Sportsline.com is running a "Most Dominant College Mascot on Earth" contest right now, and the results are somewhat alarming. (As is the timing. Isn't this an alternative March Madness method for filling out your bracket? No wonder Creighton never makes it out of the first round.)

Now this is the sort of contest where the fans vote meaning whichever school's fan base finds out about the contest first and cares/is bored enough to log on multiple times will win. It's all supposed to be fun and guffaws, but I'm having a hard time with some of the results.

The Michigan Wolverines received a #1 seed for a good reason. Wolverines, weighing about 35 lbs., have been known to kill moose. Let me restate that: A member of the weasel family kills a moose.

Argument over, right? Wrong. The Bulldogs, an admittedly tough breed used in the barbaric practice of bullbaiting in 19th-century England, beat the Wolverines with 51% of the vote. Doesn't UM have a student body of approximately 3 million? How is this possible?

And if that's not bad enough, the San Diego State Aztecs lost in the second round to the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest. If you can believe Wikipedia, in 1487 the Aztecs claimed to have sacrificed 84,000 prisoners over the course of four days to reconsecrate the Great Pyramid of Tenochtitlan. Let's do a little math: that equates to 21,000 people per day, or one person every four seconds. (And you wonder why historians dispute this number.)

Regardless, the fact that the Aztecs would even claim such a number makes me pretty confident that they could handle some church-goers, demonic as they might be, with ease.

But there is hope. Due to the fact that their mascot is a rot-gut wine immortalized by Texas singer/songwriters Townes Van Zandt and Billy Joe Shaver, the Southern Utah Thunderbirds are through to the Sweet Sixteen. There's probably nothing as potent as that stuff on earth.

However, I really hope Wyoming wins this thing. A Peacemaker is a powerful ace in the hole.

Approximately eight seconds into the 133rd Kentucky Derby, I realized why this event is one of the best in all of sport. It's not the fancy hats or the bespoke suits or the silver cups. It's something much more primal than that. After the week-long coverage and the hour-long made-for-TV build up, you're left with a two minute race. It's a physical competition as old as man, something that happens naturally in backyards and playgrounds the world over. Line them up and let's see who is the fastest.

In the biggest such race in America, that horse was Street Sense. His impressive rally from 19 horses back to win snapped a number of Derby streaks:

• First Breeder's Cup Juvenile winner to win the Derby.
• First 2-year-old champion to win the Derby since Spectacular Bid in 1979.
• First horse to win the Derby with two or fewer prep races since Sunny's Halo in 1983.
• First horse to win from the seven slot since Pleasant Colony in 1981.
• First Derby win for jockey Calvin Borel.

But there was one more thing that rarely happens at the Derby: the chalk came home. Street Sense was the longest favorite ever to win the Derby, but he was still the favorite. Hard Spun, the fourth choice by the time the race went off, held on to place after leading the field for much of the race. The morning line favorite and post time second choice, Curlin, came in to show. The $2 trifecta paid $440, the lowest total since 2000.

The reason the Derby is such a great, and difficult, race to handicap is because anything can happen. We see it almost every year. A lightly regarded horses hits the board (Bluegrass Cat, 2006) or even wins the whole thing (Giacomo, 2005). It's almost impossible to predict.

This year, however, the Run for the Roses was painfully logical. If not for Hard Spun's polarizing workout earlier in the week, this race could have finished 1-2-3 on the toteboard. Does this mean the race was in some way disappointing? Not in the least.

Street Sense's back of the pack rally to win could become the stuff of legend. Seeing the colt cut through the field like a shark fin through water is as good as it gets on the track. Was there greatness in that move? Unquestionably.

Is there greatness in that horse? We'll find out in two weeks at Pimlico but right now, I'm a believer.

"On the TV the announcer is predicting how the race
will be run and famous people are asked their opinions.
I wait for a twinkle in my brain but nothing happens. Still
it's all so exciting I want to talk to someone about it..."
--Kentucky Derby Day, Belfast, Maine
Stephen Dobyns


I've been waiting for that twinkle all week, through the workouts and the draw for post and the conjecture, but I'm fairly certain no magic realizations are coming. They never do.

You can't even call handicapping the Derby an inexact science. The inexact part is accurate, but science seems to imply that there's a way to figure this all out. In theory there is, but after seeing Giacomo win in person, I'm not so sure it isn't like trying to predict that lottery. The fact that I keep trying has less to do with some inherent belief in my own intellectual capacity and more to do with the excitement of participating in the spectacle, the excitement that Dobyns mentions above.

I've got my own julep in hand--no EarlyTimes though, Old Whiskey River for me and my horses--so let's start piecing this puzzle together.

1. Sedgefield (50-1) - Should be near the front with the early speed, but his best race came in the Lane's End where he sat in the middle of the pack and ended up second to Hard Spun. The horse is experienced by new Derby standards with five starts this year, but that 75 Beyer in his last race scares me. Needs a lot to go right to have any shot.

2. Curlin (7-2) - The big mystery horse. He's only run three times, but he's won them all impressively. His Arkansas Derby was effortless, beating Storm in May by 10 1/2 lengths, but he got a pretty good trip so I'm still throwing him out. Look at it this way, winning the Derby after not racing as a 2yo is like a high school star winning the NBA MVP award in his rookie season. WillCurlin be Kevin Garnett or Johnathan Bender? I think the experience factor is a lot to overcome, but if he does let the hype begin.

3. Zanjero (30-1) - The sort of horse, from the three slot, that spoils exotics. This year alone he's already lost to fellow starters Dominican, Street Sense, Circular Quay and Imawildandcrazyguy but he finished third in all three of those races. Classic example of a good but not good enough. Additionally, Garrett Gomez, Zanjero's jockey for his past two races, will be atop Any Given Saturday. I won't be shocked if this horse screws me, but if you can't omit a horse who's lost to 20% of the field already who can you omit?

4. Storm in May (30-1) - Showed a little heart to hold on to second in the Arkansas Derby, but there's not a lot else here. Beaten by both Curlin and Sedgefield and I'm not favoring either of those horses.

5. Imawildandcrazyguy (50-1) - If Zanjero was good but not quite good enough, Blahblahblahguy is average and not nearly good enough. Finished off the board in every race thus far this year.

6. Cowtown Cat (20-1) - Intriguing colt here coming off consecutive wins in the Gotham and the Illinois Derby after hooking up with Todd Pletcher. He's not the best horse Pletcher will have going on Saturday, but somehow that makes me like him more. War Emblem anyone? One to watch on the toteboard for win bets and probably a part of exotics.

7. Street Sense (4-1) - What more is there to say? Best Beyer in the field with victories over most of the other mid-range prospects. Let's just say he's probably not running for show money.

8. Hard Spun (15-1) - The toteboard will tell you all you need to know. How is the betting public going to respond to Hard Spun's ridiculous workout? I already think he's a value at 15-1 and if he goes up from there I'll bring out the hammer.

9. Liquidity (30-1) - Nakatani likes his chances better astride Great Hunter. So do I. Put up a 102 in the Sham Stakes, but still lost.

10. Teuflesberg (30-1) - After a one race stand with Edgar Prado, Teuflesberg is back with Stewart Elliot but it probably won't matter. Devil's Mountain has already been beaten by seven

11. Bwana Bull (50-1) - The winner of the El Camino Real, my favorite graded stakes race name, has never won the Derby. Bwana finished behind both Tiago and Sam P. in the Santa Anita Derby and I barely like those two.

12. Nobiz Like Shobiz (8-1) - Consistency, consistency, consistency. Winner of three of his last four, Nobiz was bumped early on in his loss to Scat Daddy and Stormello in the Fountain of Youth Stakes. This horse is definitely on my ticket.

13. Sam P. (20-1) - Occupies an odd middle ground at 20-1 which gives me pause, but he's been beaten too often by too many others for me to give him a second look. Could be Pletcher's pawn in the grand scheme of things.

14. Scat Daddy (10-1) - He's beaten Nobiz and I like that horse, but Scat Daddy's had to work hard for his last two wins. The Derby is all about making tough choices and this might end up being mine.

15. Tiago (15-1) - Has improved his Beyer in ever race thus far, including an impressive Santa Anita Derby in his first race with Smith. Will probably end up near the bottom of my ticket, but if he floats upward of 15-1 he might be an intriguing win bet.

16. Circular Quay (8-1) - He's been in the hunt with every horse I like, but it probably won't be worth it to play him straight up. Easily a part of my exotics.

17. Stormello (30-1) - I was skeptical at first, but I think Stormello still gets to the front breaking from 17. That won't be where he ends up.

18. Any Given Saturday (12-1) - Finished on the board in all three 2007 starts and there's no reason not to play him. That said, I'm nervously leaving him off because I like others more.

19. Dominican (20-1) - Pretty good price considering he beat the second choice, Street Smarts, in his last out, but I think the extra distance does him in.

20. Great Hunter (15-1) - The first horse I fell in love with, it hurts me to see him all the way out there on the end. He's got the speed, he's got the jockey and he's got an excuse in the Bluegrass. After careful consideration, I'm saying screw it and taking him anyway.

My standard Derby approach is to work out an exotic or two early, then go shopping for value in the last hour before post. Without further adieu, here's how I'm leaning:

Great Hunter
Nobiz Like Shobiz
Storm Sense
Tiago
Circular Quay

And I'll be keeping a close eye on where Hard Spun and Cowtown Cat end up odds-wise.

At least that's my "twinkle." With all that thinking out of the way, let's remix Dobyns a bit: Troy has yet to fall, but play those country songs anyway.

I need to hear "Whiskey River" right now. other Derby horses. That's not my kind of pony.

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The fourth in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you Need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

MIDWEST

1. Florida - Loathe - As defending champs and the closest thing we have to a favorite, it's easy to loathe the Gators unless they're your team. In fact, I don't see how you could root for UF otherwise. They've got talent, painful balance (four players averaging between 12 and 13 points) and braggin' rights (both football AND basketball). Who likes that?

16. Jackson State - Loathe - See my inverse reasoning for North Texas. I think it's time we honor Walter.

8. Arizona - Love - Ever since learning that Lute Olson insists upon having a cactus at mid-court, my respect for the Wildcats has grown. It's all in the details.

9. Purdue - Loathe - Even the memory of Gene Keady scares the hell out of me.

5. Butler - Love - As I noted in the column, Butler and Hoosiers are forever linked. Is it too much to ask for them to run the picket fence at some point during the tournament?

12. Old Dominion - Love - I'm not sure what it means, but this is the most romantic sounding name in the tournament. I shall never refer to my hometown again. Henceforth, it will be my old dominion.

4. Maryland - Love - I like turtles and I like yellow and black stripes. Maryland provides both.

13. Davidson - Loathe - Another school, another honor code. Does anyone remember laughter?

6. Notre Dame - Loathe - If I had gone to Notre Dame, I'd be the biggest, fightinest Irish fan you'd ever seen. I didn't.

11. Winthrop - Loathe - If not for Winthrop, I never would've known that Rock Hill, SC is part of an area known as "Metrolina." I'm not 100% sure what that means but it sounds a lot like urban sprawl and, as we all know, urban sprawl is responsible for everything evil today. I imagine the campus is located between an Applebees and a Wal-Mart.

3. Oregon - Love - This isn't so much a school as a means for product roll-out for UO alum and Nike founder Phil Knight. From psychedelic football uniforms to official school colors that incorporate the words "Thunder" (Green) and "Lightning" (Yellow) into the mix, I'm somehow fine will all of this.

14. Miami (Not the one you think) - Loathe - This school has been making a mockery of ESPN's Bottom Line since the feature debuted, necessitating differentiation between "The U" and, well, "Not The U." In fact, why not let the Redhawks have "Miami" all to themselves and make the Hurricanes go by Miami (The one you care about) on all tickers?

7. UNLV - Love - Not realizing that I could've gone to college in Las Vegas is probably the worst oversight of my life. Thus, I've always lived vicariously through the Runnin' Rebels (or Hustlin' Rebels, as they're known on the diamond).

10. Georgia Tech - Love - A school capable of "clean, old-fashioned hate" is a school after my own heart.

2. Wisconsin - Love - Back in 1999 I went to Minneapolis to catch the first round of tournament games in the Metrodome and sat directly in front of a Badger fan who, after UW won one of their traditional 48-44 masterpieces, said "That's Wisconsin. An offensive juggernaut." They're not fun to watch but they're still lovable in their ugliness.

16. Texas A&M-Corpus Christi - Love - This school is located on its own island! One of only two schools to make the claim and they're both on the Gulf Coast. The body of Christ? Amen. That was once a Final Jeopardy question and I got it. Loved Corpus ever since.

Previous Entries: the South, the West, and the East.

Note: As a wholly obsessive supplement to my latest FOXSports.com column, welcome to Love and Loathing in the NCAA Tournament. The third in a four part series that will provide my totally biased and baseless evaluation of each team in the tournament.

Also known as: "The Last Tournament Breakdown you Need."

Check back daily as I'll be revelaing a new quarter of the bracket in the days leading up to Thursday's tip-off.

SOUTH

1. Ohio State - Loathe - If I was more of a man I wouldn't let my football biases get in the way, but the most ridiculous definite article in sport clouds everything. Battle lines are clearly drawn with the inclusion of the word "THE". If you are/were a Buckeye, I understand your insistence upon using it. I'd do the same thing. But I'm not a Buckeye and it just sounds pompous to everyone else.

16. Central Connecticut State - Loathe - I know one thing about the other Blue Devils: I once saw a male cheerleader of theirs, who was shaped like a D2 tackle, pick up two cheerleaders, extend both arms and spin in a circle while holding them both in the air. Despite that, I find nothing more to recommend CCSU.

8. BYU - Loathe - Back in the 90s I found myself in Fort Collins during the WAC tournament and we ended up at a BYU-CSU game. Now the only compelling reason to watch BYU back then was Shawn Bradley. Not having followed the squad, I thought I was going to see the tallest man I could imagine live and in person. He was on his mission. I've never forgotten.

9. Xavier - Love - Besides Quinnipiac, no school dominates the alphabet like XU. Just look at that, XU, it's perfect. They have a giant X on their court and somehow this makes them entirely badass.

5. Tennessee - Love - More schools should reference moonshine in their fight songs. As long as Bruce Pearl and Pat Summitt stay on their respective sidelines, there's nothing stopping me from enjoying the Vols in March.

12. Long Beach State - Love - Along with sleazeball, dirtbag is a relatively mild slur that I don't utter often enough and it is the unofficial nickname of the school's baseball team. While the basketball team is known simply as the 49ers, I think there's enough residual good will from the local nine's name to enable me to support The Beach.

4. Virginia - Love - Just a totally intriguing school, from Thomas Jefferson's influence to "taking" degrees to secret societies. If I had former or future lives I'd definitely matriculate at Charlottesville in one of them.

13. UAlbany - Love - This one is easy. I love Post-it notes and we have an Albany alum to thank for their existence. Additionally, Great Danes, and its Scrappy-Doo rendering, is hands down the best mascot in the tournament.

6. Louisville - Love - I should probably hate this team for making me think I had a shot back in 2005, but there's just something about the Old English 'L' that has me mesmerized. That and watching Pitino age.

11. Stanford - Loathe - I'm tired of that tree and that's all there is to it. With all honesty, I can't say I've considred Stanford once this college basketball season. They could've canceled the season and I wouldn't have known.

3. Texas Ag. & Mech. - Love - I'm genetically predisposed to love any team called the "Aggies." Add that to the fact that A&M provides a nice counterpoint to the Longhorns and they've never really been here before and you have a pretty simple Cinderella story as a three-seed.

14. Penn - Love - It's pretty tough to hate whatever team comes out of the Ivy League. They just quietly do their own thing, don't get a Championship Week spotlight because they don't have a tournament, show up for a round and go back to preparing to run the rest of the world. Maybe it's not "tough" to hate these guys, rather, it's not advisable.

7. Nevada - Loathe - What give you the right to insist upon being called "Nevada"? You're the University of Nevada-Reno. I know it and you know it.

10. Creighton - Love - The only school in the tournament that I actually attended, albeit for only a year, but what a year it was. I threw an alley-oop to future Heat/Sixer/Grizzlie/King/Net Rodney Buford and was personally told by Dana Altman that I'd never make it as a walk-on. Fair enough. My true rooting interest in the tournament.

2. Memphis - Love - There's just something slimy about a team helmed by John Calipari, but I'm foregoing any ill will on behalf of Wink Martindale. In addition to hosting High Rollers and Tic Tac Dough, Martindale recorded a version of Frankie Miller's immortal "Black Land Farmer" which is enough for me to hope the Tigers make the Final Four.

15. North Texas - Love - Definitely the only school to name their football team after a famous former player's nickname. But if it's good enough for "Mean" Joe Greene, why don't more schools do the same? I think the Jackson State Sweetness might be the best nickname nobody's thought of yet.

Up Next: the Midwest. Previous: the East, the West