Simple and plain, give me the lane.  I'll throw it down your throat like Barkley.  See the car keys, you'll never get these.  They belong to the Greg Oden posse.  -Public Enemy 

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  I love this guy.  Just love him.  It may be a little premature, but I don't care.  I'm on the bandwagon, and I ain't getting off. 

Greg Oden is a very special kid and, and I have high hopes for him.  I'm going to my media assassin, Harry Allen, I gotta ask him.  Yo Harry, you're a writer, is he that type?  You best believe the hype!  Striking fear into the hearts of men.  This kid blocks.  Bill Russell blocks.  Blocks that his own team can take control of.  That's smart, very smart.  A veritable Einstein.  The one eyed wonder, Dickie V thinks so too.  Dickie V thinks Oden is super, scintillating, sensational baby!  He says this diaper dandy was the best big man in college basketball in the last thirty years.  I tend to agree.    

You know the Gigantic-O was the first overall pick in the June 2007 draft.   You know he missed all of last season after undergoing microfracture surgery on his right knee.  You also know he's back.  Back on track.  Back on track as the only Blazer to appear in all six of Portland's exhibition games.  That's good news.  Very good news.  Oden began his pro career by dunking two minutes into Portland's 110-81 exhibition win over the Sacramento Kings.  He ended his exhibition season with a double-double as the Blazers beat the Los Angeles Clippers Wednesday night.  I say the Gigantic-O gets Rookie of the Year.  I say the Gigantic-O wins NBA Championship after NBA championship.  I say,  saddle your ponies you bet!

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I like Slam dunks take me to the hoop.  My favorite play is the alley oop.  I like the pick-and-roll, I like the give-and-go.  Cause it's basketball, uh, Mister Kurtis Blow.  -Kurtis Blow

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  NBA action.  NBA satisfaction.  NBA coming attractions.  It's finally here.  Fantastic!  Yes fans, the NBA season is upon us.  Like my main man the Big Fundamental always says:  "Good, better, best.  Never let it rest.  Until your good is better and your better is best."  Who's good?  Who's better?  Who's best?  Answers to those questions and many more coming up in this edition of the NBA Awards Show. 

The Jimmy Two Times Award:  And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice, like:  I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.  The Boston Celtics.  Repeat baby, repeat.  No Boston Celtics team has repeated without Bill Russell.  Not the teams of Larry Bird.  Not the teams of Dave Cowens.  Not the teams with John Havlicek.  Not nobody.  But the team with Tom Thibodeau will.  Defense wins championships.  It did last year.  The Celtics defense was not only the best defense in the league, it was one of the best defenses ever.  The Celtics were first in almost every major, minor and everything in between defensive category.  I do not expect that to change.  I do expect them to win it all.  Again.

The Carl Spackler Prize:  Cinderella story.  Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion.  It looks like a mirac...It's in the hole!  It's in the hole!  It's in the hole!  This year's Carl Spackler trophy goes to the Philadelphia 76ers.  Nothing since 1983.  Not even a whiff.  One man can change all that.  Elton Brand can change all that.  Brand is the centerpiece of Philadelphia's off-season retooling.  His blockbuster $80-million free-agent contract leaves little doubt he's the new face of the franchise.  His great classic power forward post moves leave little doubt he will take Philly to the next level.

Butch Van Breda Koff Cup:  Butch lasted sixteen days as Suns head coach in 1972.  Seven games in all.  George Karl may last a little longer than that.  A little longer.  This Nuggets team is not as good as the previous not so good Nuggets teams Karl has had the privilege of coaching.  And now, gone is Marcus Camby, and with him, the Nuggets most accomplished and committed defensive player.  Giving up too many points is reason numero uno NBA coaches get fired these days.  When AI, Melo and JR can't hoist up as many as the other guys, it's bye-bye George, by George.

The Jesus Christ Grail:  Redeemer.  Savior.  Deliverer.   Struck me kinda funny.  Seems kinda funny sir to me.  At the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe.  Greg Oden.  It's been a long time coming but Oden finally gives the good people of Portland a reason to believe.  How good is he?  Really good.  Phenomenal.  Extraordinary.  Fantastic.  Yes, I'm high on this this kid.  But barring another injury, he should take Rookie of the Year.  He's a great athlete.  He runs the court with ease and has excellent leaping ability.  He gets great position in the post and most importantly gets his body wide to give guards a good target to pass into.  He will be all the Blazers asked for and more.

Eng and Chang Trophy:  Eng and Chang, the most famous conjoined twins of all time. Chris Bosh and Jermaine O'Neal.  I'm stuck on Band-Aid, 'cause Band-Aid's stuck on me! Think Tim Duncan and David Robinson.  The last couple of years, Bosh has been playing out of his natural position at power forward, and adding a player like O'Neal will vault the Raptors into being a legitimate contender in the Beastern Conference.  A somebody.  Instead of a bum, which is what they have been.

Gene Autry Crown:  I'm back in the saddle again.  Out where a friend is a friend.  Where the longhorn cattle feed on the lowly gypsum weed.  Back in the saddle again.  The San Antonio Spurs.  The other Big Three.  The only other Big Three with a championship pedigree.  Once Manu Ginobili gets himself back into the lineup the San Antonio Spurs are one scary ballclub.  One very scary ballclub.  If Manu was healthy last year, it would have been them, not the Lakers, in the NBA Finals.  This year, I expect just that.

Twinkle Toes Flintstone Ribbon:  No not Mark Cuban.  Twinkle Toes was a bowler.  Chris Paul.  He says his bowling scores average between 180 and 190, but he has a high game of 256.  He hosts a charity bowling tournament each September in his hometown of Winston-Salem, N.C.  One of the league's top young players, Paul was recently named a spokesman for the U.S. Bowling Congress.  Chris Barnes, watch your back.  Yabba dabba doo!

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

I'm wonderin', should I begin to kick ya mind or your chin 'cause I'm the King.  -Slick Rick

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Everybody's talking about the Rays.  Everybody's squawking about the Rays.  That's all well.  That's all good.  Just not tonight.  Kid, this just ain't your night.  Tonight, Cole Hamels gets the title shot outdoors at the ballpark and what do the Rays get?  A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville!

You can Flyin' Hawaiian me.  You can Matt Stairs me.  Heck, you can even Brad Lidge me.  But dig it, without Cole Hamels, these Fightin' Phils are nowheresville, man.  With his NLCS clinching win against Dem Bums, Hamels became the 31st major-league pitcher to win each of his first three starts in one postseason, dating back to Christy Mathewson in 1905 and Deacon Phillippe in the first World Series in 1903.  But, besides Hamels, who is twenty-four, only one of those pitchers won his first three starts in a postseason before the age of 25.  That was Livan Hernandez with the Marlins in 1997, when he was listed at 22 years of age.

Hamels may be the youngest player on a roster filled with MVPs and more experienced stars, but make no mistakes, he is the most important player on this roster.  He takes the ball again tonight, just like he has done thirty-six times before without a miss since this season began more than six months ago.  Heavy boots of lead.  Fills his victims full of dread.  Running as fast as they can.  Iron man lives again!

Any time you see Cole strutting out to the mound to the musical stylings of AC/DC you can expect a win.  You can expect a shutout.  I'm not even sure a no-no would be out of the question.  He's been that good.   3-0 in the postseason good.  1.23 ERA good.  MVP of the National League Championship Series good. 

Hamels throws three pitches.  Here comes like dum ditty dum, he keeps all five boroughs in stitches.  He throws a fastball, curve and a Pedro Martinez change and has excellent command of them all.  In any start he is capable of a shutout with ten plus strikeouts.  But most importantly, the man is poised.  The man can handle big games and pressure situations. The man is a fierce competitor who attacks the strike zone with all his pitches.  Attacks it I say.  Don't believe me?  Just ask the Dodgers.  Hamels closed them out on the road with one of the most tenacious outings I have ever seen.  And you know what that all spells, don't you?  Sure you do.  That spells bad news for the Rays.

Public Acknowledgements:  On The Waterfront, Black Sabbath and Charlie Manuel

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd but when they said sit down, I stood up. Ooh-ooh growin' up.  -Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!   Hockey Krishnas rejoice!  Move over Evgeni.  Move over Sidney Lady Bing  Crosby.  Move over El Ocho Ovechkin.  Move over cool dogs, a hot dog's movin' in.  

His name is Phil the Thrill Kessel.  The Boston Bruin's own Phil Kessel.  The pride of Madison, Wisconsin Phil Kessel.  A natural born scorer.  Mickey Knox style.  He's a Harlem Globe Trotter on ice.  Electric?  Try high voltage. Boogie oogie oogie.  He has explosive speed.  TNT.  Dynomite.  This kid can skate.  This kid can make plays.  This kid can score.  He can pass. He can see the ice.  Think pocket Kovalchuk.  And, he's only twenty-one years old.  Phil Kessel is finally turning into the player the Big Bad Bruins hoped he'd be.

Last night, in a 2-1 shootout loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins, Kessel was both the Bruins' only goal scorer in regulation as well as in the shootout.  Last night, Kessel scored his fifth goal of the season.  Big deal you say?  Who cares you say?  I say, Kessel and Marc Savard both have five goals in the team's five games this season.  I say no other Bruins duo has done that since  Espo and Hodgy back in 1973-74.  I say that's pretty pretty good.

This is what the Bruins were expecting when they drafted him with the number five overall pick in the 2006 draft.  This is what the Bruins were expecting after they watched him at the 2005 World Junior Championships.  Took every possible honor at the 2005 World Junior Championships.  Top scorer by a landslide.  Top forward.  Tournament MVP. This is what the Bruins were expecting after watching him at the University of Minnesota.  Inside College Hockey 2005-06 Rookie of the Year.  WCHA All-Rookie Team.  WCHA Rookie of the Year. Led WCHA in freshman scoring, assists and points.  Ranked 11th in the nation among all players in points.   We're finally starting to see Phil play up to those expectations.

Last season in the playoffs, coach Claude Julien benched Kessel after Game One against the top-seeded Montreal Canadiens.  Said he was too soft.  But after being reinserted into the lineup in Game Five, he was the most dominant player on the ice.  The most dominant player on the ice.  Bar none. He was pretty dominant last night.  Last night, there was Kessel at the top of the circle.   Pass from Ferrence.  He shoots!  He scores!  He scores on a blistering wrist shot that Pittsburgh goaltender Danny Sabourin never saw coming.  Look out Crosby, here comes Kessel.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Don't you forget about me.  I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby.  Going to take you apart.  I'll put us back together at heart, baby.  -Simple Minds

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Now that's what I'm talking about.  Now that's what we in the business like to call a good ole fashioned beat down.  Punks jump up to get beat down!  The Broncos jumped up.  The Patriots beat them down.  Beat them like a red headed stepchild.  Beat them like a drum.  Beat the Broncos down like they were beating everybody down last season.  These are the good old days.

It was deja vu all over again. It was Brady to Moss all over again.  Matt Cassel threw three touchdown passes.  Two of them to Randy Moss.  Haters keep hating.  We're coming!  That doubled Moss' total for the season.  Get the papers, get the papers.  The Patriots scored in droves.  A slew of points.  A gaggle of points.  More points than you can shake a stick at.  The Patriots scored fourteen points in both the second and third quarters.  Big deal you say?  Who cares you say?  I say they had not scored more than ten points in any quarter this season.  Not one.  Last year they scored more than ten points in a quarter twenty-one times during the regular season.  Twenty-one!  Yowza!

The Patriots were better than the Broncos in every facet of the game.  Every facet.  They owned the line of scrimmage.  Behind Sam Bam Morris, they rumbled, stumbled, and bumbled their way to their best rushing game in fifteen years.  Matt Cassel put up a pristine 136.3 passer rating.  The special teams were extra special. The Patriots were knocking players out of the game left and right.  So say what you want about this Bradyless Bunch.  I say they're going to the playoffs.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!