If you find out what your Christmas present is, which is something you specifically asked for, don't let your wife know you know she got it. Something that I thought was so trivial is, apparently, a big deal.

 Also if you find a picture of your wife and it was when she was much thinner don't show it to her and say, "Look how good you looked." That means,"You're a fat pig and I'm cheating on you."

Growing up with three much older sisters you'd think I know better but I think this Titanium band on my left hand sucks the brain power out of my head.