I am known as an NFL guy as any of you who have participated in my FOX blogger mock draft are well aware of. However, I enjoy the playoff atmosphere as much as the next guy and get a kick out of predictions as well. Therefore it only seems natural that I would post my senseless NBA playoff prognostication. What I have done here is sheer brilliance. By admitting I know nothing it is sort of like a girl filling out her NCAA bracket. If I lose, I have an out. I already told you the NBA is not my thing. If I win, then I am the new master of hoops and will brag about it all summer.

Milwaukee (8) @ Detroit (1): I think I will take this one literally. It is a car crash waiting to happen. The deer will first be smashed up, and then grated into Swiss cheese by the pistons in the engine because the redneck left the motor running while he ran outside to assess the damage to his 1966 Mustang. Four game sweep. The Bucks winning is about as likely as Brett Favre starting at guard for them next season. WATCH OUT BAMBI ... BIG BEN IS COMING!

Chicago (7) @ Miami (2): Shaq Daddy might be having fun in the Florida sun and enjoying the night life, but he has yet to prove he can win a title without that other guy. At least he has improved his image by fighting crime. Flash was a great comic book hero. I am still not convinced D-Wade deserves that nickname. Nevertheless, the Bulls are one of several Eastern Conference pretenders with no real chance at an upset. Five games and done. Well, maybe six if Jordan gives a locker room speech to his former team at least once. As if he has time between gambling and golfing.

Indiana (6) @ New Jersey (3): Peja was very popular in cow town. That's Sacramento if you're scratching your head right now. Unfortunately it is defense that wins in his new conference, not three pointers. Kidd was a hero at St. Joseph's High in Alameda (where his Pilots took on my high school) and briefly at Cal Berkeley. Plus, others on the Nets are Pac-10 guys so you know I am picking them to win. It could very well turn into the most interesting first round series in the conference should the Pacers win one of the first two games. Five games is the call though. The Nets are clearly on a roll.

Washington (5) @ Cleveland (4): The Warriors, err Wizards have the daunting task of spoiling LeBron's playoff series debut. It will take a miracle because the ratings are going to dive should King James not be involved in the second round. I am kidding of course because I would never suggest referees slant a game to favor a star player. Who do you think I am, Mike Holmgren? The Cavs I think overwhelm them. Five games end this series as well. One of these has to go six based on the law of averages, but everyone knows what a gap there is between the haves and have nots in the East.

Sacramento (8) @ San Antonio (1): The greatest story in NBA playoff history would be Artest leading his Kings into the NBA finals against the Detroit Pistons in the same season as the Pittsburgh Steelers rode the low seed to a title. There is precedent because the 1998-99 Knicks once nearly pulled it off out of the East before bowing to these Spurs. That pipe dream aside and back to reality, the Kings are a team that has been searching for an identity since Webber left town. It will be tough to find one against a team sporting a standout big man and the little man with a Desperate Housewife girl on his arm. Four game sweep unless Eva Longoria wears out Tony Parker with an all night you know what session. In that case, five games. LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE RON, MORE TIME TO PIMP YOUR ALBUM!

Los Angeles Lakers (7) @ Phoenix Suns (2): When the Lakers figured out how embarrassing it would be to miss the playoffs while the Clippers made it, they finished up 11-3. The Staples Center will be hopping at least four and possibly seven times between April 23 and May 6 for first round action. I can hear the P.A. announcer now. Playoffs? We've got that, or whatever their office supplies slogan is. Kobe has strapped on his Jansport backpack and put his cast, err teammates in it. The Suns have been resting for the playoffs, which could be dangerous against a team that has plenty of momentum building. This is a trendy spot for an upset, and I hate trendy so in a very scenic meeting of mascots the Suns shine on the Lakers. Seven games of NBA heaven for this one before Bryant runs out of gas.

Denver (3) @ Los Angeles Clippers (6): Someone I am sure can explain to me how a higher seeded team yields home court advantage, but save your breath because regardless of record it makes no sense. If the Nuggets are rewarded for winning their division (a good thing) then why are the Barber shop tools given an advantage for losing a recent meeting with the Grizzlies? I guess David Stern is too concerned about the clothes players are wearing to care about such things. Either way, this should be an entertaining series. While I think the Nuggets are capable of making me look dumb, I have to take a California team and it makes sense to bank on one that has home court. Six games that no one watches other than fans of 'Melo.

Memphis (5) @ Dallas (4): Ah the Mavs, the greatest regular season team that never did squat when the playoff pressure kicked in. That is pretty much their place in history at this point and will continue to be until they win a title. Mark Cuban will be on the best dressed list before that happens. Most casual fans would be hard pressed to name anyone who plays for the Grizzlies or remember that the franchise began in Vancouver. That's because no one cares. While Dallas might not be clutch after 82 games, they have enough to win this series. Six games should do it.

This is about as interesting as I can get talking about the NBA playoffs, so I apologize in advance. Besides, this is seriously cutting into my Intelligent Qube playing time as it is. Round 2 should go something like this:

Cleveland (4) @ Detroit (1): Remember that huge throne that gets stolen from James in the ESPN commercials? That is about as helpless as the kid will feel in this series. Pistons win in 5.

New Jersey (3) @ Miami (2): This is like fighting to get the #1 ranking in the heavyweight division during the late 1980's. The reward is getting killed by Mike Tyson. I am taking the Nets in 6.

Dallas (4) @ San Antonio (1): The Spurs own Texas and for that matter the NBA. Nowitzki has a different surrounding group than many of his playoff failures in the past, but the result is the same. Spurs flex and finish in 6.

Los Angeles Clippers (6) @ Phoenix (2): At least the Suns will be familiar with the building after having dispatched the Lakers. Something tells me everyone is underestimating them and this is a wipeout. Suns in 5.

Well, if everything holds to form I will be fairly surprised. These are certainly not earth shaking predictions I know. Then again, you had low expectations at the start so just go with it. Before I hit the hay, here are the conference finals:

New Jersey (3) @ Detroit (1): About half the world thinks this is what we will get, and 95% of that half believes the Pistons will prevail. Who am I to argue with that kind of majority? Too deep, too good and obviously they don't need Larry Brown. Pistons take it in 6. I actually consider an upset of sorts that it goes that far, but I think the Nets have a shot.

Phoenix (2) @ San Antonio (1): If I had some guts, this is a good spot for an upset. Then again, it is probably the 2 a.m. talking. The Spurs have been to this rodeo enough to survive when the going gets tough. A full seven games and a return engagement for the finals awaits them.

Gee, the two top seeds are meeting in the NBA finals. So who do I think will win? San Antonio has three titles in seven years. If they pull this out it will pretty much make them a dynasty. Detroit appeared to be flirting with 70 wins earlier this season before getting tired of the chase. Their second championship in three years will put them en route to their own dynasty. I think the tiebreaker is the quirky trivia that both the NBA and NFL titles were won in Detroit, Michigan this year. The Pistons win in seven games to make that a reality, and ironically another Big Ben is holding the championship trophy.