What's up all? I haven't been on here in quite a while and I've noticed that some things have changed. We now have Fox Blogger's radio? That is sheer genius in my opinion. Although Shooter B sounds nothing like I anticipated and his nephew kind of creeped me out. No offense Shooter. Putting on air the opinions of some of the better sports minds around the country is quite refreshing compared to the talking heads on the Disney radio station.

I hate to pimp people I don't know but Jay Mohr is writing articles on this website and even though he is more Blue than a Clinton/Obama lovechild. He is hysterical. Actually that is why I dropped by the website.

 I see some of the BS is the same. You guys are still arguing about cliques, the right to cuss online, and the size of Paris Hilton's vagina.  I'm going to have to make my appearances a little more regular so as I am more in tuned with the sports world and like minded individuals are discussing it. 

God let Eric Gagne be the Ice Burg to sink the Red Sox ship and put my team atop the AL East. Eric Gagne blows more than Paris Hilton at a penis convention.

God Bless the Saints to have an injury free preseason...errr wait...that Sean Payton doesn't injure anymore of his players. Scott Fujita will likely miss the rest of the PreSeason due to a nasty water slide incident in which the head coach, in an effort to build team spirit, setup a waterslide relay race pitting the offense versus the defense. The prize, one hour extra on curfew. Sean I love you but you need to think things through a little bit. Let's not do tandom skydiving next year.

I just got a trade offer Mike Furrey for Tatum Bell. Does that sound like a good offer FP?

Can someone tell me why the Yankees picked up Doug Mientkiecz? We got a 32 year old baseman that just had back surgery when we have Andy Phillips and Josh Phelps. Josh is batting .435 in the Grapefruit league and they are already saying that it's going to be Senor Alphabet at first. Since when is .076 better than .435? Yankees management has said while Doug is batting in the 9th spot they are still hoping to get a better offensive performance in the regular season. Yeah you think. Pitchers in the NL hit with more consistency than this guy. As I said last year I was hoping that my PinStripers would delve a little deeper in their farm system than picking up a broken down 1B from the Royals.

And then there was the Astros. Because I live in H-Town I've been following this team closely and one thing is for certain. If you aren't 29 years old than you aren't old enough for the big leagues. You'd think that a team with such a dismal offense last year that they would be willing to try anything to get  going. They picked up Carlos Lee in the offseason which was something that Lance Berkman needed. I'm sure his back is killing him after carrying the team all last season and the season before. In right field they have the same exact deal as the Yankees at first base. In the Red Corner we have Luke Scott, who put on a hitting clinic at the end of last season and has a bright future ahead of him in the big leagues. He is batting .286 with a slugging percentage of .571 and a OBP if .359. In the Blue Corner we have Hunter Pence who is rated as one of the top 50 prospects in the country right now and he is batting .571 with a slugging percentage of 1.071 and a OBP of .647. Finally in the dumb corner we have Jason Lane who has not amounted to much in the majors and is batting .286 slugging .714 and a OBP of .333. Phil Garner has already said that his opening day roster will not have Hunter Pence's name on it. Phil I think we need to do a quick math class okay. Hunter Pence is almost double the other guys stats and he doesn't get a spot on the roster? Jason Lane batted .201 last season while Scott batted .336. I think I'm going to be sick. Looks like another season of mediocre baseball. Let's look at the Astros lineup.

1. Chris Burke CF-Good speed, great charisma, and seems to make big plays. Can hit decent for the first spot. Not much of an arm but can cover ground pretty quick.

2Craig Biggio 2B-Astros legend. 70 hits from 3000. That is the only reason he is in the lineup. I love you bud but I like rings better and you seem to fall apart in the second half

3.Lance Berkman 1B- Big Puma...enough said. (It's a Houston thing you wouldn't understand)

4.Carlos Lee LF-Can mash the ball just has a hard time carrying all that weight. Don't worry Carlos if the ball is hit your way it's ending up in the Crawford Boxes anyway.

This is where it gets real scary

5. Jason Lane/Luke Scott RF-If Luke is playing we have a viable chance at getting some guys on base after the 4th spot which is something the Astros haven't done in about 2 years. You know how I feel about Lane.

6. Morgan Ensberg 3B- Mo really hasn't hit in two years and he still has not figured out how to stand in the batters box.

7.Adam Everrett SS- Touted as one of the best defensive shorts in baseball. Loved by his teammates. But couldn't hit Paris Hilton with John Holmes's penis.(that was for Shooter)

8.Brad Ausmus C- An even worse hitter than Everett, if that is even possible, but knows how to help pitchers battle and is still pretty good defensively.

9.Pitcher- And we don't have Dontrelle so there goes that idea of offense.

Offensively it's better than the previous year but I think Lane has got to go.

Pitching is getting pretty nerve racking. Brad Lidge can still see Pujols' homerun hitting off the glass at Minute Maid. (Which is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.) I think he is toast so we really don't have the Closer situation set.Oh did I mention his ERA for the spring is 13.50.  And our 4th starter is Wandy Rodriguez who I can't get behind because when he is off he is way off.

Roger I could use you on either one of my squads. Look forward to seeing you this summer.

Have you ever been in one of those situations where it felt like everything you say is wrong. It happens to me quite often, especially with the old lady. You think you're saying the right thing,"No honey your ass doesn't look like it needs a mile marker on each cheek." I think Alex Rodriguez is in a perpetual state of that with the media and even Yankee fans. Yesterday he was interviewed by WFAN in a session that he felt like he was "standing at the plate with Bob Gibson on the mound." This is one of the quotes that really got me:

"I know I had a lot of options to go to several teams this offseason, probably five or six," Rodriguez said. "I chose to be in New York."

Okay so is that a threat. Another gem is this:

"It's a do-or-die situation," Rodriguez told WFAN's Mike Francesa and Chris Russo. "At some point, either New York is going to say, 'I've had enough of this guy, get him the [heck] out of here, and we have an option.'

"Or New York is going to say, 'Hey, we won a world championship, you had a big year, you're a part of it. We want you back.'"

Look man, I don't want you're apologies and I don't want your excuses. What I do want is for you not to commit an error every freakin' game. I want you to maybe make a clutch hit every now and then. But most of all, just shutup. I'd rather listen to Barry Bonds moan about how the man is after him then to listen to you talk about how you and Jeter aren't the best of friends anymore.  Or talk about how you have the option if you want to.

I don't think that Yankee A-Rod haters don't like A-Rod because he's not clutch. It's because he is a giant pussy all the time. He needs to tell someone to fuck off not 'well I'm doing my best guys.' He needs what the people at Chotchkies has, and that's flare. I'd rather a bad ass than a apologist. Drop your sack and be a man.

These quotes have been pulled off of Yankees.com writer Bryan Hoch's article.

I'm sorry but I'm sick of hearing this guy. To quote a classic,"I'd rather listen to Fran Drescher, I'd rather listen to Beautician and the Beast but if I hear Yamo Be There one more time I'm going to Yamo burn this place to the ground." 

Matt Carpenter thinks that Joe Horn was great in his time with the Saints organization. Matt Carpenter thinks that Joe is getting a little long in the tooth and should have excepted the restructured deal that Mickey Loomis offered him. Matt Carpenter thinks that Joe Horn won't get what he wants and may retire or go into the broadcast booth.

Look the bottom line is that Joe Horn is 35, he's plagued by injury, and the Saints have a young and relatively inexpensive receiving corp. Yeah Joe did a lot for the organization and the community but this is buisness. In construction I deal with the same thing, some guys get up there in age and can't produce what they are making so we either "restructure" there deal or they have to be put out to pasture. Sounds harsh but that's life.

Gotta go. The weigh in is getting ready to start and Matt Carpenter loves him some UFC.

After a short vacation from the Foxblogs I just felt like it was time to return. I can only imagine the Anna Nicole blasts and of course the Paris Hilton money shots that were taken in my absence.

Yankees.com is reporting that Donnie Baseball is the likely successor to Joe Torre as manger of the Yankees. I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Don Mattingly is my favorite Yankee of all time and one of the greatest players never to win a ring but I wonder how he would handle the delicate balance of a locker room full of all-stars. Speaking of that how bout we (and when I say we I mean the Yankees organization) nut up and shut A-Rod up. I mean really, every news outlet is talking about the relationship between Jeter and Gay-Rod. Is this baseball or Days of Our Lives. What happened to men being men? The Pussification of America is so rampant I'm scared to have children.

Luckily their is that little thing called MMA or mixed martial arts to the lay person. This weekend Randy Cotoure is coming out of retirement to fight Tim Sylvia. Just watching Tim's last fight I think he is very lethargic in the octagon, that might be because he is 6'8" and 250lbs but he is slow and deliberate. I think if Randy uses quick strikes to weaken Tim's defense and get him tired he might be able to grapple with him. Tim outweighs Randy by almost 30lbs so grappling will be tough. If there are any MMA fans out there can you explain the craze over Josh Koscheck? Joe Rogan talks about Koscheck like he wants to mother his children, yeah I said mother because Rogan is a Mo. Koshcheck is a decent grappler but if he gets in the ring with a good striker he is toast because he leaves himself open everytime he shoots for his opponent. I think if you have funny colored hair youget promoted quicker, see Chris Leben. Leben is a scrub but he does fight with a lot of heart and he has a decent chin. I am stoked this weekend becasue this will be the first fight that I will get to watch on my 65" screen since I bought it. Fellas if you don't have a 65" flat screen TV it is worth every penny. My wife already feels threatened by it. "Don't be jealous honey it's just a TV...a beautiful, large, clear, wonderful, magnificent, sexy,...ohh ohhh!" Sorry I got a little carried away there. Well let me go clean this up.

Until next time keep the beer cold and the nipples hard.