Do you know about these "tuner" cars?  Little 4 cyl compact cars with big wings and silly dragon decals and whatnot.  They sound like motorcycles.  Driven by kids with baggy jeans and sideways ball hats.

Well, there is a whole mess of 'em where I live.  I gotta say...they are good for a laugh.

It seems to be a common belief amongst the tuner crowd that they are driving the new muscle cars.  And they seem serious when they say it.  I'm sorry, but.....NO.  A Honda Civic is NOT a Muscle Car in any sense of the term.

I had my Nova at the local drag strip recently.  There were about 40 of these tuners running in sport compact class.  The fastest of those cars ran in the mid 14 second range.  That particular car was parked right beside me.  It was a Toyota Somethingorother.  It was kinda neat looking, gull wing doors, big wing, ground effects, neon lights.  Through the course of the evening I got to talking to the kid who was running it.  He bought the car for $11,000 and put an additional $18,000 in it.  That is almost $30,000.  And he ran mid 14s.  He thought that was nasty.  I bought my Nova for 5Gs and put about 7 more Gs in it.  I'm a full 2 seconds faster for less than half the money.  I just don't get what they think is so bad a-s-s about these cars.  I asked him what kind of horsepower he was getting and he said 225 HP.  If you ain't pushing at least 300 HP, you ain't a muscle car.

To this date, not one tuner car has ever tried me.  They don't even approach me.  If they are driving the "new muscle cars" as they say...why won't they give a REAL muscle car a go?  Oh yeah, that's right, they'd get smoked.  And I have my car set up for daily driving...it's not even that fast compared to some other muscle cars in the area.  Dude has $30,000 dollars wrapped up in his car and he runs 14s...I have around $13,000 wrapped up in my Nova, give me another $15,000 and my car would run in the 10's...as it is I run low-mid 12s.

My car usually draws attention when I'm out in public.  I have had quite a few tuner kids come over to me to talk car talk.  I enjoy meeting new people, and I'm always willing to pop the hood and give the tour.  These people turn their own wrenches, so I give them respect.  If they are driving one of the "new muscle cars", why do they all say they want MY car "someday"?  WTF?  If you want to build a Muscle Car, then build one.  It doesn't take any more effort to do what I did, than what they have already done.  It doesn't even take any more money...in fact they could probably do it cheaper than a tuner.

And what is with the pipes?  Why do they want to sound like a motorcycle?  If you want something that sounds like a motorcycle...why not just get a motorcycle?  Besides, those #### rockets are way faster than any tuner car out there.  I feel that the way your car sounds is very important.  When my car is sitting at a light, and that big cam is giving me a full body massage...I rumble.  And there is no faking that sound.  When I hit the accelerator...I growl.  When I mash that right foot to the floor...I roar.  That is what real Muscle Cars do.  They sound like cars...not like motorcycles. 

The classic definition of a Muscle Car is:  American made, small car, big engine.  Bigger car, even bigger engine.  Little car with little engine is NOT a Muscle Car.  No way, no how.

So Import and Tuner guys, I would like to respectfully ask you to quit using the term "the new muscle car" to describe your rides.  You have some neat looking cars, and there is no question that you are getting things done under the hood.  I respect the work that you do to get those little 4 cyls screaming.  I really do.  But your Tuner is not a Muscle Car, and it's not the "New" Muscle Car either.  It never will be.  So please, stop saying that. OK?  Just quit appropriating a term that does not apply to you.  Please continue on with your genre of car culture.  Enjoy yourselves in the garage and on the street.  I don't understand what you guys are on about, but that doesn't matter.  What matters is that you dig what you're doing.  Just don't compare yourselves to guys like me.  We are different.  I'm not saying that what I do is better...it's just different.  You know what I mean?  Don't be a smaller, slower version of me...be the baddest version of you that you can be.  Hey, we are all gearheads...we're just different kinds of gearheads.  So come up with another catch phrase please.  Something that describes your niche better than "the new muscle cars".  You guys are clever and crafty, so that shouldn't be much of a task.  Thanks in advance.

As you can see by my avatar, and my "About Me" section...I drive a hot rod.  I got me a slice of Detroit Muscle.  1974 Chevy Nova SS.  It ain't no trailer queen, or "collector" car either.  I built it to drive, and drive it I do.  Every day that weather permits, even in the rain.

My engine, a Chevy 350 V8, dyno'd at 425 Hp with 400 lbs of torque at the rear wheels.  It shifts with a freshly rebuilt 3 speed Turbo 350 automatic transmission with a shift kit.  And, as of tonight, it will have new 10-bolt 4:11 posi rear end(what a job that is!).  Over the winter it will get disc brakes on the back, and fresh paint.  I see light at the end of the tunnel.

I tried to build this car to be equally comfortable on the street, on the drag strip, or at a car show.  I have tried to keep the customizing to a minimum, with the exception of the upcoming paint job, and sport mirrors on both sides of the car.  No hood scoops, no rear spoiler, no big fat tires.  I wouldn't say it's a "sleeper" because one look will tell you that this car means business.

My wife rode in it one time.  She refuses to get in it again.  Heh heh, that plan worked to perfection.  My best time in the 1/4 mile is 12.78 @ 106 MPH...not bad for a every day driver.  That time will improve now that I have posi-traction.  It also means that I'll be buying two Cooper Cobra radials at a time instead of one.  LOL.    

Anyhow, I want to hear about your hot rods.  I'm a Chevy guy myself...but I don't hate on Fords and Mopars....I like 'em all, man.  I'm not really interested in tuner cars or imports though....I'm not that cool and hip(smirk).  So tell me about your projects and plans and "old barn" finds, and by all means...brag your cars up all you want.  I dig hearing about what your machines can do.