Can you use slow in a sentence? :  Chess champion and anti-semite Bobby Fischer died in Iceland and the age of 65.  You know it's the start of the slow sports season when there's a chess story on the front page.  The Spelling Bee stories can't be far behind.  (The smart money is on the kid with the bad haircut.) 

Do you have Seinfeld in Beta or VHS?......WLUK, the FOX affiliate in Green Bay, has pulled all the Seinfeld reruns this weekend because it's a favorite show Eli Manning likes to watch.  Apparently, DVD technology hasn't hit the Wisconsin borders yet.  General Manager and head rube, Jay Zollar said, "We don't want to give any comfort to the enemy whatsoever when they come to town."  Not to worry, anyone who has ever been to Green Bay knows there is no comfort or luxury to be found.

What's a podium? :  Christian Klein, a former Formula One driver, has been summoned by the Austrian army to fulfill his six month military service required for all able bodied Austrian young men.  Klein, a former driver for Jaguar, had his most productive year in 2005 with 9 points.  I'm sure there will be a lot of relieved young Austrian servicemen knowing that Christian will be protecting their backs from 20 to 30 car lengths behind.

June, tying the Beaver down is for his own good. :  A Portage, WI father has been arrested for taping his son down and forcing him to wear a Packers jersey.  Mathew Kowald was cited for disorderly conduct, fined $186 and taped to a chair and forced to watch the entire 2007 Miami Dolphins season.

Please punch in by 9:00 :  The job nobody wants.  After being rebuffed by Cowboy coordinator Jason Garrett, the Falcons have turned to AccountTemps to fill the vacant position.  Exciting opportunity for supervising a division of 50+.  The ability to deal with failure a must.  Some weekends required (till 12/28).  Must have own car.

On today's show we track the elusive traffic control officer :  The agent for Randy Moss is insisting this latest incident is an extortion attempt.  Anyone who has watched Randy try to block the past ten years knows he's not capable of a physical altercation.  (unless he's behind the wheel of a car and its meter maid season)

FoxSports Headline of the Week:  Colts Owner:  Caldwell is next if Dungy retires.   Cam Cameron is listed at #483 on the list.  "so, you're telling me there's a chance."

I've never had HGH relations with.... :  Roger Clemens has added former Bill Clinton lawyer Lanny Breuer, who represented Bill during his impeachment hearings.  It's a smart move.  The hearing will bog during the month long discussion on what the meaning of "is" is.

Three yards and a cloud of psychotherapy :  In an upcoming book, Herschel Walker will reveal he has a multiple personality disorder.  Viking, Eagle and Giant fans will instantly recognize the Herschel that would tippie-toe to the right for one yard, the Herschel that would tippie-toe to the left for one yard and the dominant personality that would tippie-toe into the line for two yards.