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Internet poker: It's not just for shut-in hermits who shower once a week whether they need it or not anymore. A little wordy perhaps, but it seems like a natural as an advertisement for the online gaming industry with the revelation Tuesday that Gilbert Arenas of the MBA's Washington Wizards likes to spend halftime of Wizards games plugged in at his locker playing online poker.
Poor Wizards coach Eddie Jordan. He thought Arenas was transcribing his inspirational halftime pep-talks onto his laptop for posterity, or at least for his inevitable autobiography. While Coach Jordan is formulating second-half strategy and communicating it to his team, Arenas is busy formulating some strategy of his own, unfortunately not basketball-related.
"Double-down on defense? No time for that right now, I've got to double-down on this hand; if I can hit big here I can wipe out a week's worth of losses!" Truly a sign that the inmates are, in fact, running the asylum, or, if that's a little too politically incorrect for you, the clowns are running the circus.
Even Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest NBA player ever and well-known as a man who enjoys wagering a few bucks here and there, as far as we know waited until after the game with the Bucks to gamble tens of thousands of his own bucks.
This news about Arenas made me wonder how some other sports stars spend their down-time during games:
Barry Bonds - That whole getting injected with, or otherwise ingesting, mystery substances doesn't seem to be such a great idea right now, and there's no "cream" or "clear" to be had. Maybe online poker is not such a bad idea for Barry.
Terrell Owens - I'm sure Bill Parcells will have no problem with T.O. not paying attention to him at halftime of Cowboys games. He could maybe spend the time signing autographed photos of himself dancing on the star at midfield of Texas Stadium to hand out to all his fans.
Adam Vinatieri - Kickers don't really need to listen at halftime of games anyway, right? So that will be a good time for him to log on at his locker and send some more hate e-mail to Gillette Stadium, while waiting for an opportunity to stick a dagger through the hearts of the Patriots with a crucial kick for the Colts in a late-game situation.
Wayne Gretzky - He has to juggle the demands of a head-coaching job in the NHL with the demands of trying to keep his wife from gambling away all of his considerable fortune. Maybe a phone call to the stately Gretzky Mansion between periods of Coyote's games. "Janet, it's Wayne. You're not gambling online tonight are you? No? Good. What's that? You say Gilbert Arenas is laying down your bets for you now? Oh, man...."
Alfonso Soriano - Now that he has accepted not playing second base for the Washington Nationals, in the clubhouse between innings he's sure to be found reading his latest self-help manual, "Playing the Outfield for Dummies." With his career fielding percentage at second base among the lowest ever, maybe he should have spent some money on "Playing Second Base for Dummies" a few years ago, and he wouldn't have to be reading this one.
It's hard to imagine some of the legendary coaches in any sport allowing a player to do anything but focus on the task at hand during a game! It's not like they don't have plenty of down-time to gamble away their children's college educations, anyway. But in this day and age, a guy that produces, as Gilbert Arenas has done for Washington, will be forgiven just about anything by his teammates, coaches and fans. Stop scoring, though, Gilbert, and you might just have to pack the laptop away and start paying attention.