How did this happen? Brett Favre is playing for a team other than the Packers. A media circus is messing up training camp. My own emotional rollercoaster I’ve been riding since the NFC Championship game has taken a toll on me and those around me. At first I thought violent outbursts were the answer. Somehow inflicting pain on those I love made me feel temporarily better. Hell, I even bought a dog just so I could kick it.
How did this happen? Brett Favre, a man I have loved, truly loved, is now off sleeping with a bunch of coasties. A rift between us developed due to events that cannot be blamed on anyone, yet can be blamed on everyone. Now I know what John Ochner feels like.
For those of you who don’t know, John Ochner is the guy who lives over on
Wells Street. He was married to Debra for about 16 years. Debra is a ####y little number with long legs, blonde hair, and some other amazing female attributes. Debra is the envy of the neighborhood. Men want her and women want to be her. One day, while mowing the lawn, I couldn’t help but notice Debra scoping me out. I shut down the mower and motioned Debra to come over. We had a few beers and got to talking about various things that friendly neighbors talk about. After a couple hours, I sent Debra off with a small peck on the cheek, and neighborly squeeze of the backside.
After that fateful day, Debra began to call me on her husband’s cell phone. We would talk about things like how nice it would be if we were together, and all the great times we would have. Well as you can guess, John found out about the calls and accused me of ‘tampering’ with his wife. I totally evaded any responsibility for the calls, but Debra decided to escalate the situation. She started to tell John that she wanted to leave him for me, and that he made her feel like she wasn’t wanted. I knew that was a bunch of ####. Who wouldn’t want Debra? Well John thought he could play hardball with Debra. He told her that if she really wanted to be with me she should just leave. Debra took that and ran.
Knock-Knock on my door and there was Debra with about a dozen pieces of luggage (half of them filled with shoes) and a libido that was gonna keep me up for a few days straight. After the separation, John kept telling everyone that he was moving on, but I knew better. Every time Debra and I leave the house, there’s John in one of Debra’s old blouses, staring out his back window trying to catch a glimpse of her. Heck, I even heard he spends his weekends watching old home videos of him and Debra during the good times. It’s a classic case of John taking things for granted, and not knowing the true value of what he had until he lost it.
As for me, things are pretty good. Debra’s pushing 38 years of age. I plan to use her hard for a year or two, but then she’ll be getting to old to bend in half without injuring a hip or something. I don’t need an expensive commodity like her sitting on the physically unable to perform list for months straight. I’ll probably end up throwing her to the curb, and she’ll crawl back to John and act like nothing ever happened. And John will take her back, because that’s the kind of guy John is. I’ll find some new twenty something chick to take my abuse, and life will go on.
We all have a little John Ochner in us, and we can learn from that. Never take the good times for granted. Brett Favre, if you’re reading this, I love you man. I truly love you in the only way that two men really can. I wish you well, but I want you back. If any of those New Jersey sissies gives you any ####, let me know. I’ll be over there with a 12 gauge and a cattle prod before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’. In the meantime, I’ll find a way to get along, somehow. Where did that damn dog get to?
A halfdemon, born in a farmhouse basement, and baptised with Schlitz. Raised and regularly beaten by an alcoholic father, he was set on a path of vengence and hate, he seeks to destroy all that stands in the way of his Pack. Perhaps one day he can find the peace and the light. But until then...
