APOPKA, Florida.  Long-time bowling announcer Fred Robbins was dismissed during the NCAA Women's National Collegiate Bowling Championship here today after referring to members of the University of Maryland Eastern Shore Lady Hawks bowling team as "blue eye shadow bimbos".

Vanderbilt's Karen Grygiel

"Fred had a momentary brain cramp, and I'm afraid it's going to mean the end of a brilliant career at the microphone," said ESPN 4's Joyce Benson, who called play-by-play while Robbins added color commentary. 

University of Maryland Eastern Shore Lady Hawks bowling team: "Take that back!"

"I deeply regret the hurt I may have caused to any of the Lady Hawks", the mascot of Maryland Eastern Shore.  "I also regret that I may lose the only paying gig there is in women's bowling," he added as he fought back tears.

Katherine Harris:  "I haven't worn blue eye shadow since I was in Girl Scouts in the seventh grade."

With Vanderbilt leading 3 to 2, Robbins filled time during the break before the sixth game at Brunswick Wekiva Lanes by saying "Man, some of those Lady Hawks are built like brick outhouses, if you know what I mean."  Benson tried to deflect the question, sensing her microphone mate was heading into treacherous waters, but he persisted.  "I mean, Eastern Shore's squad is made up of the kind of girl you see working the counter at Dairy Queen, you know.  They're a bunch of blue eye shadow bimbos."

Tammy Faye Bakker:  The Queen of Blue Eye Shadow

Vanderbilt is a private institution in Nashville, Tennessee where tuition exceeds $32,000.  University of Maryland Eastern Shore is a land-grant college with in-state tuition of $5,500.  Because of the disparity between the two schools, the women's best-of-seven final match was billed as a battle between upper and lower social classes.

"These two teams jest don't like each other one bit, and maybe it's because each of them private school girls has her own team bus."

"While I sympathize with the Lady Hawks, they brought this on themselves," said college bowling analyst Mel Eagan.  "They tried to stack their line-up with a bunch of cruiserweights thinking they could overpower Vanderbilt.   In terms of nuance, bowling is right up there with chess, plus you get to drink beer while you play.  I don't think Gary Kasparov can say that."

Kasparov:  "Man, could I use a beer right now!"

Accusations of blue eye shadow use have implications both in women's fashion and in national politics.  Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, a Republican, accused liberal newspapers of altering photographs of her during the recount of "hanging chad" presidential ballots in 2000 to make it appear as if she wore blue eye shadow.  "I haven't worn blue eye shadow since I was in Girl Scouts in seventh grade," she said angrily at a news conference where she faced down national political reporters, most of whom were registered Democrats.  "If you want to see blue eye shadow, look at a picture of Hillary Clinton when she lived in Arkansas."

Copyright 2007, Con Chapman