It is time once again to dig into Mr. Sports Talk Guy's mailbag and answer your questions on jargon from the four major sports groups.

"Stop yelling at me!"

Dear Mr. Sports Talk Guy--

My boyfriend--I will call him "Darrell" although he does not wear quotation marks around his head-- is a real sports nut, and I am trying to make our relationship work, dammit!  This summer we went to Cardinals-Cubs game and he yelled "Ducks on the pond! Bring 'em in!" when a Mr. Derrick Lee was holding the bat.  Yesterday we went to a football game in Chicago and, in an effort to impress him, I yelled the same thing when the Bears had the ball.  Darrell looked at me with annoyance, not fondness.  Did I do something wrong?

Eloise M., Cairo, IL

"What ducks?"

Eloise-

Each sport has its own terminology, with which you should become familiar before cheering in public.  The phrase you used refers to a situation in which there are several runners on base in a baseball game, and was inappropriate for use at an NFL playoff game.

The 8:45 hole

Hey there Sports Talk Guy-

Settle a bet for me.  My friend Vince says there are only five "holes" around a hockey goal.  I say there are twelve holes based on the numbers on a clock, and that the "five hole" is the inside of the goalie's left pad.  We have agreed to abide by your decision.

Jeff M., Seekonk, Mass.

"I never saw the puck!"

Jeff--

Contrary to widespread belief, the "holes" at which hockey players shoot are not based on the numbers on a clock's face.  There are only five holes, one in each corner of the goal with the fifth being the space between the goalie's legs, regardless of whether the goalie is a man or a woman.  "Five hole" also refers to an aperture in a shakuhachi flute.

Hang time 

Mr. Sports Talk Guy:

I am a hard-working college student at Fresno State University.  The other kids in my classes are real slackers.  Sometimes when I put my hand up and keep it there until the professor calls on me the other students start laughing and whispering "hang time".  Are you familiar with this term?

Duane R., Raisin City, CA

"Do you have a question, or are you signalling for a fair catch?" 

Duane-

"Hang time" refers to the duration between the moment when a punter kicks a football and the punt receiver catches it.  From the kicking team's point of view, the longer the hang time the better, since more time allows for better punt coverage.  I suspect that your classmates are alluding to the fact that your hand is in the air as if to signal for a fair catch, and that it stays there for lengthy periods.  You are being ridiculed, and should complain to the Dean of Students.

Togo Palazzi, Holy Cross, 1954:  Last guard to be convicted of palming.

Hello Mr. Sports Talk Guy--

Long-time reader, first-time writer.  I was reading a book about the NBA recently and came across a reference to "palming."  Can you tell me what this means?

Eliot R., New Rochelle, New York

Johnson:  "I also get an extra step--or two." 

Eliot-

In the days before Earvin "Magic" Johnson caused NBA referees to become star-struck with his dazzling "Show Time" fast-breaks, the league recognized an offensive violation for placing a hand under the ball and carrying it in one's palm, which enables guards to increase their speed and mobility while dribbling.  Palming calls have gone the way of the two-handed set shot, which is why you are unfamiliar with the concept.

"Swing batter-batter to our team's inane chatter!" 

Hey Sports Talk Guy-

I remember a long time ago you would go to a Little League game and hear the fielders chanting "Hey-batta-batta-swing-batta-batta," etc.  Last summer I went to one of my grandson's games and it was quiet as a library.  Whatever happened to "chatter"?

By the way, love your column.

Floyd Suggins, Cape Girardeau, MO.

Floyd-

Unfortunately, chatter is no longer taught to impressionable youth baseball players in America.  Our children will grow up never having heard "We want a pitcher not a belly itcher!" and other colorful insults kids used to hurl at each other.  Studies show that Japanese, Caribbean and South American players are still taught the basics of this art, which is why they have come to dominate the major leagues.

"Oh, there's my left foot--I've been looking for it all day!"

Dear Mr. Sports Talk Guy--

Every four years when the Winter Olympics come around we invite friends over to watch the women's skating finals.  This really "frosts" my husband Cliff who would rather watch his stupid University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux play hockey.  In 2006 I was coming out of the kitchen with some cheese and crackers for our guests just as Irina Slutskaya began her freestyle program.  She is my favorite because, like me, she is a little on the "chunky" side.  As I walked into the living room I heard my husband say "look at that sow-cow."  Mr. Sports Talk Guy--I turned beet red.  How could he say such a mean thing about a world-class ice skater who happens to be a little plump?  The XXIst Winter Olympics are coming up in less than 18 months and I want to know whether I should throw our quadrennial get-together or just say to hell with it.

Mrs. Eleanor Mueller, Arvilla, North Dakota

"Fooey on you and the Fighting Sioux, Mr. Mueller!"

Mrs. Mueller--

Your husband undoubtedly used the word "salchow", which refers to a jump named after its inventor, Ulrich Salchow.  A salchow is commonly entered from a backwards crossover, turns a full revolution, lands on a right back outer edge and rotates the front and rear tires.  There is nothing offensive about that, and your indignation appears to be driven by resentment of your husband's love of hockey.   I would suggest you learn the rudiments of figure skating terminology and direct further inquiries to Dear Abby. 

Copyright 2008, Con Chapman