With Hall of Fame Weekend coming next weekend I figured it would be appropriate to repost this piece from last year. There may be a new one for this year, but you try thinking of something funny about Gene Hickerson.

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When John Madden made his Hall of Fame induction speech, he mentioned how he believed the busts in Canton would speak to each other once everyone was gone for the night. While this may come across as the ramblings of a guy who's mistaken paint thinner for vodka once too often, he's right. The busts in Canton do speak with each other, and here's how the conversation went the night the new busts were put in the hall.

(Door to the Hall of Fame is closed for the night by the janitor)

Art Donovan: Okay guys, all's clear!

George Halas: (addressing the Class of '06 busts) So I see we have some new members here this evening, welcome guys.

'06 Busts (simultaneously): Thanks!

Wellington Mara: So why're you guys in here? What're your qualifications

Troy Aikman: Well, I won 3 Super Bowls with the help of the best offensive line in league history, the NFL's all-time leading rusher, and a wide receiver who made the Pro-Bowl 5 times in 9 seasons. So of course I deserve all the credit

Wellington Mara: I see, how about you sir

John Madden: I have the best winning percentage of any coach who has coached 100 games or more. I was the best announcer in football for many years, and my EA Sports football games have given me street cred with the brothas out the wazoo. Right Jim?

Jim Brown: Word

John Madden: ....and I did win one Super Bowl, and it would have been more had it not been for someone's lucky-ass play

(The Chuck Noll and Franco Harris busts both start giggling uncontrollably)

John Madden: Yeah in fact I'd just like to complain a little more about how I only won one Super Bowl...

Dan Marino, Marv Levy, Barry Sanders: (at the same time) Shaddup!

John Madden: Okay, okay, I'm done

Art Rooney: Thank you John, even your bust smells terrible. (to Warren Moon) How about you son?

Warren Moon: I have almost 50,000 passing yards and close too 300 TDs spanning over 17 NFL seasons. Plus I won 4 Grey Cups in the CFL.

Art Rooney: The what?

Warren Moon: ...um, the Canadian Football League. The place where people who can't make it in America go to make a living.

Art Rooney: Wouldn't that be just called Canada?

Warren Moon: Well, I suppose, but this was in football pads

Art Rooney: I see, I see. Didn't you also beat your wife like a prisoner at Gitmo?

Warren: (hemming and hawing) ...okay fine, I did. But I'm not the only one with off-field transgressions in here. Hell, Lawrence Taylor's nose is bleeding right now, and he's made of bronze.

LT: Hey! I'd wipe my nose, but I don't have any hands

Sammy Baugh: Enough! Come on now guys, (speaking to Reggie White) what about you? Why're you here?

Reggie White: I'm the best defensive end in the history of the NFL period. With that and the fact that I died recently, you could've had a Hall of Fame voting panel of Satanist KKK members and they couldn't have kept me out.

Deacon Jones: Hold on there a minute kid.... The best defensive end ever? I beg to differ, and if you say it again we're gonna have to get some flowers from Merlin cuz I'm gonna kill you all over again!

Merlin Olsen: Hey! Leave me out of this

Reggie White: Settle down Deacon, let me get done saying my piece and we can talk about he time you were in "The Thing with Two Heads"

Deacon Jones: That was Rosie Greer you moron!

Reggie White: Whatever, you all never won anything so who cares?

Deacon Jones: With your homo-phobic, anti-every-race-but-your-own rants towards the end of your life you may feel more at home in the Baseball Hall of Fame. You and Ty Cobb would look real nice side by side

Reggie White: Don't make me go Zidane on you!!

Deacon Jones: What're you talking about? You can only go Zidane on me!

Reggie White: Why you......!!

(Reggie inches off his stand and sloooowwwwlly charges toward Deacon)

Deacon Jones: Bring it on. I can't do my head slap like this, but I can still kick some skull base.

Paul Brown: Gentlemen please!!! Settle down or we'll put Irvin's bust next to you when he gets inducted

Deacon and Reggie: (simultaneously) Sorry

Paul Brown: Although, that reminds me of a joke. A deacon and a minister walk into a bar. I can't remember the middle but the end involves a whip and nacho cheese. Anyway, (looking at Harry Carson) what about you?

Harry Carson: I played in 9 Pro Bowls in 13 seasons. I was the sober yin to LT's raging yang. I am a Super Bowl champion, if you couldn't tell from me basically wearing a "Look at this" sign pointing right to my championship ring during my speech. And I played in New York, which counts for more than 4 Grey Cups I would think

(All other busts murmur to each other in agreement)

Warren Moon: (softly to himself) Kiss my ass

Bronko Nagurski: Well, last is you Mr. Wright, why're you here

Rayfield Wright: I was a 6 time Pro Bowler, a member of the official All-70s NFL team. I played in 5 Super Bowls and won 2. And, um, I was a tackle, we don't really have stats or anything so I can't really explain it fully.

Curly Lambeau: Okay, any other matters of business?

All: No

Curly Lambeau: Okay, tomorrow is our monthly karaoke competition. Mike Ditka singing Journey vs. Chuck Noll singing Metallica

 

 

Brings a chill doesn't it?