1964 4A Southern Central League. Falcon gym, Falcons 3  Bombers 17. 1st quarter 5:03 remains.

"Tell Dusty to get over here"

"You rang?"

"Shut up, pay attention. Anderson has his head up his butt, Joseph is a stiff as usual, Williams can't see the basket much less make one and don't get me started on Davis. Get in there and see if we can get this thing under control. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

("Of course. You just dogged on every starter except your son the starting point guard  with no assists, no points, no boards, 4 turnovers and he's pretending he lost a contact so you're taking him out and putting me in to take the blame instead of him? Bout cover it?")

"I don't want to see you jacking up those shots behind the top of the circle either. Go Go Go!"

BAM!! Nothing but net and the net didn't feel a thing.

("Well what was I supposed to do? Their center is 7'11", parked in the lane, I'm a midget and I'm on a breakaway with the steal and they're catching up. Had to stop and pop. That's a 3 in the pros. If they had 3's yet.... dang you're gonna have a heart attack yelling like that and getting all red faced.)

BAM COUNT IT.

("What? what? Whats wrong with laying it up with my left hand? Their guy was right on my right shoulder. I had to catch the pass over my shoulder and if I went up right handed he would have blocked me. Jeez Louise" Why don't you just freak out while you're at it?)

BAM  6 in a row you just never know.

(" How come me scoring is a problem? He nearly threw it in my arms. I was running full speed, there was no one on our team cross half court when I laid it up. That's what you like right? No shot longer than 5 feet, right? Would you relax?")

BAM Globetrotter style

("My bad. I forgot passing behind the back is not allowed. We're a fundamental team and we don't showboat. Aye aye Captain. You know I think I figured out what's wrong with Anderson. If you get him the ball once in a while he tends to score." Course you're too busy coaching your high blood pressure to notice right?)

BAM and one

("Excuse me? I'm the point guard here, shortest guy on our team, I got the rebound right in front of the basket and put it back up and in cause nobody was in front of me. That's wrong?" Maybe I should have pulled it back out front and went into the four corners when their entire team was in those four corners?)

Hey guys. How was life on the bench while I was gone? You guys didn't actually pretend Barry lost his contact did you? Losers. Shoulda broke his flipping arm. You guys want to lose this game or what?"

"Holey Moley, I think he's admitting we're in deep trouble Snake. Both of us back in after two minutes. Let's boggie. Booooooggiieeee dooooowwwn Prooooductions.....How's the contact there Barry?....probably need to clean it from being up your pops azz"

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM

"Nah coach, I didn't do it on purpose. Swear I didn't. Ball slipped out of my hands trying to pass it to Joe and it went in. Gotcha. Won't happen again......(until next time)"

"WOAH!!  Snake? What is this all about? What do you mean where was I? On yet another breakaway. Are you here to play the game or watch fights? No way????  Jay and Willie are out and they only get one tossed? Great. You know what this means. Barrrrrrryyyyyy."

( What are you yelling about now coach? Are you senile? It's called a reverse layup and Snake can make em all day long. Not a bad bounce pass in traffic either huh? Not that you'd admit it.)

"Foul? Who? Me? Oh, I'm shooting. ( I didn't feel nothin' but since I can't even feel my legs or see because I'm sweating so bad are you sure it was me that got fouled? I wouldn't mind going to mid court and puking my guts out while someone else took the shots?.) Three to make two? Heh, that's easy enough. Dang...bend your knees Dusty. What knees? ...That's embarassing. Banked a free throw in....take a little off of it this time. Now THAT is embarassing. I think that hit the front of the rim on the underside. Why is the name Shaquille O'Neal in my head?....How many times has that ran around the rim? I can touch the rim, maybe I should go tap it in? Nope we're good...oh man am I dead. Thank God for halftime. MEDIC!!!"

The Falcons went on that night to win 74-62. It was the highest scoring game of the year for the Falcons. Dusty finished with 35 points, 12 assists, 7 steals, 5 rebounds and 0 turnovers. He and Snake promptly returned to the bench, Snake mostly for laughing too much and Dusty for shooting too much.

The Falcons went 17-5 that year averaging a whopping 52 points a game. Playing as the backup to both guard positions Dusty averaged 9.8 pts per game and 5 assists. Barry the coaches son and the starting point guard averaged 4.5 pts per game and 5.2 assists. (not that any of these numbers were accurate since a pimply faced kid always sat at the scorers table and wrote down pretty much whatever he thought he saw.)

Playing the Bombers again in the Southern region state semifinals Barry's daddy chose to play a stall game and the Falcons lost 18-12 while Dusty and Snake sat on the group W bench playing with the pencils and everyone had a real good time. Jay was high man with 5 pts for the Falcons. The entire team except for Barry declared for the NBA draft. Barry did also but since he didn't have an agent either, his daddy made him come back for his senior year.

Dusty, Snake and Barry went on to do absolutely nothing combined in the world of basketball. But there was that one Wednesday night.

Even a blind dog finds a bone now and then.

"We didn't start the fire, it was always burnin' since the world's been turnin' and we didn't start the fire"....This column inspired by a statement by GR8one54 on another column.