With EA Sports ready to launch NFL Madden 2008 on August 14th this year, I'm geared up to play another season of virtual football on my PC.  Unfortunately, this means less time I'm able to spend with my beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly funny girlfriend, Lizzy.  Then I got to thinking, isn't Madden better than my girlfriend anyway?  Observe the following:

Madden '08 only costs $49.99 for the first date.  Furthermore, each succeeding date is guaranteed for as long as I live, and I never have to shell out another penny, and Madden '08 won't complain if I'm late.

Madden '08 is open to the idea of my ex-girlfriend, Becky, coming over for some 3-way action.  In fact, if I were feeling ultra frisky, I could invite my cousin Bobby, my best friend Doug, my 18-year old next door neighbor, and my dad over to join in on the fun.  Even if these people don't want to join the party, Madden '08 is perfectly comfortable if they just stand around and watch me get it on.

Madden '08 wouldn't feel any pain if I got carried away with my "Hit Stick."  Madden '08 encourages me to be as rough as I want.

Madden '08 doesn't complain if I want to have the TV on while getting my play on.  In fact, this is actually necessary. 

Madden '08 won't ever shoot me down.  Madden '08 is in the mood 24x7.

I won't feel embarrassed if, for some unexplainable reason, I have to withdrawal early from fun times with Madden '08.

Madden '08 knows every position forwards and backwards.

While fooling around with Madden '08, I never have to worry about messing up so badly that I have to take care of a bunch of little Madden '08's for the rest of my life.

For best results, Madden '08 sounds better at high volume.

I can be funny when the humor is spontaneous; but it is very rare I actually try to be funny on purpose.  Hopefully I didn't make a mockery of myself.  Post your reasons as comments below.  If I get enough ideas, I'll post another blog naming my top five or ten favorites.