FLOWERY BRANCH, Ga. -- Bobby Petrino will have an impact on Michael Vick and the Falcons.  Just ask team owner Arthur Blank.  Blank sees Petrino, who was hired away from the University of Louisville, "as a difference-maker."   "Bobby knows how to motivate," Blank said Monday. "He knows how to teach. He knows how to get the best out of his athletes. ... He'll push Michael Vick to higher levels."

I have made it very clear to Bobby that Mike has eight long years left on his contract and that this team better damn well win with Michael Vick.  Bobby has only two years to get back to the playoffs or I'll can his #### too.  He better act different with Mike than Jim did.  He best not contest anything Mike says or he'll be looking for work at the University of Washington with Jim. 

The Falcons, first in the league in rushing but last in passing, ranked 25th in scoring in their disappointing 7-9 season that cost third-year coach Jim Mora his job.  Vick made history this season as the first quarterback to rush for 1,000 yards. He also passed for a career-high 20 touchdowns, but his 13 interceptions, 52.7 completion percentage and 75.7 quarterback rating were indicators he had not made satisfactory progress as a passer.

We have to get Mike's passing yards up and get everyone off his back because his jersey sales are down.  I have explained this to Bobby and he damn well better get it or else.  I know our defense sucks but screw that, this is about marketing man, filling the stands, selling beer.  It's about the money man.  We make more money if we make the playoffs, but I am not fool enough to spend enough to bring in the best players available. 

Petrino, 45, polished his reputation as a top offensive coach in four seasons as Louisville's head coach. His 41-9 record included a 12-1 mark and No. 5 national ranking this season. The Cardinals ranked fourth in the nation in scoring and second in total yards.

I've told Bobby that I hired him because I got him on the cheap because I did not want to hire a known name because it would cost to much.  He knows just like Jim did that this is his shot.  Take it or else.  He took it now he better make it work. 

After three years with Mora, who came to Atlanta with a background in defense, general manager Rich McKay and Blank agreed it was time to bring in a coach whose specialty is offense.

I am not an ####.  Neither was Bill Clinton.  I read the poles.  They want offense so I went for offense.

McKay and Blank spoke with other candidates but moved quickly on Petrino, making the hire Sunday -- the same day they had their first contact with the coach.

Hell it had been a week and I was getting sick of spending so much time with McKay.  You know I need a CEO for Home Depot to get hired too don't you?  Besides, I am allergic to McKay's aftershave.

McKay said a provision of the agreement on a five-year, $24 million deal is Petrino will pay his $1 million buyout from his Louisville contract.  "I was certainly committed to the University of Louisville and staying there," Petrino said. "I did not go out and seek any other jobs and did not go make a phone call to any NFL teams, and then this came up."

I, (Bobby) was trying to figure out if I wanted KFC for lunch again when I heard the controversy Mora created with his Washington comments and my cell phone rang and it was Arthur.

Upon being introduced as Falcons coach, Petrino was hit with so many questions about Vick and his plans for the quarterback that finally he declared, "Michael Vick is our startingquarterback today. There's no question about that."   "This is my first day on the job," added Petrino, who said he had not yet talked with Vick. "I'm really looking forward to getting to know him and watching him and developing and working at it. We haven't been able to get out on the field yet. We haven't been able to get in the video room yet. But I know he's a great quarterback and a great competitor."

What?  You think I didn't understand what the hell Arthur was saying?

McKay said he was looking for more than a new quarterbacks coach for Vick when he recommended hiring Petrino.  "I really believe you don't go into it saying you've got to hire the right coach who fits one player, because that player could get hurt," McKay said.

I (McKay) am trying to find Vick an advertising contract for a condom company and we are thinking about getting us a Muslim Cleric to work with Mike and help him find 100 virgins.

Petrino called the hiring a "whirlwind" process. He said he had calls about other NFL jobs but "immediately told them no."  "I think the No. 1 thing that drew my interest was Rich being here," Petrino said. "I was able to see the commitment that has been made here. I believe this is truly the best football job in the NFL. It was an easy decision for me."

I (Bobby) am using the whirlwind reference because biblically it represents disaster and that's what I am afraid I have gotten myself into here with this coachkiller for a quarterback that can't keep it in his pants.

Petrino was quarterbacks coach for two years (1999-2000) and offensive coordinator in  2001 with the Jacksonville Jaguars. Mark Brunell, another left-handed quarterback, threw for 3,640 yards in 2000 and 3,309 yards in 2001.  While with Jacksonville, Petrino became familiar with McKay, then the general manager in Tampa Bay. McKay said he tried to hire Petrino as offensive coordinator for the Buccaneers in 2001, when Petrino left the Jaguars to become the offensive coordinator at Auburn.

I needed something on my resume to help me stand out so I threw in the left handed quarterback thing.  It seems they bought it.  I thought that Arthur and McKay were dimwits when they bought into it but now I think it was me that got hoodwinked.  ####, I thought that since there was nobody that coached Ken Stabler still coaching, that it was a good angle too.

But Petrino's knowledge of McKay did not bring immediate familiarity with the Falcons' offensive struggles.  "I saw that stat this morning of what we were in the passing game," Petrino said. "We definitely need to work on being balanced, there's no question. ... I'm looking forward to the challenge in developing the passing game here.

I knew the money sounded too good and that I should have at least waited until the waitress at the IHOP we stopped at after they picked me up at the airport had brought us our coffee before telling them yes.

" Petrino plans to call plays from the Falcons' sideline and said he hopes to hire a blend of veteran NFL assistant coaches and young assistants from his Louisville staff.  Petrino's brother, Paul, who was Louisville's offensive coordinator, is an obvious candidate for the Atlanta staff. Another possibility is Louisville co-defensive coordinator Mike Cassity.  No assistant on Petrino's Louisville staff has coached in the NFL. Asked about his brother, Petrino said "I think he's a candidate [for the Louisville head coach position]. We'll have to wait and see."

I know some of my old NFL buddies and Louisville friends are going to need work so given I am not going to be here long I might as well help them get another year or two of work in so they can retire.

One member of Mora's Atlanta staff already has found another job. Special teams coach Joe DeCamillas was hired by Jacksonville.

I (Joe) am smart enought to get my #### out of town.