March is a beautiful time. Spring is on the way, baseball season draws closer and we get the riveting, all-encompassing March Madness that turns small-time gamblers into lowly degenerates and glues us to the television sets for games that we would not even pay the slightest attention to in any other month. Really, who wants to see Southeastern Louisiana State vs. Iowa in any month but March?
But in the NFL, the month of December is when the real madness begins. Call it "Mediocre Madness." Teams are left scrambling for the finish line, looking for that one victory that might land them at a solid 8-8 and punch their ticket to the playoffs.
Heading into Week 17, the NFC, which is once again trying to show that mediocrity still rules the roost as four teams are sitting at 7-8, and only one can make the sixth seed and enter either Texas Stadium or the Superdome or even Lincoln Financial in January.
But which team will it be? The Ugly American takes a look at the teams still left and breaks down their chances. On with the show...
1. New York Giants - Peyton's Little Brother is impressing no one as the G-Men continue to slip. Tom Coughlin's job is hanging in the balance, and Tiki Barber might be playing his last game. Remember when the Giants were 6-2 and seemingly invincible as far as the NFC East is concerned? Yeah, me either.
Why they will win: Because they are playing the Washington Redskins. The Redskins showed on Sunday that the St. Louis Rams still have a bit of that Greatest Show on Turf left in them. Gregg Williams's defense got shredded for 559 yards and made Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson look like Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk.
Why they will NOT win: Because they are playing the Washington Redskins. Before their disaster at The Ed, the 'Skins nearly knocked off playoff-bound Philadelphia and did defeat New Orleans, so they aren't completely a lay-up.
2. Green Bay Packers - Though I love Brett Favre, he's had more premature farewell tours than KISS, Roger Clemens and Jay-Z. Shockingly enough, the Packers have slipped under the radar and a team that was looking at a Top 5 pick before the season started is now making a push for the playoffs. Guess Favre wasn't lying when he said this may have been the best team he's ever had.
Why they will win: Because if this is indeed Favre's last game, he's not going down without a fight. They play the Chicago Bears, who have clinched everything in the NFC and have nothing to play for. If it comes down to Brian Griese and Bear scrubs versus a fired up Favre, I'm taking Favre.
Why they will NOT win: Lovie Smith might just go ahead and let his starters get a lot of time in since they won't be playing again until Memorial Day which is right around the time the divisional round begins.
3. Carolina Panthers - Hey, look, it's the preseason pick for Super Bowl champs! Oh, what's this? No running game? Jake Delhomme has become Jake Plummer? My, how the preseason champs fallen.
Why they will win: Like Green Bay, they are playing a team that might not have anything to play for in New Orleans. No Brees, no Bush, no McAllister, no problem for Carolina.
Why they will NOT win: When a person says that Delhomme has been bad this season, understand that he's been baaad. Plus, the first ever running back combo that have names beginning with "De" -- Angelo and Shaun -- have not been consistent. It might be more fun to just start adding "De" to Panther players. DeSteve Smith, DeKeyshawn Johnson, DeJulius Peppers...
4. St. Louis Rams - Believe it or not, the Rams are hanging around. They started out 4-1, went on a massive slide that included an embarrassing loss to Arizona, got whacked by San Diego, gashed by Kansas City and heartbroken by Seattle. Yet thanks to a soft spot in the schedule, the Rams have taken two straight victories against Oakland and Washington.
Why they will win: Minnesota has a very sad passing offense, which plays into St. Louis's hands. Marc Bulger carved up Washington's defense after Scott Linehan received a memo telling him that yes, teams in the NFL are still allowed to
a. run more than four plays
b. score
Why the will NOT win: Too much has to happen for the Rams to make the playoffs. The Panthers, Giants and Falcons all have to lose, and they have to win. Those aren't exactly great odds.
5. Atlanta Falcons - It's getting tiring waiting for Michael Vick to develop into a NFL quarterback rather than a guy who dances around and throws to Alge Crumpler. The Falcons are falling fast after it looked like they were going to be the greatest rushing team of all-time at the beginning of the season.
Why they will win: They won't.
Why they will NOT win: The reasons are plenty. First of all, it doesn't matter that Vick "found himself" against the Cowboys. He lost it against the Panthers. Secondly, hasn't Jim Mora, Jr. all but checked out? Wouldn't a trip to the playoffs just distract him from purchasing real estate in the state of Washington? Mora has more important things to do right now than start scheming for the Philadelphia Eagles, like putting Ty Willingham out of a job. Arthur Blank is sharpening his ax, sipping his gin and counting down the seconds until he can finally rid Atlanta of the future coach of the Washington Huskies. For pete's sake, he's probably already started recruitng!
Talk show host: Jim, how do you prepare for the Eagles and try to get this team into the playoffs?
Junior: (chuckles) As my dad would say, "playoffs?! playoffs?!?! what -- you're talking about playoffs? We'll be lucky if I decide to even coach the game!"
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