After reading the most recent Bill Simmons contribution on ESPN, in which he shares his favorite YouTube clips, I shake my head in disappointment.  Simmons shows himself as a bit of a relic here, with the majority of his clips being based in the '80's or earlier, before the internet was even around. 

I am part of the internet generation and saw some of my favorite clips omitted from this list that included both sports and non-sports selections.  Here are my top choices for the best internet clips.

Ask a Ninja

Anything that involves questions and a ninja are automatically a hit.  The guy sits in front of a red screen and a spot light and answers actual questions that are emailed to him (askaninja@gmail.com).  The only thing that could be better is Chuck Norris answering questions instead.

Sexpert

Arguably the funniest skit I've ever seen.  Ever want to know what to do when a woman farts?  How about the 5 things that women like?  Finally, someone has the answers to these eternal questions.

Ronaldinho

For those of you that haven't seen him in action before the World Cup don't understand why he is regarded so highly.  It looks like he's playing on the rookie level in FIFA 2006.  Watch him blow by 3 defenders and leave nothing but 6 cleats stuck in the grass.

Women's Suffrage

If you don't know what suffrage is, you definitely have to see this one.  The kid in the video looks like Napoleon Dynamite, which makes it even funnier.  Just remember, the school he visits is a recipient of an Excellency in Education award by the U.S. Department of Education.

Chris Everett

Jim Rome had some balls, even in the early 1990's.  In the 1989 NFC Championship game, Jim Everett went down purposely after taking multiple sacks by the hands of the 49ers.  The "Phantom Sack" and Everett's tendency to avoid contact after that caused Rome to rip on him, referencing tennis star Chris Evert and a confrontation ensued on Rome's show.  It might have been staged, but it's still good for a laugh.

Nothing but Dove

You just can't get tired of watching Randy Johnson pitch, especially when a bird challenges him at the plate.  Watch the dead bird sink to the ground and the feathers explode like a cheap firework.

He-Man

Is there any greater battle than that of He-Man and Skeletor?  If there is, then I wasted my entire youth running around in He-Man underwear and wielding the sword, yelling "By the Power of Greystone!!!"  Other classically bad cartoons of my day include Widget the World Watcher, Denver the last dinosaur, and of course, the greatest cartoon in history; ProStars. 

Mike Tyson's Greatest Knockouts

Anyone who remembers Tyson as the guy who took a bite out of Holyfield's ear forgot about the Tyson who trained his early opponents to sit and play dead.  The man went from beating old women to steal their purses into the Heavyweight Champion and back to beating women (Robin Givens).  If not for his legal troubles and the arrival of Don King, Tyson may have ended up being the greatest fighter ever.  Too bad we'll never know.

Beatbox Effex

I don't get into hip-hop and I think rap is terrible since the majority of the good artists (TuPac, B.I.G., Jay-Z, etc.) are no longer around.  However, this guy does the craziest stuff ever, especially the part with the chorus and the music at the same time.

Kadoure Ziani and James White

The former is a street baller who has become a legendary dunker and the latter is a Cincinnati senior who is projected to be a 2nd round pick.  Ziani throws down one-handed 360 dunks as if the rim is 6' high.  Anyone who thought the Jordan free throw dunk was amazing, try watching the White tape and come back and talk to me.

Hands Job

Don't let the title fool you, this is one of the coolest videos.  I have no idea how he did it or how a person can have that much time on his hands (pun intended), but it puts a whole new meaning to the idea of shadow puppets. 

Share some funny or cool videos with me.  I love the pranks and any of the reminiscing videos that remind me of the good old days. 

Every year, the studs and the duds separate themselves, making the drop-off of talent evident.  This year's fantasy draft is no different.  If you hold one of the top 3 picks, the decision process is easy.  Can LJ keep up the pace for an entire season?  What will Shaun Alexander do for an encore?  Will LT increase his rushing TD's for a fourth year in a row?

However, as I found out in a recent draft, the pick at 4 carries the sex appeal of Louie Anderson in a thong (I just vomited a little in my mouth).  At this time last year, Peyton Manning was coming off his record breaking season, Edge showed that his knee issues were a thing of the past and Willis McGahee was the Peter LaFleur of football; an unknown commodity who came up big when it mattered.  Those three regressed, though, and nobody stands out as a player that makes you look away from your sandwich at the draft table and scream out his name, knowing you have a fantasy lock.

It's my job to go out and find this Holy Grail of fantasy football.  I must search harder than Indiana Jones, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and Aquaman combined to find this mysterious mystery man.  I will be the Judge Dredd of fantasy football who can be the judge and jury while trying to keep my reputation (something that Sly Stallone failed to do). 

Suspect 1:  Tiki Barber

     The Facts:  Barber has topped 2,000 total yards in each of the last two seasons, establishing career highs in rushing yards and attempts along the way.  His 3-year totals have him second in rushing yardage (Shaun Alexander), but only 11th in rushing touchdowns.  His age (31) scares off fantasy owners although he had a light workload in comparison to other feature backs.  Having Brandon Jacobs hurt him, with only 3 of his 9 rushing TD's coming inside the 10-yard line, a trend that won't likely change.  The yards will be there, but the TD's are hard to predict.

Suspect 2:  Clinton Portis

     The Facts:  Any player who has surpassed 1,500 rushing yards in 3 of his first 4 seasons deserves consideration.  Washington's zone-blocking schemes have Portis able to cut and run, something he couldn't do his first year in the nation's capitol.  Nagging injuries always seem to plague Portis and his hands look like they could have doubled for Ricky Watters'.  At 25, Portis is still approaching his potential and Al Saunders knows a thing or two about RB's, the best acquisition owner Daniel Snyder has made since his arrival. 

    Long Lost Brothers???

Suspect 3:  LaMont Jordan

     The Facts:  Jordan's first year as a starter saw him lead the league in receptions (70) and outperform his old running mate (Curtis Martin).  His surprising quickness for a man his size and ability to wear down a defense gives the Raiders every reason to rely on him.  The problem is that the Raiders didn't and would abandon the running game because of their inability to hold a team to under 30 points.  A team of 6" Mike Ditka's could put up at least 700 on the Raiders, in one quarter!  Jordan's YPC (3.8) is a concern, but new coach Art Shell knows if the Raiders have any chance to win, it's with ball control, and that all starts with Jordan.

Suspect 4:  Edgerrin James

     The Facts:  Same gold teeth, new uniforms.  James followed up his coming out party in 2004 with a Mardi Gras 2005.  Don't expect that trend to continue on the Arizona Cardinals.  With more holes than a spaghetti strainer, the offensive line will not be James' best friend and the defense won't be doing him many favors either.  However, expect him to have red zone opportunities and James is more than capable of being an outlet for the many rushed throws of Kurt Warner.  By season's end, he may look like Bizarro World Tiki Barber; plenty of TD's, but erratic yardage.

Suspect 5:  Rudi Johnson

     The Facts:  With Carson Palmer's status as uncertain as Andy Dick's sexuality, Johnson may see an increased workload.  He is sickeningly consistent, with 90 yards rushing being the weekly number.  Johnson might as well chop off his hands because he is physically unable to catch a ball.  Nevertheless, Rudi will get 12-14 TD's in an offense that is pass-first and is the only Rudi in the Midwest that wants to play football and is good at it.

The Verdict:  After reviewing the evidence and hearing each case, Portis and Barber have been the frontrunners in most drafts to this point.  Although Edge, Johnson, and Jordan are viable options, they have at least one big question (Location? Receptions? Consistency?), leaving something to be desired.  As for the first two, the old saying of "age before beauty" doesn't apply here, take Portis' youth (25) and scintillating moves and there is a less likely chance of being disappointed.

 

Anyone filing an appeal?  Or is there someone else? 

Mmmm, you smell that?  It's June 21st, the official first day of summer.  The sun is out, girls are wearing less and less, and it's the start of fantasy football season.  Every year, fantasy "pundits" come out of nowhere, preaching their tips to fantasy success.  Sean Salisbury and Mike Golic try their best (and fail miserably) to give ESPN some credibility in the fantasy football world.  People like me are not impressed when they say to get a running back first and wait on a defense and a kicker until the end.  Instead, I want to put forth my own strategy and urge others to post and share their own ideas for when they draft. 

What makes me any better than the ESPN experts, who in last year's fantasy draft saw the Baltimore Defense taken in the second round?  I'm only 21, but have participating in paid leagues for over 8 years, winning multiple titles in the process.  Last year, I was in 2 leagues, winning one and getting runner-up in another.  I also was in an 18-team league, which was brutal, and made the semi-finals 2 out of my 3 years with them.  So although I may not be the best, I think I at least have done decently enough to offer my opinion and let people take it as they will.

1) Running Backs and Wide Receivers

A lot of people like to fill out their lineup, or a majority of it, in the first 7 or 8 rounds, but I like to get lots of depth at the RB and WR slots.  Everyone knows that RB is the hottest commodity, but people keep ignoring the fact that they get injured more often than any other position.  Going after top backups and marginal starters at this spot rather than a quarterback or tight end can prove to be much more fruitful.  Ask any person who drafted Thomas Jones or Larry Johnson last year over the likes of Tony Gonzalez or Daunte Culpepper.  As for WR, it is hard to predict production at the position outside of a few top players, seeing breakout players emerge every year.  In one draft, I got Anquan Boldin in the 6th round and followed it up with Donald Driver right after.

2) Projections

It is hard to tell how a player's stats will translate into your scoring system because it usually isn't the same as the magazine's rules.  Does your league count receptions?  How about interceptions or fumbles?  If your rules are different, then how do you know if Tom Brady is better than Matt Hasselbeck or if you should pick Tiki Barber before Clinton Portis?  The best thing for me is to make my own projections on player's stats and plug them into a spreadsheet.  Then I can apply my league's scoring system and see how they stack up.  I remember that the ESPN Fantasy preview (I plan on bashing them more) had Kerry Collins ranked as the 4th ranked quarterback, but my sheet had him no better than 10th, which was closer to his final rankings. 

3) Your Friends

When you're in a league with your friends, there are always at least 1 or 2 owners who let more come out of their mouth than Paris Hilton in a home video.  They let you know who they are expecting to have big years and where they expect to take them.  Those are your true friends.  Another favorite is the guy who forgets to bring any magazines or cheat sheets and can't remember who's starting at RB for the Ravens or who got injured in training camp.  He was the guy who drafted Kellen Winslow and Marshall Faulk instead of Stephen Jackson.  Other notables are:  the drunk guy, the guy who's on the phone with his girlfriend/wife, and the premature picker.

4) 1 Defense and 1 Kicker

I know that every year, a kicker and a defense come out of nowhere and end up in the top 5.  I also know that kickers are rarely injured and an entire defense can no longer be injured with the retirement of "The Bus".  With that, why waste a roster spot on a backup at either position when you can gamble on another WR or RB?  By the time the bye weeks come around, you will have someone to drop due to injury or lack of production, so don't worry about it.  Tough choice between the Packers D and Greg Jones?  Go with Jones, I'm pretty sure no one will be picking that D to do anything, not even Brett Favre. 

5) Don't Fear the Reacher

So you have a hunch that Reggie Bush is this year's Carnell Williams?  Joey Harrington will finally live up to his potential and the Billy Volek-Drew Bennett connection will vault them both into MVP consideration?  You have to trust your feeling and don't be afraid to grab a player a round or two before the magazines and mock drafts have them going.  I passed on Carson Palmer and hoped he would last one more round, but I was spited by another owner, my brother no less.  Our rivalry is like the Mannings, but with profanity and a less physical form of football.

6) The Waiver Wire

Every magazine says to stay active on the wire throughout the season.  The problem is, though, that owners waste their waiver position on players who might only be used for a bye week, then dropped again.  My waiver wire last year included players like Trent Green, Matt Hasselbeck, Larry Johnson, Joe Jurevicius, and Neil Rackers; all players who played at a high level and were grabbed by the person with the best position on the waiver wire.  Since Neil Rackers was a top 5 scorer last year, I'm guessing that he'll be drafted in the first round of the ESPN draft by Suzy Kolber.  

Those are the tips I give for my own success in fantasy football.  I really want to hear other tips and ideas and players that people are targeting.  Also, don't buy the NFL.com inaugural fantasy magazine, I hear it's terrible.

Just like anyone who shops for Christmas gifts, I can't find every team what they want in one trip.  After a successful NBA draft lottery that saw Adam Morrison go first, the Houston Rockets getting a buddy, and a Brewer and a Carney finding employment; there's no reason to think the good fortune can't continue.

15) New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets

On their list:  Stilts.  They would have hoped that the Jazz passed on Simmons, a player who fits perfectly into their up-tempo system.  P.J. Brown is 36 and not a true center and David West does little on the defensive end.  The Hornets will run the floor with Coach Scott calling the plays and a big man who is capable of running in transition will lead to easy baskets on the offensive end.

Under the tree:  Hilton Armstrong.  The UConn center is an excellent rebounder and scores on putbacks and thunderous dunks.  He is limited offensively, but can give the Hornets a big man who can pass out of the low block and keep up with Chris Paul on the break.  This Hilton might lead the team to staying in hotels for a whole different reason, the playoffs. 

16) Chicago Bulls

On their list:  A Ruler.  They need to add a few inches at their guard position as their tallest is currently 6'3" (Kirk Hinrich).  Hinrich played hard against Dwayne Wade, but matchup problems occurred when James Posey was playing the 2-guard next to him.  The Bulls do not need to rely on them as a starter, but needs to do more than Eddie Basden last season.

Under the tree:  Mardy Collins.  John Paxson and Scott Skiles like players with high basketball I.Q.'s and Collins is one of them.  Playing at Temple emphasized his defensive skills and he played extensively in the system, coming out as a senior.  Collins has quick hands, clogging up the passing lanes, but is limited as a shooter.  A sleeper at this pick is Shawne Williams, but whoever gets picked will be riding more wood than Jenna Jameson.

17) Indiana Pacers

On their list:  Allstate Insurance.  The Pacers need to be in good hands if/when Jamaal Tinsley suffers his next injury.  Anthony Johnson performed admirably in the Nets playoff series, but he is 32 and no more than a player strictly off the bench.  The Pacers could use an athletic big man as well, but unless Armstrong or Simmons drops, they will be reaching.

Under the tree:  Jordan Farmar.  He has a penchant for finding open players and is able to hit his own shot, a rarity in this draft.  Farmar has great dribbling skills and can slash into the lane and penetrate.  His defense is suspect and he can be manhandled by bigger guards.  This Farmar is one who won't be losing his job anytime soon.

18) Washington Wizards

On their list:  Action figures.  Jered Jeffries and Brendan Haywood look worse on offense than Louie Anderson in a thong, well maybe not that bad.  Still, the Wizards rely on their jump shooting and quick baskets in transition to catch opponents at a disadvantage.  Offensive-minded big men who can work in transition will give the Wizards a chance to keep up their pace throughout the game.

Under the tree:  Oleksiy Pecherov.  A confident jump shooter, Pecherov is regarded as one of the best young prospects in all of Europe.  He has range to the 3-point line and handles the ball well for a Power Forward.  Pecherov's slender frame will limit him and he doesn't do much with his back to the basket.  His home country will be happy if he can take the moniker from Vitaly Potapenko and be the new "Ukraine Train". 

19) Sacramento Kings

On their list:  Swiss Army Knife.  The Kings need versatility on their bench in case of foul trouble or if they decide to go small or big.  Bonzi Wells is a free agent who they want to re-sign, but may prove to be too costly.  Ron Artest is another concern, with his music career hitting notes no one has done before, mostly because they are bad notes.

Under the tree:  Shawne Williams.  The freshman is advanced for his age and has an offensive arsenal and athleticism unmatched by anyone remaining.  He can play 4 positions and his long wingspan provides him rebounding and shot blocking chances.   His defense will improve playing with Artest, let's just hope he prefers Jazz.

20) New York Knicks

On their list:  Power Rangers.  Hey, maybe then they would have a better starting 5.  Imagine the Megazord (yea, I remember) playing center instead of Eddy Curry, maybe it might pass out of a double team.  The Knicks have to choose whoever they feel is the best player available for their system, if they even have one.

Under the tree:  Kyle Lowry.  His defense is unmatched at the point position, but was overlooked in Villanova's offensive-based image.  He is a Larry Brown player in that he buys into the team concept and has tremendous passion for the game.  Lowry's offense is still developing, although I think Coach Brown would enjoy having a player who's less offensive than Mike Tyson at a feminist rally.

21) Phoenix Suns

On their list:  Training wheels.  Steve Nash is 32 years old, which is the equivalent of Robert Parish on the Chicago Bulls (yea, I remember it).  It's time to groom an eventual replacement and Leandro Barbosa does not have the passing skills to run this offense.  Frontcourt depth is also an issue, but Amare Stoudamire's return should alleviate most of those concerns.

Under the tree:  Sergio Rodriguez.  The "Spanish Magician" is an unrivaled playmaker on the international level.  He finds teammates in traffic and his crossover move enables him to get into the lane.  Rodriguez is lightning fast and excels in the fast break, creating opportunities for everyone around him.  The Spaniard is still learning to defend, currently employing the popular "Matador defense". 

22) New Jersey Nets

On their list:  Stretch Armstrong.  Their frontline lacks a player who can create problems on defense.  Nenad Krstic is still progressing defensively and Clifford Robinson is better known for his headband at this point.  A presence in the paint will allow for Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson, and Vince Carter to gamble more on errant passes without recourse.

Under the tree:  Saer Sene.  Has the wingspan of a small plane and is nearly as quick.  Rebounds extremely well and works hard to improve on his game.  His disruptive defensive skills are offset by his lack of offense to this point.  Sene may be the best thing to come out of Senegal since their World Cup win against then-defending champions France. 

23) New Jersey Nets

On their list:  Play-Doh.  The Nets are another team who need to mold a youngster to take over for an aging point guard.  Rumor has it that Jason Kidd's knees were repaired by MacGyver using toothpicks, rubberbands, used chewing gum, and a thimble.  There is no capable backup that can spell Kidd, much less start if he is injured again.  A point guard that presses the action would utilize Carter and Jefferson's skills.

Under the tree:  Rajon Rondo.  The fleet-footed point guard from Kentucky has a scorer's mentality, but can pass well, particularly on the dribble drive.  He once recorded 31 assists in a high school basketball game playing alongside Atlanta's Josh Smith, a similar athlete to Richard Jefferson.  Rondo looks like a player who will be a solid contributor in the pros, but they said that about another Wildcat; Trajan Langdon. 

24) Memphis Grizzlies

On their list:  Mighty Mouse.  Damon Stoudamire couldn't stay healthy and their lack of depth showed as Chucky Atkins was signed and pressed into action.  Bobby Jackson didn't fit well on the team and a younger alternative has to be found.  A center would be a nice find here as well with Jake Tsakalidis being no more than a backup, but there is little depth at the position in this point of the draft. 

Under the tree:  Shannon Brown.  Although he is more of a shooting guard, Brown has point guard size (6'3") and the passing ability to make the switch.  His athleticism and long arms can create problems on both ends of the floor for opposing teams while his electric dunks bring crowds to their feet and photographers to their cameras.  The Michigan State guard can get lazy and bored on the court, something that will change when he plays with Shane Battier and Brian Cardinal.

25) Cleveland Cavaliers

On their list:  Firecrackers.  The Cavaliers will need to draft a player to make up for the explosiveness that will be lost with Flip Murray's departure.  Murray's demands will be too much for the Cavs, who would ideally want a player capable of playing both guard positions.  Center would be another option, but the undersized Anderson Verejao plays admirably in the reserve role.

Under the tree:  Maurice Ager.  Another Spartan, Ager is known to raise his game when it matters and is as intense as Eric Floyd was "Sleepy".  He can finish plays strong and score in bunches.  Ager is a great rebounder for his size and doesn't shy away from bigger bodies.  His aggressiveness can cause him to try to shoot out of slumps, putting himself and his team in a bigger hole, something that was popularized by Antoine Walker, whose shots per 48 minutes (23.89) is only 2 less than Michael Jordan's (25.44).

26) Los Angeles Lakers

On their list:  Necktie.  The Lakers need to tighten up and put a noose around perimeter penetration on the defensive side of the ball.  Smush Parker's playground defense doesn't work in the NBA and point guards routinely blew past and embarrassed Parker in the process (see Steve Nash).  A spot up shooter who can defend point guards will let Kobe Bryant continue to direct the offense and fit into the triangle better than a prototypical passing guard. 

Under the tree:  Dee Brown.  The Fighting Illini understands his role in an offense when he went from a shoot-first guard his junior year to a distributor over the course of his senior season.  Don't let that fool you though as he is still capable of injuring a scorekeeper's writing hand all by himself.  Brown looks like he operates with a fast forward button as he beats everyone down the floor on offense and his hands are pickpocket quick on defense, leading to many steal opportunities.  His shot needs work almost as much as Kobe's passing needs a receiver.

27) Phoenix Suns

On their list:  My Size Ken.  A big man who is as fluid as his smaller counterparts will open up the floor if reserves are ever used in Mike D'Antoni's scheme.  Kurt Thomas played well but does not have the offensive prowess that is the staple of the Phoenix Suns.  A defensive post player might be a better fit off the bench, but D'Antoni hasn't put much emphasis on it so far, so I don't see it changing with this pick.

Under the tree:  Kevin Pittsnogle.  Rivals Dennis Rodman as the basketball player with the most tattoos, Pittsnogle is experienced in playing with an undersized lineup in an open floor.  His outside shot is unusual for a player his size, capable of hitting the 3 and has uncanny passing ability, locating cutters and other perimeter players.  Phoenix knows what they are getting in the West Virginia product; there is no D in Kevin Pittsnogle. 

28) Dallas Mavericks

On their list:  Sandbox.  The Mavericks like to play gritty and are not afraid of getting dirty.  Coach Avery Johnson uses players like Josh Howard to do the little things on the perimeter and now looks to find one when Dirk is on the bench.  Keith Van Horn is old, brittle, and a free agent who will most likely not be back.  A nimble big guy will let the Mavericks continue to push in transition or let Dirk play small forward for short stretches.

Under the tree:  Josh Boone.  He was meant to play for Johnson and is willing to take an elbow to the face just to get a rebound.  Excels defensively, using his leaping ability to block shots and chase after rebounds, tipping them to himself.  He can slide over to center in a pinch and let the Mavs play small while giving the team second chances with his passing ability out of the paint.  DeSagana Diop will have competition for the player with the lowest points/blocks ratio.

29) New York Knicks

On their list:  Box of Powerbars.  The Knicks need some energy, someone who can play with intensity at all times.  Jalen Rose is a free agent in a year and Quentin Richardson is more of a shooting guard than a small forward, leaving the position with little to offer.  The problem is, though, that most the positions on this team leave little to offer, making their picks a best available philosophy.

Under the tree:  Thabo Sefolosha.  The Swiss have finally produced a non-chocolate export and this one is anything but sweet.  Sefolosha plays physical defense and his long arms disturb offensive players.  His offense is predicated on the fast break, although his midrange game has improved.  Thabo, Tayshaun; close enough for Coach Larry Brown.

30) Portland Trail Blazers

On their list:  A Jacket.  Anything that will let the Trail Blazers play outside will improve the team.  Juan Dixon is not starting material and Martell Webster may see more NBDL action.  Even so, a shooting guard with range will let Zach Randolph play inside and Sebastian Telfair the ability to penetrate easier.

Under the tree:  Quincy Douby.  He is deadly when there is a painted line in front of his feet.  Douby can score at will and has an effortless shooting stroke.  The Rutgers man can play both guard positions and passes well while still protecting the ball, as evident by his 2/1 assist to turnover ratio.  Darius Miles will support the addition of any Douby to the team. 

I tried to pick players who not only were being considered, but also would fit the team and their needs best.  It doesn't mean that every player I list will succeed and fill that need, because as we all know, for every Kevin Garnett there is an Ed O'Bannon. 

Part 1 is listed below.

The NBA Draft is coming soon and there are 30 NBA teams looking under the Christmas tree and are able to open their presents on June 27th.  Brian Colangelo is the lucky kid who gets to open the big box; his Toronto Raptors own the first pick in this year's draft.  The problem is, though, that every box sounds like clothes when he shakes them, so he is having a hard time finding the 10 speed bike to plug into his high-octane offense.

This year's draft has 5 players who could potentially be the first pick and a second round that is deep on talent and experience.  High schoolers can not take part in this draft, making the top choice even more difficult without Greg Oden and Kevin Durant in the mix for at least one more year.  Five teams own multiple first round picks, so we may see some movement up and down the board, but for the sake of this mock draft, everyone will be staying put.

1) Toronto Raptors

On their Christmas list:  Track shoes.  If only Justin Gatlin was a point guard.  Nevertheless, the Raptors may lose Mike James to free agency after a superb season and there is no replacement on the roster.  Marcus Williams and Randy Foye don't warrant this spot, although the Raptors could conceivably move down and take one.  Perimeter scoring is the other issue on this team and Colangelo puts a premium on 3-point shooting to open up the floor. 

Under the tree:  Adam Morrison.  He may not have the foot speed to keep up in transition, but he is the one player on the board who can put up 30 points or keep the defense honest against Chris Bosh in the post.  Playing next to Joey Graham in the future will allow Morrison to defend a less threatening player on the perimeter, easing his defensive burden.  Morrison could be Colangelo's shiny bike or he could be the fruit cake that Aunt Sylvia sent you.

2) Chicago Bulls

On their list:  A Gift Certificate to Gibson's.  The Bulls need some beef on the front line to match that explosive perimeter offense.  Unfortunately, Tyson Chandler has missed more meals than Mary-Kate Olsen and doesn't have the bulk to battle for position in the post.  Defensively though, Chandler rebounds with the best of them and has good timing for the block, especially off the ball.  GM John Paxson has put an emphasis on players in winning college organizations the past several drafts and will probably do so at this spot as well.

Under the tree:  LaMarcus Aldridge.  The 6'11" Texas Longhorn is the purest big man available in the draft.  He has good range and a variety of post up moves, something the Bulls need from their big man.  He has room to add bulk to his frame, and he has gained 25 pounds since entering college (now at 245 lbs).  They traded off their last all-around post player in Elton Brand, but saw the Clippers make a strong push in the playoffs, something they want to replicate.  Aldridge is the least likely to fail at the NBA level, making him the piece of jewelry you get the wife, worth the price and everyone else is jealous that they don't have it.

3) Charlotte Bobcats

On their list: Comcast.  This team needs to get some T.V. time and someone who can dial it up long distance (did you see the double use there?).  They love Morrison and would be thrilled to see him drop to #3, but unless they trade with Toronto, the chances will be low.  Felton has developed into a top young point guard and their front line is loaded with potential in the forms of Sean May and Emeka Okafor. 

Under the tree:  Andrea Bargnani.  He is arguably the most versatile prospect in the draft, capable of playing both forward positions and center.  Bargnani has limited experience, but patience is something that Charlotte has.  Playing behind May, Okafor, and Gerald Wallace will give Bargnani a chance to be eased into the NBA.  Bargnani will take a few years, but his perimeter game and quick first step has drawn early comparisons to Dirk Nowitzki.  That comparison has been made before, however, most recently with Darko Milicic, a name that should never be mentioned on draft day.

4) Portland Trail Blazers

On their list:  No coal.  The last thing the Blazers need is another bad kid on their roster.  A center would be nice, especially with Joel Przybilla becoming a free agent, but there are none worth such a high pick.  A swingman could look good here to push underachieving Darius Miles and young players like Martell Webster and Jarrett Jack.

Under the tree:  Rudy Gay.  Imagine Sebastian Telfair running the fast break with Miles and Gay flanking him.  Gay has incredible athleticism on both ends of the floor and will be a good complement to Webster in the future.  His big game ability is in question, but on this team, a big game won't be coming around for a while.

5) Atlanta Hawks

On their list: Binoculars.  A point guard with some court vision would let Joe Johnson slide back over to his natural off-guard spot.  The Hawks are another team that could use a center to plug next to Marvin Williams, but they would be reaching.  Mike Woodson's offense does not demand a pass-first point guard, although their offense hasn't done much during his tenure.

Under the tree:  Marcus Williams.  Players like Josh Smith, Josh Childress, and Marvin Williams would benefit from a player that would rather hand out 10 assists than take 10 shots.  The UConn junior has played with NBA talent around him and is able to penetrate the lane and find open shooters, Johnson's biggest strength.  He has a few problems off the court, stealing computers from the dorms, but his bonus will be enough to buy him one when he needs it.

6) Minnesota Timberwolves

On their list:  Robin.  Batman has been operating in Gotham for 10 years now and is not able to fight crime all by himself.  Kevin Garnett has an MVP caliber utility belt, but after failed experiments with Stephon Marbury, Latrell Sprewell, and most recently, Ricky Davis; Minnesota has to show improvement or risk seeing Garnett walk after this year.  Once again, a center would be useful, but more talent is available at the guard position.

Under the tree:  Brandon Roy.  The four year player from Washington will give the Timberwolves someone that can make an impact instantly.  Roy is a leader and capable of hitting big shots, which makes him different than past Wolves guards.  Garnett will be able to teach Roy many things, like where he gets those sweaters for press conferences.

7) Boston Celtics

On their list:  Lincoln Logs.  It's about time the Celtics see what boards look like.  When your top rebounder is a guard, there are problems inside.  Michael Olawokandi is a free agent and Al Jefferson hasn't progressed as expected.  As for Ryan Gomes, he is better suited for backup duty as he is undersized at 6'7".  The Celtics need to find more athleticism on the frontline and a complement to Raef LaFrentz's perimeter game.

Under the tree:  Tyrus Thomas.  The most explosive player on the block, Thomas has range to 15 feet and can finish with authority.  Is a terrific shotblocker and rebounder who will give the Celtics points on putbacks.  Thomas needs to add weight and show more consistency, but he has the most upside of anyone available.  Randy Foye could be a sleeper pick here, although it looks like Boston will give Delonte West another year of improvement and another chance for the Boston faithful to look at that creepy birth mark.

8) Houston Rockets

On their list:  My Buddy.  The Rockets need to find someone who can fit into this offense after Stromile Swift and Rafer Alston struggled to all season.  Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming missed 60 games this past year and no one was able to compensate for their absences.  If Houston wants to make a playoff push next year in the competitive West, they will have to find a guard who can take pressure off of their big 2.

Under the tree:  Randy Foye.  The Villanova guard is a hard-nosed player who plays pestering defense, a Jeff Van Gundy type of guy.  He is experienced playing off the ball so will not have a problem when McGrady or Yao dominate a possession.  Foye can be a bit too aggressive on both sides of the ball, but maybe it will shake that sleepy look off of McGrady's face.

9) Golden State Warriors

On their list:  The Inside Man.  This team is forced to shoot from the perimeter because they lack a presence on the block.  Mike Dunleavy Jr. is being shopped around in the hopes of finding a better fit at the small forward position.  The Warriors are a team without an identity, with half the team wanting to run and the other half more comfortable in a half-court set.

Under the tree:  Patrick O'Bryant.  Will provide an inside defender to complement Troy Murphy's gritty rebounding.  He also has good touch around the basket and able to score in transition.  O'Bryant may need to add bulk, but would give the Warriors a player they thought they were getting 9 years ago in Adonal Foyle, a player with talent.

10) Seattle Supersonics

On their list:  A time machine.  If Seattle could only have gone back and resigned Nate McMillan, they might have contended for a playoff spot.  As it is, the Sonics have a lot of bodies, but not much experience in the paint, especially if Chris Wilcox can not be resigned.  Rashard Lewis could opt out of his contract next year, leaving the Sonics with a whole new set of problems.

Under the tree:  Shelden Williams.  He is capable of playing both post positions and is the toughest player in the draft.  Williams averaged nearly 4 blocks per game as a senior and will be able to defend all of the talented power forwards in the Western Conference.  He has a solid midrange game and a good jump hook, the "Landlord" will make sure opposing players are no longer able to own the paint.

11) Orlando Magic

On their list:  Lil Penny.  Has it been 10 years since the height of Lil Penny, and to a lesser extent, Chris Rock and Anfernee Hardaway?  Well, with Dwight Howard inside leading the league in rebounding, there has to be someone on the outside to attract attention away from him.  With Darko Milicic and Jameer Nelson showing improvement, a swing position will be addressed with the first pick.

Under the tree:  J.J. Redick.  The most dangerous shooter in the draft, Redick needs only a sliver of daylight to be able to shoot the ball.  He is automatic at the charity stripe and constantly active, rolling off screens and has improved his midrange game.  Redick is a little undersized for a shooting guard, but Tom Cruise is undersized for an action star and he is doing alright for himself.

12) New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets

On their list:  Cell phone.  Chris Paul needs some friends to run with in Byron Scott's up-tempo offense.  The reigning rookie of the year did not experience the same success in the regular season with J.R. Smith that he encountered over the summer.  Smith landed in Scott's doghouse and Kirk Snyder didn't fair any better.  P.J. Brown is aging and center is another position of need. 

Under the tree:   Rodney Carney.  The former high school high jump champion plays well above the rim and has a similar style to Richard Jefferson, a former Scott player.  He rebounds well for a perimeter player and has the potential to be a great outlet for Chris Paul in transition.  With last year's circus-like season for the Hornets, adding a Carney just seems right.

13) Philadelphia 76ers

On their list:  Textbook.  It is about time that Philly finds the right answer for their team.  Allen Iverson is beginning to show signs of wear and tear and with Kyle Korver, Andre Iguodala, and Samuel Dalembert forming a young nucleus, the 76ers are in a position to build a team that will be in long-term contention. 

Under the tree:  Ronnie Brewer.  With Korver more effective off the bench last year and Iverson's status on the team uncertain, Brewer would be capable of playing either guard position.  He has a high basketball I.Q. since his father played 8 seasons in the NBA and is an aggressive defender who would fit nicely next to Iguodala and make up for Korver's defensive woes.  A freak waterslide accident left Brewer with a hitch in his shot; maybe Iguodala went with him and that could explain his total lack of one.

14) Utah Jazz

On their list:  Band-Aids.  The Jazz were so close to the playoffs, but it seemed like every player got hurt and no one could play through it.  Devin Brown was a terrible signing and the shooting guard situation is a mess.  If Carney, Redick, or Brewer fall, Jerry Sloan will make sure the team gets one of them.  As it is, there is a drop-off in talent after those 3 and the Jazz could use a young big man to backup Mehmet Okur and Carlos Boozer, the latter being shopped around.

Under the tree:  Cedric Simmons.  Possibly the last athletic big man in the draft, Simmons has a long wingspan (7'4") and has great timing for rebounds and blocks.  Simmons can play both the 4 and the 5 and has soft touch when going to the basket.  His offensive game is still developing, but Simmons' defense will make up for Okur and Boozer, who are better at being injured than they are at getting back on defense.