'Twas the Night before Daytona, and all through their house
All the crew chiefs were stirring, even Knaus,
The gadgets were hidden in the stockcars with care,
In hopes that the tech crew would not look there,
The owners were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of the Harley J. Earle trophy danc'd in their heads,
And fans in their T-Shirts and Dale Jr. Caps.
Had just bought new gear after a long off-season nap -
When out in the tri-oval there arose such a clatter,
the drivers sprang out of their coaches to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows they flew like a flash,
Tore open the blackout curtains, and threw up the locked sash.
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature stock car, which filled them with fear,
With a little old driver, so lively and belted,
They knew in a moment it must be Mike Helton.
More rapid than eagles his horsepower came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them out by name:
"Now Dale Jr.! Now Gordon! Now Johnson and Edwards!
"On Stewart! On Shrubby! On Bowyer and Biffle!
"To the top of the grandstand! To the top of the wall!
"Get to my meeting, or I'll boot out you all!"
So up to the tri-oval, the drivers they flew,
With their sponsored PJ's and car numbered slippers too:
As they raced to the scene and were turning around,
Out popped Helton, who came with a bound:
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes all smelled of methanol, tire rubber and soot;
A bundle of restrictor plates were flung to the ground,
And he looked like a menace as he glowered around.
His eyes - how they twinkled! His mustache: how hairy,
His cheeks were like red flags, his nose like a cherry;
A twinkle of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let them know, they had everything to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And sorting the plates, then turned with a jerk,
And pointed at Johnson, Junior, Gordon and team
"This plates not standard, do you see what I mean?"
He tossed one at Stewart, Then said with a sneer
"Did you think we wouldn't find your little trick here?"
He threw one at Kenseth who gave it to Biffle,
"This hole is much bigger than a typical whiffle."
Onto Truex and Montoya, his rage did not abate,
"I can't believe you tried to pass this restrictor plate,"
He turned to them all and said with a tone,
"I'd send you home, if it weren't everyone!
"The next time you try to pass such a cheat,
"I'll take all your points and then, nice and neat,
"I'll ban you from the garage, just as quick as I can,
"Leaving your owners without any plans.
"Your crew chiefs are clever, but I run this show,
"It's me that you owe how you make all your dough.
"The Chase is in weeks, but don't get too set,
"I can decide to forfeit your wins, and then I'd just let
"The Nationwide drivers take over your spots.
"And they'll follow my rules, like it or not."
He sprung to his car, and began to whistle,
And away he drove off, like shot out of a pistol:
But they heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight -
"Good luck at Daytona, Boys, but don't forget this night!"