The Mike Tomlin era began this weekend as the Steelers opened up the NFL pre-season against New Orleans.  The game itself was just one piece of a memorable Hall of Fame weekend in Canton.

So what does it all mean?  Well, it means that football season is upon on us once again.  And it also means the Hall of Fame in Canton now has several more creepy bronze busts to display.

And as boring as pre-season football can be, it's really a good warm-up for everyone.  Not just for the players and coaches.  But for the refs.  For the fans.  For us lame-brained armchair quarterbacks sitting at home.  After all, it's been months since I've watched a game on TV.  Once again, I have to master multi-tasking.  And by "multi-tasking", I mean the ability to focus on the football game while blood trickles out of my ear from listening to Cris Collinsworth and Bryant Gumbel.  That isn't easy you know...

But since I survived it, I thought I would kick off the season with a few observations.

No Joy In Steelville?

Things couldn't have started better for the Steelers and Mike Tomlin, as they attempt to erase the memory of last year's dismal season.  Pre-season final scores don't mean much, but Tomlin certainly has a lot of positives to extract from their opening performance.

First of all, this team has significant depth at almost every position.  The running game looked strong even without the presence of Willie Parker, thanks in part to Najeh Davenport...who should see a fair share of carries this season.  Even Carey (The Mini-bus?) Davis excited the crowd with lengthy scamper.

In the defensive secondary, rookie corner William Gay displayed his hard-hitting style of play...and is a welcome addition to a unit that struggled against the pass at times last year.

At the linebacker position, newcomers Lawrence Timmons and LaMarr Woodley should be able to fill the void created by the departure of Joey Porter.  Of course, they will both need to talk continuously day after to day to replace Porter's mouth...but that's another story.

Receiving targets Cedric Wilson and Santonio Holmes were both impressive, which gives Roethlisberger and new offensive coordinator Bruce Arians plenty of options to work with.

However, amidst the lopsided victory...there was one glaring weakness.  Offensive Tackle Max Starks.

This behemoth of an offensive lineman (6'8", 337 lbs.) started 14 games last season, and was a big reason that Ben Roethlisberger took a career-high 46 sacks and spent more time on his back than Paris Hilton.  Starks has extremely heavy feet, and is easily fooled by quick defensive ends.  His instincts are poor, and his execution is even worse.  Last night, he must have missed 4 out of every 5 blocks...showing weaknesses in both pass and run blocking.  He reminds me a little bit of underachieving Big Ole' Leonard Davis (formerly of the Cardinals).  Only Davis never stunk like this...

The good news is, this can be corrected...and the Steelers' coaching staff seems to know it.  In the game against the Saints, Starks played longer than most of the other starters...and they tested him on both sides of the line.  If they were paying any attention at all, Max Starks should be done as a starter in this league.  23 year-old Willie Colon should be able to earn the starting nod over Starks with ease.

With a few adjustments on that offensive line, there may be Joy in Steelville after all...

Random Shots

I'm not sure what happened to him, but Bryant Gumbel looks like a homeless guy on crack.  Either that, or he's transforming into a Gumbel Gollum before our very eyes.  It wouldn't surprise me, as I find everything about this guy frightening as hell...

Speaking of Gumbels, I hope brother Greg gets to call the first "Chicwago" game.

Was anyone else freaked out by Michael Irvin lip-locking with his own bronze bust?  I guess for someone possessing that much self-adoration, it's lucky they didn't erect a full-body statue.

I wonder what Bill Cowher is up to right now.

How long do you think it will be until Commissioner Roger Goodell uncovers a gambling ring involving NFL referees?  Or are we not ready to go there just yet?

Football season is almost here...can you feel it? 

You haven't lived until you've been through the agony of a garage sale.  This mysterious realm of bargain-hunters is truly unique.  But thank goodness for these cheapskates, they can turn a pile of 80's music and worn out clothes into pure profit.

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of hosting a garage sale.  Somewhere between haggling over an REO Speedwagon cassette and cleaning out a rusty crusty BBQ grill, my mind began to wander.  Why couldn't we have a garage sale for professional sports?

It would be great.  We could get rid of those useless items stinking up the closet, and we might even find a nice bargain or two in the process.

Attention shoppers...let's get this sale started.

Bud Selig 4 Sale - Just Make an Offer

On second thought, let's put him in the "Take for Free" bin.  Someone might be able to use him as a bookend or paperweight.

Metal bats...$2 a piece

$2 is a good garage sale price...an excellent value for the buyer.  Metal bats are just as good as their wooden counterparts, some would argue they are even better.  The only problem with them is that they don't make an enticing sound upon contact.  Any baseball fan will tell you that a crack is better than a ping.  I can't explain it...that's just how it is.

This sale is addition by subtraction...at its finest.  With metal bats out of the way, college baseball will be forced to use wood.  Then, Major League Baseball will have major league competition for fan interest.  This will have 2 colossal benefits for the American public.  1)  Fans will realize that college baseball is filled with talented and exciting players.  2)  MLB will be forced to improve their business, giving baseball fans the quality product they so richly deserve.

Marketing should be easy enough.  Sell them to women in the Middle East, who have no other defense against abusive men.  Nothing crushes an unsuspecting cranium like lightweight aluminum alloy.

"The Whooping Stick"...get it while it's hot!

Terrell Owens

T.O. is the garage sale equivalent of a puke green cashmere sweater - an expensive quality product that performs like no other, but is just too embarrassing to have out in public.  Owens could be one hell of a bargain...for a non-English speaking country.

That cashmere sweater might be missed for a while, until we realize that a $20 cardigan keeps you just as warm.

Purchase Alert - USA buys all hockey rights from Canada

This might sound like a strange purchase, but hockey rights would be incredibly cheap to buy (see NHL financial report).  What would America do with the sport?  Well, probably nothing.  Most likely, hockey would end up at another garage sale.  Maybe some Middle Eastern country like Iraq could purchase it for next to nothing.

Of course, then they will realize that their country is missing one key ingredient for hockey.  Ice...

But like I told the lady that bought my Betamax video cassette recorder.  Sorry, no refunds.

All in all, this is a good deal for everyone.  Canada can get rid of their most dangerous addiction and concentrate on a real sport.  America will be spared of those annoying NHL highlights that plague sports shows.  And Iraq...well, I guess it didn't really work out for them (and the Iraqi men have those metal bats to worry about).  But 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Adam Jones' Helmet and Uniform

At least someone could be using it in the near future.

Kerry Wood's Pitching Arm

This may be a risk, but it's possible that there is at least one tendon or ligament in there somewhere still intact.  Someone could use it to tie up a garbage bag...provided that the buyer has weekly sanitation service and only needs it to hold up for a few days.

Gary Sheffield's "Everyone is a racist" attitude

Offer a Fox Blogger discount, and this product will move faster than celebrity porn.  Why have one incredibly ridiculous attitude towards racism when you can have two?

Hottest Baseball Fan Alive - Alyssa Milano

Sorry, Alyssa is not for sale.  But Paris Hilton is...and probably has more extensive knowledge, albeit carnal, of pro athletes anyway.

Greg Oden's Tonsils

Somewhat useless, but a nice find for an oddball collector who recently found out that sports cards are worth crap.  "Autographed rookie card?  That's nothing...I have Greg Oden's tonsils.  They don't have his signature, but there is extra mucus and phlegm."

Bud Selig Price Update

Selig is the only item left in the "free" bin.  We'll pay you $10 to take him.  Hell, we'll even load him up for you.

So there you have it...the Garage Sale of the Century.  Maybe the house isn't completely clear of excess garbage, but it's a start.     

One way or another, history is going to be made on Sunday at Wimbledon.

Roger Federer has his sights set on a 5th consecutive Wimbledon title.  The last player to accomplish such a feat was Bjorn Borg in the late 1970's.

On the other side, Rafael Nadal hopes to become one of few to conquer both clay and grass.  In fact, Bjorn Borg was the last to win the French Open and Wimbledon in the same year (1980).

In the history of tennis, or any other sport for that matter, few rivalries compare to the one between Federer and Nadal.  At only 21 years of age, Rafael Nadal has already established himself as the "King of Clay"...the only surface that renders Federer human.  On grass, Federer is easily the favorite.  And just to make the rivalry even more enticing, the top 2 players in the world have split their career matches on hard court.

Earlier this year at Roland Garros, Roger Federer displayed his improved clay court skills...dominating everyone except, of course, Nadal.

Rafa has done almost the same exact thing on grass, showing his versatility by dominating everyone except...you guessed it, Federer.

Like I was saying, a rivalry really doesn't get much better than this.

With two players dominating the sport, one might think that the overall field is a bit weak.  But that is hardly the case.  Other big-time talents like Andy Roddick, Marat Safin, Mikhail Youzhny, and Novak Djokovic are as tough as they come.  If anything, the dominance of Nadal and Federer should prove just how incredible the level of competition is...and how amazing these top 2 seeds really are.

But even in a field of competitive players, today's tennis world undoubtedly belongs to Nadal and Fed.

The King of Clay Takes to Grass - Rafa Nadal is perhaps the most energetic player in the pro circuit.  Even after rain delays forced a grueling back-to-back schedule, Nadal looked as lively as ever in his semi-final match against Djokovic.  After dropping the first set to the young Serb, Rafa bounced right back into the match...thanks in part to his ability to run down would-be winners.  It didn't take long for Nadal to finish off his weary opponent...who was battling back soreness and a foot blister.

Greatness, as usual - Roger Federer continued his grass court supremacy, dropping only one set the entire tournament.  He easily disposed of 12th seeded Richard Gasquet in Saturday's semi-final, utilizing an unstoppable service game.

Battle Royale

While there is no guarantee that the championship match will go down to the wire, it figures to be an exciting battle.  Though Nadal and Federer have completely contrasting styles, they share the same level of relentless determination.  The calm and poised Federer seems to control every match he plays in, with an uncanny knack for knowing exactly when to step up and deliver.  Nadal has a history of starting slow, but battles each and every point. 

When breakfast at Wimbledon is served on Sunday, tennis fans should be in for quite a treat - history in the making, and a rivalry like no other.

Enjoy! 

I don't normally post emails due to confidentiality concerns, but these questions were just too good to pass up.  Over the past several days, I've received (maybe only in my mind) many inquiries regarding NBA issues.  And though I'm not exactly Alfred Einstein, I'll do my best to answer them:

Who is worse at acting, Eva Longoria or Tony Parker?
- Rod Leeks, California

That's a tough call, Rod.  Eva Longoria isn't exactly Katherine Hepburn...but her acting prowess isn't limited to just the small screen of television.  Tony Parker was recently stunned by news that his girlfriend regularly fakes orgasms.  Strange, I guess Tony and Eva really are alike.  The only real difference is that Eva requires some sort of contact for her faking.

Is there any possibility that Kobe could be traded to the Denver Nuggets?
- Rusty Pickle, Idaho

Well, nobody knows the mountainous peaks of Colorado better than Kobe.  And his knowledge of the local judicial system is a definite plus.

Are the San Antonio Spurs really the hardest working team in the league?
- Rich Kodger, Texas

Actually, yes they are.  The fact is their practices last longer than everyone else's.  Lay-up drills alone take up to 4 hours, primarily because Tony Parker falls to the ground every time it's his turn.

Are the NBA playoffs really fixed?
- Pete (unwilling to disclose last name), Ohio

Sorry, Pete.  You should try boxing.  If the post-season results were in fact a sham...they would probably want someone a little more attractive than Manu Ginobili broadcasted in high-def.

Is it just me...or is former TV star of Perfect Strangers, Bronson Pinchot, a shooting guard for the San Antonio Spurs?
- Olev Balki, Nebraska

I was wondering what happened to that guy.  Now that we've found him, let us do The Dance of Joy...

What's up with the NBA officials, and why do they call games so inconsistently?  Are they biased?
- Dusty Raker, Rouisiana

I don't believe so, Dusty.  But with all the flopping going on, it's really difficult to tell what the correct call is anymore.  The word is that David Stern is addressing the issue for next season.  All NBA officials will be required to watch extensive video of Vlade Divac for the sake of "research".

Does anyone else wonder why the Pussycat Dolls' "Right Now" is the official song of the 2007 NBA Playoffs?  What kind of "benefits" do you think David Stern received for pimping their lame-ass tune?
- Jim Onnitt, North Dakota

I'm really not sure about that, Jim...but it's funny that you ask about that song.  I recently received an alternate version of America's most-hated jingle.  It comes all the way from Salt Lake City, take a look:

Right now...(bomm bomm butadaba)
Gonna even up the score...
Right now...(bomm bomm butadaba)
Steve Jabby is a whore...

Is there a conspiracy against the Boston Celtics, which resulted in the questionable NBA lottery results?  Or is it perhaps a curse?
- Larry Joe Craniate, Indiana

Yes...and yes.  Next question...

With the top two picks going to the Western Conference, how will the quality of the Eastern Conference be affected?
- Skip DaFinals, Illinois

Clearly, Skip...the East is in big trouble.  You know it's bad when Spike Lee is inquiring about Clipper season tickets.  But never fear!  If it gets too bad...the league will mandate that Isiah Thomas take over for one of the Western Conference franchises.  Problem solved.

Is there anything that can be done about the excessive flopping, constant whining, poor sportsmanship, and generally disrespectful behavior from NBA players?
- Ty Urdofit, New Mexico

Yes, there is a solution.  They can stop.

So that's it folks, thanks for reading.  As always, feel free to give your feedback...and send all questions to parishiltonisatramp@duh.com

Anyone that has been around the blogosphere for a while undoubtedly knows this guy.  Whether you've visited his legendary Expletive Blog, or just witnessed his humorous comments...odds are you've run into this hoser a time or two.

For well over a year, Miracle (aka - Dr. Phil McCracken) has been an integral part of the blogging community here at FoxSports.  The original Expletive Blog he invented was the ultimate cyber-porch.  It was a place where bloggers could gather to rant and rave about anything.

A while back...the Expletive Blog was deleted by Fox Administrators.  Apparently, someone had reported the blog post as inappropriate content, even though it had existed for almost an entire year.  Keep in mind, the post itself contained no profanity at all.  The same can't be said for the comment section, which several bloggers (including myself) contributed to.  So in a way, I was responsible for the post being deleted.  Several of us were.  Bottom line, our most frequently used gathering place was gone...and Miracle had done nothing wrong.

Then came along Expletive Blog - Part Deux.  Sure, it wasn't quite the same as the original.  But hey, it had a picture of Tawny Kitaen in a sexy black dress...so who am I to argue?  Part Deux has just slightly over 1100 comments to date, which is still a far cry from the original.

Ever since Miracle's Blog was edited by Fox Admin, it hasn't been the same.  The most visible problem is that his blog has seemingly been tossed in the penalty box.  He's allowed to post blogs, but no matter how many comments are generated...his blog never appears on the "Most Popular Discussions", or the "Most Popular Blogs" sections.  Now I know he isn't out for popularity, but his discussions are just as important as anyone else's.  More importantly, other bloggers WANT to engage in his discussions.  But instead, his posts get lost in cyberspace before everyone has a chance to see them.

Whether it was intentional or not, the problem with Miracle's blog needs to be fixed.  Maybe it isn't that big of a deal, but I think it's only fair that his blog has the same opportunities as others to be seen on the front page.

And that's why I need your help!  Let our collective voices be heard...

I haven't seen any sort of contact information for Fox Admin, so the only way I know to make them aware of the problem is to report Miracle's most recent post.  Notice that it has more than enough comments to be in the "Most Popular Blogs" section, but is nowhere to be found.

So please join with me, as we try to get Miracle's blog fixed.  There is no need to be mean about it (unless you want to be)...let's just request it from Fox Admin.  A short & simple message should work, especially if there are enough of them to cause a stir.  Also, please be sure to specify that you are NOT reporting the blog because it has inappropriate content.  Just follow these instructions:

1)  Click on this link.

2)  Click on the "report this" link under the title.

3)  Type in your message, requesting that they fix Miracle's blog.

There you go, it's as easy as 1-2-3!  Help me out, everyone...

So Where's The Music?

Ah, crap!  I promised a benefit concert.  OK, here we go.  Leading off the evening, we have Miracle's favorite musician...and every woman's fantasy...

That's right, it's...

MICHAEL BOLTON

Michael will be singing all of his greatest hits.  And since all of his songs suck...we'll be moving right along to the next act.

STYX

Here they are, performing their classic hit - "Can't Fight This Feeling".  Wait, what's that guys?  What do you mean that isn't your song?  You're right, I mixed you up with REO Speedwagon.  Sorry, it happens.  Well, you guys are here...what is one of your songs?  "Come Sail Away"?  What the...are you kidding me?  That's sissy garbage!  Take off, you hosers!

OK, this is getting ridiculous.  I don't even know who we have scheduled next.  Wait, here they come.  Thank goodness!  I barely recognized you guys from way back there.  Ladies and gentlemen, set your time machines back to 1990 and put your hands together for the musical stylings of...

NELSON

Oh wait, that's my bad.  That wasn't the Nelson brothers...it was just a couple of transvestite hookers that wandered in looking for a Pig Roast.  Sorry about that.  OK, can we please just have one band to get this concert rolling?

Oh my gosh, what's that sound?  I hear drums in the background.  Where is that noise coming from?  No...it couldn't be!

I said go if you wanna go,
Stay if you wanna stay
I didnt care if you hung around me
I didnt care if you went away
And I know you were never right
Ill admit I was never wrong
I could never make up my mind
I made it up as I went along

And though I treated you like a child
I'm gonna miss you for the rest of my life

All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you

Good night folks, and a special thanks to Mike & the Mechanics for actually showing up to support one of our favorite bloggers. 

Miracle, may you blog on forever!