's it for the West. When I actually get the updated rosters, I'll do a more in depth preview of the 2008-09 season. Until then, just be lucky you're not Love, Mayo or Durant!

I have been rather inactive in recent days on these blogs. But not without good reason; my dad returned home after another sabbatical, and the adjustments have been hard to get used to. But I assure you, even with the hectic schedule I now have, I'll still have time to post my thoughts about sports, and in particular, basketball.

Speaking of which, today's post is one of what should soon reach a million that will 'predict' or 'preview' the NBA in 2008-09. This isn't going to be a real lengthy preview, considering that the player movement wasn't that vast. But I'll give my current predictions (surely to be proven wrong by April, at least) for how the teams should finish. We'll start in the Least, er, East;

Eastern Conference

1. Boston Celtics: Even without Posey, they should still be the class of the East. You know that the Big 3 aren't satisfied with one ring, and that should be good for 56-60 wins.
2. Orlando Magic: They're not that much improved, but another year of experience and a weak conference should be good enough to at least match their 2008 win total or be right around it.
3. Detroit Pistons: Sorry, Michael Curry; this team is due for a fall. They haven't changed the core that has failed in three straight conference finals, and they aren't getting better (certainly not 'big-time' free agent Kwame Brown), they're just getting older. I'd say about 46-50 wins at best.
4. Philadelphia 76ers: Assuming Elton Brand is healthy and meshes quickly, this is my surprise team in the East. They pushed Detroit hard in the postseason last year, and Brand gives them a big time scorer and rebounder to ignite the fast break. Expect early season difficulties, then about 44-46 wins, perhaps more.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers: Eventually, LeBron will tire of being a one-man gang and bolt, but until he does, the Cavs will make the playoffs in the East. Adding Maurice Williams will help some with the scoring, but not enough (the Cavs haven't had a player score better than 16.9 per game since LeBron arrived). Expect right around a .500 record with 43-45 wins.
6. Toronto Raptors: The Raptors took a chance by acquring Jermaine O'Neal from Indiana, but they had to take it to end the Ford-Calderon battle. Now Calderon will lead the attack, and if O'Neal stays healthy (yeah, it does sound funny), the Raptors could win up to 48 games. But expect O'Neal to miss about half the year, and the Raptors struggle to reach .500.
7. Washington Wizards: Speaking of the chronically unhealthy, here are the Wizards. Once again, they'll depend on their trio of Arenas, Jamison and Butler to lead them. Once again, Arenas and Butler will miss significant time. Eddie Jordan has worked wonders with this perennially undermanned team, but the Wiz won't win more than 39 games unless they are healthy.
8. Miami Heat: This ranking is dependent on whether they keep Shawn Marion; the rumors persist that he will be dealt. But if he stays, the combo of Dwayne Wade (who looked great in the Olympics), Marion and rookie Michael Beasley give Miami hope in the Least. And the 8th seed can be had with about 38 wins, which Miami should challenge for.

The Best of the Worst:
9. Charlotte Bobcats: I think that Larry Brown could work wonders with an underachieving group of prospects in Charlotte, but then again, it could end up like New York all over again. Brown's tendency is to tear down and build up, so it could get rocky in Charlotte. I think 36 wins is the best to expect here.
10. Atlanta Hawks: The Hawks caught lightning in a bottle last postseason, and nearly upset (except for a lopsided game 7) the eventual champs in round 1. But Atlanta hasn't had a winning season since the lockout shortened 1998-99 season; no team has a longer stretch of futility in the league. They won't end that streak this year; expect a drop to 34 or 35 wins.
11. Chicago Bulls: #1 pick Derrick Rose will give the Bulls their first true floor leader in years (assuming he's healthy), but Rose doesn't solve the Bulls' lack of an inetrior presence; Joakim Noah isn't enough to me. FIrst time coach Vinny Del Negro will experience growing pains as the Bulls will be lucky to reach 34 wins this year as they biuld for the future.
12. Milwaukee Bucks: First year coach Scott Skiles has usually had success in the first year with a team; in both Phoenix and Chicago, he made the playoffs in his first full season. The Bucks do have some talent, but can players like Bogut and Villanueva adjust to a demanding coach? I don't think they will. Expect about 30-32 wins and a tear-down job to follow.
13. New Jersey Nets: The Nets are just biding their time until 2011, when they will sign LeBron for about a billion dollars and part-ownership of the team. I kid, but they are just waiting for King James to arrive, so the next three seasons could be brutal for the team. Vince Carter has shown in Toronto that he will Randy Moss things if they aren't going well, and they won't go well here. I predict 26-28 wins and that Lawrence Frank will be fired, either mid-season or shortly after the season.
14. Indiana Pacers: The Curse of Artest continues: the Pacers are still haunted by his actions three years later. The trade for T.J. Ford not only ended Jermaine O'Neal tenure, it also should signal the end for oft-injured Jamaal TInsley; he's not a 2, and the team wants to purge the remnants of the Artest error, er, era. I hope Larry Bird has a plan, because other than Ford and Danny Granger, who do they have? They'll be lucky to reach 24 wins this year.
15. New York Knicks: The Knicks finally gave Isiah his walking papers, and now Donny Walsh and Mike D'Antoni must clean up the mess he left behind. The Knicks don't seem to be able to run the frenetic offense that D'Antoni prefers, as neither Nate Robinson or Stephon Marbury are Steve Nash (obviously), nor is Quentin RIchardson the same guy he was in Phoenix, or... you get the picture. D'Antoni is trying to fit square pegs into a round hole, and it will still be quite ugly in Gotham. The Knicks will spend all year simply looking for players to keep for next year, and it will be an accomplishment to win 20 games this year.

That's it for the East. Tomorrow, I'll predict for the Western Conference. Until then, may you not end up in Larry Bird or Donnie (yeah, I know I misspelled it above) Walsh's shoes!