Today, I tell the tale of how I became a member of the National Sarcasm Society.  Not only am I a member, but I am also the co-founder of the Las Cruces chapter.  Our chapter currently has 2 members, me and my nephew.  I would try to find more members, but our local chapter motto is "Like We Really Need Any Other Members".

To become a member, my first assignment was to create a collection of sarcasm from sports and pop culture.  Without further delay, here it is:

To the National Sarcasm Society Board of Directors, for your consideration

Just once I would like a headline to read:  Craig Counsell Hits Home Run in a loss, just 687 shy of Ruth's record; Follow the historic chase on C² Live Cam

In a real fight, would your opponent allow you time to speak a clever quote before each punch?  For an example of this cinematic phenomena, watch the final scene of Cliffhanger with Sylvester Stallone.

Baseballs which are used in the MLB are rubbed with a special kind of mud (Lena Blackburne Rubbing Mud, if you were interested) before they are used in a game.  However, a baseball is taken out of play if it bounces in the dirt on any given pitch.  So the obvious question is: Why don't they coat Major League Ballparks with Lena Blackburne Rubbing Mud instead of regular dirt?

If I was ever required to shake, work, or in any way exploit the use of my ting ting...I'm not entirely sure that I would know how.

Ricky Williams (fictitious) quote of the year:  "You mean they test for that too?"

Sean Salisbury qualifies as an NFL expert?  A career passer rating of 65.1 tells me that maybe we can do better.

If Sean Salisbury can be an NFL expert, then perhaps Tom Tolbert could be the next NBA expert.

Oh wait, Tom Tolbert IS an NBA expert.  And why shouldn't he be?  After all, he averaged well over 6 points per game in his NBA career.

Special Alert:  Craig Counsell still 687 home runs shy of Babe Ruth's record

Kevin Costner portrayed both a pitcher and catcher in separate baseball movies.  Could he possibly throw a pitch and catch it at the same time?

Has a college athlete ever made less money at the pro level than they did at the college level?

In the movie Superman II, General Zod leads a trio of villains against Superman.  In one particular scene, they use their super powers of breath to create a hurricane force wind.  This occurs amidst a barrage of terror in the city.  One citizen is seen about to take a bite of an ice cream cone, and then the power wind blows the scoop of ice cream to the ground.  The movie-makers captured reality with such subtle details.  I, for one, have an incredible craving for ice cream when widespread panic erupts and the end of the world is near.

I could write these lines all day long, and still not have as many obscure pop culture references as a single episode of The Family Guy.

If you are looking at a baseball field from a different angle, wouldn't left field really be right field?

Why isn't home plate referred to as "4^th base"?

Professional Poker Player Daniel Negreanu looks and acts just like Ed Norton's character from the movie Rounders.  OK, that isn't sarcasm...it's a fact.                     

        Poker Star Negreanu                                   "Worm" from Rounders

If Lebron James translated the Holy Bible, could they legally refer to it as the "King James version"?

If Professional Wrestling is not considered as a sport because it's staged...then why is Professional Boxing still considered as a sport?

In the 2002 MLB draft, the Pittsburgh Pirates selected Bryan Bullington.  By selecting the Ball state pitcher, they passed on the following players:  B.J. Upton, Prince Fielder, Jeremy Hermida, Khalil Greene, Scott Kazmir, Nick Swisher, Jeff Francoeur, Joe Blanton, and Matt Cain.  Surprisingly, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since Bill Clinton began his presidency.

To be politically correct, shouldn't they change the NBA franchise name to the Charlotte Robertcats?

Speaking of "politically correct"...Does that term imply that we should look to politicians for a correct manner of articulate speaking?  "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best.  And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense."  - George W. Bush

If an athlete guarantees victory and loses, shouldn't gamblers be able to get their money back?

NASCAR is considered a sport.  If I was training for NASCAR on the open road, I could receive a speeding ticket.  So if I was practicing golf at the driving range, would I be breaking the law?  By the way, the judge didn't buy the whole "training for NASCAR" argument.

In the sport of tennis, they use the term "Love" to express a score of zero.  Why don't they call it "Hate" when a point is scored?

Though we can never determine which player is the definitive "Greatest of All Time", we spend countless hours debating this very issue.

I would like to thank the National Sarcasm Society Board of Directors for giving me the opportunity to join your prestigious organization.  I promise to represent the society in a positive manner and uphold its values, philosophies and mission.  My entire life has prepared me to be a successful NSS member.  Thank you once again for your consideration.

This post is dedicated to The Sultan of Sarcasm, Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons