What’s the over under on David Garrard turning back into the pumpkin that couldn’t win a starting job (for how many seasons)? I’m betting 4 games until it happens and 9 games until the PC avengers admit it. No question, Garrard had a dream season last year, but really now. Funny how talking heads were still calling Tom Brady a game manager after he’d won three SB’s, but they heap praise on a one year wonder with the best 1-2 running punch in the NFL. Now that Jax is missing two guards, MJD is starting slow and Fred Taylor seems to be coping with some issues, we saw what happens when Garrard has to win games by himself. He doesn’t.

One can’t help but feel for Tom Brady, and despise Bill Belichick.  Brady’s never been a bruiser, and I had long sensed he was due for a big hurt. Still, no one wants to see a player hurt. I don’t know if Belichick’s arrogance is tolerable anymore, though. It’s not the “life goes on” act he sells to the press that gets me. It’s the disservice he does to the fans by not looking for some insurance at the QB spot.  Sure Belichick wants to prove that he’s the reason NE has flourished, and to a large degree he is. But how many big winners (see Shula, D, and Noll, C.) floundered for a decade or so after they lost their hall of famers?

Yeah, Broadway Brett’s Jets beat the fish. So? Only the Dolphins lose on a Hail Mary. Besides, am I the only one who’s willing to admit that Pennington’s arm is made of balsa wood and chewing gum?

First Tarvaris Jackson needed to learn the offense, then he needed to get comfortable, now he needs time to recover from the knee sprain. How many FG’s does the best team in the NFL without a QB have to kick before people stop making excuses and just him as the Kordell Stewart II experience? He’s not a QB, he’s a featured back.

But the only thing worse than having a running QB who can’t pass (see Jackson, T.) is a passing QB who can neither run nor pass. Herman Edwards, the sandlot called, they want Brodie Croyle back. How did Croyle get an NFL roster spot, much less a starting job? I wouldn’t want that guy QB’ing a wheelchair team. The wheelchair guys would roll all over him.

Raven ravers are wacko for Flacco. How can you not give it up for this guy? He delivered, and with not much notice. Sure, it gets a lot harder real soon for Joe, and yes it’s only one game. Still, he has a memory that’s hard to top.

Matty Ice announced that the Falcons have a QB for the first time this millennium. Now that Home Depot is a memory, maybe Arthur Blank is doing some critical thinking before he writes checks larger than the GDP of third world countries.  Don’t crown Ryan just yet, but the guy has it. Having Michael Turner as a pair of handcuffs never hurts either. Now if he can just convince the Atlanta wideouts that the ball is not a UFO.

Jeff Garcia’s hurt and out for week 2. He missed almost all of training camp with an injury. He’s 38. He’s undersized. He winds up for three yard outs. He doesn’t understand why the Bucs didn’t give him an extension. Really, I’m not kidding. He doesn’t understand.

Big Ben won big. Big Ben has an injury. Three years ago, I said the biggest challenge with this guy would be keeping him healthy. Bring back Tommy “Gun” Maddox!!!

Finally, write this down: Peyton Manning was not ready to play on Sunday. Somewhere, somehow (Mr. Irsay), the message came in that; if he could crawl, he was starting the first game in the house that Peyton built. Manning gets props for toughing it out, but he was as far off his game as I’ve ever seen. My fear is that he’s having chronic infection issues with that knee. Nothing else explains the lingering problems from a very minor procedure. How many times have we heard of players losing seasons or even careers to staph infections? For Manning’s and the game’s sake, I hope he recovers fully and quickly. I used to detest manning, but that SB win did something for him. Ever since, he’s been humble and self effacing. A few of his commercials are hilarious too.

Stunning Scandals

Those ####s!

This week, a popular website, TSG.com "the Smoking Gun" blew the lid off the Pittsburgh Steelers Hotel rider demands, revealing such evil requests as filet mignon for trainers and foam pillows for Dan Rooney. Good heavens, what on earth is wrong with those Steelers? I'm ashamed to admit that I also enjoy the occasional cut of tenderloin and use foam pillows as well. This puts me in the same sick, sorry state as those di####able Steelers. I mean really, where do they get the nerve.

Oh, wait, I know where they get the nerve. They frickin' pay for this stuff. I guess the responsible sensationalists at TSG.com forgot to mention that the Steelers, like any other NFL team, pay for their accomodations. And since I'd wager a pillow or two that they aren't staying at Motel 6, they're paying a premium for the space. What really cheeses me off is the idea though, that treating equipment managers every bit as well as the players is somehow a bad thing.

What happened to the 90's? Back when media oulets cooed at the 49er brass for treating everyone in the organization as 1st class. I'd love to see that Hotel rider. Too bad TSG wasn't up and rubbing rhubarbs back then. They'd have "blown the lid off" that "scandal" too.

Mike Sick

The Good news is: The most exciting shitbox in the NFL is going to Federal Prison. Sorry Al Sharpton and (mysteriously absent) Jesse Jackson, double standards run out of gas when you cross the DC border. Just like I said months ago, when Erma4USC was rattling away more boneheaded drivel about how Vick would walk, Vick will have two choices, more jail or less jail. Erma, as usual, couldnt have been more wrong, and Mexico couldn't be more deserving of a little rest in the pokey. Of course, there's a 50% chance that Vick will be arrogant enough to think he's OJ or Kobe, and can buy his way out of this. There's also an astronomical chance that Vick is stupid enough to disregard the fact that he's up against the major leagues of punishment, whereas OJ and Kobe faced the Keystone Kops.

Me, I've been hoping all along that he goes to trial. I'd like nothing more than to figuratively see his exciting carcass swing from a tree with a pitchfork in his #### (thank you Michael Richards). And that's how it ends if he goes to trial. My second favorite scenario is that he waits at least until next week to make a decision. The next indictment will include racketeering charges,  and the stakes will go from 6 years to twenty. No matter what, the Feds have this #### dead to rights, and his choices are bad or worse. Couldn't happen to a better guy. I expect a plea soon, but it doesn't keep me from hoping.

WTF?

Once again, I'm appealing to the FoxBlog ruling class to make a change. I noticed some fluffy declarations about "changes" in the Fox blog policies, particularly realted to post counts. But still the brass not so deftly avoided submitting tangible criteria for BOTD awards.

So I have to ask; is that all you got? When Lisa/Erma4USC spills her recycled (much less) drivel do you guys just say; awww that's a cute picture even if she does have a mustache, let's give her BOTD. I dont get it guys. Bluegrass lady is ten thousand times hotter, actually writes rather than recycles, and even discusses sprots on occasion. But you're not pandering to her.

WTF? Does Erma have pictures of you guys having sex with a goat or something? Because short of that, there's no logical explanation. No the site is not exactly the Harvard Law Review, but there are actually some pretty decent writers here, just not any you choose to publicize or recognize.

Here's the truth folks, only insecurity celebrates incompetency. It's the mushroom theory that rules here; keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em ####

Fox, you're feeding us #### and keeping us in the dark about it! What are you afraid of, where's some recognition for Dudski, Hardiman, Bluegrass, or even little old me. What about Mean, Cuz, His Dan-Ness, Justanotherhat and anyone else who isn't jacking Erma Bombeck or Andy Rooney so they'll have something to type every day?  Kenrick Thomas? He's a good kid, and I know he'll get better, but Jesus, he's almost always one noun and one verb short of a sentence. And by the way, stop burying my posts even though they get "most recent comments" and "highest number of comments" often.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. As always, I'll be on BlogTalkradio from 6-7 EST this afternoon for those who care to continue the discussion.

DarkKnight Sports

By the way, I'm looking for a co-host. But not someone who just agrees with me. If you'd like to give it a whirl, just message me through my profile site.

One of my favorite NFL Network Commercials is the "time to get your story straight" ad. The one where they show the pre-season commentary from everyday fans that ends up completely backwards. Statements like, "Mark my words, this is Cleveland's year" come to mind.

Nonetheless, I have the same right to go out on a limb and embarass myself too. So with that in mind, I'm going to post my crow now and eat it later. So here are my predictions for noteworthy developments in the upcoming season of the greatest show on turf. (The NFL, not just the Rams).

McNabb McChoked

1. Donovan McNabb is auditioning for his next team. With a rash of injuries, hurried rehab, no contract extension, and huge cap numbers looming, McChoke is a ghost in Philly. Don't be surprised is Dumbavan struggles early and Felly/Kolb start splitting reps by week 3. Reid has ultimate confidence in Feeley. His decision to bench him for the playoffs a few years back cost the Birds a SB shot.

2. John Gruden will be the next big name coach to be fired. Tony Dungy's SB win last year solidified the fact that Gruden was a recipient of the Switzer (formerly known as the Seifert) Trophy in Tampa. That's the award you win when the coach before you builds a championship team that could win a SB with a blow up doll at HC. Gruden has put his stamp on the Bucs like Seifert did or the Panthers. Just remember, Jon, when you have seven QB's, you have no QB.

3. The Colts will not repeat. Their personnel losses mean they will score fewer points and other teams will score more points.

4. That "Write In" SB Trophy for the Pats is premature. The Pats have serious questions at RB and LB, two positions that tend to mean a great deal to playoff teams. Besides, Randy Moss never makes a team better. The fact that the Pats decided to retool via spending spree is a departure from what made them great anyway.

5. The Vikes are in serious trouble offensively. To paraphrase ex-ESPN analyst Joe Theismann; "the problem with having Tavaris Jackson as your QB is that Tavaris Jackson is your QB". The only thing more frightening than a season with Jackson under center is half a season with Brooks Bollinger under center.

6. Priest Holmes will come back successfully. Will he be the Priest of old, maybe not quite. Will he make Larry Johnson trade bait? Yes.

7. Just like Bill Cowher used to coach great teams into mediocrity, Norv Turner will coach a very good team into ineptitude. The wheels may not come completely off this year in SD, but if the Chargers win ten and even sneak into the second season, it will be a blessing to the town that gave us Jimmy Durante.

8. The same Dallas Cowboys who cursed Parcells on the way out the door, will be wishing for another new coach after ten weeks of Wade Phillips. Wade is not a winning HC. Watching him mishandle the talent that Parcells assembled in Dallas is going to be ugly. Jerry Jones is starting to look more and more like Dan Snyder every day.

9. The fear of the QB formerly known as "Joey" in Atlanta is earth-shattering overkill. Harrington has slightly better career stats than his predecessor and is sacked far less often. Few people bother to remember that, despite the NFL's best run game by a wide margin, Vick is the most sacked QB in the NFL. Sacks kill drives and give field position away, kids. With a QB at QB, even "Joseph", the ShitBirds are immediately better off offesnively.

Mike Vick's Next Training Camp

10. Mike Vick no longer possesses that "escapability" that NFL announcers so often waxed about. (Actually, if you look at Vick's sacks per attempt, even nearly-crippled Peyton Manning has much better "escapability".) Vicks' real escapability, though will start to be tested Monday, when at least one of his co-defendants will plea-out and (without doubt) offer replete and damning testimony on Ron Mexico's leadership in his dog-killing ring. He did esacpe one thing though, his Nike Contract.

11. Vince Young will struggle as teams begin to employ the Cunningham/Stewart/Vick defense against him. Despite the Tacks excellent ground game, Young will be forced to become effective from the pocket. I'm not saying he won;t learn how to play the position in the NFL, but his real learning curve wil decelerate as teams get to know him.

12. The Panthers will continue to be overrated. I don't need to explain this.

13. JaMarcus Russell is already benched until year two. With no contract in sight, the guy who most needs TC on the team that most needs a QB, can not even dare to play him this year. He'd have a better rookie year if the RayDuhs put him in a giant blender.

14. Nobody cares if Michael Strahan holds out. He's an aging star on a team in transition at many skill positions. Coughlin is done and Bil Cowher will either end up here or in Cleveland depending on Romeo Crennel's progress.

15. The Cro-Magnon in a cheerleader suit returns. Just when we thought cerebral guys like Mike Nolan were the new wave of HC's, look for some "I wanna win now" owner to hire the Missing Link to continue the commitment to mediocrity he pioneered in Pittsburgh. I truly believe that Cowher will end up in Cleveland, though. He's a Schotty Disciple from the Brown days, played ball there and knows like no one else, how to lose big games at home. The fit is perfect. It's clear that Al Lerner knows a good deal more about window-shopping than trap-blocking. Don't rule out Dan Snyder, though. I think Gibbs will finally admit that he never regained the edge he lost before his first retirement.

16. Matt Schaub will make the Texans better. Unfortunatley, that means they'll be mediocre.

17. The Steelers will have some growing pains under Mike Tomlin. It's likely that part of the transition will see the Steelers shedding  overpriced, over-the-hill and underperforming LB's like Farrior and Haggans along with the 52 Defense Cowher adored for so long. Don't be surprised to see a lot more 4-3 looks right away with either Woodley or Timmons in a 3-point stance, and eventually the combination of Timmons and Woodley on the outside with Harrison in the middle of a 4-3 alignment.

18. Byron Leftwich will play his last season in JAX. Despite DelRio's politically correct speak, he's clearly not a Leftwich believer. I don't think he's a Garrard believer either. The Jags aren't convinced Culpepper will ever be healthy, though. Don't be shocked if Jake Plummer ends up in Jagland, or the Jags draft a young QB and sign a make-due vet next year.

Old enough to QB, but can't buy beer.

19. The big problem in KC is not LJ, it's BC. Handing the QB job to a guy whose had two incredible preseasons is a risk. Handing the job to a guy whose had two pretty good preseasons is a symptom of psychosis. Hasn't Herm Edwards learned that the QB does matter. Did he forget about his job with the Jets?

20. Trent Green will start in Miami and get hurt again. Who's backing him up again? It may as well be Joey Porter, because Porter will at least enjoy running his mouth in the huddle.

Those are just a few insights into what I'm expecting in NFL 2007.

Let's hear your thoughts

 

In the words of the great philosophe Dehbashi, "I couldn't be happier". Fox sent me on a paid leave of absence for posting some "controversial" content (not that there's anything wrong with soccer), and I come back to see that almost all is right with the world. Here's why:

1. The NFL Season fast approaches. The seven barren months are soon to be over.

Hell, even "Basketball Duds" did a piece on Quarterbacks. A fantastic piece by the way. A few clowns jumped in to throw salt in his game, but who cares? I loved it. I'll forgive a few errors for outstanding content anyday

Duds, that was ESPN page 2 stuff, all day long. Kudos my man!!!! Keep NGS hope alive!!!

2. The scumsucking, shitbox, #### in Atlanta is a few phone calls away from being a free agent that no team, except the CB4 All Stars, will touch.

I warned you guys. I hate to say I told you how it would go down, but I told you exactly how it would go down.

Now here's what happened/will happen (write this down Lisa, maybe you can steal something right for a change).

Arthur Blank returns from Africa, calls a very powerful attorney friend and asks that friend to call the US Attorney.

The powerful friend calls the Assistant US Attorney and asks him one question; "are you guys gonna put this kid away"? The AUSA says "look, the guy couldn't have been more  jailworthy if he sold videos of himself beating up old ladies in wheelchairs while they were getting chemotherapy. We're not only gonna put him in jail, we want to put him in jail and we have to put him in jail.

Powerful friend calls back Artie and says; "The kid is toast, and not because he's toast ####, either. He's going away.

Blank huddles with his PR people to deliver the news and get their spin. The PR guys say "Art, there is no spin, shed this punk like a bad $130mm habit. He's gonna make your team the most hated franchise in sports history. The only thing you should be thinking about is how you can get the government to freeze his assets so you can recover some of the money you burned."

Blank calls Roger Goodell and says, "I want to suspend the kid, okay?" Goody says "Unless you're suspending him by a rope from a tree, let me handle this. You guys sat on your #### long enough. Leave it to me and the Feds. You wanna have a Press Conference to save face, go ahead, it's good for the league. But I can't trust you to take appropriate action."

The NFL conducts an investigation and suspends Vick indefintely pending the results of the case.

Vick either takes a plea or continues to be a psychopath (thinks he's above the law) fights the charges and earns triple the jail time he would have gotten with the plea. Either way, he's gone for at least 2-3 seasons in the best case scenario. 2-3 seasons for the NFL's worst technical QB to get rusty, older and slower. Then, for giggles, he tries a comeback and finds few takers for an ex-con who wouldn't even take responsibility for his reprehensible conduct. If he's lucky, he ends up at RB in the CFL, where he belonged in the first place.

There is a God, and he's watching out for the defenseless ones. I feel like I won the lotto. 

 

3.  BALCO is running out of liars for Barry

Yes it's true, there are cracks in the Balco armor. It can only get better from here. My guess is that some AUSA has Barry's picture taped to his mirror, and is squeezing the #### out of every lowlife that ever so much as passed the BALCO labs, to get the drop on Mr. May. Granted, Barry isn't as stupid as Mike Vick (he never told his mistress his name was John Canada, at least) but he's still at least sociopathic (again, thinks he's above the law) and he has a few enemies.

I loved the fact that Schilling called him out, but I'm gonna love the fact that sooner or later, someone higher up inside BALCO is going to get his taxes audited and then have to choose whether he or Barry gets indicted. Guess who loses? I only hope it's the same day Bonds hits 754. Then, I'll wet myself laughing.

4. No more Kobe v. Shaq Christmas Day Games. Thank you David Stern. Kobe has done the impossible. He's managed to make the most gifted player in the game, for the first time, totally irrelevant. Yes, we can argue about the George Gervin's and Pete Maravich's of their time, but they never singlehandedly turned a 3-time championship team into a playoff wannabe. If anything, those guys were the lone stars on some bad teams, who wanted great players around them. Kobe had great players around him, but wanted to get rid of them so he could be the lone star. He got it and now the Lakers are a joke.

Meanwhile, Shaq is already preparing for his life after b-ball. He's helping fat kids get thin in the offseason, now that's irony. But we have to face facts. D-Wade is the leading man in Miami. Shaq may stil be the most accounted for player in the NBA, but he's no longer the most dominant. I'm looking forward to seeing LeBron and Dwade on Santa's day. That's a pretty nice gift compared to an aging superstar and a perpetually petulant pisspot primadonna.

5. The Missing Link is gone!!! Long Live Mike Tomlin!!!

It took 15 years of suffering to get rid of the rotting berry of the Schotty Bush and replace him with the glowing, intellectual fruit of the Noll Tree. I almost don't care how we do in Pittsburgh this year,  (okay that's stupid) but I will suffer some growing pains with an intelligent, teaching coach, rather than flame out in January because an overpaid, overly-ugly cheerleader had no clue how to get a team ready for a big game.

I'm not jumping the gun on Tomlin, but I think he's in a great position to succeed with a franchise QB (with a full season to recover from his trauma), some gifted young players and a handful of vets to tie over the transition. I was disappointed that he didn't  junk Cowher's 52 (Okie) defense. But looking back it's the right move (personnel-wise) for at least this year. All in all the guy impresses me.

Now let the games begin.  Oh, and by the way, tell them that the streets belong to the Batman.

 

Alan Faneca just wants to be "treated fairly". And since he feels the Steelers have not done so, he's taken his acrimony public and decried that this will be "his last season as a Pittsburgh Steeler".

I have just one question. So what?

Because the key thing to remember is that Faneca is misusing the word "fairly". Faneca doesn't want to be treated fairly, he wants to be treated lavishly. He wants one of those stupid contracts like the Vikes gave Hutchinson. He wants Billy Boy back, or at least Russ Grimm pressuring the FO to stupidly overpay underperforming veterans in their third contracts. There's only one problem. Well two, or maybe three. Billy Boy is gone, Faneca is no longer (nor was he ever) able to affect an OL like Hutch, and the Steelers broke the trend of overpaying oldies when they released the disgrace that was Joey Porter.

So Faneca wants a huge new deal, ten years into his career, anchoring an offensive line that has steadily declined since the arrival of the Steelers franchise QB. Granted, last year Ben Toothlessberger was a shell of the QB to whom we were first introduced. But watching Roethlisberger get whipsawed by the Falcons and Ravens (twice) among others told me much about where the Steelers were lacking last year.

I suppose now that Faneca is crying Steeler tears to the media like his buddy Hines Ward did, we're all supposed to feel sorry for him bleeding and sweating Black and Gold unrewarded for so long. Forget that Faneca makes multi-millions, and earns in the top 1% of all wage earners in the wealthiest country in the world. Forget that the Steelers already made him the highest paid guard in the NFL back when he deserved it. Forget that, like Donovan McNabb used to profess but is now actually learning,  it's a young mans game.

Maybe if the Steelers OL was a fearsome, in-the-trench, juggernaut, I'd be more concerned. But count me in as one of the faithful who likes where the Steelers are headed. When Faneca cried his tears about the "message the Steelers FO was sending" by letting Porter walk and not extending him a monster deal, I think he missed the point. Or maybe he got it.

The reality is that the NFL is not a league that typically extends premiums for loyalty. It wasn't that way before the salary cap, and it isn't now either. The only thing loyalty earns one is the right to retire with one jersey. Faneca might want to consider that the NFL is like the world. The same world where one's next big raise is most likely to come  from one's new employer and people get fired when they've outlived their usefulness to an organization.

Faneca might want to consider that the message this organization is sending is:

The same free agency that affords players the leverage to negotiate obscene overpayments on mere speculation, is the free agency that forces teams to release players a year early rather than a year or two late.

Even in Pittsburgh, where many of the faithful are still stinging over the death of the metal mill and loyalty pay is still an imaginable concept, many understand that the business world has changed.

Don't get me wrong. In the NFL, ten good years for very handsome pay is an excellent deal for both sides. Ten good years and five average years for ridiculous pay is just bad business. Am I the only one who remembers the decisions to overspend to keep garbage like Greg Lloyd and let Chad Brown and Kevin Greene go? Am I the only one who watched Cowher throw silly money at rumdums like Jason Gildon, Dewayne Washington and Chad Scott? All three of whom, by the way, were either cut immediately after their Steeler departures or were lucky enough to hang on as benchwarmers in other cities.

So mark me down as delirious over the message Art Jr. is sending. I love the Tomlin hire. Unlike Cowher, he's cerebral, charismatic and possesses a backbone in dealing with vets. I love the Porter departure. Who needs a $5mm LB who shows up for any 8 games per season he chooses, spits in players faces and threatens officials. And who needs an overpaid guard, well past his prime, on a decidedly mediocre offensive line. I for one, love the new message. This is the NFL, not Bill Cowher's Black and Gold version of GM, Ford and Chrysler. Again, maybe Faneca is too stupid to get the message, or maybe he's not. Maybe he just realizes that the Gravy Train made a U-turn when it pulled up to the "Under New Management" sign, and he's angry that it had to happen before he could get his grub on. Faneca is welcome to cry crocodile tears all season and then depart on day one of free agency.

In the meantime Ben Roethlisberger will get a nice extension and Troy Polamalu probably will as well. Roethlisberger, because he's a QB and they often excel well into their third contracts. Much of what happens with Polamalu will hinge on what Tomlin does with the defense. But he's a special athlete, even if he gets lost in space. Maybe a decent coach will fix that.

Either way, I won't cry with or for Faneca. He did a great job and got great pay. Both sides will honor their deal this year and then he can move on. That's what's in the deal he signed. And as Alan Faneca will remind us many times this spring and summer, the NFL is, after all, a business.

When the Steelers hired Mike Tomlin as HC many of my fans felt they were really sticking it to me by reminding me that Tomlin was black. After all I had intellectually terrorized them with some tired cliche's into which they couldn't help but bite. 

Sadly, what the simpletons can't seem to get is how my point is that it shouldn't be about race, whether a person of race is beneficiary or victim. One of the reasons I love Football so much was that when I played ball, one didn't make the choice to block or not block for his team mate because of his skin color.

Let me go on record as saying that I am decidedly undecided about the Tomlin hire. Not because he is black, but because the one effect I had hoped for with an outsider's hiring did not occur. I wanted a defensive regime change. One of Tomlin's first decisions was to keep a tired, old, gimmick loving DC. Add to that the fact that Tomlin doesn't have a Chuck Noll style pedigree and I have to have reservations.

But here's what I like about Tomlin. The guy clearly has a brain and some charisma. What a nice change after 15 years of a slobbering cro-magnon. I'm really enamored of Tomlin's brain, and will probably give him a wider berth than I ever afforded Cowher.

Notice how I didn't mention how thrilled I am that the Steelers hired a black Coach? I'm not. I could care less. Because it's not about color for me, it's about brain power. To be candid, the caterwauling about the number of black coaches nauseates me. All that means is that we have two sets of racists.

Lovie Smith said it best, "we'll know we're making progress when black coaches get hired and it's not a topic of discussion". I'm all for that.

As for Tomlin, I'm hoping that he kept LeBeau around to smooth the transition to a genuine NFL defense from Cowher's 52 Okie, ZB, dippity-do, DB's slapping helplessly at 33o lb. OL's, goofball gambit, keystone kops koverages, but one never knows.

I can't help but think Pittsburgh's already better off, though. I'll take a smart guy over a blockhead, any day

I've never made a secret of my NFL allegiance, (but then again I don't make secrets of much of anything). For almost 35 years now, I have been a Pittsburgh Steeler fan. The first ten years were incredible and the second decade was like watching a team of underpowered posers struggle to catch lightining in a bottle a second time. The last fifteen years though, have been nothing short of excruciating. So much so, that the SB XL win inspired relief more than joy. The curse of the "team of the century" had finally been broken.  

So forgive me for not shedding tears over the rumored/impending retirement of William Laird Cowher. Becuase as much as I was a fan of the man they called the Emepror, Chuck Noll, I am not a fan of Cowher.  I'm still amazed although it was as far back as 1992 that the Steelers would change the face of the franchise from an intellectual, almost erudite , student of the game, in Noll, to the model of the missing link in Cowher. True the franchise needed a shot, but this was hardly tanatmount to hiring a disciple of a legend (Paul Brown), it was more like picking the fruit off of the choker (Schottenheimer) tree.

I will give Cowher credit for hiring experienced assistants like Capers, LeBeau, Erhardt and April both to disguise his obvious inadequacies and to let him do what he did best, cheerleading. Those decisions, along with inheriting all the talent from Noll's talent laden last few drafts had Cowher primed for early success. That's why in 1996, the Steelers backed into the Super Bowl they should have been playing in 1995. But Cowher sealed the stamp he pressed gently on the franchise the year prior, with a SB XXX loss.

But somehow in defeat, Cowher managed to stay true to himself and believe that if he just kept throwing the same silly junk on the field year in and year out, he'd get the job done. A mere decade later, his philosophy paid off. A mere year after that, he fielded the most undisciplined, underperforming Steelers squad I have ever seen, ensuring that the Steelers would not even have a chance to defend that fifth trophy.

Not that I blame Cowher, he's been generously rewarded for every postseason failure, every personnel miscue, and every idiotic game plan or lack thereof. Given the opportunity to tease the fans for a season and then fold up in January, for a few million a year, I'd take the gig too.  But now, having been shoved in a sack and carried on the back of his young QB to a SB Trophy, Cowher really believes he's an elite coach and should be even more ridicuoulsy overpaid than he is already.

That's why I think that Cowher's decision has already been made for him. I harken back to new Steelers President Art Rooney Jr. telling the media that it was "about time for another SB win" last preseason. I've long had a feeling that Art (the younger) has a very realistic view of what Cowher is and what he is not, a good but not a great coach. Unlike Dan Rooney, I don't think is enamored of the Coach who peaked a decade ago and is just as likely to give you a losing campaign as a winner.

My intuition is that Art Jr. will be making Cowher's announcement for him if Cowher dilly-dallies too long after today's meaningless season ender. I'm sure the Steelers will comply by whatever idiotic (Rooney (as in Dan) Plan)  interview requirements exist, but I'd wager that they already have a successor chosen. Ironically, it was the same spirit that made Dan the NFL Goodwill ambassador that kept Cowher around as long as he stayed. But now that there's a new Rooney  in town, I'm hoping he'll be less concerned with the letters PR and more concerned with the letters SB.

Because the Steeler FO, if it wants to win SB's, needs to face facts about the team that Bill and Dan built. Aside from the no-brainers of drafting Roethlisberger and Polamalu and a few winners in Alan Faneca and Aaron Smith, the team is  talent thin at many positions. The offense is so predictable that color-men are diagnosing the play calls and the "confusing" Zone Blitz schemes that the Steelers D-employs only seems to confuse the occasional rookie QB. The scheme peaked last week when QB Steve McNair, playing on grass, didn't even have to send his jersey to the cleaners after the game. 

But Cowher will have the chance to dust off his tired, know-nothing cliches at least one more time after the game. I wish he'd call it quits right then and there, but more likely he spew more of the same clueless defiance we've been hearing for years now. But what we see on the field is more telling than any gobbledygook spilling out of Cowher's mouth, these days.

It's time for the legend in his own mind to move along. I can hardly wait.

So Bill Cowher chided Pittsburgh media for not having asked him "the question" directly. That's almost as hilarious as it is delusional. Here's what's not hilarious: A Super Bowl champion (that slipped into the playoffs at the last second with some help), showing up for its title defense either on cruise control or completely out of control depending on which game you were watching in 2006.

Even I can't tell whether Cowher is posturing for a huge deal or retirement. Because at least some of his behavior suggests that he's working an angle here. But what I can tell is that this is the worst job of handling a team he's done since 1998, or 1999 or 2000 or 2003  . . . .  While the announcers keep piling on the hype about Cowher's greatness, they don't mention that he's missed the playoffs in five (5) of the last nine (9) seasons, after opening with six consecutive winning campaigns. Keep in mind that if the Steelers don't spoil Cincy's year next Sunday it's 6 out of 10 losers.

Angle or no angle, Cowher is handling this situation in a way that can only be seen (objectively) as selfish and disrespectful to the franchise. Not just because it's been a huge distraction to the team, but because it prevents the Steelers from securing a successor from within or searching for one outside the organization. I vote for an outsider, by the way, because I'm not confident that even Russ Grimm will sack ZBmaster Richard LeBeau and his tired, easily exposed defense, and I'm pretty sure Cowher's hand picked favorite, Ken Whisenhunt will deliver more of the same Cowheresque feasting off of cellar dwellers. I'm also not a staunch believer that good assistants automatically make great coaches.

Worse yet, the distraction is plain-as-day visible when you watch the inamtes running the asylum in Pittsburgh this year. With all the game changing penalties and turnovers it's a miracle (actually a gift from the cellar dwellers) that this team isn't 2-13 instead of 7-8.  Cowher's desperation response? To bench the Steelers best athlete, Ike Taylor, when the season was for all intents and purposes, over. Well, he needed a scapegoat, but how a coach benches a CB for two bad games, when his punt returner fumbles 60% of his chances all season long is beyond me. But while the action is beyond reason it comes as no surprise.

Cowher will, when he leaves Pittsburgh, leave the franchise with some serious talent issues. Perhaps the key to understanding the true Cower legacy is undestanding how well he's done since truly grasping the organizational reigns. It's no secret that Cowher prospered early from Chuck Noll's last few drafts, and his five year honeymoon showed it. But this is what Cowher will leave Pittsburgh after his glorious 15 year run:

OL: Once considered a strength, it now features a one legged Center who gets punished week in and week out. A ridiculously overpaid, part time LT (in position only) a swinging gate at RG (weakened by diabetes at a position you simply can't play with diabetes) a RT that can not pass block, and one aging pro-bowler LG.

TE: They don't know how good this guy will be, because they don't throw to him.

WR: A slow aging, overpaid #1, (crack-smoking if he thinks he's a real #1), possession receiver. A #2, FA castoff who can't get open, a reach of a rookie #3 who shows great ability except for holding onto the football, a #4 who only drops TD passes and a #5 . . . . .I'm not sure they have a #5.

RB: A superstar talent, a castoff and one of Cowher's trusted vets on IR.

QB: A 3rd year rookie, who has completely lost his confidence and whose team has lost confidence in him. a #2 journeyman who can't go two games without getting hurt.

DL: A Pro Bowl NT, a (should be Pro Bowl) DE and a serviceable DE.

LB: Long the pride of the organization, Pitt now fields a loser OLB who used to get rich off of cellar dwellers, but now only makes headlines by making sound bites, threatening refs or spitting in opponents faces, a part-time, injury prone OLB, an aging, beaten up OLB at ILB, and a weak, slow, technically deficient piker at the other ILB.

DB: The most talented position on the team, unfortunately, only two talented players start while two sit. The unit features a LB at SS who deserves pro-bowl status (at LB) but still can't cover the pass, a journeyman FS who was willingly let go by THE REDSKINS, an undersized journeyman CB and a developing talent at the other Corner.

But this is what Cowher gives you. His ability to deny the truth in personnel is as powerful as his ability to kid himself into thinking that "pulling a Favre" doesn't hurt the team. Cowher, nothing more than a hanger-on in his player days,  has regularly eschewed talented players for his trusted vets (who you an trust noty to show up in big games) and "gamers"." Gamers" being the slow, undersized, talent poor, hangers-on who get beaten up and exposed every sunday by NFL starter caliber athletes. Remember, this is the guy who kept Gregg Lloyd over Chad Brown, resigned Dwayne Washington and Chad Scott to huge extensions and even started the unforgettable Lee Flowers for a few seasons. Just for the record, Larry Foote is this year's Lee Flowers.

Cowher, just like his team, has also bought into the hype that his defenses are tough and confuse other teams. The Ravens, especially, and numerous others have shown how tough and confusing the tired, slow ZB game is not. Even the best athletes at DB can't disguise The ZB's weakness when the LB's are getting beaten up like punching bags. Cowher continues to think that his 1992 offense is still good enough to win as well. I guess he hasn't noticed that the combination of slow developing sit routes and the absence of pass blocking has turned his once fearless QB into a terrified tackling dummy.

But maybe the fact that Cowher wasn't extended last Summer is due to more than his salary demands or his choosing. Maybe Art Jr. isn't the same wimpy decision make Dan Rooney was. Maybe Art wanted to see if Cowher was more the guy who had finally broken the Schottenheimer curse, or the coach that had a 50% chance of even making the playoff in his last decade of work. I don't know.

What I do know is this:

Cowher's already unnecessarily, egregioulsy inflated ego must have grown two skull sizes after Roethlisberger defied Cowher's #### coaching  into a SB Trophy.

Cowher had to have been looking for record payday, and the Steelers don't do record paydays. This is an organization that prefers to overpay 2nd level stars rather than superstars.

When you're staying, you say, "I'm staying". Not another word.

And when you're leaving, but doing the right thing for the franchise, you say "I'm staying" and don't even breathe a hint about leaving until after the season.

Cowher has played this card like the clueless, 2nd rate talent he is. The organization will need a few seasons to recover from his defunct playbook, his hand-picked pikers, and his talk big, play small mentality.

So why not start now? The possibility exists that the reason Cowher's gaming the press is because the Steelers already know what needs to be done.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Down by 10, with a few minutes to go in the most critical game of their season, The Falcons QB decided that the breathtaking pain of a pulled hamstring was too much to bear, and took his spot on the sidelines.  Isn't it just like Vick to make sure that Schaub wouldn't see (for a real drive) the field until the game was essentially decided. Even though the great Ron Mexico later said he felt the pull in the 3rd quarter. Of course ATL was still in the game then.

This is yet another in the serious of exceedingly classless acts by the "most exciting player in the game", Mike Chick. I thought he had peaked with the Olympian style "double handed flip-off", but that almost pales in comparison to a QB quitting on his team because it doesn't believe he can pull the game out.

The stats will say Chick had another great game (another great loss), in large part due to ATL's ability to capitalize on the Boys' miscues. What the stats won't show is that a host of former greats questioned Vick's sitdown aloud, even Deion (I never met a black QB I didn't root for) Sanders. Just shows that given enough time and enough rope, every #### will hang himself .

Is it me, or does it look like the Saints are beginning to play up or down to the level of their competition? One week they lose to a Steelers crew on life support, next they lose to a Cincy team that should change it's colors to white with black pinstripes, then they crush ATL, SF and Dallas, and then get handled by the Redskins. Trap game? The trap was made out of the Redskins. Great teams beat the teams they're supposed to beat. I don't see NO going deep into January, unless they get a first round bye. A bye should get them one PO win by accident.

In Pittsburgh, where missing the playoffs one out of every three years is becoming commonplace, the team and FO refuses to admit the HC's status is an issue. It's an issue, a huge one at that. Right now, part time -players and Cowher's trusted vets like Joey Porter must be messing their drawers thinking about a new HC next year. Why?. For the same reason #### LeBeau's face masker on Anthony Clark, after a ridiculous showboat this sunday, was long overdue. Cowher runs his team like a country club administrator, but for the occasional scapegoat assistant or player (see "Taylor, Ike") Cowher is probably the least demanding coach in the NFL. How many other coaches would keep playing a KR/PR who fumbled more than half out ten consecutive chances? How many other coaches would keep starting huff and puff disappearing acts like Joey Porter every week? Is is an issue? Cowher's trusted vets are terrified.

Besides, Cowher has his  trophy. As hard as he tried to go home without the Lombardi last year, (by turtling his offense, playing prevent against one of the NFL's best offenses for the 2nd half, and then plunging choke-dog Bettis into the line  for a career typifying fumble, Big Ben simply wouldn't go home empty handed). So Cowher has his trophy. And he rewarded the franchise with the least ready to perform, least disciplined, least motivated Steeler team I have ever seen. After watching his team sleepwalk through weeks 1-12, even he must know he doesn't have it, never had it, and never will have it.

That in mind, here are the top ten reasons the Steelers will probably (I'm a sap, I know) not repeat:

10. OL is older, weaker and slower than ever. A diabetic guard and a one-legged center equals a jail break every week.

9. Any legitimate NFL QB can put up big numbers on Cowher's Okie ZB defense. The middle is always open. If you've just met your TE during the National anthem, you''ll still drop 330 and three TD's on him.

8. Fundamentals, schmundamentals! 14 games in, the #1 pick and PR/KR still only fields 50% of his chances witout a turnover. Sadly, the kid is a huge talent, but don;t they have anyone to show him how o field a kick?

7. The Old Gray LB's just ain't what they used to be . . . . . James Farrior has lost a step, Joey Porter is too used to half-steppin' and having the occasional big game against a doormat, Clark Haggans just can't beat anyone with technique or size, and I still can't figure how Larry Foote is doing anything but washing LeBeau's car.

6. Steve McNair in the AFCN means another 1-2 divisional losses per year. McNair owns the Steelers. Probably because he loves throwing to his TE.

5. We missed the Bus. Just kidding. Losing Bettis happened four years ago. The guy hadn't managed a full season in God knows how long, and his playoff performances against NE were the stuff that nightmares were made of. The problem is that the fat, lazy Steeler OL is used to blocking for a one and done slob like Bettis. They still aren't/can't hold their blocks long enough for Parker. Still Parker does well, but I can't help but wonder what he'd do in a stretch style scheme.

4. Our best WR is older and slower and wasn't that great in the first place. Sure the faithful celebrate Ward because he's a lunchpail guy, but there's a reason he averages about 25% fewer yards per catch than stud wideouts. When your #1 is actually just a good #2, you have problems.

3. 15 years and not a damn play changed . . . . It's true, but for a few adjustments, they do the same stuff now that they did in 1992. It gets embarassing when mushheads like Dan Dierdorf can see a formation and say, "they like to go to Ward over the middle on this one". Then they go to ward over the middle or the DB who also knows the play for a takeback.

2. Roethlisberger began to recover his trength, timing and football sense around week 10. Which would have been okay if he hadn't been starting in week 2.

1. Cowher simply thought the "bullseye rule" didn't apply to his Champions. Before he even noticed, the season was over.

In Chicago, they're 12-2 and playing in Chicago this January. For those of you who didn't anticipate Grossman snapping out of his slump; shame on you. A healthy Grossman means a healthy Bears team for a good long time, and Chicago is going to have little in the way of NFCN competition for a while, unless GB, Minnesota or Detroit signs Matt Schaub. As much as I'm amazed at the press's ability to forget that Grossman almost carried the team through its first 10 games, I'm amazed at their inability to remember the many failings of Ron Mexico.

But that's the press for you. They hate to admit when they're wrong, unless they think someone might notice.

Oh and Terrell Owens spit on D'Angelo Hall. Who cares? Have you ever seen two more classless individuals?

Ed Bouchette is only one of the legion of Pittsburgh Sports Sycophants who genuflect at the feet of Lord William Laird Cowher. But even so, Bouchette has probably been voted by his peers to be the reporter most likely photographed sucking on Cowher's teat. That's why Bouchette's typically supportive, second rate response to a question of Cowher's throwing Roethlisberger on the field in game 2, 3, and especially yesterday is so unsurprising. Ever since Cowher's agent hinted that he might threaten to take his show on the road and vault the Browns to mediocrity, the Pittsburgh Media has been lobbing softballs in his direction at every opportunity.

Bouchette embarrassed himself again today, defending The Lord's decision to put BadBen in the lineup against one of the true garbage teams in the NFL, one week after getting a 1-3 knockout punch a week earlier.

Here's a question for Ed and Bill. Why do you pay a backup a million or so a year, if not to sub for your thrice injured franchise player against the worst team in the NFL?

Here's another question for the dynamic duo. Why do Steeler players get flagged twice on consecutive plays for running their mouths.

Here's another question for my boys. Why do you think teams keep sitting on your 3rd and goal pass to the middle of the EZ and taking it back for TD's?

Oh, and how does a team that won the SB last year go out and get flat out handled by junk like the Raiders?

But here's the only important question. Are these guys even watching the games.

BumBen looks great until he starts getting pressure or needs to think fast. The KC and Atlanta games were an anomaly because we had guys actually getting open for a while and the OL gave BR some time. Until the 2nd half in Atlanta, that was.

It kills me, because the same guys who ran Tommy Maddox out of town for coming back scared after he was paralyzed can't seem to see or admit the truth about Roethlisberger. But I see it.

Toothlessberger is scared and defenses are smelling blood like sharks at a feed. It's 2003 all over again. Teams stack the box on 1st down and then run the jailbreak on 2nd and 3rd down. Maybe Cowher and Bouchette are willing to kid themselves about it, but #7 is shrinking from contact like he'll burst into flames if he gets hit. And he probably should.

The facts are pretty simple. An unready for camp Roethlisberger got too little work to be ready for the season. An unready Roethlisberger got too little healing time for an appendectomy and an unready Roethlisberger got too little time off from a KO two weeks ago. If I had spent my last 6 or so months healing from losing a fight with a Chrysler, having my appendix removed and then getting cold cocked by 900 lbs. of defensive lineman, I'd be gun shy too.

Right now, Roethlisberger says he wants to play because he's a stand up guy and wants to be a leader. He even takes the blame for playing terribly most of the time and especially under pressure.

He's also still too young to rent a car.

Big Ben says he wants to play, but then plays like he wants to at be home hiding under the covers. Cowher seems to have missed that. Bouchette has a season full of excuses for his column and 9 more weeks of softballs for Bilbo to boot.

But what's Cowher's excuse?

Granted, he's never been able to coach at a high enough level to have two-dimensional teams until the blink of a Maddox and then Roethlisberger showed up. And granted, his teams have this annoying habit of playing down to the level of cellar dwellers and expansion teams. But come on Ed, what's Bill's excuse? Bill's not 23 and the dean of NFL coaches, even if he can't control his players on the field (see Joey Porter, Hines Ward, Larry Foote, et. al), can sure as heck decide which ones see the field at all.

Don't give us the "it's up to the doctors" rap fellas. The Steelers doctors ended Bradshaw's career shooting him up, denying him surgery and then rushing him back after he had surgery. The Doctors put Maddox back on the field three weeks after being paralyzed. Those kinds of decisions end player's careers either by shredding their bodies or destroying their psyches or both.

For God's sake Ed, grow a sac and challenge the Dean of NFL Underachievement, and ask him why he's playing a guy who has no business taking head shots from thugs who have nothing better to do than try to end someone.

And Bill, for once in your "One Seahawk Collapse away from" career of ignominy, be a coach for God's sake, instead of a simpleton cheerleader who cant control his players and gets befuddled by the easiest of decisions.

I'm not worried about 2006. 2006 is over.

I just want Roethlisberger to survive until the next Steeler Coach takes the helm.

Another week, another giveaway game courtesy of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Oh sure, many commentators and fans, as Phil Simms already has, will call this a defining game for the Falcons and Mike Vick. But then again, many fans are able to watch games and miss the fact that one team beat itself more than the opponent beat them. The truth about this game for Vick and the Falcons is that one game, six years into a career, does not make a QB anything more than he is. Mike Vick sucks, that story will be told over every season in which he plays. But for Steeler fans, the fact is that two games, out of six in a season, can do much to show what your team is this year.

The Falcons came into this game on the ropes, lacking confidence and wondering about their QB, a QB who had been wondering aloud about his coach and team mates. The Steelers came into this game confident, having completely demolished the Chiefs a week ago. For Atlanta's sake, Santonio Holmes decided to give the dirty birds an early advantage and fumbled his first punt return. Ben Roethlisberger chipped in by forgetting his own snap count, which led to another Atlanta TD. Then, not to be outdone, Willie Parker reversed field and forgot to take the ball with him. Three TO's, three TD's. 

But that wasn't all. The Whack and Gold got penalized again for an End Zone Celebration (just like in Cincy), giving ATL excellent field position. Translation, TD. Chad Brown extended a drive with a roughing the passer penalty. Translation TD. And best of all, with 8 seconds left, Nate Washington makes sure Jeff Reed never gets to kick a game winning FG. Translation, Loss #4.

The Dean of NFL coaches will surely come out this Tuesday with the same tough talk he blithered when the team threw itself under the Bengals bus a few weeks back. He'll tell us how "we can't have stupid penalties" and the inability to field punts is  "on him" and it "won't be a problem again". He'll tell us how the special teams, the ones that keep getting shredded, have "finally got it together". He'll tell us he "hasn't had time to reflect" when he doesn't have any answers, he'll tell us it's "too soon to reflect" when he doesn't want to tell us the answers, and he'll tell us how "he can't reflect on things until after the season" when he's just plain clueless (which is by the way, often).

Cowher will have no answers for why his team can't protect the football. No response for why his special teams play like Special Ed teams, why his players too often celebrate like they've achieved something extraordinary when they've just begun to do their jobs at all. He won't explain why his DB's play 8-10 yards off  below average receivers and why his defenses give garbage QB's like Vick, Kitna and Jeff Blake (to name a few) career days. He'll make the same 14 year-old, stupid excuses for dialing up the same goofball gambler defenses and playing scared under pressure.  And he'll come out next week, slobbbering, twisting his cro-magnon face and yelling at his players when they screw up. They'll ignore his cheerleader antics, and then he'll put them right back out on the field again. Hell, he's been allowing Joey Porter to show up for half a season and even pick and choose the downs on which he actually plays in those 8 games.

It's no mystery why it took Cowher so long to win a SB. He may have been "coaching" the team by job description, but it was led by Roethlisberger. Granted Roethlisberger had a sub-par SB, but then again I've never seen a team try harder to lose a SB than Seattle did last year.  Officials shmofficials. The refs didn't break Stevens hands and they sure didn't throw thsoe picks for Hasselbeck.

Cowher will go into the HOF after he retires, if anything, courtesy of the QB who took the team from him. But I'm hoping Billy Boy gets there sooner than later, because the biggest problem with being led by Roethlisberger this year is that he's leading from the ER.

I'm tired of seeing the team come out tight, flat or overconfident in 98% of the big games they play.  I'm tired of the gimmick defenses that get torched by any coordinator with the willingness to make a few adjustments. I'm tired of Special Ed teams, tired of Joey Porter getting $5mm annually to get his #### kicked 75% of the time, tired of playing sissyball when we get a lead, tired of loyalty to aging, broken down burnouts, tired of the "cliche management" and the cheerleader act he thinks makes him a coach of  grown men because they play a kids game.

This preseason, the Pittsburgh press expressed concern about how Cowher had bought a home in NC recently and how this was the deepest into his contract he had ever gone without an extension.