This week's photo ...



If you can, for a moment ignore the misspelling of "Memphis" and instead focus on the guy in the Dept. of Corrections jumpsuit or whatever that is. What's he saying? That's the contest: Put words in his mouth. Bring it in the comments section ...

My dream is to find a video of Joe Cribbs endorsing Otasco, but this will do in the interim ...



(Hat tip: FanHouse)

Seriously, nobody brings the BLEEP quite like crazy Little League parents. The latest from this eternally rich source of low comedy comes to us from Oregon, where the above sack o' BLEEP decided to freak out at a sixth-grade girls' game. Read all about his colicky-infant act!

Chemical castration and a forced viewing of "Lipstick Jungle" sound about right.

(Hat tip: Deadspin)

And now for a smattering of deeply held beliefs that we've acquired, oh, over the last week or so ...

• I believe this is perhaps the first sports-related online petition that I can support in good conscience.
• I believe the final lap of the Daytona 500 was exciting but not exciting enough to make me care about NASCAR.
• I believe the slam-dunk competition is officially interesting again.
• Speaking of dunks, I believe LeBron's slam in the second half was damned impressive.
• I believe the NBA champion will come from the Eastern Conference.
• I believe the folks at St. Mary's Academy need to join us here in the 21st century.
• I believe this lawsuit is likely frivolous, but I hope he wins it just the same.
• I believe that, yes, you've probably lost the game when your opponent puts in the white dudes.
• I believe fans don't belong on the field/court of play. Ever. Talking to you, UAB quarter-wits.
• I believe this is worse than even the much-dread "wet soccer ball to the ear on a cold day."

So what say you?

Pictured above is the world's smallest bodybuilder. That's probably the coolest thing we've run across all day. Here's hoping he keeps it up.

(Hat tip: Lion In Oil)

Neither of us can rap ...



(Hat tip: FanIQ)

Is Brady Quinn a raging BLEEP ...

...

...

... phobe?

Well, if there's any truth to this allegation (for his part, Quinn has denied all of it), then the Browns' highly paid sideline decoration plays fast and loose with BLEEP slurs when he gets angry. Apparently he didn't get the memo that you're supposed to stop using that word in the eighth grade or thereabouts.

In any event, to make lasting amends with the offended community, we present the following Brady Quinn photo gallery ...




















Let the healing begin.

    *

Which teams/athletes are better than all the other teams/athletes this week? America must know!

1. Uno the Beagle - Uno brought the smackdown to the Westminster, and he left with top honors. You will know him by the trail of BLEEP.

2. Betty the Border Collie - Sure, Uno is a worthy champ, but Betty deserves credit for the "awwwww" factor.

3. Boston Celtics  - They beat the Spurs despite being without Kevin Garnett, and they're undefeated against teams from the reputedly superior Western Conference. Meanwhile, the Eastern Conference, much like Wayne Brady, will choke a bi*ch.

4. College hoops refs - Be it a men's game or a women's game, no one takes over a game quite like the refs.

5. Vanderbilt - Yeah, it's a down year for UK, but a 41-point win? Sheesh. Remember, Gillispie, Hennigan's is odorless.

(* = After doing a Google Image Search for the word "power," here's the non sequitur photo we came up with for this week.)

This was the photo ...



And here's the winning entry, courtesy of Ed Hardiman: "Go ahead wipe your hands on the tablecloth, but it's mostly pollen anyway."

Nicely done, Ed.

Ah yes! The SI Swimsuit Issue--the "near beer" of porn--has hit the shelves, and it of course provides us with a bounty of achingly hot women. Festooning the cover is the lovely and, who knows, perhaps even talented Marisa Miller. For our money, however, we think Bar Rafaeli is the most fetching of this year's bikini hangers ...



Well played, Leo. Well played.

Anyhow, With Leather has done the lord's work and cobbled together a nifty round-up of the action. And here's the real McCoy. As anticipated, there's enough side BLEEP to shame a Lohan.

And this week's photo is ...



Have at it in the comments section ...

(Hat tip: The Big Lead)

Hey! Wow! Former crappy reliever John Rocker has some opinions on steroids! According to Rocker, he failed a drug test in 2000, and he also claims that commissioner Bud Selig ...

Zzzzzzzzzz ...

God in Heaven, if there's one thing more played out than the steroids issue, it's John Rocker. If this is a just and meaningful universe, then I'll never hear tell of this slack-jawed, lazy-eyed, bigoted half-wit as long as I live.

Hazing's stupid--it's lemming-like exercise, and it entails the rankest elements of the group dynamic. It's for idiots. But, geez, things sure have changed since I rode the bench in high school. Wedgies? Out. Stealing someone's clothes? Old news. Forced sodomy? All the rage, at least in Ohio.

Unless an unsolicited round of buggering somehow helps you play zone defense, I really don't see the point.

(Hat tip: Deadspin)

And now for a smattering of deeply held beliefs that we've acquired, oh, over the last week or so ...

• I believe golfers are delicate sissies. Seriously, why can't fans heckle them during play? We loudly harass and distract athletes in every other sport, but somehow these Polo-wearing dandies are to be spared? So much as cough during a backswing, and the offended golfer wails like a teething infant. Golfers need to be heckled. If they don't have the presence of mind to overcome heckling, then they're not athletes.
• I believe there's no such thing as a Bravo reality show that my wife won't watch.
• I believe I'm pulling for the Hornets to win the NBA Finals this season.
• I believe there's at least one thing Chris Berman and I agree upon.
• I believe you can't dream up an event as boring and pointless as the Pro Bowl.
• I believe few things on this earth are as unsettling as Mitch Albom's hair.
• I believe a competitive-eating video game would have potential.
• I believe I'm sick to death of anything having anything to do with Roger Clemens.
  
• I believe this particular segment of Patriots fans needs to go to hell immediately. You lost the game. Grow some grapes and deal with it.
• I believe I agree: they should be called the New Jersey Giants.

So what say you?

What kind of blog would this be if I didn't devote bandwidth to something only I care about? With that timeless principle in mind, here are the first five "random play" songs that showed up on my MP3 player today. What does this have to do with sports?

What doesn't this have to do with sports?



"Story of My Life" - Loretta Lynn
"Teddy Picker" - Arctic BLEEP
"Room 13" - Black Flag
"Handshake Drugs" - Wilco
"Some Drilling Implied" - Guided By Voices