Ok, I admit it. There are things that annoy me and I can't help but speak out on them (hence the hater-ade line in my "About Me" thing). In fact, those who know me actually like to fuel my fire sort of speak and then sit back while I belt out line after line about anyone and anything. It usually snowballs into a lambasting of sort and once the simple comment becomes a heart-felt diatribe, I'm left with high blood pressure and a room full of awkward expressions.

With all this being said, here are a few topical things that I have an opinion on.

1. This season I decided to get the MLB Extra Innings package because of my Fantasy Baseball addiction and the fact that I've seen every episode of Everbody Loves Raymond, Friends and Sex in the City. Hey TBS, you can stop teasing me with all these back-to-back episodes. By the way, can you tell I live with my girlfriend? Unreal, we have 3 TVs in the house and somehow I wind up watching "What About Brian." Can someone please explain this to me? 

I digress.

My MLB Extra Innings package is the best thing since the NFL Ticket. But AMart, aren't they the same thing? Well, I'm glad you asked. In theory, yes they are they same thing. But the MLB package is more. So much more. It's on every night. There's always something to watch. If you want to see Zach Day make his Washington Nationals re-debut, flip it on! If you want to see Jamie Moyer pitch with a cane, FSN Northwest has the coverage. In other words, there's always something to watch regardless of Ross and Rachel being on a break or if Samantha's doing some guy in the bathroom or if... well, you get what I'm saying.

Ok, so what's the point? The point is that we can now fight back! I don't care anymore. What about Brian you ask? He's a Vito waiting to happen. If he asks for a tall stack of Johnny cakes next episode, don't say I didn't tell you so.

2. Speaking of my MLB package, the other day I watched the San Diego Padres and I almost had a heart attack.

Quick history lesson: For many years, the San Diego Padres were the laughingstock of baseball. Aside from their 1984 World Series appearance, they were always in the NL West cellar; never had a marketable star to carry their team other than Tony Gwynn (not really marketable); always fell victim to heralded but terribly unproductive phenoms like Andy Benes and Phil Plantier. In short, they were losers. And to make matters worse, they were losers with ugly uniforms.

Despite it all, their fans still loved them. They kept coming out to Jack Murphy Stadium and applauded when the San Diego Chicken did his unforgettable routine.

But people, they wore the brown and yellow uniforms. A fashion faux pas that affected everyone's palate - one that couldn't be ignored. 

Alas, the mid 90's rolled around and the Padres changed their duds -- simple white and blue with some pinstripes. Oddly enough, it landed them in the 1997 World Series. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Next, they moved out of The Murph and into Petko Park. With the move came a new look and a new logo. They made some personnel decisions and found themselves contending in the NL West. Ahh yes, here come the Padres.

Fast foward to AMart on his couch in early April. The San Diego Padres take the field wearing brown camouflage tops. I was floored. All that was missing was Lester Holt giving me coverage on the War in Iraq. Seriously, it was like a bad Nelly video. (I apologize for the redundancy.)

So now they have gone back to being baseball's fashion misfits. All that progress with the image makeover and now this? It's like Oprah losing all that weight, then getting fat again. Have you learned nothing?!?!

Well, entering May, their record is 9 - 15. None of their regulars are hitting over .300. Their biggest power source has been young shortstop Khalil Greene (4 HRs, .200 avg). Jake Peavy, their ace pitcher who many penciled in as their CY Young favorite, is 1 - 3 with a 5.17 ERA.

Coincidence?

Oh, and don't think the camouflage is helping either. I can still see you. You're in last place. 

3. ESPN's Stuart Scott. Ok, someone needs to sit this guy down to have a serious talk. Last I checked he was a journalist. But that's a loose term with it comes to our pal, Stu.

I get it. He's hip-hop.

I get it. He's street.

I get it. He's tight with players.

I get it. He's been in a Luther Campbell video.

I get it. He went to UNC and represents the Tar Heels with mad love and props and whatever else he blathers.

I get it. I get it. I get it.

Now what the hell is the score?

Stu, I just want the score, man. Who won? Who hit a homer? I don't care about jimmy jacks and the other side of the pillow. I don't care about the meat rack. When a guy hits one out, he's not playa hatin'. He's just doing his job!

I don't even know what you mean by buya. Is that a sound effect? Are you aware that it means noise in Spanish? Unless, of course, you spell it booya. In that case, it's not even a word, dog.

Seriously. Help me out. I don't care if you kick it with these guys during ESPN the Weekend or at a BBQ or at the Gold Club. I don't care if you all share hugs and handpounds. I just want to know the score.

What's the score, Stu?