It's now official - pigs can fly.

Additionally, snowballs are flying in hell. These things must be true because the last thing you could possibly imagine happening has come to pass. It's almost impossible to even write it without laughing, but here it is: Bobby Knight, the recently retired legendary college basketball coach, is now officially a member of the media. This is what's known as proof that God has a sense of humor.

Don't bother getting the Windex and the paper towels and trying to clean your monitor, and there's no need to reboot your computer, because you read that correctly. Bob Knight is a member of the Fourth Estate. You may want to start hoarding food and collecting water, though, because it's clear the end of the world is nigh.

Bobby Knight, the man who during his long coaching career viewed the media the way the rest of us look at telemarketers and cockroaches scuttling across the kitchen floor, is now sleeping with the enemy. He has signed on with ESPN as a guest studio analyst to provide commentary during the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament beginning March 12.

The following quote was attributed to Coach Knight in the Associated Press story announcing the hiring: "ESPN has been real good for college basketball and I look forward to working with some of their people who I have known for a long time." There is no word at this time whether he was able to keep a straight face during the entire five seconds or so it took to make that statement.

Whether The General will coin some catchphrase during his ESPN stint that will become an instant classic, to be repeated thousands of times by fans and broadcasters everywhere, is as yet unknown, but for the sake of posterity, here are a few of Coach Knight's more memorable quotes directed at the folks who make their living either by writing or talking about sports:

"All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things."

"When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are past; I want that they should bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass."

Interviewer: "Could you please address the questions?"
Knight: "No, I'll handle things the way I want, now that I'm here. You #$%^ed it up to begin.You just sit there or leave. I don't give a $#^! what you do."

"Don't look at me in the tone of voice."

"In a lot of press conferences in the time I have been coaching, indulging my sense of humor at press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit."

"If I were in charge I'd drug test all you sons of bitches, not just the athletes."

"Theres some good guys like Carson and Marshall you keep telling me about, and you keep getting on their asses."

"I've always been too confrontational, especially when I know I'm right."

The hiring is an inspired move by ESPN and the funniest thing is, he will turn out to be an outstanding analyst. Bob Knight is extremely intelligent and quick-witted, and as the winningest basketball coach in Divison I history, certainly knows the game. So sit back, grab a bag of chips, and get ready for....well....almost anything, probably.