The 2007 American League Fantasy Baseball Starting Lineup
Topic:  2007 American League Fantasy Baseball Starting Lineup
By: Ryan “I Just Made You Famous” Rage

It’s that time of year, again.  The birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing and the annual MLB mid-season classic approaches. Arguably, the best-of-the-best (even though, I’m not there) play in a game that showcases the finest talent of the current season that each league, National and American, has to offer.  It also marks the mid-season of the fantasy baseball year.  Ah yes, the game many of us love, cyberspace’s second favourite pastime (in case you’re wondering, watching porn is number one). 

As the MLB All Star Game makes its annual round, it got me thinking, “What if there were a Fantasy Major League Baseball All-Star Game, a competition where all the biggest fantasy stars come out to strut their stuff?”  Who would play in such a game?  Unlike the real game, the criteria for this Fantasy Baseball All Star Game aren’t as ambiguous.  After all, we’re dealing with statistics here and nothing else.  No need to bother with flashy personalities or star power and, in most cases, defensive play.  Fantasy baseball is strictly a pitcher’s and offensive categories numbers game.  Most leagues are 5x5 leagues, whether they’re rotisserie or head-to-head.  As fantasy baseball savants know, for offense, the typical categories of competition are runs, home runs, runs batted in, stolen bases, and batting average.  For pitching, it’s usually wins, saves, strikeouts, earned run average and walk plus hits divided by innings pitched.  Those will be the categories; none of those eccentric categories such as outfield assists or holds.  Since this is one game and I’m an American League fan, I’ll be trotting out the guys who have ruled their respective positions in the AL.  That means a catcher, first baseman, second baseman, shortstop, third baseman, three outfielders, one designated hitter (or in fantasy terms, one utility player), one starting pitcher and a relief pitcher.  Let’s play fantasy baseball.

Playing catcher, from the Cleveland Indians, Victor Martinez.  This year, at least for now, has been the year where the 28-year-old has reclaimed his spot as the unquestioned number one offensive catcher in the AL, and perhaps all of Major League Baseball.  He doesn’t offer anything in the stolen bases department, but he’s been solid, if not more, in all of the other categories.  In the AL, Jorge Posada may have an edge in batting average but Martinez has a large gap in RBI’s and homeruns.  They’re basically tied in stolen bases and runs.  Victor Martinez takes his place in the catcher’s box.

Playing at first base, the pride of New Westminster, British Columbia, from the Minnesota Twins, Justin Morneau.  I used to mock the Twins, as I was once a non-believer.  The man was hailed as an offensive juggernaut but I was blind.  When he struggled, I laughed and stroked my beard as I thumbed my nose at the Twins franchise.  I thought I was right, but no.  Now, I can see and I am the fool.  Since this is about statistics, I won’t mention that he’s last year’s reigning MVP.  Oops, I just did.  He’s been looking phenomenal and doesn’t look to be slowing down.  His nickname, Paul Bunyan, sure fits him;  I guess it’s because Bunyan carried a big axe and Morneau carries a big bat.

Playing at second base, from the Baltimore Orioles, Brian Roberts.  B-Rob, as he’s known by whoever the hell calls him that, is quietly putting together a solid fantasy campaign.  He’s got solid numbers in the batting average and stolen bases categories but his RBI and Homerun stats are lacking.  His totals in the stolen bases category is top five for fantasy players.  This was a tough decision to snub Ian Kinsler, but his paltry batting average and bouts of streakiness are hard to overcome.  Kinsler does offer superior power numbers to Brian Roberts, in the Homerun and RBI department.  They’re basically a tie in runs.  I gave the call to the switch-hitting Roberts because I find it easier to come upon solid homerun and RBI production than it is to come upon high average and top-ten stolen base totals.

Playing shortstop, from the Detroit Tigers, Carlos Guillen.  If he keeps up at his current pace, he will have raised his batting average in seven straight seasons.  He has the most RBI’s at the shortstop position in the majors.  He’s sixth in homeruns by shortstops in the Majors, albeit he’s one behind a two-way tie for 4th and 2 behind a two-way tie for 2nd.  He’s sixth for batting average for MLB shortstops……He’s this…..He’s that.  I could go on and on about his life or tell you his middle name is Alfonso but why waste my time and yours.  The numbers don’t lie and he’s worthy of starting Shortstop on the Junior Circuit side in this year’s fantasy baseball all-star game.

Playing third base,(time for the Michael Buffer voice) the undisputed, the uncontested, the best fantasy player in the world, from the New York Yankees, Alex Rodriguez.  He has been an absolute dynamo.  His numbers have been phenomenal; he lead the majors in homeruns, runs, and RBIs.  Let’s not forget his over .320 batting average and solid stolen base totals.  Whatever his nickname is, be it A-Rod, Stray-Rod, ####-Rod, etc., add another one to the list.  A-Rod’s ‘Mr. Fantasy Baseball 2007’ (at least up to this point in the season).

Occupying 1 of the 3 outfield spots, from the Detroit Tigers, Magglio Ordóñez.  The man, who harbours no discrimination to any part of the field, makes his living hitting to all parts of the field.  This year’s performance, quite possibly his best, has put his name in to the ring for the unofficial mid-season MVP honours.  For outfielders who have more than 200 at-bats, “Maggs” has the best AVG, third highest run totals and RBI totals, and has a top-20 HR total in all of Major League Baseball.  Sound impressive?  You bet your #### it is. 

Occupying the 2nd of three outfield spots, from the Cleveland Indians, Grady Sizemore.  Fantasy baseball’s “It” girl (Well, it should be ‘ballplayer’ instead of ‘girl’ but that doesn’t have the same chime to it) is having an exceptional year in both the real and the fantasy baseball world.  The former Montreal Expos draft choice is yielding a mighty return for the Indians, who obtained him as part of the package they received when they shipped off Bartolo Colon.  He’s also yielding a mighty return for his fantasy baseball owners who drafted or traded for him.  Those who dared to release him to the free agent/waiver wire shall incur the wrath of the fantasy gods.

Occupying the 3rd and final outfield spot, from the Minnesota Twins, Torii Hunter.  The 32-year-old Gold Glove center fielder is on pace to have his best offensive season.  After this season, Torii is certain to be highly coveted on the free agent market.  He’s also vastly boosted his value as both a MLB baseball player and fantasy baseball pawn.  Sure there are arguments to be made that other outfielders are more deserving of this spot.  However, Torii boasts a complete package of solid totals across the board where as others lack in certain categories.  For example, Vlad Guerrero boasts higher average and RBI totals but Torii has the edge in runs, homeruns and stolen bases.  Ichiro may have higher steal, batting average, and stolen bases totals but the gap between him and Torii in homeruns and RBIs is too great.  Torii holds onto this spot for now but it may change by the end of the year.

In the utility spot, from the Detroit Tigers, Gary Sheffield.  Now he may not have made the 2007 American League All-Star team (as of right now), but he makes this 2007 Fantasy Baseball All-Star Team.  I love it that he’s having a great year and it’s not in a Yankees uniform.  Think it’s time to fire Brian Cashman?  Where’s the Steinbrenner we’d come to know?  The answer to the first question is ‘Yes’ and to the second is ‘I dunno’.  No need to get sidetracked;  this section should be about Gary Sheffield and his magnificent fantasy baseball feats, and not about how god-awful the Yankees are and not about how moronic Brian Cashman is.  To Gary Sheffield, the fantasy sports world salutes you for your accomplishments at the midway point of the fantasy baseball season.

Taking the mound, from the Oakland Athletics, Dan Haren.  This was the toughest position to choose a player to represent; after all of the contemplation, Dan Haren gets the nod.  He owns outstanding numbers all across the board (except for saves).  He has the fourth most wins in the American League.  He’s eighth in the AL in strkeouts and 12th in MLB.  ERA and WHIP are what make Dan Haren stand out.  For pitchers who have pitched 80 innings or more, his WHIP is second in the Majors and Haren has the lowest ERA in the AL and ranks fourth in MLB.  Surprisingly, Haren “only” has 10 wins.  In both of his losses, he’s given up a single earned run and the opposing team has scored 4 unearned runs.  In 18 starts, the opposing team has only scored 4 runs or more twice…Yada, yada, yada.  He may be well on his way to his first Cy Young award but for now he holds the distinction of being the American League starter in the 2007 Fantasy Major League Baseball All-Star Game.

Working out of the bullpen, relief pitcher and closer for the Seattle Mariners, J.J. Putz.  He’s been dominant, he’s been filthy, and without a question he’s been the best.  Who’s the man with 39 innings pitched and has only allowed 4 earned runs? It’s J.J. Who’s the man with a microscopic ERA of 0.92 and 23 saves?  It’s J.J.  43 strikeouts in 39 are just gravy on top of the mashed potatoes.  Who doesn’t like a man who has a 0.59 WHIP?  Opposing batters?  His accomplishments deserve the highest of praises from all fantasy baseball pros, professors and pundits.  Three cheers for J.J.  Hip-Hip Hooray!  Hip-Hip Hooray!  Hip-Hip Hooray!

So there you have it, the 2007 American League Fantasy Baseball All-Star starters.  I now leave you with a spoof of the Take Me Out to the Ball Game chorus:
Take me out to the fantasy game.  Take me out to the site.  As the page loads, I’ll be watching porn.  This is what I do in my own home.  Let’s root, root, root for that batter.  A homer puts me in first.  Oh no! It’s one, two, three strikes you’re out at the old fantasy game.