Allow me to be vain for the next 800-odd words. I have a wedding this weekend.

Not mine, rather that of friend and former teammate from college. In an eerie parallel to my actual college basketball career, I'll be suiting up for the JV team on Saturday as an usher rather than groomsman, but that's fine. I'm good at finding the bench, spent lots of time on one back in the glory days so I'm sure I'll be sensational. I'm more than happy to just continue on as a role player, slapping the floor and letting the starting five have the spotlight. It's hotter at the front of the church, anyway.

What does concern me, however, is the news I received a few weeks back informing me that the rehearsal and subsequent dinner were going to feature a sports theme and attendees should plan to wear their favorite jersey.

Corny or cool? I'm not really sure, but I feel like it will divide pretty evenly along party lines.

This is the bride's side. Note the anger. They've been robbed of a semi-formal opportunity. A reason for a new shawl or something of the sort.

This is the groom's side. Note the indifference. They can't even appreciate the fact that they're wearing the same salsa-stained jersey they had on for the Super Bowl whereas normally they'd be wearing a tie.

Regardless, this whole jersey thing will be simply a small piece of flair pinned to the apron of nuptial bliss that hopefully commences on Saturday. Twenty years from now it will be worthy of a guffaw and right now it's probably just an important packing reminder for the people flying in.

But in my case, this is precisely the situation that causes borderline dementia. I obsess about obsessing over matters such as this. I'm a passionate consumer and sports merchandise connoisseur. I worship at the altar of Eastbay.

Which is to say: I have a lot of jerseys, and nearly all of them are just short of being old enough to be cool in any vintage sense. When Shane sent me the friendly reminder this week, I don't think he understood the ramifications. It's not friendly to place this sort of pressure on a friend. I still have to get him a gift, remember to bring black dress socks, and wash the clothes I need for the weekend.

None of that will likely happen until I decide on my favorite jersey of the week. (Forget all-time, which, I believe, is implied by the "favorite" title. Do I sound capable of deciding that now or ever? Nobody will ever know I simply chose my favorite of the week.)

Or, more accurately, what you chose. Yes, that's what this whole exhausting preamble is about. Since I can't stop dithering, I'm leaving the ultimate jersey choice up to you. Below I will outline the choices, with visual accompaniment where applicable, and based on your comments (i.e. votes) we will eventually decide on a winner.

Ultimately what I'm looking for is a dash of uniqueness, a pinch of uni snobbery and a good dose of humor. With that in mind, on to the contenders...

Ex Vesti Brandon Vogel

  Boston Bruins alternate c. 1997

  This wedding will consist almost solely of college friends who I've seen sporadically over the past four years, so the first thing they usually think when seeing me is: "Damn, still strikingly handsome and fit." But the second thing they probably think is, "he's in Boston still, right?" This jersey confirms that notion and eases small talk.

  Plus: Always loved the quizzical look the bear maintained. In an age where most logos looks like an angry cartoon, this Bruin actually looks somewhat natural.

  Minus: The awful fragmented striping. Please align your printer next time.  

USA Basketball #9 Jordan 1992  

Remember when USA Basketball was an excitement rather than embarrassment? This is the first jersey in my vast collection of Champion replicas and I urge you to weigh all your options before voting, but this jersey has already beaten out two other Jordans: the black mid-90's alternate and the white "Return of" jersey, #45.  

Plus: It's not Christian Laettner's jersey.  

Minus: It's not Christian Laettner's jersey.  

US Soccer alternate 2006  

Sticking with the patriotic theme we have the most unique jersey of the bunch. I detailed my love affair with the "Don't Tread on Me" campaign about a month before the World Cup started, and even after such a toothless showing I still love the sentiment. Sharp looking jersey. 1 of 2006.  

Plus: Western Nebraska conservatives love patriotism.  

Minus: Western Nebraska conservatives hate soccer.  

 Denver Nuggets #55 Mutombo c. 1992  

Another Champion replica, but it looks nothing like the one pictured here. It has the odd left-chest number placement and the crappy font near the hem, but the love it or loathe it Lego-rainbow skyline is shockingly absent. Just a vast sea of blue where the Mile High City should be. The technology for printing such a technicolor logogasm on cheap mesh didn't exist back then.  

Plus: Man still does not fly in the house of Mutombo.  

Minus: Umm, it's pretty conspicuous what's wrong here.  

Hemingford HS Bobcats #2 Vogel 1994-1997  

I'm actually thinking about being THAT guy. The high school glory days guy. The wear your own jersey guy. I see these people everytime I visit the hometown watering hole and I've always wanted to try that approach on for size. Just for a night. Since photographic evidence is shockingly non-existent, the jersey is black with a white number outlined in red, white paw printes on the shoulders and red and white stripes on the sleeves.  

Plus: It still smells and tastes like chili dogs outside the Tastee-Freeze.  

Minus: Remember that play-off game? We had 'em!!  

Cleveland Cavaliers #1 Brandon c. 1997  

The last Champion replica and hands down the ugliest of the bunch. Times were good back in 1997 for Terrell Brandon. He was an SI cover boy and averaging nearly 20 per. Too bad he had to wear a big brushstroke of electric blue paint across his chest. Despite it's putridity, this was always one of my favorites. It had an underappreciated cool thanks to Brandon's presence, and my first name just happened to be Brandon. Still amazes me how well that worked out.  

Plus: Call me Cleveland fans when LeBron ever gets his own SI cover and we'll talk about updating.  

Minus: At 24 Brandon was the next Tim Hardaway. At 30 he was David Wesley. (courtesy: basketball-reference.com) The jersey may have depreciated as well.  

That's the Sweet Six. Leave your votes in the comments section. Voting ends Thursday at high noon, which is about as long as I can delay packing.  

Thanks in advance for your help.