So the saga continues, as the steroid scandal has become old news, and the surreal life is no longer running, Jose Canseco's pathetic quest for income has reached new heights. Jose Canseco has announced that he is offering up $5,000 for someone to go toe-to-toe with him in a boxing match. I couldn't help but think of a couple things...1-ARE YOU SERIOUS? and 2-who would I like to see opposite Jo-say everything Canseco. Here are my top-10 choices, who would YOU like to see?
#10-A PitBull from the Mike Vick Camp: This would be an intriguing match up, both are experts in latching onto something and refusing to let it go. Who would grab on first? My money is on the PitBull.
#9-Danica Patrick: Ah, wouldn't we all? Of course this would probably feature Canseco holding her by the forehead at arms length until she punches away her energy, and then he'd topple her exhausted body...boring, yet hilarious.
#8-Ozzie Canseco: The two were once arrested for fighting side by side in a night club and giving the other guys 20 stitches and a broken nose...it'd be interesting to see how they'd fare without the advantage of the opponent being freaked out. I mean come on, they were at a club in Miami, surely they were already seeing double or triple due to intoxicants, multiply that by two and it's just not fair. Jerks.
#7-Kimbo Slice: Ok here is the first evidence of my disdain for Mr. Canseco; I have seen a youTube video of Kimbo destroying a guys face to the point that it appeared his eye ball was going to pop out. Now that would make for good television.
#6-Me: That's right, I'm not a big guy, but I'm quick. Plus juicers are weak at the joints, I'd take out his knees and elbows then pound him while he lies there...you know kinda like he did with his ex-wives.
#5-Mark McGwire: I have the perfect slogan for the event and all--"Super Bash Bros."
#4-Butterbean: Everyone has to fight Butterbean in publicity stunt boxing, right?
#3-Mike Tyson: Nobody generates interest like this guy, and nobody could give Canseco a more suitable ass-whipping. The Baddest Man on the Planet vs. The Biggest Snitch on the Planet. But hey, at least Canseco can help his struggling financial situation with ads that feature him being knocked out in seconds by a food item.
#2-Roger Clemens: Now this match would feature some serious angst; I would imagine Clemens is one frustrated dude right now. Who better to pound on than the guy who sparked one of the biggest investigations in the history of sports? Who better than the guy making money off the demise of the rocket. SOMEONE SET THIS UP! Where's Don King when you need him?
#1-Royal Rumble with everyone he implicated: That's right, toss him in the ring with every guy he snitched on to steal a spot in the headlines. Better yet, everyone (still functional) from the Mitchell Report can join in...Oh wait, there is no ring big enough to support such an event...Damn.