Vick Going for Two-Count Conversion

With Michael Vick's pending decision as to whether he will fight for his innocence in a courtroom or get sacked for a loss of at least 365 days, his ever-shrinking fan club has to be feeling like a frightened turtle. We all know it's "innocent until proven guilty" right? Problem for Vick is that he's dealing with 4th down and long while the opposition has too many prosecutors, witnesses, federal laws and statutes on the field. They've got him by the "collar" ladies and gentlemen. He once outran the Packers, but boy those cops always seem to have the angle don't they?

Whether you're a dog lover and you hate him, support him as a fan, feel as though he's being targeted racially, or now have a more legitimate reason to hate him than before, we all need to agree on one thing: This guy is an idiot.

How does a man put himself in this situation? Let's say he's innocent, even if only for this blog, just to analyze some of the most spectacular moronic behavior I've witnessed since....well....Pacman Jones. And we thought he was dumb! Vick makes Pacman look like Stephen Hawking without the wheelchair. By simply putting himself in this situation, even if he's innocent, is a dog-gone shame. Seriously. For those of us familiar with athletes who just wanted a chance at the Pros and never got the opportunity, to see a guy with a winning lotto ticket and a lifetime of income just screw the pooch like this, what a buffoon. Sure he couldn't hit the ocean with a golfball, but the man could RUN! He once was a lock to do something amazing on any given Sunday, but now he's plagued by dog day afternoons. Life's a b!tch ain't it Mike?

But before we put Vick in the doghouse maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, they don't have any witne...oh yeah, they have enough witnesses to fill the Georgia Dome. But all their testimonies will be dismissed because they just want a lesser sent...oh yeah, Vick's name is on almost every single document relating to the dogfighting operation. Not to mention the parade of witnesses at the ready whom were present at actual dogfights and can place Vick at them, and testimony that he actually, this past April, helped hang dogs and drown the survivors in buckets of water. Vick's defense might as well be a fire hydrant right now; the Feds are going to urinate all over it. The only thing missing is the "Idiot's Guide to Starting Your Own Dogfighting Operation," which he likely misplaced while he was (allegedly) hanging dogs for "underperforming." Domesticated animals are funny that way, they don't really like to fight to the death.

Now, what would be a fair punishment for him if he's guilty? Here's a few:

1) Line him up at the 50, with no offensive line, on the other side of 11 pit bulls that haven't eaten in 24 hours, and see if he can get to the endzone.

2) Lock him in a room with PETA and let him "explain himself."

3) Make him spend 18 months in jail, serve 7 or 8, and then get signed by some team in desperate need of a quarterback.

The first one just seems like more fun than jail time, doesn't it?

Taking a Bite Out of Crime

Yes Michael, it is a dog-eat-dog world and you may soon find yourself in the "people kennel." They say there is a dogfighting subculture in our country, and many people view this sort of thing as the norm; conceding that "they're just dogs." Accordingly, maybe this was Vick's dogma; I would contend that it was a way for him to cope with constantly missing his retrievers on the field. Yet today he finds himself begging his attorneys to throw him a friggin bone, only they are urging him to accept the plea bargain. He's in some serious shih-tzu, and he's got less lead blocks right now than Ronnie Brown.

The situation is truly unfortunate and I, as many of us once did, loved Michael Vick when he was in college and leapt out of my seat whenever he would run past the line of scrimmage. He was the guy you had to outlaw people from using in Madden and an absolute terror on the field. But I was robbed, as all of us were, because he was doing it doggystyle the entire time. You have to feel remorse for Bobby Petrino as well; he could have traded this guy away long ago, but he traded Matt Schaub instead, and is left with Joey Harrington, and his first NFL season has already gone to the dogs.

So what will come of all this? We know Clinton Portis is still extracating his foot from his mouth after his comments about dogfighting. Maybe this garbage will start disappearing. I'll say this about Vick, all jokes aside: If he's guilty of the killings, not simply funding the operation, I hope he gets what he deserves. There is no excuse for that sort of behavior from a human being. I know the things that go on in animal factories are far more atrocious, and our vehement stances for the rights of the one's we deem as "pets" may seem hypocritical at times, but that doesn't erase this issue. My hope is that justice is done for all those dogs that were so senselessly sacrificed. To some they may "just be dogs," but they did nothing to deserve the fate they received, and the sun will shine on a dog's ass before the guilty get away with murder. They may have seen those dogs as losers, but those dogs have already won.