Post-game reaction from two head coaches who are now under fire:

Philadelphia Eagles 3, New York Giants 16

Notable game stats for Philly:  15 penalties, 12 sacks allowed, 3 measly friggin' points, 1 ugly loss 

Here's what Andy Reid had to say about his team's performance:

"Well, we went in at halftime to analyze what was working for us...which took less than a minute.  The other 14 minutes we spent talking about those ugly throwback uniforms we had to wear last week, while several players helped Donovan clean the chunks of grass out of his facemask."

After the game, Reid gave the prestigious game ball to tackle Winston Justice...who allowed more than just a few sacks on McNabb.

"Winston did everything we asked him to.  Unfortunately, the coaching staff forgot to ask him to do anything at all.  We're thinking of possibly giving him a different assignment for the next game."

Coach Reid also didn't seem very concerned about the plethora of penalties his team committed.

"We ended up with 190 total yards of offense, and only 132 penalty yards.  I'm no Alfred Einstein, but I believe that still leaves us with positive yardage.  Sure, 15 penalties sounds like a lot, but...hey, are there any of those Krispy Kremes left in the media lounge?" 

So where do they go from here?  That's anyone's guess, but a determined coach already had his sights set on next week's opponent - the juggernaut that is BYE WEEK.

"I feel strongly that we can improve for a win next week against BYE.  They haven't beaten us since I've been coaching, and I think that historic advantage should give us the edge again this year."

Chicago Bears 27, Detroit Lions 37

Notable Chicago game stats:  14 penalties, 3 interceptions, a multitude of pissed-off fans

Head Coach Lovie Smith took all the blame for yet another dismal performance from his beloved Bears.

"Rex Gross...I mean Kyle Or...no, I mean Brian Griese is our quarterback.  I really mean that.  Before the game, there was just a slight miscommunication on my part.  I told Brian to go in there and just do what Rex does.  Unfortunately, he misunderstood and threw 3 interceptions."

Coach Smith was annoyed about the implications of a lingering quarterback controversy.

"Like I said before, I think...Brian Griese is our quarterback.  By the way, does anyone know Kordell Stewart's phone number?"

One ugly week

** Disclaimer:  I think the above statements were purely fictional, but hell...after watching these two humorous games, I'm not even sure anymore.  However, if you did take them seriously...send me an email, and I'll have someone come to your house and drop an anvil on your cranium to put you out of your misery. 

How bad are things in Pittsburgh?  The annual chants of "there's always next year" have been replaced with something even more discouraging.

2009 will be the year for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

But before we examine that conundrum, let's look at the current state of a once proud franchise.

For the second straight year, the Bucs are in a race to avoid the cellar (unsuccessful so far)...instead of battling for a pennant.  In 2006, Pittsburgh needed a late-season surge in order to finish 1 game ahead of the Chicago Cubs in the standings.  The Cubs spent some money in the off-season and appear poised for a worst-to-first division title and playoff berth.

The Pirates are in the same place they were last year.  If not worse.

They did manage a few more wins than last season, but they still aren't any closer to building a winner.  In fact, they are on the verge of breaking a record of consecutive losing seasons.  Yes, indeed...it has been 15 years.

I suppose it isn't all bad news in Pittsburgh.  By the numbers, this is an improved team.  And there some glimmer of hope for the future.  But still a lot of questions.

For starters, the Pirates are putting more runs on the board.  They are currently in the middle of the pack in the NL in runs scored.  By most accounts, franchise outfielder Jason Bay has had a sub-par season.  But a few other unlikely teammates have picked up the slack.  Jose Bautista, Nate McClouth...hell, even Jack Wilson is getting into the swing of things.

But when it comes to pitching, the stats are ugly.  A team 4.91 ERA (as of September 25) puts them only ahead of 2 NL teams (Marlins, Reds).  Not good results for a franchise that spent first round draft picks on starting pitchers in each of the past 7 years.

Only 2 starters this year have earned a permanent spot in the rotation.  Ian Snell (3.76 ERA), Tom Gorzelanny (3.73 ERA), and Paul Maholm (5.02 ERA) are the only members of the staff to approach the 200 inning benchmark.

Unless they make some moves, there isn't likely to be much pitching help on the way either.  A questionable mid-season trade allowed them to acquire an overpriced Matt Morris, who has been terrible since suiting up for the Bucs.  The small group of prospects - Bryan Bullington, John Van Benschoten, Sean Burnett - have been shaky and injury-prone in the minors.  Van Benschoten is the only potential starter with significant time on the senior circuit this year, and his 9.73 ERA in 10 starts doesn't exactly instill confidence for his future.

Bad Decisions

In the last 15 years of losing, the Pirates have a horrendous history with personnel choices...especially when it comes to pitching.  Most recently, Oliver Perez was traded to the Mets in 2006 after struggling mightily with his control, mechanics, and velocity.  Apparently, the Pirates weren't patient enough with the talented lefty...because he ended up starting a Game 7 for New York in '06, and isn't too far away from Cy Young contention this year.  I'm guessing they would like to take a mulligan on that one.

On the Rise

Back to the hopes for 2009.  There is a reason that management and fans are looking beyond next year.

Andrew McCutchen - This outfielder of the future has all the makings of a franchise player.  This 20 year old is a 5-tool player with unlimited potential.  A sluggish start in AA-Altoona may delay his arrival a bit, but fans can't wait to see him in Pittsburgh.  McCutchen was more than impressive this past spring, and could be called up as soon as next year.

Brian Bixler - If the Pirates unload Jack Wilson this off-season, it will be because of the emergence of Bixler.  This shortstop earned team MVP honors in AAA-Indianapolis this year, and could be ready for the MLB sooner rather than later.  His stats in Indy were solid - .274 BA, 5 HR, 23 doubles, 10 triples, and 28 stolen bases in 129 games.  His speed would be a huge plus for a team that has historically struggled to manufacture runs.

Nyjer Morgan - Here is another outfielder that could be an option in Pittsburgh.  Morgan isn't as young as the other prospects (turned 27 in July), but his .300 plus average (in the minors) and speed would give management something to think about...especially with no true leadoff hitter in the system.

Steve Pearce - This natural first baseman has been tearing it up at every level, boasting a .333 BA this year in the minors.  His offensive potential even earned him a late-season call-up to Pittsburgh, a sign that he could be part of the picture in 2008.  Pearce has also spent some time in the outfield, so Jim Tracy should have some options to get his bat in the everyday lineup.

Neil Walker - This converted catcher was moved to 3rd base because of his offensive potential, and also the lack of depth within the organization.  Walker, a switch-hitter, spent most of the year in AA-Altoona...where he hit 13 HR to go along with a .288 BA.  He may stay in the minors one more year to refine his defensive skills and plate discipline, but if he progresses quickly...he could be in a Pirates uniform before you know it.

A Lot of This, Not Much of That

More than enough offensive depth, but not nearly enough pitching.  Here's a look at each position:

Outfielders - A lot of options here to compliment Jason Bay.  The Chris Duffy experiment is all but over, but there is still plenty to choose from.  Xavier Nady, Steve Pearce, Ryan Doumit, Andrew McCutchen, Nyjer Morgan, Nate McClouth...all of whom could provide some serious offense.

3B - For right now, Jose Bautista is holding down the fort...and is doing better than most expected.  Neil Walker will likely be the 3rd baseman of the future, but Bautista may have earned the starting spot for another year with some decent numbers.  Freddy Sanchez can also handle the defensive duties at the hot corner, but Jim Tracy is trying his best to keep him at 2nd on a permanent basis.

SS - Jack Wilson could be gone next season, if for no other reason than his salary.  His offensive production is inconsistent at best, but he has finished 2007 as one of the hottest hitters on the team.  His defense is above average, but Brian Bixler will likely be the shortstop of the future.

2B - Freddy Sanchez should have this position locked up for quite a while.  With an average well above .300, he will be needed somewhere near the top of the lineup.

1B - For now, Adam LaRoche is the starter.  If Tracy decides to go with Steve Pearce or Ryan Doumit here, they will probably need to deal LaRoche first.  Xavier Nady could also be an option at 1st, but that seems unlikely at this point.

C - Ronny Paulino has been a durable and reliable player over the last two years, and has produced well enough to hold down the job on a full-time basis.  Paulino's defense has improved, and his bat offers some power (11 HR).  Ryan Doumit serves as the back-up catcher, but his defensive skills aren't nearly as sharp.  Either way the Pirates go, the back-stopper will provide a little bit of offense.

There's Always Next Next Year

There is a new GM in town, and management has committed to spending some money "if it puts us over the top".  Hopefully, they mean over the top of the bottom.  Otherwise, fans may be treated to another losing, albeit record-breaking, season in Pittsburgh.

The highly anticipated return of Donovan McNabb was spoiled by a sloppy Sunday for the Philadelphia Eagles.  A series of miscues gave the reigning NFC East champs their first lost of the season.

Green Bay Packers 16, Philadelphia Flock of Eagulls 13

Things were ugly for the Eagles right from the beginning.  Their opening drive sputtered after an ill-conceived Flea Flicker resulted in a 10-yard penalty for intentional grounding.

Then after the Eagles defense forced a Green Bay punt, things got even uglier.  Newly appointed punt returner Greg Lewis failed to signal for a fair catch, even though he was swarmed by defenders.  A timely hit forced a fumble that tumbled all the way to the end zone, which was recovered by Green Bay for the first touchdown of the game.  Actually, it was the Packers' ONLY touchdown of the game.

Following the slow start, Philadelphia responded to tie up the game before half-time.  They used a balanced offensive attack, something Philly fans aren't accustomed to seeing.

But the effort was all for not, as things got even worse on special teams.  After a few more bonehead plays, Greg Lewis was replaced as the punt returner.  This move did not pay off, as J.R. Reed committed another fatal mistake late in the 4th quarter.  With the game tied, and only a couple of minutes left...Reed attempted to field a punt amidst a sea of Green Bay defenders.  The sad thing was...he had already called for a fair catch, and his effort could only have gained the Eagles a few meaningless yards of field position.

The play resulted in a fumble, which of course, Green Bay recovered.  Instead of a potential game-winning drive, McNabb and the offense remained on the sideline to watch the game end with a 42-yard field goal.

Don't Panic

Even though the Eagles didn't play well in many areas, this was a game they should have won easily.  This theme has been all too common over the past couple of seasons - they win the yardage battle, but costly mistakes keep opponents within striking distance.

All but 3 of Green Bay's 16 points were scored off of turnovers (2 muffed punt returns, and 1 interception).  It isn't exactly how Andy Reid wanted the season to start, but it isn't time to hit the panic button either.

Positive Thinking

Donovan McNabb is healthy - As expected, McNabb looked a little bit rusty after minimal pre-season action.  Though he clearly isn't at 100% physically, McNabb displayed the elusiveness that makes him an effective playmaker for Philly.  Expect him to improve as the season continues.

Finally, some balance on offense - Things changed for the better last year when Andy Reid turned over the offensive play-calling duties.  If and when the Eagles find rhythm in the passing game, the solid running attack we saw today should carry them a long way towards another division championship.

This young defensive unit may be better than we thought - OK, maybe Green Bay isn't the ultimate test for a defense...but still, the Eagles were impressive.  They gave up some yards, but no major mistakes were made in pass coverage.  Philly also did a good job of stopping the run, something they haven't been particularly good at in recent times.  Not too bad, considering how many personnel changes they have made on defense.  A new linebacking crew of Omar Gaither, Takeo Spikes, and Chris Gocong could be just what the doctor ordered.

The Eagles look to bounce back next week against the Washington Redskins.  If they can fix their problems on special teams (perhaps lining up without a punt returner)...they should have the edge.

Now on to the rest of Sunday's action... 

That's Just Gross

Perhaps it's overkill to bash Rex Grossman, but that never stopped me before.  The Chicago Bears have a top-notch defense, a solid offensive line, an underrated receiving corps, and a talented running back.  The erratic and unpredictable Grossman fits with this above-average team about as well as a piece of broccoli on John Madden's dinner plate.  Forget about today's lackluster numbers (52% completion, 145 yards, 1 INT), Rex continues to make dangerous passes and bad decisions.  Can this team make the Super Bowl again if they constantly have to make up for Grossman's poor play?   

Raider-Aid

The Raider Nation sure let me have it when I picked them to finish last in the AFC West.  I'm not usually one to say "I told you so", but someone please tell me...does their schedule get any easier than at home against Detroit?  I'll concede that the Raiders showed some signs of life on offense today, but they were playing against a team that won 3 games last year.

The Raiders are 0-1, and the race for the first overall draft pick continues.

Trading Places

Things are changing in Minnesota, as it took less than 1 quarter for Adrian Peterson to earn the starting running back job.  Chester Taylor was injured early, and Peterson stepped in to deliver an incredible performance.  He rushed for just over 100 yards, but his most impressive play came when he broke free for a touchdown on 60 yard pass play.  It isn't official yet, but with a performance like that...it looks like Chester Taylor will be spending more time in the back seat than Paris Hilton.

Not the Only Game in Town

Just about the same time that Oakland fans were starting to turn on their Raiders, Roger Federer was finishing off his 4th consecutive U.S. Open title.  His 12th Grand Slam victory puts him just 2 shy of Pete Sampras' record, which seemed unbreakable just a few years ago.

Congratulations to Federer, who continues to impress even those who dub him "The Greatest of All-Time".  The Great One fought off Novak Djokovic, a talented youngster from Serbia who beat Federer just a short time ago in Montreal.  Despite winning in straight sets, the match was extremely close...evident by tie-breakers in each of the first two sets. 

The difference in this battle was poise and patience.  Djokovic was visibly (and audibly) frustrated after failing to finish off the world's number one player in the 1st set.  With his back against the wall on more than one occasion, Federer responded with brilliant returns and an unstoppable service game.

Throughout the tournament, Federer didn't the play the best tennis of his career...but he still controlled each and every match.  By now I should expect it, but Federer's greatness never ceases to amaze me.

Sunday, Sunday...  

Everyone else seems to have the winners covered, so I decided to put a different spin on my NFL predictions.  Since I've become so great at picking losers (see my NFL Pick 'Em record for last season)...that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Here is my dismal group of predicted division losers for the 2007 season, as well as some analysis on why these teams will stay in the cellar:

AFC East
Least in the East - Miami Dolphins
Last season in the AFC, only 2 teams finished with fewer points...the Raiders and the Browns.  I'm not sure why I bought into the Culpepper hype last year, but this year shouldn't be much different for Trent Green and the sea-dwelling mammals.

Special Note:  Last year, I picked the Dolphins to beat the Patriots for the division.  They finished dead last with a 6-10 record.

AFC North
Dirty Dogs - Cleveland Browns
The Bengals' depth chart still looks like a court docket, but I'll go with the incumbent Browns to finish last in this division.  They were 0-6 last year against division opponents, expect more of the same from the Dawg Pound.

AFC South
Everything is Bigger in Texas, Including Losers - Houston Texans
Here is another division with 3 tough teams and 1 stink-pile.  If Matt Schaub is the savior that leads them to a division title, then I'll dye my hair blue and donate $1000 to the Paris Hilton for President Campaign.

AFC West
Washed Out in the West - Oakland Raiders
Do I even need to explain this?  New Head Coach Lane Kiffin would have been better off trying to resurrect Britney Spears' career.  Raiders...last.

NFC East
A Giant Failure - New York Giants
I'm tempted to pick my Eagles as the loser here, just so they will be certain to win it all.  Instead, I'm going with a newly crowned failure...the NY Giants.  I'm no Tiki Barber fan, but NFL fans will see quickly why he was the true MVP of this team.

But to their credit, I do expect that tempestuous Tom Coughlin will lead the league in tantrums and overall rage rating.  

NFC North
Not For a Millen Dollars - Detroit Lions
Another year, another talented receiver.  Not exactly sure how Calvin Johnson will help the defense improve on the 398 points they gave up last year...but maybe Matt Millen knows something we don't. 

Should be another division title for the Bears...even though they are the only team in the NFL that would be upgraded by starting Brett Farve at quarterback.

NFC South
Clipped Wings - Atlanta Falcons
I'll go with the Falcons here.  Not because I believe the loss of Michael Vick is crippling, but because the addition of Joey Harrington is.  News flash - picking up a QB that wasn't good enough for the Lions or Dolphins may not be the best way to go.  Perhaps swiping Kordell Stewart off the Wal-Mart greeter waiver wire would have been a better choice.

Special Note:  Last year I picked Tampa Bay to win the division, but just like Paris Hilton...they ended up under everyone.

NFC West
Worthless Out West - ???
Every year it seems the Arizona Cardinals are the unanimous sleeper pick to make the playoffs, and every year they are more disappointing than an abstinent prom date.  I like the changes they made with the coaching staff, but I think it will take another year for the Cards to turn the corner.

On second thought, I changed my mind...let's go with the 49ers.  Not even the dynamic duo of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton got scored on more last year (412 points, to be exact).

Speaking of losers...

Daunte's Inferno

Daunte Culpepper should be starting for the Raiders this season, and believe it or not, this is the gig he was hoping for.  After getting a dose of the Raiders' pathetic excuse for an offensive line, he should find his comfort zone.  And by that, I mean he'll be about as comfortable as someone that drops an epic in the unisex bathroom at their office...then realizes the toilet won't flush.

That's Hot

Just a quick lesson in football terminology:

8 players in the box
1)  A football term used when 8 players crowd the line of scrimmage in order to defend a stellar running attack
2)  What happens to Paris Hilton at a post-game party

A Little Belated Credit for T.O.

I have watched the movie Any Given Sunday several times, but never realized that Terrell Owens was in the movie until about a week ago.  I was so impressed, that I don't hesitate in labeling it as the best performance of his career.  He finally did the impossible...he scored two touchdowns without saying a single word the whole time.

Now I know why the DVD can only be found in the Fantasy/Fiction section.

Here's to another great year of football!  And remember - without losers, there wouldn't be winners...

It's official.  I am "milestoned".

Where did this barrage of sports milestones come from all of a sudden?  I realize that the summer lull is in full effect, but how many mundane milestones can we tolerate?

Baseball is guilty of milestone mania more than any other professional sport.  Home run records, hitting streaks, career wins, career losses, consecutive games played.  No wonder America is often bored with its former favorite pastime by this time of year.  Instead of embracing the concept of team achievement, the media continues to serve us individual accomplishments by the gallon.

Now don't get me wrong, individual recognition doesn't have to be a bad thing.  When Craig Biggio reached 3000 hits, that was definitely a moment to applaud.  But what were we celebrating?  If he had retired with 2999 hits, would that make him less of a player?  Less of a man?  I think not...

Instead, we should have labeled his achievement exactly what it was - recognition for almost 20 years of dedicated service.  Not only did Biggio serve his sport well, but he played his entire career for only one franchise.  Any person from any walk of life should be commended for that kind of dedication.

But Biggio's milestone is just one of many stuffed down our sports-loving pieholes this summer.

Some accomplishments are greater than others.  Some may even be worthy of a headline, or perhaps a moment of silence.  But why is it that normal fans like you and I know that the Philadelphia Phillies have over 10,000 losses in their franchise history?  Why should I care that Matsui reached 100 career MLB home runs?

Like I said, America is officially milestoned out.

If a milestone is simply an indication of time passed, then it really isn't a milestone at all.  I didn't receive a parade when I reached 10,000 consecutive days lived.  Joe Schmoe didn't make the headlines when he had his 20,000th bowel movement.

But as they say...if you can't beat 'em, then sell your everlasting soul and join 'em.

Here are a few lesser-known milestones I believe to be worthy of recognition:

- Let's see...Nomar has over 5200 at-bats in the big leagues.  Considering that he resets at least once in every at-bat...that means he has completed over 10,000 annoying superstitious pre-batting routines.

- Along those same lines, Derek Jeter has over 7000 at-bats...so he is likely approaching 30,000 major league crotch adjustments.  Not that a male grabbing his goods that many times is some sort of record.  Back in the day, I think Pee Wee Herman accomplished that feat in a little over a week.  But still, Jeter should be recognized.

- At the tender age of 21, Lindsay Lohan is already enjoying her 3rd stint in rehab.  At this pace, Robert Downey, Jr. and Darryl Strawberry must be concerned about protecting their hallowed record.

- Wisconsin's favorite son, and everyone's favorite blogger, Cuzzifer has to be on the verge of some sort of ranting record.  Just multiply his total number of posts by 5 to calculate his rant total.  Yeah, I bet he will be a pleasant fellow when he retires in Florida.  Or Canada.  Blog on, Cuz!  Blog on...

- Speaking of cheese heads, how many milestones do you think Brett Favre has?  Consecutive seasons giving Packer fans a false sense of hope?  Most games started without a chance of winning?  OK...actually, he is approaching a real one - 300 interceptions.  Only 27 more to go.  He had 29 INT's in 2005.  Come on Brett, make us proud!

- Most excuses created for missing a team practice?  Eh, you figure that one out.

- Most pathetic attempts at ruining your athletic career by breaking the law?  I'm not sure about this one, as I haven't checked the Cincinnati Bengals Team Page/Police Blotter in quite a while.

- Paris Hilton probably deserves an award for something.  I don't what that could be, but the trophy is probably a SUV of some kind...perhaps a Hummer.

- Consecutive days of reign with no intelligence or leadership qualities whatsoever?  You might be thinking of someone quite obvious, but Bud Selig has him beat by a long shot.

- And last, but not least...the winner of the most coveted record in the world...consecutive days of freedom for a convicted killer.  Not only was this dude convicted of manslaughter, but he murdered an entire sport, too.  That's right...all hail, Don King!  Only in America...

Like Michael Vick's career in Atlanta...I am finished!

For some strange reason (may have been drunk), I have agreed to appear on The Fox Sports.com Bloggers Show...hosted by Frank Irizarry.  Other featured guests include bloggers Miracle (aka - Dr. Phil McCracken) and Flying Pig (just your average swine).  Be sure to check out the show this Wednesday at 10PM Eastern.  Like Rosie O'Donnell in a mud-wrestling match, it should be a ton of fun.