A 47-year-old man faces criminal charges after allegedly stealing a Dodgers uniform and posing as one of the team's players.

A security guard found Ronald Higgins walking on the field Wednesday morning wearing the uniform and holding a glove and two baseballs. Higgins allegedly identified himself as a Dodgers player, but the guard recognized him from an earlier incident and called the police.

If convicted, Higgins could spend nearly four years in state prison for impersonating a Dodger, a potential precedent-setting outcome that should have Andruw Jones waking up in a cold sweat on pretty much a nightly basis.

The Florida Marlins are 315-333 since they won the 2003 World Series.

They're coming off an off-season in which they found it necessary to trade the only two players on their roster most of the nation could pick out of a lpolice ineup.

And their grand plan to improve on an MLB-worst attendance average of 16,919 hinges upon ... fat guys dancing.

With that kind of strategic thinking, it's almost hard to believe that Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria ran the Montreal Expos so far into the ground they came out on the other side of the Canada-U.S. border as the Washington Nationals.

So while the New York Post sends a Jessica Simpson look-alike to torment Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, Green Bay's Fox affiliate is showing off its rooting interests/lack of journalistic integrity by denying Giants quarterback Eli Manning the opportunity to watch his favorite television show while he's in town to take on the Packers in Sunday's NFC title game. 

WLUK general manager Jay Zollar explained the decision to pull the station's regularly scheduled 5:30 p.m. Saturday showing of Seinfeld thusly:

"We don't want to give any comfort to the enemy whatsoever when they come into town. We know laughter is a good medicine and we decided we're not going to give that to him."

Zollar might not know it, but we have it from a good sports industry source (OK, so it's not that good a source ... it's former Yankees assistant to the traveling secretary George Costanza) that Manning relies on Seinfeld for more than just mere entertainment.

For instance, we swear we've heard Manning shouting "Serenity now!" at Amani Toomer in the Giants huddle. In addition, it is believed Manning's game plan for improving on his Week 2 performance against the Packers entails some variation of the vaunted Costanza "opposite" theory.

Plus, with no Seinfeld to watch, Manning may find himself tempted by the "adult" offerings on the hotel's pay-per-view service.

Shortly after which, he will cease to be master of his own domain.

Having come to the long-overdue conclusion that their public relations were desperately in need of some coordinating, the New York Knicks are looking to hire (appropriately enough) a public relations coordinator.

But cleaning up James Dolan's messes isn't for everyone. According to the posting, you must be able to answer in the affirmative to the following questions.

1. Yes/No: I have at least 1 year of public relations experience with a sports team.

2. Yes/No: I have previous public relations experience with a NBA/ WNBA /D-League team.

3. Yes/No: Are you available to work evenings and weekends?

Now, while the ad didn't explicitly address them, here are some other queries that are likely to be a part of the interview process.

4. Yes/No: Are you willing to have carnal relations with the team's starting point guard in the back seat of his truck while parked outside a strip club?

5. Yes/No: Is it more offensive for a white man to call a black woman a b**** than it is for a black man to call a black woman a b*****?

6. Yes/No: Trading for Zach Randolph was a shrewd move from a public relations standpoint.

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then you may be qualified to be harassed by Isiah Thomas!

On the same day that Bud Selig and Don Fehr were on Capitol Hill to have a little chat with the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, this little nugget came to our attention thanks to FOXSports.com's own little rumormonger, Ben Maller:

NBC executives may have been juiced over American Gladiators' stellar debut, but the gladiators themselves were all natural. That's because NBC Universal subjected the gladiators to steroid testing before they could appear on the show. The 12 cast members were tested as part of their medical examinations and then required to sign a document saying that they were clean and that they could be tested at any time.

So to sum up ...

While Fehr is dragging his feet on retroactively testing blood samples for HGH when a test becomes available, NBC can make Lazer and Nitro pee in a cup anytime it damn well wants to.

And when Lazer and Nitro are subject to more stringent steroid testing than Clemens and Tejada, you know there's still work for MLB to do.