SAN FRANCISCO.  The San Francisco Giants today designated pitcher Barry Zito for reassignment and acquired the contract of Mariah Carey, a shake-up intended to "send a message" to the faltering left-hander that "everybody on this team has to earn their paycheck" according to general manager Brian Sabean.

Barry Zito

Zito, the former Oakland A's ace who is in the second year of a lucrative contract with the Giants that pays him $14.5 million annually, is off to the worst start of his career with a record of 1-8 and an earned run average of 5.53.  Carey, on the other hand, has become a fan favorite in San Francisco due to a ceremonial first pitch she threw out before a game last week that bounced to the infield turf almost as soon as she released it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d85o3Jpn68Q

"Barry's got the best 12-to-6 curveball in baseball when it's working," said Giants pitching coach Dave Righetti, "but I'd have to say that Mariah's went from 12 to like -1."

Carey:  "This sign means 'squeeze play'."

Carey is a singer-songwriter and alleged actress who made her debut in 1990, quickly becoming the first recording artist to have twelve singles in the Billboard Top Ten at the same time.  "I was never very good at math," she told Rolling Stone magazine at the time, "and it really helped when I started out."

Like Zito, Carey was accused of being overpaid when an $80 million contract she had signed with EMI's Virgin Records was bought out for $28 million.  "I was so mad I told them to just keep the change," Carey said of a period in which she suffered a physical and emotional breakdown.  "They didn't give me a personal assistant like they promised and I had to count some very big numbers all by myself."

Copyright 2008, Con Chapman