One of the perks of being a Philadelphia sports fan who no longer lives in Philadelphia is that it's hard to really follow the Phillies. 

Baseball isn't like other sports.  One game tells you nothing, so catching the occasional national broadcast won't give you a feel for the team.  You can only truly appreciate the rhythm of the season if you're there to experience it first-hand.  You need to hear the chatter around the water cooler, watch the local TV broadcast to catch the subtle nuance of a play-by-play guy who's seen the team's every at-bat, and fall asleep listening to West Coast night games on the radio.

Of course, when you root for the worst team in the history of professional sports, not being there can be a blessing. 

The problem with rooting for the Phillies is that you know how the play will end even before the second act begins.  The hero is going to choke and some guys from down South - whom no one cares about - will run off with the girl.

You can't even enjoy the success they do have, because the minute you start getting the least bit excited (eight-game winning streak...) or dreaming of the post-season (only four games back...), the team suddenly realizes it's defying gravity in the most unnatural way and comes crashing back to Earth.  The only way to survive is by acting like you're around a guy pitching a no-hitter.  Do your part, but DON'T TALK ABOUT IT and pretend that nothing the LEAST BIT UNUSUAL is happening.    

Which brings us to a huge three-game series beginning Tuesday against the Mets.  Maybe if we all pretend not to watch...

Quick Thoughts

• How is it that the Miami Heat stri- er, dancers, are allowed to wear high heels on the basketball court?
• If Barry Bonds ever goes on trial for perjury, the law firm of Miller, Morgan & Gammons seems ready to be his defense team. 
• At age 16, I got cut from my high school basketball team and barely held onto a spot on the junior varsity baseball team, but I'm supposed to dismiss Michelle Wie because she can only finish T-35 playing against a field full of grown men?
• What else do you have to drink before your first mint julep to make one of those things taste good?
• I watch golf N + 4 times a year (where N = "# of weekends the weather is crappy and Tiger's in contention") but I love seeing a guy win a tournament with a swing that looks just as bad as mine.
• Yeah, okay, maybe not quite as bad.  Sorry Furyk.