- Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers receiver, after slugging cornerback Ken Lucas in the face during practice Friday: "I'm completely wrong. It was an asinine decision."
What I Meant to Say: "What was I thinking? I'm a receiver and I hit Lucas with my hand? Thank God I only broke his nose and not my knuckles or something; where would I be then? I'll tell you this, I'm going to be a lot more careful next time. Talk about your asinine decisions. Sheesh!" _____
- Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers starting quarterback (maybe), on the news that Brett Favre had been reinstated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and would be reporting to camp: "I know if they do open it up to a competition, not a lot of people give me a chance..."
What I Meant to Say: "Why won't this guy quit already? What did I ever do to deserve this? He's hanging around longer than Andy Rooney, for crying out loud! We need to trade for Steve Smith." _____
Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins head coach, talking about who is Number One on the depth chart at the quarterback position on his team: "That depth chart in your hands right now won't be the same this afternoon, never mind tomorrow, so it's going to change every single day."
What I Meant to Say: "That depth chart will change every day, or until we can convince Dan Marino to take a page out of Brett Favre's playbook." _____
Ned Yost, Milwaukee Brewers manager, on the dugout confrontation between Manny Parra and Prince Fielder during their game against the Reds Monday night: "If you want to know what happened...you're not going to know. It's private, it's between us, and it's not a big deal...It makes teams better."
What I Meant to Say: "At least I sure hope it make teams better, because we can't get much worse right now." _____
Jason Giambi, New York Yankees slugger, after shaving his mustache following the Yankees come-from-behind win Sunday: "In about a week, it will be back. It goes hand in hand with winning."
What I Meant to Say: "If they'd let me grow my hair out like I did in Oakland, I guarantee we'd win it all. It has nothing to do with talent; it's all about the hair." __________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
How do you gain acceptance from the fans in a new situation in a strange city after being traded for one of the most feared hitters of this generation, all in the middle of a heated pennant race?
Well, how about by hitting a triple in your first at-bat with your new team, reaching base four times in that game, and scoring the only two runs in a 2-1, extra-inning win? Then you could follow that up with a three-run homer in the first inning of the next game to put your team ahead to stay, while playing stellar defense, something fans in that city aren't used to from their left fielder.
Do all that, Jason Bay, and you become an instant fan favorite, even in a notoriously high pressure city, where players on every team based in that city are routinely subjected to a level of scrutiny some guys are never able to adjust to.
Who knows what the long term holds for Bay, the 29 year old left fielder beginning his American League career with the Boston Red Sox after spending his first four seasons with the Pittsburgh Pirates, but for now, if the signs scattered around Fenway Park are any indication, the guy has the fans eating out of his hands.
A random sampling of some of those signs:
"Manny Who?"
"Welcome to the Bay State!"
"FenBay Park"
"Un-Bay-Lievable!"
"Boston Loves BaysBall!"
"We're Bay-Watch Babes!"
and my personal favorite,
"Bay being Bay"
As of Sunday night, the Red Sox are now 3-0 in the Jason Bay era in Boston. The Bay State, indeed!
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
Just when you think you've seen it all - and it's hard not to believe you have after nearly eight full years of Manny Ramirez lunacy - comes this report from the Boston Globe's Gordon Edes, citing an unnamed source "with direct knowledge of the negotiations" that took place between Manny's representatives and the Boston Red Sox.
According to Edes, who covers the Red Sox daily, "within an hour after [the] Red Sox informed Manny Ramirez he had been traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers...Ramirez' agent, Scott Boras, called the Sox back." Incredibly, the message Boras carried was that Manny was just kidding about the whole getting out of Boston thing; just kidding when he said that the Red Sox didn't deserve a player like him; just kidding when he said he was sick of them and they were sick of him.
According to Edes, Boras offered the following proposal - if Boston agreed to drop the option years on his contract, Manny would be a good boy and not cause any more trouble the rest of the season!
By that time,of course, the deal with the Dodgers was done, making the affair probably the last "Manny Moment" ever in Boston. Unless of course, by some massive cosmic joke the Red Sox were to meet the Dodgers in the World Series, which, undoubtedly, every single management type at the Fox network, the home of this year's Fall Classic, would sell their souls to see.
But for now the point is moot. The Manny Ramirez Traveling Circus has taken its show to the West Coast, and everyone involved is beginning the long process of moving on. For Manny, though, who must be wondering why this time was so different after all the other episodes of foolishness the Red Sox management endured for so long without ever seeming to hold him accountable, it's a new day in Hollywood, and a new town to woo with the promise of all his monster talent.
Here's hoping he doesn't quit on his new team like he quit on his old one.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
Mr. Mark Murphy, President Green Bay Packers Football Club 1265 Lombardi Avenue Green Bay, WI 54304
July 31, 2008
Dear Mr. Murphy,
It has come to my attention that the Packers recently offered Brett Favre $20 million over the next ten years to stay retired and that Mr. Favre is reluctant to accept that offer.
If that is indeed the case, please consider the following alternative scenario: I am willing to accept a much smaller inducement, say, $10 million over the next ten years, to not play for the Packers instead.
Although it is true I have never played as much as a single down in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers or any other team; in fact I never even played high school football, being skinny as a rail and chicken to boot, but if you are willing to pay someone not to play, I have every confidence I could be just as successful as Mr. Favre at not playing, and save the Packers organization $10 million at the same time.
Clearly, my proposal would be a win/win for everyone. With the $10 million the organization will save by paying me rather than Brett Favre to stay retired, you could perhaps interest someone else in not playing football as well - say, Rocket Ismael, to name one possibility.
Far be it from me, though, to tell you what to do with the $10 million you will be saving. Ovbviously, that is the Green Bay Packers' money and thus yours to do with as you will. Just to be clear, however, allow me to spell out what your $10 million will be getting you. For $10 million:
1) I promise not to show up at Packers training camp and cause a distraction to the team.
2) I promise not to play quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.
3) I promise not to loom over Aaron Rodgers like the sure-fire Hall of Famer I am not, putting unnecessary pressure on the kid.
4) I promise not to speak negatively about the Green Bay Packers organization - ever! - and in fact will decorate my entire property with Green Bay paraphernalia, even though I'm a New England Patriots fan.
5) I promise not to hold a tearful "Still Retired" press conference.
6) I promise....well....I can't really think of anything else to promise, but for $10 million, you can tell me what else you want me to promise and I promise I'll promise whatever you want.
Mr. Murphy, I realize my offer is a little unusual, but your organization has shown a willingness to think outside the box with the offer to Brett Favre, so if you give it a little thought, I am confident you will agree this is the way to go.
I think it only fair to warn you, however, that it is imperative you not wait too long to come to a decision - I have several irons in the fire, and could easily be persuaded to stay retired by another NFL team. Thank you for your willingness to listen, and Go Pack!
Sincerely, HalfBaked
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com.
It's a shame that a partnership that has been as beneficial to both parties as the Boston Red Sox and Manny Ramirez has to end like this, with public bickering and contentious finger-pointing in the middle of a playoff race!
But the relationship between Ramirez and the Bosox has been a symbiotic one from the very beginning. The Red Sox have won two world championships in the last four years - after going zero for the previous eighty-six - with Manny Ramirez patrolling left field at Fenway Park, while Ramirez has become wealthier than he probably ever dreamed possible while growing up in the shadow of Yankee Stadium.
The facts are the facts, though, and the two warring factions have progressed well beyond the point of no return. So if you accept the premise that there is no scenario under which Manny would be playing left field at Fenway Park next year, the question becomes, would the Red Sox benefit more from trading Ramirez now or cutting ties with the mercurial slugger at the end of the season.
Conventional wisdom says the Red Sox cannot afford to trade Manny now, since they can't win without him. I believe exactly the opposite - it is imperative they move him now. Manny Ramirez has always marched to the beat of his own drum, and assuming the player who, even under the best of circumstances, is likely to take an at-bat or an entire game off will give his all to help a team he has come to despise would be a massive error in judgement.
Assuming he will give 100% because he will be playing for a contract, I believe, is an erroneous assumption. This is a man who has hit over 500 home runs in his illustrious career and who has been one of the most feared run-producers in the modern game. He knows - he doesn't suspect, he knows - that someone will give him big money over the winter, whether he runs out a ground ball or not; whether he plays a routine fly ball into a triple or not.
For a rapidly sinking team in the middle of a playoff chase, the promise of a left fielder potentially loafing his way through the final two months is an unacceptable risk. If Fox's Ken Rosenthal is accurate in his published report that the Red Sox, Marlins and Pirates are in talks that would send Ramirez to Florida in exchange for three players who would then be shipped to Pittsburgh in return for outfielder Jason Bay, they should bite the bullet and do it. Now.
Bay is a 29 year old who has averaged 31 home runs and 102 RBI per 162 games played, well below Ramirez's averages of 40 HR and 135 RBI per 162 games played, but still, his numbers would be enough to keep some pop in left field for the Red Sox, especially when you consider the fact that they will get nothing if they cut ties with Manny at the end of the season.
The Red Sox are a team trying to win now. The situation as it stands in Boston is ugly and, regardless of what people may think, is not going to get any better until it is resolved. Manny has brought the Sox two World Series titles and plenty of turmoil, and it is time to say goodbye, and the sooner the better for everyone.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
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