Mutant Men Exist in the NBA Playoffs

'How far are we from the days of super-humans,' I've openly wondered in several NBA cyphers that took place over the past month. There is no better time to wax poetic about human athleticism than during a basketball or football game. Not to discredit tennis, NASCAR or golf, but these games rarely allow for multiple human functions to take absurdly gigantic leaps right before your eyes. I could watch Tiger drive a little white ball four hundred odd feet but I'd much rather watch him do that, run over Ernie Els, stride past Phil Mickelson with a 3-iron behind his back and do a backflip on to the green. That may be just me, though. Some men prefer their sports to be a commentary on the strategic shifting of two parties' minds or the adept maneuvering down the field of play. Not I, said the Drew. I want to see men running and jumping and fans' mouths agape.

Enough of the homoerotic innuendo though, NBA basketball has impressed me more in the past 3 years of watching than in all my previous 15 or so. Every time my companions and I unite for a ceremonious junk food prostration, we give the TiVo a seizure trying to understand some of the feats we witness. I say witness, because as Nike commiserated with their barrage of commercial, these nouveau athletes are demi-gods. Like seriously, the dudes have no care for mortals. LeBron and Kobe are particularly remorseless when paging defenders from the Emergency Room: "Paging Delonte West...paging Mr. West...you are required in the permanent highlight reel of Mr. James." When the Jason Richardsons and Richard Jeffersons of the world start dunking like this REGULARLY, it's a cause for some internal examination. The human genome must be changing, friends. In an eighth grade math class, I remember charting the parabola that estimated how fast humans would be in the 100-meter dash by 2050 -- something like seven seconds. I also recall the old commercial (brand escapes me) featuring Shaq trying to dunk on 15-foot moving rims. The implication was that we would have to expand the limits of all of our games to stay abreast of human developments that took place in the same span of time. I'd take it a step further and say outright that sports have shown us that there is a class of human that makes the unnatural occurrence seem to fall within the boundaries of probability at any given half-time.

Playoff moments of Super-Human Caliber

Bron-Bron cups block in Game 2 of Cavs vs. Wiz: I know you saw this one. He's speeding in from behind the play, behind Antonio Daniels who is fearfully putting up a right lay-in. He jumps, pauses to recognize where the ball is, and then cups it in his left hand still managing to get two feet inside before hopping out. What? The old-timers might talk of Wilt and Bill Russell having the knack for shotblocking but neither of those trees was 6 feet 8 inches. Neither of those men were playing against other 6-9 and above athletes who preferred the dunk.

 LeBron beats Jared Jeffries in Game 1 of Cavs vs. Wiz: He picks up the ball off a rebounded freebie and ignites the jet-engine pistons in his beloved kicks. Jared Jeffries starts out WELL in front of him. Jeffries is also the kind of average player whose skills are bolstered by living in the mutant era. He stands 6 feet 10 inches and can run the floor well. LBJ had a New Deal for him as he sped past him dribbling and dunked. My question: how do you beat a guy with a headstart down a 60-foot stretch while DRIBBLING? I know The Answer has made a career out of this but he's a regular track star and his lithe build is a compliment to speed. Six foot eight is a linebacker at best. Maybe a tight end with 4.5 40-meter speed. LeBron is more than that. He's excelled to super in transition and cannot be beat even by the most well-placed defender.

Kobe over Nash in Game 2 of Suns/Lakers: Steve Nash is not the MVP. Dude, you have got to be kidding me picking a white guy two years in a row. A white guy who wouldn't dare venture in the lofty territory where Kobe and Wade play their game. This was evidenced by Kobe soaring above him in the final quarter and then looking back as if to say 'This guy? Really?' I'm shocked and appalled by my sportswriter colleagues. I hope that dunk put a lump in some throats because Kobe will surely remember being overlooked after dropping 50+ on the Suns in the regular dance.

 Other plays receiving votes: J-Kidd spinning and tipping back his own miss; Vince Carter playing; Richard Jefferson's searing explanation of why Jermaine O'Neal is soft;  Dwyane Wade playing.