With the NFL investigating adding a 17th game to the schedule outside of the United States, I'm not happy about how they ignore the fact that the city of Los Angeles is still without a franchise. Let's make it simple and help the NFL while creating an interest again for football in Los Angeles. Instead of playing any games overseas, the NFL should move the proposed extra game to Los Angeles. The City of Angels has been without a pro football team (USC doesn't count as a professional franchise, wink wink) for over 10 years and it doesn't look like we will be getting a team anytime soon. You certainly can't put an expansion team in L.A. because the league is perfectly aligned as it is right now. Two conferences, 16 teams each divided into four team divisions. If you add one team to the 32 current teams then the league is out of balance and every week will have to have a team on a bye. So, mathematically speaking, adding one franchise creates a mess, so lets just skip that idea. A different idea for fielding a permanent team in Los Angeles would be to have a current team move there, but again, not a good idea. If a team (lets say the Saints or Vikings) would happen to move from their hometown and claim L.A. as their new home, the city won't accept them. You may sell a few tickets, but honestly, I can't think of one current team that I would buy season tickets for if they moved out West. I already have my team that I root for (Dallas) and since most people who live in the Golden State are not from here, we wouldn't have interest in rooting for some transplanted team. Without a state of the art stadium, the possibility of another team moving here is remote at best, so you can also scrap the idea of another team moving here. Make Los Angeles the home of the NFL, every team can play here one time per season. I guarantee sellouts every week. Do you know how many Cleveland fans live here, Patriot's fans, Steelers? What average fan in California wouldn't plop down good money to see their favorite team play one time out here? It's a sure 100% win for the NFL and the city. Taking the number one sport in America (sorry baseball fans) overseas sounds like an idea, but is it a good idea? Longer travel for teams and not to mention the time difference seems to put that idea into the "not such a great idea" category. Traveling to Los Angeles one time per season would put a strain on the East Coast teams, but not nearly the strain of a West Coast team traveling to Europe. The time difference would be a maximum of three hours from each coast, while the European time difference could be up to 10 hours difference. So there it is NFL. You can have your 17th game, bring the NFL to Los Angeles and make everyone on the left coast excited. I know if I have a chance to see my team play locally, I'm going, even if they play the games in the Rose Bowl or the Coliseum. It will probably be safe, unless the Raiders come to town, and then I'll still go, but with some very big friends.

What's a man to do when the four major sporting leagues are all in action this weekend?  You shy away from all chores and deepen that groove in the couch. 

Start by giving the wife your credit card and sending her to the mall.  Call the credit card company and report it stolen, grab the remote control.

Saturday morning - The biggest reality show of all, the NFL draft.  I don't suggest watching the whole process, just watch the first hour or two.  Call your friends and bitch about the choice your team made and then kick the cat.  The cat isn't yours, it's your wife's cat.  Besides, his name is Pookie and deserves to be punted with that name.

Breakfast is optional, you may be sleeping off Friday night's happy hour, so an Egg McMuffin is the easy choice.  It's quick, greasy and cheap, just like Mel Kiper Jr.  (Get the McMuffin combo and choose the orange juice in case you want something to mix with your Vodka and take the edge off).

Saturday afternoon - This is where it gets good.   You have the NBA playoffs, the NHL playoffs and you can sprinkle in a little golf, baseball and Nascar.  This is where split screen TVs, picture in picture and TIVO are a must.   Tell the wife (if she's back from the mall already) that you are sick.  This will get you out of all work and will also offer an explanation as to why you performed a Vinatieri on the cat.  You are running a fever and are delusional, and that is the common theme you should stick with today.

Lunch calls for a meatball sandwich.  Don't spill any on the remote control, you don't want to ruin the weekend that early.

Now take a nap, play Xbox or check your NFL team's picks on the internet.  Throw an empty beer bottle at the cat for waking you from your cheerleader laced dream.

Saturday evening - I suggest the 2006 Madden Bowl  on ESPN 2 at 9:30PM.  This was played in January with NFL members competing against each other.  Anytime you can listen to professional athletes verbally assault other athletes during a competition, you can't miss the opportunity to listen.  You are going to have to explain your NFL team's picks to your coworkers on Monday, and a little smack talk is never a bad thing to have in your glossary.

Saturday night - Drink four beers for every draft choice your NFL team wasted.  Drink two beers for every round they didn't have a pick because they traded it last year for the "steal of the draft who now collects unemployment".

For comedy, I suggest Saturday Night Live.  This week is hosted by the Ambiguously Gay Duo and features the best of TV Funhouse.  A can't miss 90 minutes of the best SNL cartoons.  During the commercials, feed the cat some coins that are in your pocket.

Sunday - More and more of the same.  The four major sports, along with golf and there is even some poker on cable. 

Your eyeballs may be a little tired from all the TV yesterday, so I suggest a trip down to the local driving range for a large bucket of golf balls to change the pace.   To get out of the house, tell the spouse that you are going to get flowers for her since you feel bad about the whole "cat thing".

While at the range, drink one beer for every yardage sign, aluminum pole and innocent bystander that you hit with a skulled 2 iron.

Sunday night - Sopranos at 9PM.  You can't miss this show.  The season is now halfway done and you know it's more fun than two drunk girls in bikinis eating hot dogs. For good measure, place a wager with your friends that Vito ends up with a tire rod shoved down his throat. 

After the show, you might want to tell the spouse you are feeling better and apologize for not getting to the flower shop before they closed.  Then you should go pet the cat. 

On second thought, give it one more good kick because that's what Tony Soprano would do.

Crawl into bed, steal the covers from your wife and try to conjure up that cheerleader dream again.

Do you need viewing guidance for the NFL Draft this Saturday?  I've got some advice for the casual NFL fan who doesn't know too much about the NFL and their annual cattle auction.

 
Many years ago, while watching a movie with my Mom, the bad guy in the scene was offered a beverage. He quickly replied "I don't drink".  

I, being the wise old age of about seven, asked my Mom "what does he do when he gets thirsty"?

My Mom, who up to that point was probably proud of me, calmly replied that he doesn't drink anything with alcohol, but he probably drinks water or milk when he gets thirsty.  

Now with guidance and quick answers like that from Mom, one could go through life pretty easily.

We have since all grown up and dear Mom isn't there to guide us on every journey, and we probably don't need her as much.  Mom had some good advice through the years, but she doesn't have the answers to everything, like what to do about that green stuff on your toes that won't wash off and how to get out of speeding tickets. 

 Luckily, we now have books for dummies.

 In case you haven't noticed, the NFL draft is once again upon us.  While your Mom may help you with life decisions, she won't be there for you this Saturday to break down the draft and what it means.  That's why I'm here.  

Today, we talk about the NFL Draft for those who are draft illiterate.

Lesson 1.  Tune in on Saturday, 12:00PM to a certain channel that isn't FOX.  (Hint:  it rhymes with TSPN).  There you will see a couple of guys talking about amateur football players becoming professional football players.

The one huge guy is called Berman.  He's been on TV for about 25 years and is an icon on this channel. (When they say that the camera adds 10 pounds, he looks like he swallowed 12 of them.)

The other guy who looks like he drank 6 espressos and chased it with a B-12 shot is called Kiper Jr.  Nobody knows who he is and where he came from, but he's the expert.  We don't ask where Santa Claus came from and everyone knows he's the expert at delivering gifts, so just think that Kiper is the Santa of the NFL.  He shows up once a year, and does his job, then hides for a long time.  (Kiper has hair that looks wind-blown, while Santa doesn't, but I can't figure that out, so I don't talk about it).

Lesson 2.  Ignore any and all mock drafts.  They are never correct.  It's best to just watch and see which team drafts which player.  Correctly predicting the draft is like trying to figure out what party Lindsey Lohan will go to and whom she will hook-up with. 

In the end, nobody knows and it can change at any second. (More importantly, nobody cares until after it is done, and honestly, we only want to see the pictures.)

 

Lesson 3.  New York fans.  Whenever a team from New York announces their draft pick, the fans in attendance will boo loudly.  There is nothing wrong with this.  This is tradition and will never change.  New York teams could choose Jesus in cleats and the fans would still boo. 

The only way to change this would be if a New York team drafted a player who was dating a Playmate.  All the guys in attendance would then cheer, thinking they had a chance with the hottie since she would be moving in the close 100 mile proximity of the apartment they have above their Dad's garage.

Lesson 4.  Don't get too excited about your team's draft choice.  For every Joe Montana drafted, there are 100 Ryan Leafs.  Be cautious about buying the draft choice's jersey on the first day it's available.  Even though you think your team got a once-in-a-lifetime player, he may be known in five years for transporting his body weight in drugs across the Canadian border with a rival team's cheerleader (who's only 17).  Ouch.

Lesson 5.  Watch the first hour and then go to the bar.  In today's technology world, you can read all about it in about 5 minutes that night on the internet.  While at the bar, if someone asks you if you want a drink, say yes, even though you may not be thirsty.

In his 2002 autobiographical movie 8 Mile, rapper Eminem posed a question.

If you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, could you capture it?

 Baseball player Rick Monday captured the moment and more, 30 years ago today. 

On April 25th, 1976 the Chicago Cubs center fielder rescued the American flag moments before it was to be burned by two protesters who stormed the field in a game against the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Running from center field,  Monday, a former Marine Reserve, intercepted the flag from the two men who were only seconds away from igniting the cloth.  He left them there empty handed looking like two teenagers in disbelief  who had the phone number for Paris Hilton just fall out their hands into the Grand Canyon.

 

The history of sports is littered with athletes who fail or succeed under pressure.  Big games make and break careers and lives can be changed by how a person reacts.  Sometimes an incident in a sporting event can define a person beyond the sidelines.  Just ask Roberto Alomar, who snapped and spit on Umpire John Hirschbeck in 1996. 

Ask anyone about Alomar and most will remember him more for his saliva than his clutch hits.

Adam Vinatieri is known for being cool under pressure, the same with Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter, Magic Johnson, Kerri Strug, and Larry Bird, The list of players who performed under pressure during a game can go on longer than the final two minutes of an NBA game. 

If you are prepared, how you perform can also solidify you as a great person and not just an athlete. 

Today on the anniversary of the event, Monday was interviewed on ESPN radio in Los Angeles.  If like me, you were lucky enough to hear the hosts recap the incident, (complete with the radio play-by-play by Vin Scully) you would come away remembering Rick Monday not as a baseball player, but a Patriot who stood up for something that was right and what he believed in.

Monday has received various sorts of praise for his act, complete with awards, plaques, admiration and in 1976 the Chicago Cubs presented him with the actual flag from the incident. 

Recently, the baseball Hall of Fame named the quick thinking act of Monday one of the top 100 events in baseball history.   It  may be a top performance in baseball, but it was more than that, it was a top performance from an athlete who made a life changing decision in a split second.

In 2003, Eminem walked away with the Oscar for best song in a movie.  30 years ago, Rick Monday waked away with the respect of Americans. 

Some rewards are gold, some are more valuable.

 

When Guns 'N Roses burst onto the scene in the late 80's they were the group of all groups. They were my generation's Beatles and Stones all packaged into one glorious screeching package of smoke, alcohol and angst. Guns 'N Roses lead the revolution to bring down the hair bands - no, it wasn't Nirvana or Pearl Jam or any Seattle grunge group that got rid of Bon Jovi, Cinderella or Winger, IT WAS GNR BABY !!! They were first onto the scene like the Marines and saved us from another decade of Spandex and 6 foot high hair. If you compare Guns 'N Roses with the Los Angeles Lakers, you can see several unflattering comparisons. Sure, the outfits are different and a bunch of skinny drug addicted screamers can't be compared to a powerful triangle offense, but the two groups have more in common than Nick and Jessica. The rise to greatness followed by years of mediocrity are too obvious to not compare. How do they compare? Let's break it down a little bit. The lead singer Axl Rose was a huge talent, somewhat moody and occasionally in the police blotter (sounds like someone on the Lakers doesn't it?) As the band rose to fame they were looked at as one group, not a lead singer with a backup band. As they sold more and more albums and more and more tickets to jammed auditoriums, Axl started taking too much credit, getting too moody and shying away from the group. He became about as dependable to show up as a trailer trash wife hearing she's needed on the Jerry Springer show for the third time. They still rocked and sold tickets until... Eventually, they teamed up with Metallica which everyone thought was going to be the tour of all tours. It never was. Axl then became an even bigger ego, the group eventually broke up with Axl thinking he could front any group of musicians and call themselves the same band. The relationship fizzled quicker than a stripper when she finds out you only have $1 dollar bills. When you look at the Los Angeles Lakers, you start and end with how Kobe broke up the band. Kobe is Axl, without the headband, but with the tights. I was never in the Laker locker rooms, and Kobe will always deny he was the reason for the breakup of him and Shaq, but he will forever be known as the reason they broke up. Kobe is to the Lakers what Axl was to GNR. When Karl Malone and Gary Payton teamed up with the Lakers in 2003, they were the team to be beat. Just like GNR teaming up with Metallica, it never panned out and it left all the hard core fans wondering what could have been. Now Kobe is fronting his own band, but they aren't the same crowd pleasing - hottest ticket in L.A. - rock star group that they once were. The Lakers are the Lakers light, a never to be seen again powerhouse. The group is always better than the individual. The ones left wondering what went wrong can speculate and ponder and try to bring back the band, but it will never happen. Kobe gets a little bit of love from the fans, but deep down they all resent him for putting himself first, and that is what will be the final chapter written about Kobe. At least Guns 'N Roses can reunite for one more tour, but I don't see that happening with Kobe, Shaq and the Lakers.