NEWARK, New Jersey.  Locked in an ugly divorce battle with her husband, the wife of New York Giant star Michael Strahan today moved to clarify comments she made about his relationship with TV doctor Ian Smith.

"When Michael moved into Ian's one-bedroom apartment, I said that an alternative lifestyle 'sprouted' between the two," she said on the steps of the Essex County Family Courthouse here.  "I did not mean to imply that they are gay--not that there's anything wrong with that."

Pressed by reporters to describe what she meant by "alternative", the teary-eyed Mrs. Strahan choked back sobs before speaking.

"Basically, whenever they 'hang' together a 'guy town' springs up around them.  They crack peanut shells on the carpet, leave the toilet seat up, read ESPN The Magazine--it's awful."

Both Strahan and Smith issued statements stating that they are "very heterosexual."  Heterosexuality is gauged by two international standards, Metric and Celsius, and scientists at the Los Alamos Observatory in New Mexico confirmed that from a distance both men appeared to be straight.  "'Gay-dar' isn't perfect," astronomer Philip Van de Camp cautioned.  "The curvature of the earth may have affected our measurements."

Mrs. Strahan stood by her claim, saying the tipping point came when Smith stayed at their house late into the night to watch an NFL Fox Sunday game.  "I said to Michael, 'Will you please come to bed when that's over,' and he said yes.  I fell asleep and three hours later they were still up watching Australian rules football and playing 'Pictionary'."

Among the more serious allegations made by Mrs. Strahan in seeking to end her marriage to the New York Giants' Pro Bowl lineman is that he once forgot a birthday card she gave him, an allegation Strahan denies.  "I didn't forget it, although I wish I could," he said.  "It had a little rabbit on it and said 'I will always wuv you my big huggable bunny.'  It made me want to fwow up.  Once 'Best Damn Sports Show Period' gets hold of that my career is over."

Family Court Judge Lawrence Millburn said he would take the matter under advisement and review the evidence submitted by the two sides, which includes a detailed journal that Michael Strahan kept of the couple's sex life before they had children.  "I want to make sure I give this important document my full attention," he said before recessing for the summer.  "See you back here sometime after Labor Day."

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman