Sorry to have to cut that off . . . My division supervisor poked his head over the cubicle wall. David Stern’s Fashion ####s are pansies compared to some of the “higher ups” in this office. In the employee manual, there is actually a full page devoted to proper Internet etiquette. Two paragraphs address the viewing of sports related websites. (Yes, Fox sports made the list of prohibited sights.) If the Texans D-line were as hard to get through as my company’s firewall, they’d be leading their division.

Anyway, here’s the rest of my thoughts on division leaders . . .

About Terry Glenn . . . ugly dude. Period.

NFC North
Bears and Vikings
Kyle Orton. (See AFC West comments, Jake Plummer) How does an NFL team put together a 1-2 punch like Orton and Grossman? Seriously? Aren’t there at least a couple of friends you know from college who, at this very moment, have a shot of giving these two knuckleheads a run for their money? Adam Sandler had better mechanics in “The Longest Yard.”

Who knows about the Vikings. But I do know this. It sucks to be Dante Culpepper. What kind of confidence hit do you absorb when Brad Johnson takes over your team? Brad Johnson. Even his name is white and boring.


NFC South
Bucs, Panthers, Falcons
It’s a toss up, I think.

On Sunday, in between doing chores around the house and cleaning up after the kids, I got to watch roughly four-and-a-half uninterrupted minutes of the Falcons-Saints game—yawn. One of the announcers mentioned that Keith Brooking was the only Falcon left over from the 1999 Super Bowl team. What? The Falcons were in the Super Bowl in 1999? Surely, not? “Why had I blocked this Super Bowl from my memory”, I asked myself. And then I remembered. The Dirty Bird dance. Quit possibly the most annoying routine done by a team in the history of sports. It is no coincidence that Jamal Anderson got hurt the next season. The Gods of Sport have a perfect sense of justice. Ridiculous dances rouse their ire.
Prediction: While doing his first dance of the 2006 NFL season, a dance named “From Conception to Birth: The Journey of a Hapless Zygote,” Chad Johnson is struck by lightning and drops dead in the end zone.”


NFC West
Seahawks

Don’t believe the hype . . . oh, wait. There is none.

They play in a terrible division. (It was in vogue to make fun of the NFC North during the early season, but the NFC West is awful. The Rams, Cards, and 49ers are pitiful.) Matt Hasselhoff is their QB. And while Alexander is fun to watch, and it has been a good season, they lose in the first or second round. No way they play in Detroit. Really.