Toomuchcoffee!

WOW!!!Ijustdrankwaaaaytoomuchcoffee,man!IknewIshouldn'thaveorderedthat7thcupofthedarkestroasttheyhadatTheCoffeeBean...andIdefinitelyshouldn'thavehadthemthrowinthatextrashotofespresso!NowI'vegotallthisnervousenergyandmymindisracingwithunresolvedsportsissues...likemybeefwiththe"sport"ofhorseracing.OnceIwaswatchingthefanfarebeforeaTripleCrownraceandIchangedthechannelforaminutetocheckthescoreofagameIwaswatchingandwhenIturnedbacktheracewasalreadyover!OfcoursethisneverhappenswhenIwatchaNASCARrace.Icanturnawayandwatchsomethingelseforacoupleofminutes,thenturnbackforawhiletoseehowmyfavoritedriversaredoing.PlusInevermisstheend!Anditisforthisreasonthattelevisedhorseracesshouldbelike500mileslong.WhyismarijuanaconsideredabannedsubstanceattheOlympicGames?It'snotlikeitenhancesyourathleticperformanceoranything.NowsteroidsandHGHIcanunderstand(oranythingthatcanmakeachickgrowasetofballs),butnotpot.HellanyspeedadvantageyoucouldgainbysheddingafewbraincellswouldbemorethanoffsetbytheTwinkiesyou'dinevitablydevour.IsayifyoucanwinanOlympiceventwhilesimultaneouslylivingthestonerlifestylethenmorepowertoyou,myfriend.Andyouknowwhatelse?IfsomeonecantakesteroidsorEPOoramphetaminesandstilleludedetectionthendoesn'tthatinsomewaymakehimorherawinner?ItremindsmeofthephilosophyIhadinschool.I'vealwaysmaintainedthatstudentsgetthegradestheydeserve.Inotherwords,ifyou'recleverenoughtocheatonatestandgetawaywithit,thenyoudeservetogetanAonthattest!Afterall,noteverybodycanbeagradecurvewreckerlikemeJButthetruthis,IslackedoffinhighschoolbecauseIknewIwouldscorehighenoughonmyACTstogetintocollege.InfactoneofmyfavoritejokesIalwaystellis:"IgotintocollegewithD's...Deeeznuuuuts!!"Orbetteryet,Isayjustleveltheathleticplayingfieldentirelyandletallthesejockspumpthemselvesfullofwhateverchemicallyalteringsubstancetheycanfind.Itwouldsettheworldofathleticsasweknowitonitsear!Idon'twanttoseeabunchofpeopleIcanrelatetooutthere.Givememutants!MUTANTS!!!Iwanttoseethirdarmsandtails!Iwantbaldwomenwithchesthair!Iwantthe100metersin7.5seconds!Iwanta3minutemileanda30footpolevault!!Letthemdamagethemselvesiftheywantto.What'simportantisthatIbeentertained,andthewaythingsarerightnow,abunchofsillyrulesaredeprivingsomeperfectlygoodsportsfansoftheirrighttostareslackjawedatthosewhoarefreakishlydifferent.Maybeit'sthecoffeetalking,butnotallowingathletestotakealltheperformanceenhancingdrugstheycangettheirhandsonislikeputtingtintedwindowsontheshortbus...It'snotfairtotherestofus!!!Speakingofrulesthatdon'tmakesense,whyisitpostedinrestaurantbathroomsthatallemployeesmustwashtheirhandsbeforereturningtowork?Shouldn'tthatalsoapplytothecustomersbeforetheyreturntoeat?Ofcourse,thisopensupadeeperphilosophicalquestionabouthandwashing.Yousee,onceIsawthisterriblemadeforTVmovieaboutGeorgeForemanandhewasleavingthebathroomafterpeeingandhewalkedrightpasthisfriendatthesink,whoasked,"Aren'tyougoingtowashyourhands?"andGeorgesaid,"IwashmyhandsbeforeItouchmydick."Andyouknow,thatreallymadesensetomebecausedoyoureallywanttobetouchingyourmanjunkafteraharddayoflandscapingorworkingonyourcarorsomething?Still,that'sexactlywhatalotofguysdo!Anyway,allthistalkaboutpeeingjustmademerealizethatIhaven'tgonetothebathroomoncesinceIstarteddrinkingallthiscoffee,andnowit'sstartingtorunrightthroughme!Oh,crap!IjustwetmyselfalittlebitandifIdon'tgonow,andImeannow,Imightnotmakeit!I'lltrytowashbeforehand,buttheremaynotbetime! Seeyalater!Gottago!!!