1. The Cubs should tank and/or blow it wildly, letting the Brewers run away with it all.
2. Barry Bonds should hit 756, just to save our fingernails, our patience, and our sanity.
3. Pedro Martinez should not be called up to the major leagues until September 2nd, as to be ineligible to pitch in the playoffs.
4. All ESPN/FOXSports execs who think that the world HAS to watch BOS/NYY whenever they are on should be shot.
5. The Royals should go on a 15 game winning streak, yet fall 2 games under .500, just for kicks and giggles.
6. The Boston Red Sox should put David Ortiz on waivers for 24 hours, and see the Bronx Bombers pay him $250 million for 8 years.
7. Ichiro, Jose Reyes, and Vlad should all go to one team, and then hit 1, 2, 3. And then A-Rod 4th.
8. Dayn Perry should wear a wig. Or at least a toupee.
9. Ben Sheets, and/or Chris Capuano, and/or Jeff Suppan, and/or Yovani Gallardo, and/or Claudio Vargas, and/or Dave Bush should throw a no-hitter/perfect game.
10. Prince Fielder should hit 4 HRs in one game, one being a grand slam, one being a 3-run home run, one being a 2-run home run, and one being a solo shot.
11. The Dodgers and Giants should have an all-out brawl, suspending all active players and coaches for a week with no appeals allowed.
12. The same thing should happen to the Cubs and Cardinals.
13. The same thing should happen to the Red Sox and Yankees.
14. Another ball will hit a speaker in the Metrodome, giving David Ortiz an inside-the-parker.
15. The Brewers should have the best record in the NL.
Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds is closing in on one of the most microscoped event in a very, very long time. The Home Run Record. Let's take a look at what's surrounding this very unique event.
ESPN: The Worldwide Leader in Biases is at it once again. I'm sorry, but when I'm HAPPY the Brewers are playing the Giants and Bonds, something's wrong. Why? I know for certain that the Brewers are pretty much guaranteed somewhere in the first 5 minutes of Sportscenter and every single edition of ESPNEWS. Between this and the OCD-like love of the Yankees-Red Sox on TV every single night they play, I don't know which they like more. '
Mr. Henry "Hank" Aaron: He chose to not attend Mr. Bond's game in which he hits 756. After watching "The Best of Mike and Mike in the Morning", I'm thinking that there's more than the smog around Mr. Bonds. He just doesn't want it broken. He wants to be the All-Time King, although with Mr. Fielder, Mr. Pujols, and Mr. Rodriguez coming, that won't come true.
Mr. Allan H. "Bud" Selig: I don't know what he's planning. Maybe those kayakers in McCovey Cove are in one of those weird cults that, with Allan's help, will kill Barry right as he hits 754. Wouldn't that be something?
Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds: The center of the newest soap opera: "As the Ball Turns." With each pitch, we sit on the edge of our seats to see that ESPN contraption that counts things go up 1 or 2 or 3. He just quietly sucks in all the attention, kind of like a deaf T.O. He knows it's there, but it's not like working out on a driveway. He takes a backseat to his own TV extravaganza.
Now, there's the famous radio call that will come. Here's a good idea for a contest. Who has the best pretend 756 call? Comment with your answer. Here's mine.
"Could it be? Could it be? COULD IT BE? IT IS!!!! IT IS!!! NUMBER 7-5-6!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES! HENRY, MOVE OVER. BASEBALL HAS A NEW KING, AND MR. BARRY LAMAR BONDS HAS THE CROWN! Folks, I have truly lived to see it all. Good night folks, and never, EVER forget this moment. Oh, I'm getting something now. It's only the first inning. Sorry."
NFL PreGame shows just got worse. Bill Cowher, unable to leave football, has joined “The NFL Today” on CBS to work as an analyst. Another person who did this is Tiki Barber, who will be an analyst on NBC’s “Football in America” or whatever it is, with Jerome “The Bus” Bettis. The real question is “WHY?????” Why ruin (or in CBS’s and NBC’s case, help) pregame shows? They are the delicate balance between me watching it, and no one watching it (Besides, CBS’s and NBC’s pregame shows suck anyways.)
Barry Bonds signed a contract today; didn’t he already sign? I’m confused. He “held out”, he agreed, ??? I’m really confused now. Grr me.
Florida should have lost, and Ohio State almost lost. But of course, they didn’t, so it means diddly squat. Everybody Hates Wisconsin. But, they DID win.
I’m really starting to like this place for several reasons. One: It’s Not FOX. (I mean COME ON, who still likes Kareem?) Two: More Personalization (Yeah, like you miss FOX’s standard layout with COLORS!!) Three: This is like the AAA of Blogging (Like we know what we’re doing; I like the new ones, but they need a place for AA, and FOX makes sure that they get as little help as possible with the R-MLB ranks) And Finally, Four/Five: No more spamming categories and no more spamming people from FOX/BlogJam. (YAY!!!)
“Covering Wisconsin, one really bad loss at a time.
Every day, there is a big story in sports that about 500 people here end up writing about (-ish). Eventually, we all get sick of it and move on. What we really need is even more variety, more ideas, more people. What we really need is for more to travel The Road.
People want to write about major things not because they want to, but because they can do it easily. Take the T.O. debaccle. I can honestly say I did not write anything about it. But, just because I didn't doesn't mean a whole bunch of others did. What I really want to see is more people writing things that don't stand out as much, things that don't get enough credit.
However, I know that I'm going to be ignored by the general blogging public. Just look at me today. Before I switched to the new idea, I was doing great. Now, it's a big whopping 1 comment. Sure, people may not want to say anything, but there's more than that. They don't like people that are different, that stand out, that take The Road. They do this so they can pick on someone, to make them feel superior. Again, we need that here.
In sports, it's like this too. There's always those select few that are brave (or bad) enough to stand out.
The MLB Road Award: Barry Bonds. Do I need to say anything?
The NFL Road Award: Kyle Boller. He's never played well. He's even worse that Matt Millen.
The NBA Road Award: A.I. With his flashy dress apparel, he was always talked about. Looked what happened: uniformity.
See, people need to stand out. It's what makes them who they are, as well as those who choose to lead or follow the crowd. It's about choices you make, wondering whether to take the extra step. It's about not knowing what's going to be in your future. It's about being someone they don't want you to be. It's about yourself. You have the opportunity. Take every shot.
"why is there two roads? Why not have just one?" "Son, because there are some brave enough to got The Road Less Traveled.
So, the Question of the Week is back. Sorry for the layoffs. Anyways, let's get to the real reason I'm wasting my time typing this. This week, it's not just one question, but several! WELL, you only have to answer the main one, but the more extras you do, the more devoted I see you are.
For example, if one person does only the main question really well, but the second person does an average job AND does two extra questions, the second one wins because that shows to me that they can think really well and that they can handle a variety of topics at once.
So, let's get to it!!!
MAIN Question (Importance = 4): If, for one day, you had the ability to interview Barry Bonds, what would it be like?
Extra #1 (Importance = 3): How many consecuitive innings have the Brewers bullpen not allowed a run? (You can have fractions, it doesn't have to be the ENTIRE inning)
Extra #2 (Importance = 2): The Brewers are playing the Marlins this weekend. How will each day turn out? Give me scores.
Extra #3 (Importance = 1): Who is the Brewers current starting SS? (This is REALLY EASY)
Ok, that's it. But, like I said, quality, pictures, amount, and more will determine who will be honored with the Chorizo plaque. (There is no plauqe. You have imaginations. Believe.) To win, you will need to post this on your site, leave a comment, and e-mail me at chorizo245@hotmail.com, by August 25th at 12:00 PM CST. For those of you too lazy to figure out what time that is, it's 1:00 on the East Coast, 11:00 in the moutains, and 10:00 on the West Coast. So, good luck!!
Oh yeah. Bonus if you help me think of a new closing quote.
